Dragon Age Inquisition: The Quiet Ones You Ought To Watch
by BecauseItsALittleHumid
Summary: This is my very first fanfic that I have felt brave enough to publish lol. Anyway, it is a story told from the perspective of Nevalla Lavellan but the plot twist is: She doesn't become the Inquisitor. She's just a little nobody elf who gets caught up in the whole mess like everyone else. She also has some slight AU things to do with her character, but that is for you to read about!
1. Making an Entrance

This was absolutely ridiculous. Preposterous, Insulting, unreasonable, irrelevant and just plain bloody good old fashion 'Let's get rid of the third.' Of course they would jump at this opportunity, Arlathvhen wasn't for another four years and by that time, who knows, I could have spontaneously sprouted horns as some sort of monstrous abomination.

"Think of your clan, dhalen. We cannot risk too many mages that we cannot control." Deshanna had said oh so calmly and serenely. We were definitely not on speaking terms after that, I mean, she basically kicked me out! Its not as if I'd be hard to control, I can barely light a candle on command. The only time I show any semblance of magic is when I loose my temper and things just start going up in flames, that's how I discovered my magic anyway... Alright so perhaps I understand the bit about control, but kicking me out? Would it not be better to train my magic? No! Of course not, don't be foolish, its much wiser just to let them wander the wilderness on their own for the rest of their lives. Sometimes I really don't understand my people. Number one rule of being dalish is to "preserve what was lost". Yet only the keepers are privy to such knowledge? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that just a tad elitist? Then there's the mage thing! Magic was a part of Elvhenan, as much a breathing, or so I read, so why is it feared? Why do we, the dalish hold magic in the same esteem as the Shems? If I'm being completely and heretically honest, I'd much prefer the dalish without the keepers' pretentious bullshit. Living the life of the wild is wonderful! I mean hunting and living off the land, being one with nature, bowing to no master and just being alive... That's what being dalish means to me. Not the looking back on how great we used to be. But enough of that bitterness. I had been set on a task and I was running late, as usual. Well not that I'd ever had anywhere to be on time, but I assumed my lack of practice at punctuality would make my tardiness a recurring theme.

I'd been hiking up the long ago beaten paths through the Frost Backs for nearly two days and I was thoroughly sick of them- the freezing cold, the biting wind, the unrelenting snow... No, I was not built for this. I'm more of a balmy breeze through a forest kind of elf or a cool smelling wind from the sea. Not snow, never snow. Finally however, as the sun was beginning to set in the east, just stroke of orange paint behind the mountains, I came to a weather battered sign that pointed further up the mountain.

"Andruil's tits." I cursed loudly over the howling wind at the prospect of yet further climbing. But with a frustrated sigh, I fixed my bow and pack and continued on at my steady pace. Or at least I would have had I not been thrown off my feet and nearly deafened by a merciless boom that crackled over the mountains. I shrieked and tumbled back a few feet, gripping the freezing snow for some sort of support, waiting in terror as I heard silence descend upon the world as if it knew exactly what was about to happen. Then there was a crack, a shift in the world, a whoosh and a howl like wind but too monstrous to be anything of this world and then a green flash all around the sky. Something in my soul was tugged quite painfully, that spark in my soul that flared when I lost my temper. My magic. I gripped the snow harder for fear the world might physically turn on its head and if it didn't do that it had most certainly done it metaphorically. It was then I looked up and saw the sickening green vortex that now marred the once blue sky. My chest constricted in panic and fear and I suddenly realised how painfully alone I was. A single dot on a mountain side, clanless, unwanted and most likely about to die like that. No, I would not die cowering on some freezing mountain, if only to spite fate.

I clambered up onto my feet trying to slow my breathing and steady my rabbit's heartbeat, but I could not look away from that massive tear in the sky. Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, the thing started firing out green balls of flame! Or at least they looked like flame, they reminding me of the flame you would see in the fade... Unless, it was the flame you saw in the fade? That sickly green colour was very fade-ish too... It couldn't actually be the fade in reality, could it? Surely that would mean the end of the world! I swallowed down the lump of fear that had lodged itself in my throat and tried to stumble up the mountain. I had to find someone, anyone, I would certainly die if I stayed on my own. I followed the sign, cantered over the deep snow as best I could, trying to ignore the tear in the sky and the rippling permanent rumble of it. Jogging up a mountain was no mean feet and by the time I reached the top my lungs burned painfully from the cold air. I bent over on my knees to catch my breath but was horrified by what my eyes found down in the valley below me. Utter and complete, merciless and unbiased destruction. The ruins of a building lay crumbling in flames, great red shards of rock pierced up from the ground like broken bones and bodies... So many charred and burning corpses littered the space, frozen in their final moments of pain. I covered my mouth and swallowed the bile that suddenly lurched up my throat. What in Mythal's name had happened here? Was this the conclave? Was this what I had been sent to spy on? I thought it was a broker of peace... Not this... Not death. I steadied my breathing again and averted my eyes, saying a silent prayer to the all mother, the one who marked my face as I continued on the faintly cobbled path towards the small town of Haven. Hopefully there would be people there, people who would know what to do.

As much as I tried to ignore the valley, I couldn't ignore the growling and hissing and roaring of the creatures that now swamped over it, pouring from the tear in the sky like puss from a wound. I couldn't ignore the distant screams either. So, with a firm and practised movement, I drew my bow and fixed an arrow to its string. I had to be ready for a fight, these demons (at least they looked like everything a demon should be) were not to be taken lightly. I jogged silently along the path, keeping to the tree line and keeping an eye fixed to my surroundings. I heard shouts nearby, not screams, they were almost like commands. Perhaps there was someone here to take charge, someone who could help. I followed the calls and came to a bridge. There I saw a large force of humans taking up half the bridge and fanning out on the other side. At the head was a woman, she ordered the troops to search for survivors, her accent thick, almost Orlesian. She was tall and broad with cropped short black hair and from a distance, I almost mistook her for a man. She looked to be the only one in charge however and so I made my way towards them.

"Halt! Don't move!" Cried one of the soldiers when I was noticed. He hastily drew an arrow, fired and it bounced off the stone at my feet. These men were barely trained and yet they were being sent into a demon infested valley? They must really be desperate.  
"Hold your fire!" The woman called to her men before turning to me and marching forward, drawing her sword dangerously close to my neck. Instincts kicked in and I had an arrow poised to fire between her eyes.

"Lower your weapon." She said menacingly and, dread wolf take me, I nearly did because this woman was frightening. There was a wrath in her stormy blue eyes, a wrath and a vengeance and... Grief. Such emotions with one so armed as her were quite the deadly combination. But still I kept my bow taught, Dalish Pride and all that.  
"Come quietly and you will be brought for questioning-"  
"Will I indeed." I interrupted her sharply. Her glare deepened.  
"If not, we shall find you guilty and I will execute you where you stand." She growled, the cold steel of her blade almost touching my skin. I held her glare, not doubting her threat in the slightest.  
"You believe I'm responsible for this?" I hissed. She withdrew her sword an inch and the wrath in her eyes filtered, but only slightly.  
"I believe you are remarkably unharmed from where you appeared, that makes you highly suspect." She said caustically.  
"I was on the other side of the mountains when I heard the explosion." I defended.  
"And what is a lone dalish doing in the frost backs, the day of the conclave?" Her glare darkened again, her blade moving that bit closer.

I contemplated my options. There was little use in with holding the truth, she seemed as though she wanted to help, and I could appreciate her suspicion. I lowered my bow and put away my arrow, meeting her with a more calm gaze.  
"My name is Nevalla Lavellan, I was sent to spy by my clan on the outcome of your conclave and report back to my keeper. The mage templar war effects us all and my clan did not wish to be kept in the dark."  
For a moment she studied me, her dark eyes flickering over my face before she finally sighed and withdrew her sword.  
"I cannot tell you my suspicion has been lessened, but I have more pressing things to deal with. Head to Haven, I will have you escorted there." She said, signalling to two of her soldiers who came at once. "Take her to Haven, leave her with the dwarf." She said and two rough hands grabbed my arms and began to hall me away. I shouted indignant protests and struggled against their grip but they held fast, dragging me across the bridge, up an ancient flight of steps, around a frozen lake and finally through the gates of Haven.

"Fenedhis, let go of me now or I'll-"  
"You'll do what, knife ears? Eh? Blow up another temple?" One soldier,the one on the left hissed in my ear. My temper flared angrily in their vice like grip

"I already told you, I didn't do this!" I yelled in a rage, kicking out my legs in a desperate attempt to be free. But I was an elf, small even for my people and they were human, naturally they were stronger. I let out a feral growl of frustration and before I could help myself, fire sprung from my palms. The two guards cried out and released their grip sending me tumbling onto the snowy steps in front of me.

"Its a mage! She's a bloody mage!" One cried, causing shrieks of panic throughout the town. I tried to scramble up the steps, away from their oncoming swords, only to find more soldiers coming from behind me and... From all directions in fact. In one last ditch attempt to stay alive a rescued my bow, aimed and-

"Stand down! All of you!" Cried a voice over the blood thirsty shouts. I immediately whirled to see a tall broad and handsome shemlen man stride towards us from the large building at the end of the town. His hair was a mess of thick blond curls and he had a scar cutting his lip. His armour was bold, all feathers and symbols. He was important and thankfully, all the soldiers listened to him.  
"She will be taken to the prison, as Lady Pentachast instructed. Now!" He raised his voice but he did not shout and the men seemed to respect him as they carried out his commands immediately, but to the void if they thought I was going to any sort of prison. Again my bow was taught and I fired a warning shot at the nearest soldier, giving them pause.  
"Won't you come quietly!" The blond man called down to me, his raised hand obviously what gave the men pause, not my warning. That aggravated me.  
"I never come quietly, Shemlen." I retorted back sharply, firing an arrow straight passed his head and taking immense pleasure from his flinch from its path.  
Suddenly though, I heard and felt someone behind me but I was too late to turn around because I felt a brutish hand cover my mouth with a cloth. It smelt foul and burned my nostrils. Something told me not to breath it in, but I was panicked and not in control of my breathing and soon, the world ebbed away into darkness. The quaint little buildings of Haven warped away into nothing along with the bitter and frightful faces if the soldiers. The last thing I saw was the great twisting tear in the sky and I hoped that when I woke up, this would all be a dream.


	2. Two Elves and a Dwarf wake up in a cell

I dreamt of a forest. A blue tranquil forest with nothing there but tall shadows of pine trees and the small distant glows of fireflies. It was beautiful, peaceful and still. I wandered in and out of the tall shadows and letting my fingers brush over the soft tickling prickles of the pines. I felt like a ghost, thin and light but so peaceful. Like I was there and I was not. I knew then it had to be a dream, I couldn't remember how I'd come to this forest. I was then all too aware of a presence behind me, a padding of feet at least five yards away. Dalish instincts kicking in my bow was in my hands, arrow taught and pointed at the strange foreboding shadow I'm the distance. It remained in its place, only slowly floating in the breeze. I tightened my bow, as it had slackened in my confusion but I readjusted my eyes, narrowing them until the shape began to take the form of something solid. Before I knew it a great black wolf was bounding towards me, ice blue eyes trained on me, so predatory and fierce. I let my arrow fly as I took a step back, fear surging through my body. This was a moment of flight, not fight. However I was not fast enough, which was strange, the wolf wasn't that close and I am one of the fasted in my clan, but still I ended up pinned by it. Its bright intelligent eyes baring into mine. What was even more strange was the lack of bared teeth, no... The wolf actually seemed curious, dropping its face closer as its eyes looked into mine, with something so engaging about those blue eyes, like they were studying me carefully and calmly... Suddenly, however, the strange dream evaporated into darkness and for a moment I was conscious of nothing only my own rapid breathing. Then muffled voices filtered in through the blackness, both lyrical in their own strange way and both male. I felt my brow furrow as I tried to piece together their words and meanings, my eyes still too heavy to open.

"Just don't forget about trixy over here, chuckles, I don't know what they gave her but she's been out for two days straight. That can't be good for you." It was the lower, rougher of the two voices. He was concerned, presumably for me, and for that I was thankful.

"Do forgive me, Varric, if my priority is saving the prisoner who fell from the fade, baring an impossible mark of magic that may or may not be the only way to stop the Breach. I do not have time to dab the forehead of a fool Dalish who got herself into this mess." Said the other, his voice, though laced with frustration, was soft and warm underneath. Though it thoroughly bothered me that he thought me so unimportant, it stung me more than I know it should. With great difficulty I tried to open my eyes, but still they were heavy and even when I could crack them open a little all I saw was a dark blur of fire light and chains.

Chains. No. No, not chains, why was I in chains. With a surge of adrenalin and a deep breath in, like I had been underwater for days, I prized my eyes open and shot up from the hard and splintered prison bench I lay on. With a quick scan I realised yes, I was in their dungeons, their damp dark and insufferably cramped dungeons and yes, around my ankle gripped an old rusted iron chain. Another surge of panic welled up in my throat as desperate fingers immediately tried to pry it off. Failing that, I tried to stand in a futile attempt to yank the damned thing off, but it only clattered noisily and I was hit with a brutal wave of dizziness, my vision ebbing out as I fell to the floor, my body numb as the blood rushed to my head.

"Wow, easy there kid!" Said the lower voice and I turned, trying to get my senses back to their natural sharpness. Beside me a dwarf crouched down, kind brown eyes, short blond hair and chest hair more than making up for his lack of beard.  
"Bet that's one hell of a head rush you got there." He said with a crooked smile, passing me a small cup of water. I nodded in thanks, still not quite sure of my voice. It felt dry and cracked and as soon as the water touched my lips, I realised how thirsty I was and drank it all in nearly one gulp.

"Thank you..." I croaked. The dwarf, Varric, I presumed winked and smiled as he helped me to my feet.  
"No problem, us jail birds need to stick together. Isn't that right chuckles?" He said turning his head to the left where I saw, hunched over at the other other end at the cell, the owner of the voice who thought me so unimportant. He didn't make any motion to acknowledge Varric's question and the dwarf sighed at that.  
"He's a little preoccupied at the moment." He excused the hunched over shadow. I studied him in the low warm glow of the prison cell. He was hunched over another body. A shemlen woman, warm chestnut hair and pale perfect skin save for one scar marring her full lips. She was pretty, I suppose, even unconscious and sweaty as she was, obviously a fever. The shadow that tended her with the soft voice was yet a mystery, though I'm sure, even in the low light that I picked out a pair of pointed ears. He was an elf then, even if his back was unusually broad and even hunched over I could see his height was above average too. He was peculiar, but I immediately held contempt for him, recalling his dismissive tone at my state and the fact he referred to me as a 'fool dalish'. He was probably some snooty circle mage elf that thought my people below his stature. That judgement only furthered my contempt for him, so I turned away from him and back to Varric, he seemed much friendlier.  
"What happened?" I asked carefully. The dwarf smiled,"You mean before or after you shouted that ghastly euphemism at the commander." He chuckled and I felt my face grow warm at the recollection of my oh so tactful, 'I never come quietly' remark. I bit my lip in expression of my embarrassment, making him laugh further.

"Well, trixy, they knocked you out cold with some sort of herb, only way they'd be able to get you in here I imagine. Well, they through you in here and you lay there for two days like a rag doll and here we are." He said, gesturing around us.  
"No, I mean, what happened to the conclave?" I persisted. Varric's smile suddenly fell and the gleeful spark he held in his eyes dulled.

"Some one or something blasted it to pieces, killed thousands of people along with the divine. Seeker, or Cassandra, the woman you crossed paths with I presume, looked for someone to blame. At first, that was you and I'm pretty sure some part of her still suspects you but then chuckles came offering profound elfy magical knowledge and then the good lady over there stumbled out of the breach. Now she's here, and everyone is blaming her. Funny, no one is actually doing anything to stop it yet, just pointing fingers." He finished and looked away morosely.

My memory jogged and the fear of that massive tear in the sky came back to me, the thunderous quaking of the explosion and how my ears rang came back. I had to shut my eyes against it. It wasn't right. The conclave was meant to help, no matter how hopeless or no matter how many times the mages and Templar's argued circles around each other it was helping. It was a step in the right direction, no more unwitting hunters caught in templar cross fires, no more halla caught up in rains of ice and fire. No more pointless war that destroyed everything that was once good and green and whole. But that was all gone now, all the hope of peace to wander freely again was gone. The war would consume the world, the forests would burn and the seas would turn to ash and there would be no more world to wander. I opened my eyes then and ferociously blinked back the tears as I stared through the one small barred window high on the wall. The sky was beautiful and grey and sleepy, on the verge of nightfall. Dainty flakes of snow fluttered on the breeze like wisps. It was beautiful. How could people war like this when there was so much beauty in the world? I stood softly, still aware that I may get another head rush, and made my way towards the window. It was too high up to see out of, even on my tip toes, so, I stepped up onto the wooden bench and stretched my neck to get a better view.

Now that I could see out properly, I saw the mountains in the distance, the village of Haven that should be a sleepy little town, bustling with soldiers and yes, that sickening green tear that threatened to swallow the world. If the mage templar war didn't destroy us, that thing most certainly would. It was bigger than I remembered, which was bad. Very bad. Was no one doing anything to stop it? I hopped down from the bench and began to pace. I needed to help, I needed to do something. I would not stay idle here while the world fell apart. My eyes caught sight of the bars that held me and my temper flared, I needed to get out, I would not stay caged like some animal. I would not be trapped by the shemlens. Never again. I marched towards the offending iron bars and rattled them loudly.

"Hello! Does someone want to tell me why the hell I'm still locked up!" I cried angrily rattling the bars again, only stopping when they went red hot from the magic ebbing from my hands. I hissed a curse and pulled away, returning to my pacing. "Dread wolf take whoever's bloody ides this was. I mean really, there's a hole in the sky and they're only concern is a dwarf, two elves and some bloody noble woman? Somebody really needs to get their priorities right. I mean we could help! I can help!" I shouted through the bars, my voice echoing over the prison. It was then I heard a derogatory scoff and the rustle of material to my left.

"And what help could you bring, dhalen? Will you fire your arrows at the sky and hope it goes away? Perform some forgotten rite over a pile of ancient stones? Or perhaps curse it with the dread wolf. No, dhalen, you cannot help here, not unless you want to become fodder for the demons that spew from the breach every moment we stand by." It was the gentle voice, though again it was wreathed in frustration, desperation and fear. The elf had stood and was glaring at me, a glare of ice blue eyes that seemed familiar somehow. I was right about him being tall but his face was also different, long and proud and sharp, and though I hated to admit (because he was being remarkably rude to me) he was quite handsome. But I was outraged by his remarks, outraged at how he condescended, thought me nothing more than demon fodder. I turned on him and matched his glare.  
"Do not presume to think you know anything about me or my people, flat ear." I hissed.  
"And there, the trade mark of all the proud Dalish. Name calling when their argument is moot." He said caustically turning back to his patient.  
Excuse me? Argument? That was not an argument! that was you insulting me and my culture in the space of three sentences! How bloody dare you, you stuck up old dick! Here's an idea, instead of waving your hands about her why don't you actually try to wake her up!" I barked at him, pointing to his patient who still lay unconscious. He looked taken aback by my remarks hesitating a moment, giving me enough time to push him aside and crouch down beside the woman. Her brow was still laced with sweat and her eyes were dark and her lips were cracked.  
"Magic doesn't fix everything." I mumbled as I grabbed an old rag, a bucket of water and the cup Varric offered me earlier.  
"You don't know what-"  
"Oh shut up." I hissed at the elf, as he continued his protests. I rung out the rag and lightly dabbed her forehead, then I carefully tipped the cup to her lips, hoping the dribble of water that went down would help subside the dry throat she'd get when she awoke.  
"This is not a physical matter, the mark on her hand is killing her, I was helping, you are not." He growled behind me.

"She has a fever, ignoring that could kill her as sure as that mark."

"You meddle in things you don't understand." He said, desperation clear in his voice. I ignored him, this human was the only way so far that could help. Breaking her fever would surely bring her around. Funneling the little magic I knew, I made my hands as cold as ice and pressed them to her cheeks and neck, hoping they'd help to cool her. It was breaking her fever, when I felt her head a few minutes later, her colour was better and her temperature not half as hot.

"You'll get better, lethallan." I whispered as I dabbed her head again. Suddenly, she took in a sharp in take of breath and the mark on her hand shimmered.

"Run..." She choked out, before the light subsided and her breathing returned to normal. I stood back on my haunches in shock, and from the silence behind me, I could guess the elf was shocked too. She looked like she was sleeping peacefully now, her eyes moving behind her eyelids, her sleep was not so deep. Suddenly the silence was broken by the creak of a door and the rattling of metal boots and keys. I stood away from her, allowing chuckles to rush back to his patient as my eyes fell upon a hooded woman and two guards coming towards our cell. She said nothing, remaining a few feet away as the guards unlocked our cell door. It was then, the elf stood tall, a deep frown in his face.

"No." He said simply, every muscle in his body tense. The hooded woman looked up and I caught a glimpse of cold green eyes and red hair.  
"We cannot wait forever, the breach grows with each passing second. We appreciate your help, Solas, but we have ran out of time." She said, her light Orlesian accent as cold as her eyes.  
Solas, a name to put to a face, raised his chin even higher, his jaw flexing in frustration.  
"If you move her, she could die." He said, his voice hard but restrained.  
"That is a risk we must take." Replied the Orlesian, bidding her guards to take hold of the mystery human.  
"You'll forgive me if I am not so willing to risk the only thing that may save us." Solas retorted, eyes still on the redhead. She ignored him, only nodding to her guards to follow once they had the unconscious woman in their arms.  
"Are you sure this is a good idea..." I protested to the stranger, hearing a slight whimper and noticing the patients furrowed brow. The door was shut firmly in my face and before she spoke and she fixed her sterile green eyes on me. Her eyes were, or should be, beautiful. But all the emotion there was masked behind that indifferent scowl.  
"Your guilt is still up for debate, Lavellan. Do not give us further reason to doubt your innocence." She said in a hushed voice that made my blood run cold, so much so that small flakes of snow appeared around me and ice spread out from my feet. A fleeting look of curiosity came over her before it was quickly subsided and she turned to follow her guards.

The three of us stood in a sort of stunned silence when she left with our patient and for once, it wasn't me who broke it.

" _felas asha_." Solas spat without remorse as he began to pace the small cell. "They know not what they do. They rush to fix this because they are scared and in doing so they have jeopardized the only salvation they have." He said bitterly. I turned to face him, my arms folded, his fatalistic attitude wearing on me greatly.  
"We don't know that she could die. She may recover." I said, more to be contradictory than to comfort and his resulting glare at me told me he knew. It was then Varric that sighed, a tired and defeated noise from the corner of the room.  
"Can't you elves just play nice for once."  
I turned to face him, my glare falling from my face as there was something unintentionally profound in his words. Something that had sat like a thorn in my heart since I was a child. No, we elves couldn't get along. We looked down on each other because of something that may or may not mark our face. We were either wild savages or cowardly shadows who let themselves be trampled by humans. We could never seem to see the common factors between us. The fact that we both bore pointed ears and that we were both shunned by humans. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, my tongue automatically going to push at the gold piercing in my lip as I so often did when in thought. I looked over to Solas, who stood still with his lofty expression. His chin held high and eyes fixed on anything but me. Obviously he too had been affected by Varric's words. I smirked at his stubborn stance.

"Proud by name, proud by nature." I said with a tired laugh. He turned his eyes to me then and I felt his heavy scrutiny.  
"My nature is not defined by my name, rather it is designed defined by my nature." He said cryptically and with a slight smugness that was immediately infuriating and secondly... Rather charming. I narrowed my eyes and chose to ignore him. I would not stay here to be bickered with. Again I tongued my piercing and paced towards the barred door.  
"We need to get out." I said simply. Varric chuckled at my suggestion.  
"I agree, but the chances of you getting out unharmed are slim to none."  
I sighed, "I know, but I can't sit here doing nothing while people are out there dying. Sooner or later we'll be over run, we need to at least give them time to think up some sort of plan."  
"Again I must reiterate the futility of your plan." Solas said, turning once more to sit rather defeatedly on the bench. In the low fire light and with such a grim expression on his face, I realised how old he actually was. Not ancient, but old- probably in his forties going by the lines at the corner of his eyes and on his forehead when he frowned like that.  
"Futile it may be, but I am quite happy to be 'demon fodder', as you so tactfully put it, if it means others may live to solve this. Anyways, you've already deemed me unimportant and you are definitely not the first, may as well do something worthwhile with my unimportance. Go out with a bang and all that." I said, my voice sounding overly light, but I hoped they didn't realise.  
"I never said you were unimportant." Solas said with finality, though the comment did little to subdue my rapidly fatalistic mood, dread wolf take him, but he did rub off on you. I smiled a bitter smile, a force of reality hitting me with a merciless thud.  
"Oh but I am. If my clan had kicked me out a day earlier I'd be dead in that valley too. If I hadn't stopped in Redcliff for a night, if I didn't detour to put flowers on a strangers grave, I'd be dead. Just like the hundreds of other people. Normal innocent people, dead... Because of the Shem's and their blasted wars." I said bitterly, those tendrils of ice snaking their way from were I stood. I noticed Solas' brow furrow at the sight. Spontaneous magic was not something I supposed he'd be used to in his ivory tower. Though looking at his ramshackle attire, my circle mage theory seemed inaccurate. Perhaps I'd ask him about it later, perhaps we'd be dead, perhaps... Perhaps a miracle would happen and I might actually feel hopeful again... Well, only one way to find out. I sighed and gripped the iron hinges of the cell door, glaring at them for all I was worth, focussing my anger on them and willing the flames to come.  
"Easy Trixy, might want to thing this through." Varric warned, but it was too late, the hinges melted away in bright orange rivulets and the door fell into my grasp, to avoid the raucous clatter it would undoubtedly cause. I smiled in satisfaction and turned to face my two cell mates. Varric was standing, knees bent nervously but there was a spark in his eyes, a longing for danger that I had never seem in a dwarf. Solas still looked at me curiously, his face less glum, more... Amused.


	3. The Somewhat Great Escape

"You are both welcome to come along if you like." I said brightly, gesturing to the exit with a flourish. They exchanged looks, Varric's face spreading into a grin. He turned back to me and gave a lighthearted shrug,

"We're probably all going to die anyway, may as well go out with a bang, as you say."  
I winked at him and crossed the threshold of the cell, not waiting for Solas' response but something told me he would follow. True enough I heard him sigh in exasperation as I searched for my belongings.  
I hadn't brought much with me on this trip, I didn't have much to start with, only my armour, my bow and my mother's silverite ring. It was still perched on my finger, and I still was clad in my armour save for my cloak and hood and my bow was missing too. Before anything, I wanted to find my bow. It was like a third arm, an ever present companion. I'd had it since I was 13 and after 12 years of use, it had become moulded to my grip, I knew no other bow would replace it, although the design was simple enough (no fancy curls in the wood) it did have a pack of wolfs carved up its length, a reminder that wolves hunt best in packs... A strange thing to recall fondly now... I had no pack. But still it was made by my clan's weapon smith and it was blessed with Andruils guidance, it was not something I would lightly leave behind. Eventually, I came across a chess that contained a rather remarkable cross bow.

"Bianca! Baby!" Varric cried as he hugged the contraption, "It's okay now, Varric's here." He whispered soothingly. I couldn't hide my laugh at the strange display of affection for a piece of equipment.  
"You named your cross bow Bianca?" I said with an arched brow. The dwarf simply smiled as he stroked the varnished wood of his weapon.  
"Bianca and I have been through a lot together." He said simply, patting her gently before strapping her securely to his back.

Solas himself found a tattered green rucksack and a plain looking staff and gave a soft smile as he ran his hand up the simple rod. His meagre belongings only further doubted the circle mage idea. Everything about him was plain, simple, unremarkable... Too unremarkable. There was something about him that made me wary. I couldn't place it, but I had good instincts and they had yet to lead me astray so I decided I would keep my distance.  
I found my cloak in a chest, and fashioned it around my neck, pulling up the hood in hopes of hiding myself. But the bow was yet unfound and I began to get antsy. Three more chests were ransacked and still there was nothing. I missed a curse under my breath and let my eyes scan the room one final time, until they caught sight of something resting in the fire pit. An obscure piece of kindling, long, smoother than the rest... With the carving of a wolf pack in its charred wood. My stomach sank and I let out an audible whine as I strode towards it. With the poker I chased the other charred bits of wood away and revealed my burned and broken bow, ruined... Gone. I covered my mouth to hide the sob that escaped my lips but it did little else other than muffle it. My beautiful bow was snapped it half, tossed aside and burned like a common piece of wood. The only thing that tied me to my clan. The only thing that actually made me feel part of something. But now it was gone and I again felt so utterly alone that I wouldn't have cared to bits if I broke down in tears then and there in front of two strangers. But the world was ending and bow or no, I had to help. I'd find another lying around the place, my practical side said, it was simply and inanimate object and crying over it when people were dying was childish and foolish. I stood up and clenched my jaw tightly, willing the well of tears in my eyes not to fall. Swallowing, I spotted a shemlen looking bow hanging on the wall and I took it with a wince. It was heavy, clumsily made and warped and it was not mine. I subsided the wave of tears that again welled up in my eyes and turned again to face my companions. They both looked quite shocked and sympathetic at the same time, Varric especially. Solas then straightened up and held his chin high, a look of annoyance filtering its way across his features. I scowled at him then, a biting remark resting on my tongue. But for whatever reason, he held contempt for my people and I would not give him the satisfaction of angering me.

"Shall we?" I said simply, strapping a quiver of arrows to my back along with my clunky bow. Varric nodded with a kind smile as we departed, Solas stayed silent.

Sneaking out of the Prison was not easy, but in keeping to the shadows and climbing out a window or two, I found myself digging my feet into crisp white snow around the side of the cold stone building of the chantry. The village of Haven buzzed with panic and fear. You could see it in the eyes of soldiers and villagers alike, and who could rightly blame them? There was a bloody hole in the sky! It would take one hell of a seamstress to get that back together. So with a small signal, and fixing my hood on my head, the three of us tiptoed silently as snowfall into the bustling village. People either noticed and didn't care or were too preoccupied with saving what little they to see us escape.

"So now what, Trixy?" Varric asked as he fell in step beside me. I looked down to him, trying to convey my bewilderment, because truthfully I didn't know. Truthfully no one had ever asked me that before, I was just told what to do most of my life. But I knew what I wanted to do, I needed to help, anyway I could. 

"We do what we can." I said firmly, quickening my pace. It wasn't long before we past a few tents, and narrowly avoided being caught by four cantering guards. But we got past, and I couldn't help feeling smug.

"Jusqu'ici tout va bien, eh?" I whispered cheekily, as we passed the red headed hooded Orlesian woman, unntoiced.  
Varric chuckled, "A Dalish elf speaking Orlesian? The world is really ending."

As we rounded another corner and went down a flight of steps, I smirked. "Oh I'm very well versed in Orlesian, mon amis."  
He chuckled even more when I said that, though it was coupled with a strange look of disbelief.  
Yes its quits odd for a Dalish elf to be spouting Orlesian sayings as much as it spouts elven ones but, in truth, I hadn't always been Dalish. Gasp! I'm not a true elf, some might say. Just because I was born in an alienage in Monsimmard does not make me any less elfish than any other pointy earred Dalish. That's who I am. The Orlesian Dalish, the mongrel, the one who was found quivering in the wreckage of a slavery caravan.  
My mother and I had been caught at night when we were coming back from the market, no guards came to our aid, no one even bothered to look out their windows as my mother screamed in rage and fear as we were shackled. I remember feeling the same searing anger that her screams conveyed and I kicked and clawed as much as my impish little body could manage, I was only eleven at the time, after all. But still, our protests did little and we were tied up and gagged in a rusted iron cage. They took us from our town and kept to quiet out of the way roads, me and my mother suffered two winter nights in that freezing prison, we were not so far north as to escape winters chill. One night however, when the slavers stopped to make camp, they hauled my mother away, dragged her to a tent and... I never saw her again. For most of my childhood I had wondered what happened to her, why they had simply taken her and made her vanish. The older I got, the more I figured out.  
The morning after, I was so tired from crying after my mother, that I slept through most of the day, only awakening to the crackling of flames and faint whispers. It was night then, clear and crisp but I wasn't shivering, hadn't the energy to, I was numb. I wondered where my mother went, what these men wanted with us, when were we going home and who was talking? My final question was soon answered when Mahanon, the Dalish hunter who took me in as his daughter laid his eyes on me. I remember at first being scared, going only on the tales of the savage Dalish told by humans. But he hushed me and gave me a warm blanket and he was kind. And that's how I became Dalish, best shot, loudest mouth, and third of Clan Lavellan. I hadn't even realised that we were close to the valley by the time I stopped reminiscing, only when I saw the sickly green glow of the fade did I halt. Around me the snow had almost melted away from the many scuffling feet scrambling desperately against the demons. Demons which now spewed from a smaller but none the less, terrifying rift. I instinctively took a step back and readied my bow, ignoring the painful awareness of the fact that it wasn't my bow.

"Suddenly this doesn't seem like a good idea anymore." I heard Varric say beside me, his voice low with worry.  
"We must fall back, we have no way of sealing the tear." Solas said, hooking a hand in the crook of my elbow and trying to coax me back. I couldn't take my eyes off the rift. It's green light warping the mountains behind it, spewing demons that cut down the soldiers without so much as a breath. It was carnage. And I would not run.  
I spun viciously on the elder elf, fire in my eyes and soul ready to run him through with scornful words. But I stopped, because there was a look in his eyes that I could not quite place. A look that spoke of knowledge and wariness but not fear. This man, this Solas, was not a coward. He simply knew when to pick his battles.

"We can't just let those men be killed. We have to try." I said, reiterating again my efforts. I had to do something. I had to. He looked at me then, ice blue eyes softening as they fell on my face and a look of understanding came about him. He shifted his weight from one foot to another before finally letting go of my arm and nodding.  
"Then let us not be rash. Do not engage the demons directly, I'm assuming you've never fought them before?" He asked and I shook my head, no.  
"Then try to keep out of their way, their claws are sharp and deadly and it will not take a second swipe to finish you." His words sent a shiver down my spine and fear bubbled up my throat as we turned to face down the tear. Varric muttered a sarcastic remark, something about Solas' oh so cheery advice but it floated right over me. All I could focus on was my breathing and the sharp jagged movements of the demons. Instincts kicked in and before I know it, the feather of an arrow tickled my face and I was looking for the demon's weak spot. Everything seemed slow, Varric's bolts flew out in a slow blur, Solas' ice spells almost floated past me it seemed, but I had my target and I held my breath as I let my first arrow fly.

With a muted thud and a vehement shriek from the demon I knew it had hit the right spot. As it melted away into the tear, I fired another arrow, and another in quick succession, taking out another demon. Then there was a warning shout to my left, and there floated a green wisp. In a strange panicked instinct I flung out my hand and the green shape was engulfed in fire, it too melting away back into the fade.

"It is rare to see a Dalish acquainted with both magic and archery." Solas called as he slammed his staff into the ground. "Usually your people will set a mage on a path from which they cannot venture." He called again, even out of breath as he was I could hear the bitterness laced in his words and my anger flared, causing a violent barrage of flame to erupt in front of me and practically dissolve another demon.

"Even when we're arse deep in demons you insist in insulting me!" I called, my clunky human bow finding a use in whacking demons in the face. He then frowned, though there was definitely amusement there too.

"I did not insult you! I simply made a passing remark about your people, one which I've seen to be true." 

"And what would you know about my people?" I shouted angrily now, two more arrows finding their marks in the demons that were a few feet behind him. 

"Enough to make a judgement, and know, dalen I do not make them without the experience to justify it." He said, his eyes stern and his voice sharp, his skill with magic... Quite frightening.

"Then you're judging an entire race by a handful of people! Don't dare think to lecture me about my own culture!" I cried, smacking two demons, firing am arrow at another and sending three more up in smoke. I could see him opening his mouth to retort but suddenly he stopped and pushed his way past me. I heard him shout,

"Quickly, before more come through!" And then I turned to see the prisoner, left hand outstretched with the same green glow of the fade erupting from her palm and... Closing the rift? I stood back in awe as the air around us crackled with an echoing boom as the rift sealed itself shut. I looked around at the somewhat more peaceful scene, injured soldiers scurried back to Haven and I was half inclined to join them, but Varric stayed and I was all too curious about the mysterious shemlen woman who managed to perform a bloody miracle right in front of my eyes. She was very pretty now that she was up and awake. Fair skin slightly blushed, chestnut hair falling from her loose bun over her soft round face. Her big green eyes round and inquisitive and her lips tilted in a frown.

"What did you do?" She asked Solas, her voice low and soft and slightly delicate.  
"I did nothing, the credit is yours." He replied, the arrogance practically oozing off him and I rolled my eyes. That's when I noticed the Seekers seething glare on me and I smiled weakly.  
"You mean this?" said the prisoner looking distastefully at the mark that now marred her hand. Solas shifted his weight again but it was slower this time, more cocky than thoughtful.

"I theorised that the mark may be able to speak the breach and it seems I was correct."At this I outright scoffed and he shot me a glare, I however, matched it easily and waved a flippant hand.

"Oh yes, we all get it, you're wonderfully intelligent and we could never have done it without you. There, now instead of theorising and gloating and getting off to your own marvellous intelligence, how about we actually try and shut the big one up in the sky, I'm sure it hasn't escaped your notice." I said, turning to our human friend and she laughed slightly. A nice, lighthearted laugh, so unfitting with the situation. Solas, however did not see the funny side and simply ignored me, which I noticed he was very inclined to do.  
"As tactless as her remark is, I must agree, the Breach is growing larger each passing second, but your mark may hold the key to sealing it shut." He said, more tactfully.

The prisoner seemed more than a little dumfounded, her brow rising with each of his words and I could tell that she was uncomfortable. There was something modest and humble about her, she grew on me even more.

"Good to know, and here I thought we'd be ass deep in demons forever. Varric Tethras: rogue; storyteller and occasionally; unwelcome tag along." Said the charming dwarf to my left. The prisoner relaxed in his presence, visibly. That was a quality Varric seemed to possess and I wasn't sure whether it made him more charming or someone of whom I should be wary. I'd learned not to relax around strangers, this whole tear in the sky shenanigans made me forget that, but as my eyes scanned the people I was with, I slowly felt my shoulders tense. Varric, the too charming and strangely mysterious dwarf. Cassandra the seeker, one step away from having me executed for mythal knows what. The prisoner, strange and unknown as she was, may be responsible for this whole chaos. And Solas, insulting, enigmatic Solas who looked at me like I was a child, ignorant and stupid. However, these people, strangers as they were, they did not threaten me. I knew that they would not turn on me, they had no need to, because if anything brings people together, its the end of the world. It was then I noticed her eyes on me, green and curious. I smiled at her and stuck out my hand.

"Nevalla Lavellan. I was blamed for this whole thing until you showed up. Drugged and locked in a cell and everything! Isn't that right Seeker?" I said sweetly and Cassandra rolled her eyes.  
"We had every right to believe you were responsible, you refused to come quietly." She said, her voice tinged with steel. 

"And you have still yet to apologise for the drugging and the locking." I snapped. 

"I will not apologise for neutralising a threat, you attempted to fire on our soldiers." She said, hand on the hilt of her sword as she took a menacing step forward. I felt heat rise in my chest.  
"Sorry if I'm not inclined to let myself be locked up by a bunch of humans. I found that humans tend to be a tad murderous towards their elven prisoners." I said, folding my arms in defiance.

"Again you bring your race into matters which it doesn't concern." Solas' voice chimed mockingly. I spun on him, a stray spark of lightning resonating around me as my anger reached its peak.

"I'm this close to wedging this bow so far up your arse you won't be able to sit down without-"

"Easy there, Trixy, he's just provoking you, don't bite." Varric cut off my colourful tirade with a hand on my arm. I shrugged it off and stalked off to the side as the rest of them discussed their plans. Solas introduced himself, they bickered about whether or not Varric should come with them and then they set off down the path further into the Valley. Solas, Cassandra and Vardic were already nearly around the corner of rock, but the prisoner hesitated. She turned back to face me, eyes heavy with empathy and then she strode forward, offering a hand shake.  
"Evelyn Trevelyan. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that people blame for this." She said, a soft, reassuring smile on her face. I took her hand quite warily, unsure at this display of kindness. But I nodded and her smile widened before she nodded in the direction of the Valley and followed the rest of them. I took at as suggestion that I go too, and I wasn't all that keen on fighting all the way back to heaven without any back up, so I followed her, ignoring the two sets of eyes that looked disapprovingly at me as I hopped over the broken fence into the Valley. Varric smiled though, for that I was thankful.


	4. Friends Are Hard to Come By

We continued on in relative silence, only Varric speaking to fill it and again, I was thankful for the dwarf's presence.

"Glad you brought me now Seeker?" He called over the roar of battle as we ran into a small bunch of demons on a frozen lake. Cassandra said nothing, only glared and charged into the forefront, fearless of the demon's claws. She was ruthless, cutting them down effortlessly as if she did it everyday. Again I found myself quite frightened of her. The prisoner, Trevelyan, rather, also charged in, small rusted shield held up in defence as she cut through, not as skilled as Cassandra but competent- there was potential there. Varric was deadly as he was before, so was Solas. In fact he was quite hypnotic as he cast his spells precisely and controlled. He was a powerful mage, even if I couldn't feel the fade ebbing off his being, just seeing him in action was proof enough. I however was having a significant amount trouble with my warped and clunky human bow.

"Fenedhis! Dread wolf take this stupid thing." I hissed as I resolved myself to using it as a club rather than a bow. I just couldn't shoot straight with it. Soon I was surrounded, a shade on my left and right and a little green wisp ahead of me. Thinking quickly, I through down a vile of smoke and tumbled quickly out of their range. It left them confused for a moment but they soon fell on me again. I cursed again, loudly this time, mounting another arrow to the bow before I heard a sharp ping and snap and the bow went slack. I looked down in horror at the now broken and subsequently useless bow string, the two demons still lurching towards me. I nearly resigned myself to being demon fodder before I unwilling let out an arch of lightning. I almost jumped at its ferocity but it gave the demons pause as they shuddered from its shock. Then I had an idea. Throwing my bow away, I focussed enough to create a small circle of flame around the demons. It was not very powerful, and not nearly hot enough to harm them but as it fizzled out and they lurched forward, there was an echoing crack over the ice and with a shriek, it gave way beneath them and the tumbled into the freezing depths.  
I laughed loudly in triumph turning around to see Varric laughing too.

"That was some trick, Trixy." He called over, strapping bianca securely on his back.

"One of many Im sure." Said Trevelyan. She had a smile on her face but it was tighter, more wooden and less trusting. Did she have a thing about mages? If she did she was doing the polite thing in not showing it but my opinion of her changed somewhat. I wasn't angry or vexed about it just... Disappointed. I smiled back at her and picked up my broken bow, retying the string and hoping if would be alright in the mean time. But I still couldn't shake that feeling of disappointment. I found myself falling instep behind her, Solas to my left. We walked for a while further, not really coming across anything major apart from a few skirmishes until we made it to the Forward Camp.

Again there was arguing. Some cleric throwing accusations left right and centre, Cassandra biting back harshly- I couldn't help smirking at her come back- and Leliana, the red headed Orlesian. She looked at me now, less distrusting. In fact it wouldn't be far off saying she looked sorry! I acknowledged it with half a smile and she returned it, barely though. But still, my fondness for her grew. They turned to Trevelyan then, asking her opinion. She didn't question, just looked thoughtful for a moment before agreeing with Cassandra in charging with the soldiers. I internally shook my head and I could see Leliana thinking the same. Going through the mountain passage would save time, and cause less deaths. Something told me Trevelyan was very inexperienced in the art of battle, if her earlier sword display was anything to go by- she was young, a novice and it made me slightly nervous. I wandered then how old she was. Studying her features, her plump cheeks and bright curious eyes... She couldn't have been older than 18. That made me very nervous, and it made me feel old. I sighed quietly and fixed my bow on my back as I followed the rest of them but a light touch on my arm stopped me. I turned to my right and was met with a serious look from Leliana.

"Can I ask a favour of you." She said quietly. The rest continued to walk on, only Solas cast a somewhat confused look behind him. I met her gaze again and listened.  
"I know my men missing on the patrol could still be out there, I do not wish to leave them to die. If I send you with a small unit of spies, will you scout through the mountains?" She asked, her silken voice low so as not to be heard by the prying Chancellor Roderick. I felt myself rear back slightly in instinct.

"You're asking me?" I guffawed. She nodded and brought me further towards a table with a large dirt ridden map.

"I know the skills of the Dalish, you are excellent huntsmen, you always make for the best spies. I am asking this of you Lavellan because I think you are capable." She finished, her expression as grave as her words but I couldn't help feeling my pride swell at her admiration for myself and my people.

"Your men will take orders from me? An elf... A mage... A Dalish mage who not so long ago was blamed for the breach?"  
She smirked then slightly, but nodded,

"My agents are professional and do not let race or creed become an issue when it involves their commanding officers."  
I thought about her request and I thought I may as well try to save the remnants of her patrol. It would surely do more good than brashly charging with the soldiers. I nodded, accepting her request and she eagerly lead me towards a group of six of her agents. Four hummans, looked upon me like I was any other person. The two elves eyed me more suspiciously and I shifted under their gazes, but I was appointed a task and would see it through. Leliana briefed them quickly before we set off up the mountain pass. The six of them conversed quietly with each other while I lead quietly at the front.

"So you're Dalish." Said one of the men, his tone more conversational than accusatory.  
I turned round to see him, this tall shemlen man with dark her, brown eyes and a proud jaw.

"And you're Ferelden." I said smartly nodding at him. He smirked then, and he was quite handsome when he did.

"Close, Free marches, Wycome to be precise. I came here not last month, thought I'd actually do something with my life other than farming." He chuckled and again I felt at ease.

"Wycome? My clan are camped close to there!" I beamed.

"Really! That's your clan, why my father used to to trade with Lavellan when he was still alive. I went with him sometimes. Now what one were you? The girl that climbed the trees or the little girl that pulled my hair?" He said jovially and I laughed outright at that, in surprise more than anything because I remembered him. I remembered the shemlen man coming to trade with master Nehn when we passed Wycome every spring. I remembered the small boy who trailed along behind him, the one who used to play with Ren'ara and Manavin- the one that pulled his hair, I assumed.

"The one that climbed the trees I think." I chuckled, unconsciously stepping closer to him. He smiled a kind and endearing smile. It was familiar and oh so very handsome. He was undoubtedly charming and I found myself picturing what it would be like to jump his bones right here in the middle of the Frost backs.

"See, I knew that, you have that tree climbing look about you, it suits you really, you're quite beautiful.

I blushed furiously at that remark but tried to be nonchalant, "Just 'quite'?" I teased and he smiled more, yes I really did like his smile. "Well I would've said 'very', only I did not wish to come off too strongly when we've only just met. I'm Fredrich by the way." He said as he shook my hand. I chuckled again, "I'm Nevalla, it's a pleasure to meet you, Fredrich."

"The pleasure's all mine, Nevalla. Now, how about when this little jaunt is over I buy you an ale, or a brandy, it might help to warm you up, you look bloody freezing." He said kindly. I nodded with a smile,  
"That sounds like a plan."

"Good! Yes, that's good." He stuttered and blushed now, but tried to hide it with a smile, "Until that brandy then." He said quietly, nodding ahead as we came to the old mining tunnels.

I signalled them to stop around the corner while I peaked my head into the darkness. I quickly spun back round.

"Demons." I whispered to the group. There were some nervous glances but no one seemed blatantly terrified... Yet. I took it as a good sign.  
"There's three. You two take the front, you two aim to flank, you two are behind with me, we' attack from a range." I said quickly and quietly, falling into my hunting habits. We used this tactic for groups of stray wolves. The scouts nodded and without another word, jumped into action. They followed my instruction and for that I was grateful and if my ego swelled even the tiniest bit, that was acceptable wasn't it? We continued in through the caves, finding nothing of any real consequence... Until we came to the exit.  
"Andraste's mercy..." One of the scouts sighed as we came across the bodies of the lost patrol. Habit bid me to whisper a prayer for the departed but the others protested.  
"That cannot be all of them. There must be more further ahead." Fredrich said, collecting their letters and marching on through the snow. I nodded and followed close behind him, as did the others. We walked on through the bitterly cold mountain until we reached a bend and my stomach dropped. Ahead of us was a rift, green and spewing demons and being all round terrible. But the little hope I had was seeing the rest of the patrol, fighting fearlessly against the demons that came forth from it. Their efforts inspired the rest of them to charge, and I did too, only holding back to get a good distance between me and the fray of battle. The demons came thick and fast, though they were not as strong this time, but even so, we couldn't fight them forever. Especially when Trevelyan and her magical rift closing mark were on the other side of the mountain. The group of scouts were skilled fighters, quick and trained but that didn't stop a few from being cut down by the demons, and as I saw the third fall in wave of flame, I turned to Fredrich.

"We can't keep this up forever, we have to fall back!" I cried. He met my eyes and nodded.  
"There are too many!" He called out to the men, "Fall back down the hill! The rest will have made it to the temple by now!" The two of us began ushering the rest of them away from the rift and they cantered down the hill, some still firing arrows as they did.

"Come on get moving!" I cried out, urging them onwards. When they were all making their way towards safety, Friedrich and I shared an affirmative nod but... Time seemed to slow down, the world becoming distant echoes as I saw a foul and twisted shade lurching up behind Friedrich. Before for I could draw breath to scream in warning, it's wretched claws came down on his back and he stumbled forward, wide eyed.

"NO!" I cried out viciously, Fire unwillingly pouring from my body and hitting the demon as I fired an arrow at its heart. It fell with a shriek, but that is also when Friedrich fell. I ran towards him, there was a slight break in the wave of demons, so I took the opportunity.

"Fredrich? Fredrich come on, wake up! Lethallin please! You still need to buy me that brandy." I said, my voice growing thick with tears. But he was gone. His eyes were lifeless. He hadn't time to be afraid, his look was only of surprise*... And I wept for his death. I barely knew him, barely spoke to him... But he was the only person who had shown me true kindness. The only person who didn't just see a savage elf. I stroked his dark hair off his face before kissing his forehead and praying Falon'din guide him safely. My time with him, however, was cut short when I saw the rift crack open again, ready for another onslaught. With a final squeeze of his hand, I took off, landing one more flaming arrow in a wretched demon's heart for good measure.

*This is a line from a Gov'nt Mule song, Kings Highway. I really love it so i added it.


	5. Of Battles and Demons

Shock was starting to finally kick in as I almost tumbled down the broken cobbled steps towards the temple. My feet felt numb, my ears hummed and all I could feel was the thudding of my heart in my chest. I barely registered running forward down the hill until I rounded the face of rock that opened into what should have been the temple.

What was left of it... Stopped me in my tracks. There was barely anything standing to even resemble the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Everything was crumbled and ruined, rock and stone and wreckage. Then there were the corpses, charred and burned and frozen in their final petrified moments. Their hands clawing at the sky for The Maker, Andraste, Mythal any deity that would save them... But it had been futile. They were burned in fire, their once human bodies turned to grotesque statues of decay and death. No. There were no Gods here. How could any God allow such a monstrosity to happen? How could they simply stand by and watch as their people, their good and innocent people, be burned to nothing more than a pile of bones in the dust. I don't know how long I stood there for. Long enough it seemed as I soon heard hurried footsteps and from around the corner rushed Leliana and two of her scouts.

"Lavellan!" She called and my head slowly turned to her. Her eyes were as keen and focussed as ever, undeterred by the destruction around her.

"You did well, I will find a way to repay this." She explained, but her voice drifted off and her face grew blurry as my eyes filled with tears.

"How can you be immune to such carnage...?" I whispered and her eyes widened in surprise. There was a long moment of hesitation. Her lips fluttered for an answer, but none of them honest. She finally lowered her head and uttered lowly,

"I am not." Her head lifted again, her green eyes clear and open, "I do not believe any one is. Those who are are monsters. But in order to save those who survived we must harden ourselves. Who will act for them if not us? No, I am not immune, but I must push myself forward if I am to aid anyone at all." Her eyes tightened again, her mask firmly back in place. "Does that answer your question?"

I stared back at her in awe. She had the power to suddenly make me feel horribly inadequate and I couldn't help but force my resolve to strengthen. There was truth in what she said. I must harden myself to this chaos, if I don't... Surely it will destroy me. And it would surely destroy those I cared about if I did nothing to help.

"Come on," She called to me as she turned around and headed back to the breach, "The others are waiting and we could use your skill in this fight."

As she disappeared around the corner, I took a long and steadying breath, willing myself to be strong, to pull myself together. Weeping for them will not help them. With one final breath and a roll of my shoulders, I followed Leliana to the Breach and just in time, it seemed. Trevelyan had her hand outstretched towards the breach, green strands of lightning emanated all around her and I felt it. The hum of the air, the rumble of the ground beneath me and the most unholy shriek I'd ever heard. It sent a chill down my spine as Trevelyan continued to tear at the breach, like the yell of a tortured soul begging for some sort of release, some sort of mercy! And then it stopped. Stopped only to be replaced my a blood thirsty roar as a creature, spiked and towering over us all sprang from the breach. I saw everyone gawk in awe at the large demon that had appeared from nowhere and if we weren't all fighting for out lives it would be been quite comical. However as soon as it swung its great log of an arm, I was torn from my daze along with everyone else who now looked with rage at the creature. The only one who didn't seem to fight the lumbering spiked horror with such tenacity, was Solas. Yes, he fired his repetitive practised and precise spells as usual, but there was a heavy look of regret on his face that seemed to tighten with each swing of his staff. It made me curious to say the least. But he was indeed quite strange, maybe it was a quirk of his, a rather suspicious quirk but nonetheless at that precise moment in time I was not entirely focussed on analysing aspects of Solas' character. Rather I was trying to help Varric who had been somehow caught between two shades. A (luckily) well placed arrow (what with my horrid human bow) and and flash, bang and fizzle of magic the two beasts were felled and Varric stared at me in almost disbelief.

"That's a hell of a lot of crazy magic you got there Trixy." He said, patting down his hair that had gone frizzy after my rather frazzled display of lighting strikes. I laughed slightly as his tone suggested a compliment but as we turned back to the fight, there was a look in the corner if his eyes. Fear... I'd frightened him. Was my magic really so hectic as to warrant fear from this supposedly impassable dwarf. The thought in itself was unnerving. I was not a monster... I was not like this thing that roared and devoured and killed in front of me. I would never become like it. As if seeing my thoughts it charged towards me, clawed fists balled and ready to strike with the most sharp and piercing bolts of lighting. For a moment I stood petrified, but just a moment. I was Dalish. Natural born hunter, ancestor of magical beings beyond comprehension and I was powerful.  
That dark voice in the back of my head whispered this over and over, the pull of the fade rushing over me in orgastic waves that tempted me to release it all, release it now and show them all your power. Fire spread from my feet, burned hot in my eyes, winter ice and snow entwined in my hair and fingernails and sparks irradiated around me as I aimed my final arrow at the beasts galloping form. The power in me almost welled over and it would've been so utterly delicious to let it go but I couldn't. It was dangerous, I couldn't control it I could end up hurting someone. Conceal it, put it away-

"Dhalen your powers are not for this world, they reign ruin and anarchy, control them." Keeper Deshanna's words echoed in my mind and her stern face stared directly into mine. Her wise voice now tinged with fear but I understood. I understood why they gave me a bow instead of a staff. I understood why I had been held back from first to second and second to third. I was dangerous, uncontrollable... But I had to think clearly now. With a flinch I shut the magic away, let it stay hidden, my heart was with arrow and bow, like a true Dalish hunter. My heart beat in a riotous thumping rhythm that threatened to give out but my breath and hand was steady. This is was I lived for. My fingers itched to fire but I had to wait for the opportune moment, wait for its eyes to be almost level with mine and- yes!  
In a whistle and a piercing of tough flesh the creature stumbled to a halt, my arrow proudly protruding from its left eye.

"Now! Seal the breach!" Cassandra cried out, breathlessly after the hard fight and after recovering from her shock, Trevelyan shot out her hand and within moments the breach final sealed shut. But not before I heard and felt that horrible shriek again. It pained me in my chest and head and everywhere. Like a distant agony, the memory of pain. It made me flinch slightly but then there was a bright white light, a boom, a bang and a crash and suddenly we were carrying an unconscious Tevelyan back to Haven. Somehow news of her miraculous deed had spread and instead of scorn she was now looked upon with reverence. Herald, some of the shems called her. Bollocks is what I thought. Not that I voiced this to anyone, they all seemed so enraptured by her I'm sure they'd have me strung up for blasphemy if I even so much as said her hair was out of place.  
But I digress, a physician was sent to the lady heralds meagre shack to look after her while she recovered. The little town seemed more hopeful, the sun had even come out but that was all secondary when I saw Cassandra storming towards me, Cullen and a few other guards in tow.

"Chain her." She commanded and the cuffs came out. I hopped down from the wall on which I was perched and swallowed down the piece of toast I had managed to pinch. Was that what this was about?

"Creators, if I thought you'd be this harsh for stealing toast I would've just went for the carrot." I said, half joking. Judging her her reaction, Cassandra was not amused.

"This isn't about toast." Cullen said viciously, grabbing my wrists and cuffing them before I had time to struggle, not that I didn't try afterwards.

"I thought we were passed this." I growled as they began to haul me away. Again.

"As did I, until you showed signs of possession." Cassandra said bitterly, dragging me up the steps to the Chantry. At this I panicked. I wouldn't go back in that cell. I wouldn't...

"What? What are you talking about possession? You think I'm possessed?" My words came out in a disbelieving jumble of indignity and it seemed to draw attention. Leliana looked up from her maps and frowned when she saw the spectacle.

"Cassandra!" She called, hastily making her way towards us. "What is the meaning of this? She helped seal the breach did she not? Surely you can forgive her escape attempt now?" She said, and I would've mistaken it for lightheartedness had her voice not been edged with threat. Cassandra's frown could've broken a mirror.

"You saw what she is Leliana. At the temple, flame, ice and lightening engulfed her and she felt nothing. Almost as if it was a part of her. She has clearly been possessed." She said dismissively and continued to haul me onward and through the great creaking doors of the Chantry.

"I'm not bloody possessed!" I shouted through gritted teeth. Leliana again came to my aid as she followed.

"Cassandra, be reasonable. That is not enough evidence to suggest that she-"

"It is evidence enough, we cannot take the chance of having a demon amongst our own." Cullen interrupted and I nearly booted him in his stupid arrogant face.

I struggled against them viciously as I was lead back down into the dungeons. Leliana had fallen back... I hoped to the gods that she had not just given me up for an abomination.

"Let me go!" I cried, kicking out my legs so as to try and free myself but I was thrust down and tied to a chair in one of the cells. I struggled against the iron clasps as fear and panic welled up inside me. What were they going to do? Smite me? No. They couldn't just do that on the suspicion that I was a demon...

"Fetch the mother of this chantry." Cassandra said lowly to one of the guards and did as he was told. It was when Cullen and Cassandra began praying that I really began to shit a brick.

"What are you doing?" I asked them, trying to hide the quiver in my voice. They didn't answer, only continued muttering their prayers. I rattled against the chains again and struggled with all my might but they wouldn't budge. Then the a shemlen woman came down softly in here preposterous looking garb and talked quietly to Cassandra. Eventually they nodded to each other and began to make... What, a circle around me?

"Before we resort to the rite, we must first attempt to draw out the demon. If we can save nothing else, at least we'll have saved her soul." The mother said softly and the other two nodded.

"The rite? What rite?" I asked frantically, still trying to escape my confines. None of them answered, perhaps they didn't have to. I'd heard of the shemlen ritual for possessed mages. They take away their magic, but in doing so they take the person. The very fabric of who they were. They become tranquil. A shell. A corpse. Alive but not living, not feeling joy or sadness ever again... No, Please no. Not that.

"Mythal's mercy I'm not possessed! Stop this!" I cried out in fear but I was suddenly shushed by the mother as she stepped forward and placed a clammy hand on my head.

"You will come out of this child." She said harshly and all I could do was raise an eyebrow and how foolish she looked.

"You will come out of this child." She repeated again, but only this time she stepped back and I saw Cullen and Cassandra raise their swords vertically and then smash them down into the stone floor. Everything from that point on went razor sharp. The clang of the metal was deafening, and the rawness of my wrists was agony.

"You will come out of this child." I heard the mother shout, somewhere over the chaos and pain that was this moment. Then another deafening clang and I felt my soul shriek out, like the fade had when it was manipulated by the Herald. Only that distant pain was very much on me. I almost tasted blood from the scream of pain that erupted from my throat. I felt my magic flare off, I wasn't controlling it anymore... It was untethered. Creators know what it would do. I could barely even think over the pain never mind see, I didn't want to. Death would be a mercy from this agony.

Then suddenly it stopped. A raised voice, a wash of peace and then kind blue grey eyes.


	6. Dreams

I passed out. I must have, and I wouldn't rightly blame myself. Creators the agony, it still throbbed somewhat behind my eyes. I felt exhausted, empty of all energy. Floating through a dark abyssal dream that seemed to have no end in sight. Then a small green light floating unassumingly in the darkness. The closer I got, the further away it seemed but something told me to get to it. It whispered of something, something I should know. A woman, my mother... Tall fair, hair as yellow as the sun and kind. Robed in the finest silk and adorned in beautiful silver bangles as we looked out over the great expanse of forest below us. Great statues of The Dread Wolf stood proudly with the trees . I had never felt so free. The world seemed to shimmer, the air was sweet and magic... Oh the magic that seemed to flow through the air I breathed. Why was this dream so real? The realest dreams are the cruelest, they trick us into believing that these glorious things are reality. When they can't be. My mother never wore silks such as these, nor did she ever have any fine jewellery. I'd never been to such an expanse of forests before, never mind with my mother. Nonetheless I smiled at her and she smiled back, if this was a dream then I could at least embrace it.

"Can you feel it dahlen?" She whispered to me. Her tongue forming words I shouldn't understand.

"Feel what, mother?" I asked. She smiled then, a truer smile than I'd ever seen grace her face. Then she looked out over the horizon, her beautiful eyes shining out like stars.

"Freedom, Nevalla. I want you to remember this moment. Never again will you be bound by chains, never again will you be marked by-"

"Nevalla, can you hear me!" A voice, a loud one, I recognised it, tore through my dream and I shot into the waking world with long strangled breath. I shot up, remembering what had happened, the agony and the whispered prayers and the fear of losing my mind. An insinct kicked in and I shot forward, but my legs were like jelly and I flopped to the floor. However, two strong arms caught me and I huffed into his chest.

"Don't let them make me tranquil..." I muttered weakly and he hushed me.

"I will not, Dhalen." He said, his voice trying to be soft, probably for my sake, but I could here the contained wrath that edged it.

"A rite of tranquility? Without any witnesses, no conformation from any enchanters? What were you thinking Cassandra?" Leliana's voice was no longer just a hidden threat, it was unbridled scorn.

"She showed signs of possession, I acted on what I thought was right." The seeker defended. I tried to stand up to face her but I couldn't find the energy.

"What you thought was ignorant and wrong!"Solas hissed viciously. "Granted, Lavellan has little control of her magic, but to attempt to make her tranquil? You are barbaric."

"This has nothing to do with you, apostate." Cullen raised his voice and I felt Solas' whole form tense.

"It is I who will have to treat her. You don't know how crippled her soul might be after your inflictions." He said coldly, manoeuvring me so I could sit somewhat upright on the stone chair.

"Ma melava hellani... Ma serranas..." I muttered with a tired smile. The words seemed to fit in my mouth, my tongue formed them without thought... Which was strange given I only knew the basic "hello", "goodbye" in elvhen.

"Ma nuvenin." He said kindly. But I could see Cullen positively bristling behind him. Cassandra on the other hand, didn't even raise her head.

"Are we really to just let an abomination live among us?" He demanded.

"I am not an abomination." I grolwed, my strength coming back to me.

"From what I heard, that is exactly what you are. Leliana, we must deal with this, she is a threat to everyone including the Herald if left-"

"Enough, Cullen!" Cassandra barked and without another word, he stood down. "We were wrong, acted too quickly. If Solas says she is not possessed then I am satisfied. He has a great deal more magical knowledge than you or I. I only hope in time you will forgive me, Lavellan. I should have known better." Her tone, her body language, her inability to meet my eyes tugged in my chest. This woman was truly sorry. More than that, the remorse in her words were so heavy that I'm certain there was a degree of self loathing! How could I not forgive her?

"You acted on impulse." I said, still regaining my breath, "But these are frightful days and I can't rightly blame you for it. Just... Next time go easy on the soul crippling rites, deal?"

"You would forgive her just like that?" Solas said bitterly.  
I shrugged and half smiled at Cassandra when I realised she raised her head.

"No harm no foul." I said brightly, slowly raising myself out of the chair.

"That remains to be seen." Solas said as he folded his arms.

"I'm fine! Honestly, just some odd dreams but nothing a strong drink won't fix." I tenderly took a few steps. Cassandra reached out an arm to steady me.

"Odd dreams?" Solas said, concern back in his voice.

"Not that kind of odd, it was about my mother."

"Was it truly your mother? Where were you in this dream, what did she look like? Could it have been a demon?" Cullen jabbered behind me. I sighed heavily, still not quite forgiving him yet as he had yet to apologise.

"It was my mother, though she was wearing nice silks and jewellery, see living in an alienage she never wore anything nicer than her cotton apron. We were on either the peak of a mountain or a tower, I can't be sure and we were looking out over a large forest with big old elven statues, nothing that would interest you Cullen, let me tell you." I said, shortly, too tired to deal with questions at the moment. All I wanted was a warm bed and a bowl of stew. Was that truly so much to ask?

"A forest?" Solas then asked.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Not you too, look, I think we've all established that I'm not possessed. Now can I please just get back to my toast?" All of them looked at me strangely now, even Solas.

"Enough, you must rest. Get back to your toast. Though I will make note that you did pilfer it oh so fiendishly." It was Leliana that spoke now, her hand finding the crook of my elbow as she lead me from the dungeon and out of the chantry.  
"Are you sure you're alright, Lavellan?" She asked me softly once we were back in the open air of Haven. I nodded to her and smiled at her kindness.

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you for stopping it all." I said earnestly.

She chuckled, "Truly it was not me, Solas practically floored the reverend mother."  
I outright laughed at the image. Bitch bloody deserved it.  
"Go, rest. I must get back to my agents. I'll speak with you later regarding the report of the mountains pass." With that she nodded and returned to her tent. The sun was going down now and I was so ready for my bed that I practically sprinted to it. I was assigned a little shack just on the boarder of the forest that surrounded the village. Maybe they thought I'd be more comfortable here. I scoffed at the notion as I opened the little latch. I immediately flopped down on my rickety little bed and fell asleep, not even bothering to take off my cloak. I was too exhausted, no matter what I said to the rest of them, I'd never felt so physically drained in all my life. Maybe it showed and that's why they all looked so concerned. I was quite thankful for that, thankful that Cassandra seemed genuinely distressed over what she'd done. She was a good woman, hopefully when things got a little less awkward (because believe me they'd be awkward, you don't just move past trying to make someone tranquil), she would be a good friend. Cullen on the other hand was a royal dick, so was the reverend mother. I felt myself smile again at the thought of Solas nearly flooring her. He appeared a very stoic man before today, but it was the most stressed and yet most kind I'd seen him since we met. I found myself drifting off to the thought of him and suddenly there he was standing in front of me, hands clasped behind his back and studying me. Where we were was hard to picture, it was grey and blurred. But something told me I new where it was. I just couldn't remember.

"Do you suffer from amnesia?" He asked suddenly and I started.

"You're very brash for a dream." I accused him.

"Do you avoid the question?" He countered. I frowned at him, "No, I don't."

"Was that in answer to the former?" I hesitated, something made me hesitate. Why? Fen'harel's balls, I don't know.

"Yes." I said but he could see the uncertainty in my answer. No... He couldn't, he's a dream, moron- a figment of your imagination.

"Then explain how you know this place but you can't see it?" He said shortly, looking around at the grey expanse. "This is a memory, yet you have forgotten it. I'm simply curious as to where it is and why you've forgotten it."

I shook my head and tried to rid myself of this weight in my chest and my brain's inane desire to play mind games when all I wanted was to get some sleep.

"Everyone forgets things." I said defensively. His curious look vanished then and he nodded.

"Perhaps. Then again, it is none of my business."

"You're bloody right it isn't." I said sharply.

"Then I shall let you rest, forgive me for the intrusion." He said simply and the dream filtered away to one of flying or falling or something along those lines until I awoke to the sound of cheering.


	7. A Friendly Conversation

I groaned at the sudden awakening, but the sun shone brightly through the tattered curtains so I could only assume it was late morning. Was it too much to ask to get a little peace and quiet around here? No, of course not, what was I thinking! It's the end of the world! There's no such thing as peace and quiet anymore. So with a wearisome sigh and a crack of my back, I straightened myself out and peered out my door. People lined the small snowy streets. Men, old young and women too, some children either clinging to their mothers skirts or running on ahead of the crowds, joyful smiles on their faces. The rest seemed to politely shuffle along, extending their necks in that peculiar way one does to see something better. Naturally my curiosity was pricked by this strange gathering and so again, naturally I walked on ahead to see what the fuss was about.  
"It's the Herald." One woman whispered in awe and I stopped. Something in me felt let down by that. Not that I didn't see the big deal in her actions, but I'd met Trevelyan. More importantly, I'd seen the uncomfortable look she gave me and no matter how hard she tried to cover it with smiles and manners, that distrust still sat heavy in her eyes. I sighed again residing myself to return to my shack or go out into the forest but my eyes caught sight of Solas as he stood outside his small home, hand resting gently on his chin as he regarded the crowd in the same fashion as me. When his eyes drifted to me, the hand came away in a slightly awkward wave that I returned. I wasn't sure what to do next. We'd both acknowledged each other's presence did I simply walk on or do I go over and say good morning? I gave no obvious indication in either regard because he was still watching me. I decided then to make my way up to him anyway, if he wanted me to piss off then he could just say so.

"Morning!" I said brightly as I cantered up the steps.

"Afternoon, it is past morning, dhalen." He said with that same smug smile. I scoffed and tried not to be snappy, I decided that my aim of this chat would be to turn over a new leaf with Solas. After all I'm fairly certain that he saved my life, and you aren't -no- you can't be bitter and rude to someone who has saved your life... Perhaps then I should speak with Trevelyan too, she saved everyone's life after all.

"They are in awe of her, not two days after they condemned her." He said solemnly as he looked out towards the chantry. As I followed his eye line I saw Trevelyan's small form making her way through the crowds towards the grand doors of said chantry. I was also struck by their sudden change of heart. How could they unashamedly throw themselves at her feet when yesterday they were just about ready string her up, burry her and spit on her grave? I shook my head in wonder and shrugged.

"She did save them, maybe they are trying to make up for it." I said inconsequentially.

"Truly? Or are they simply fickle followers. Do you think they would regard her with such reverence of she did not bare the name of the Herald?" He asked me then, turning properly now to face me. He was quite strange looking, and yet so normal at the same time. As I mentioned before it was almost too normal. That in itself was unique and whoever was hiding behind the too plain exterior was simply drawing attention to himself but being... Too ordinary. Or perhaps that was just my imagination. But he made a good point. These humans blindly followed this religion that could've named a wheel of cheese a saint and they'd bow down to it.

"They're scared, they need something to look to for hope. She has a miraculous mark to seal the breach. You can't get much more hopeful than that. Throw in a few dashes of stone cold command from Cassandra and Leliana, witty commentary and morale lifting gags from Varric and of course mystical magical wonders from yourself then we just about have a force to be reckoned with. That's all they need to see. People not giving up yet, then they won't give up. Them not giving up will make the Herald not want to give up, hope begets hope." I said, leaning my elbows on the snow covered stone wall and watching the cheerful joyful faces of the crowds. Apprehensive so they looked, but it was something.

"You make a valid point." Was all he said before mirroring me a few feet away. It was silent between us for a moment and I was about to politely take my leave but he straightened again and slightly smirked.

"You did not include yourself in your crude analysis of this... Group."

I smiled then and shrugged, "Don't see myself sticking round for long."

"You do not wish to help? That is all you seemed to go on about in the dungeon." He said smartly and I chuckled and shook my head.

"Of course I want to help, but any minute now I can see Cullen or Trevelyan marching up to my door and telling me to leave. Either that or they'll start with the smiting again." I tried to laugh but it was hollowed by the memory of the pain of my souk being wrenched from my body. Solas must have noticed this for he took a step closer.

"One hopes those in power will remember who helped, and who did not." He said and I could tell then immediately that he shared my fears. I met his eyes and smiled gently, hoping it would convey some sort of solidarity.

"Then I won't let them forget." I said. He hesitated before nodding slightly. I quickly added then, "We look out for each other. If Cullen happens to start ranting about rites of tranquility then I'll floor a Chantry mother just like you did for me." The chuckle that escaped his lips then floated over me like a soft and balmy breeze.

"I did not floor a Chantry mother." He defended but he was still smiling.

I laughed, "That's not what Leliana told me."

Something in his look changed then, "Oh? And what did Sister Leliana tell you?"

"That you flew in like a knight in shining armour and rescued me from the foul clutches of the evil Chantry mother." I said feindishly. His gentle smile returned then.

"Perhaps you and master Tethras should start a serial together. You have a flare for far-fetched story telling, Dhalen."  
I laughed in jovial agreement before silence descended again. Why I insisted on standing conversing and creating awkward silences was beyond me. But I was a curious person by nature. And I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to this elf than met the eye, much more, and I intended to find out what that was.

"You didn't like me much at first." I stated and I noticed him bristle in surprise.

"I have crossed paths with your people on several occasions." He said, his face turning back out to the crowd and his voice more clipped.

"Crossed paths?" I prodded.  
He cast me a sideways look, his brow ever more furrowed.

"When I came across Dalish plans I sought to tell them the stories I had learned in the fade, teach them to better themselves. But they shunned me and called me flat ear. Proud and ignorant to the ways of the world." He said bitterly. I felt the sting of offense at his words, but I didn't want to start another all out argument with him. I didn't want to, but I am famously incapable of biting my tongue.

"Perhaps if you weren't so condescending then they might have listened." I said, and the words tasted like venom. He turned round to face me then, shock clear on his face, but then it slackened again into... Disappointment.

"As I said: Proud. You take suggestion for improvement as insult and truer versions of history as falsehoods." He then fell into elvhen, "The Dalish could never truly be as The People once were."  
I took a step back, partly from the harshness and bitterness in his words. Partly because I knew I shouldn't have understood what he just said. How he had the power to make me so vexed, I do not know, all I know is that I felt lesser for his words and that was not common for me. But instead of losing my temper as I might usually, I simply sighed and tired sigh.

"And how would you know any better? We're trying, at least give us that."

He faltered then in his scornful glare and shook his head. "Yes, you are. Forgive me, it is not my place."

I furrowed my brow then at the very sudden change in his demeanour. "Is that it?" I asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean I thought you were better at arguing than that. Doesn't your name mean pride? There's the pride in simply rolling over like that?"

He stared at me now in complete awe, like I had two head or six legs or just sprouted horns. "You're quite strange." He said softly.

"For a Dalish?" I poked.

He folded his arms then and smirked, "Yes. And no."

I took a step towards him, feeling something like my temper rise but I couldn't help the smile that itched on my face. "You can't possibly judge an entire race on just a handful." I argued.

"I have come across enough of your people to make a sound judgement." He retorted.

"Not all of them, you're still generalising." I said quickly.

He bristled then, "Do I? Tell me have you ever been ran out by an angry mob for simply being there."

"Three times actually. Only by shemlens."

"Then you generalise humans as much as I generalise your people."

"I do not! Why I think some humans are perfectly charming."

He smirked more then and he shook his head, "You are strange, dhalen, and not just for a Dalish." And there was almost endearment in his voice.

I chuckled then and leaned against his stone wall. "As are you. I find you entirely too ordinary to be normal. Like it's a disguise. What are you hiding Solas?" I said playfully but his back snapped straight and his face went immediately guarded and I was shocked by how suddenly he tensed.  
"So you are hiding something..." I said, not hiding my suspicion.  
His shoulders slumped again and he shook his head, "We all have our secrets Lavellan."  
He was very sombre now and I decided it was best to leave him be, besides, I saw the Herald heading our way and I assumed she had a lot of fade questions for him.  
"If you say so. See you around, hahren." I said casually, punching his shoulder before hopping back down the steps and back to my shack.


	8. Would you Like a Nug?

Over the next few days Haven became alive with movement. People bustled back and forth from the chantry, soldiers began training and Leliana's ravens sent messages out far and wide. There was even an Orlesian nobleman that came to visit. On the fifth day the liveliness became routine and normal and it somewhat made me uncomfortable. So, I took to exploring the woods, only my bow and a journal I'd found to keep me company. The crisp white snow crunched under my feed and the cool wind rustled my hair and made my skin turn pink but it was refreshing. It was a moment of solace in this busy environment and for a few moments I felt as if I was home. Just me, the trees and my bow. It was peaceful and I relished the silence of the forest. Only for the skittering of small footprints did I become alert. I drew my bow and aimed for the sound. And there, scratching at the ground was a nug, pale and ugly as it was their leather was good for the cold and I needed to replace these uncomfortable human boots Leliana gave me. I had my sights aimed directly at his head and I took a deep breath in and out again, ignoring the cloud of steam it created. This focus was addicting and I found myself drifting off to somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice telling me to lower my elbow, a voice I did and didn't recognise but I let my arrow fly before I thought too much on it. It hit and I whispered a prayer to Andruil for the nug and went to retrieve it. Only I stopped when I heard the crack of a branch and my hairs stood on end. Immediately I spun, bow taught and sights set on.

"Lady Cassandra!" I startled immediately lowering my bow as she raised her hands.

"Forgive me," she flustered, moving closer, "I did not mean to startle you."

I put my bow back and shrugged, "No harm no foul." I said flippantly as I strapped the nug to my belt. I turned back to face her and she looked almost impressed.

"So, come here to keep an I on the abomination?" I jibed and she openly cringed.

"I came to find you yes, but know I do not think of you as an abomination."

"I'm teasing, Cassandra." I chuckled and her head lifted and her eyes almost shimmered. "You were looking for me yes?" I asked as we began to walk back to Haven.

She nodded once, "We are heading to the Hinterlands to speak with a Mother Giselle about Chantry support. We may need your assistance."

"And I'll give it gladly, just let me finish up here and I'll meet you at the gates." I said with a nod. She smiled somewhat then and nodded in return. She was seemingly about to walk back to the village but she stopped and turned back around to face me, her hands awkwardly wringing together.  
"Lavellan I truly hope that you can forgive-"

My slight chuckle cut her off, "Cassandra, really, stop apologising, once is more than enough. I forgive you. I get it, you were doing what was right by your people. Hopefully in the future you'll just, y'know, take a step back and think." I wasn't trying to rebuke her, but her self berating frown told me I was.

"It is always my trouble. My scholars and teachers would always complain about my lack of foresight. I simply react. I move on instinct and forget about the fallout. Should I have thought more before so boldly establishing the Inquisition? Should I have taken it up with the chantry?" Her line of questions caught me off guard as we trudged back through the snow. I had no answers to her questions, I'm fairly certain I had the same problem! As we finally reached the walls I stopped and sighed and subsiding my cringe I put a somewhat awkward hand on her shoulder.

"We are all hopelessly flawed, Cassandra. All we can do is try our best and hope for the best. The world is ending for goodness sake! A few brash decisions should be forgiven." She nodded halfheartedly but I couldn't let her go yet, so my other hand met her shoulder. I looked her dead in the eyes, "But never regret what you're doing here, Cassandra. You are helping to save people, you are making things right again and you are the only one who had nearly enough balls to make everyone shut up and listen! You are a dragon lady- in every well meaning sense of the word! You are a force to be reckoned with and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." She stared at me now, awestruck by the looks of it, utterly flabbergasted after my little speech. She nodded then, more firmly and her posture straightened.

"Thank you Lavellan, I do not deserve such faith." She said and there was the faintest smile.

"Of course you do, now if you'll excuse me I have to petition a fetching pair of nug boots and then I'll be ready to leave." I said casually as I made my way towards Harrit. "Oh and one more thing, Cass, dear:" I called and she turned back, her brow arched incredulously at the nickname, I couldn't help my smirk, "I have my friends call me Nevalla, Lavellan is my clan." Her eyes lit up then and she didn't hide the wry little smile that crept shyly onto her face. With one final nod we parted ways. My spirits were very much heightened after our exchange. Yes, she may have tried to kill me when we first met, but all good friendships are built on such firm foundations.

"You there, knife ear!" I harsh voice called out and I realised it was the blacksmith, Harritt. I ignored my sting of Dalish Pride and pursued my lips, sauntering casually towards him. He signalled for me to hurry up and called out,  
"I want this armour brought up to the Herald, immediately. They make for the Hinterlands today and what she's got won't hold up to much out there. Are you deaf knife ear?" he demanded brutishly, shoving the leather amour towards me. I arched a brow and leaned arrogantly against the wall.

"Ser, I really do hope its not me to whom you are referring to with that slanderous term. Gods help you if you are." He started at me flabbergasted. I seemed to be doing that a lot recently, was I really so strange?

"How- how dare you talk to me like that, making threats like a bloody-"

I interrupted him without a flinch, "I came here to see if I could have some boots made, but seeing as you are such an ignoramus, I think I'd be better off just making them myself." I said, about to turn around before he stopped me.

"You want me to make you boots? Thought you rabbits like it barefoot. Clear off then and make you're own damned clothes, bloody knife earred whore." He grouced vehemently as I walked off again. It was only when I was thoroughly out of his view did I let out a long and wavering sigh of fury. How dare he, how bloody dare he! It was always the same! Knife ear or Rabbit, slave and servant! That's all elves ever are! I was shaking in rage as my thoughts turned red. We deserved better. We deserved to be seen as the equals we were not slandered and abused and raped like animals. Fucking Shemlens and their ignorance. Damn them all to the void, damn them and their ignornant mortal lives! I hissed out a string of elvish curses as I violent punched the walls of the tavern.

"You alright, miss." Asked one of the inquisition guards who was stationed close by, I hadn't noticed him. He peered at me worriedly and it calmed some of my anger.

I took a deep sigh, "Yes, thank you."

"You sure?" He questioned further, eyeing my fist that still rested on the wall. I huffed out a laugh and let it fall back to my side.

"Yes, just... People." I said wearily.

"Pay no heed to him, miss. People are stupid sometimes, don't let name calling get you so worked up. There are worse things to be angry about." He said wisely and I smiled, eyes drifting to the sky. When I found the breach, my smile quickly fell.

"There certainly are." I sighed.

"Aren't you with the party heading for the Hinterlands?" He asked me then, I nodded.

"The nightingale was looking for you, ma'am." He bowed his head as though his orders had been carried out. It seemed everyone was looking for me today.

"Right, yes, on my way, just need to... Would you like a nug?" I said foolishly, detaching it from my belt and offering it. The man laughed and looked at the dead ugly nug.

"I'll take these to Harrit, see if I can't persuade him to make I nice pair of nug boots for a friend." He said kindly. I was suddenly very moved by his kindness and beamed openly.

"Thank you." I said disbelievingly. He returned my smile, "What's your name?" I asked quickly as he walked away. He turned back and called,

"It's Grant, anytime, miss Lavellan!" I waved him off as I made my way to Leliana's tent. Grant, I would remember that name. I trotted up the steps, my mood again lightened after my run in with Harrit. When I arrived, the Herald was just leaving. She waved at me pleasantly and I bid her a good day. Leliana watched with a smile as she left but as she turned the corner it was gone, replaced by her stern cold mask.  
"She is so young. Only seventeen and she is thrust into this mess."

"She bares it well by the looks of it." I added, remembering her pleasant smile.

"Up until now, yes. It is because of her youth I do not think she realises how grave the situation is. She is trying and the people are rallying behind her but is that enough?" She shook her head, again leaning on her maps, I couldn't answer her question.

"I have another favour to ask of you Lavellan." She said lowly, glancing around to see if anyone was listening. "I wish to recruit you as my spy." She whispered.  
I arched my brow in question, "Haven't you got enough of those?"

She smirked then, "I have plenty who are able to infiltrate other organisations that could be a threat. Plenty who can travel over Thedas to gather information. But who is to spy on them? I need you to be my eyes and ears within the Inquisition. We have more than enough enemies to warrant suspicion and I am sure they will only grow. Simply keep your eyes and ears open, that is all I ask. Especially when you're out on the road."

"You want me to spy on the Herald's nearest and dearest." I interjected.

She nodded. "Cassandra is true, I know I can trust her with my life. Varric is a snake, a charming one, but they all are. Solas..."

"Is definitely hiding something." I added again.

She smiled then, "I knew you would fit this position well. I would be wary of all who join, let me know when you think they are true in their endeavours."

I nodded and turned to leave, it was nice to be given a purpose, deceitful as it was. It was nice to be so trusted. Who would spy on the spy? I didn't want to answer that question. I wanted to hope that Leliana just had that much faith in me. Though, as I got to know her more, perhaps it was the other reason.

"One more thing, Nevalla."


	9. Things That Go Bump in the Night

"Does it talk?" Varric asked curiously, eyeing the raven on my shoulder.

"Not yet, but you will soon won't you my darling." I cooed. Cassandra let out a disgusted noise.

"Why do you have the bird again?" Asked the Herald, eyeing it uneasily.

"Leliana gave him to me. He's for messages out in the field. He's oh so very clever aren't you, yes you are!" I giggled as I stroked under his beak, he almost let out a purr.

"And have you named the beast?" Solas said, from behind. Further from behind than I remembered. I turned to look for him and I saw his look of contempt that he held for the bird.

"Not a fan of birds Solas?" I teased and he rolled his eyes.

"They carry many unsanitary diseases, it is natural to want to avoid them." He said calmly. I could only laugh, who knew the oh so stoic Solas had a fear of birds.  
It cawed loudly then and he jumped in a rather undignified manner. Of course, Trevelyan and I flew into hysterics. The bird cawing along with our laughter.

"Yes, how very humorous." Was all he said before marching on ahead.

We had been walking through never ending hills and forests trying to find the cross roads, or at least the camp set up near them. It was growing dark now as well and the thought of journeying these woods in the dead of night was not appealing.

"What about... Jet?" Trevelyan mused. Ah, names for my raven. Apparently she had gotten over her initial uneasiness towards me and I was rather grateful for it. But nonetheless, Jet would not do for a name for an animal of such splendid beauty.

"Far too simple, it must be grand and full of... Pizazz." I sighed.

"Pizazz? Maker is that even a word?" Cassandra groaned.

"Of course it is! Varric isn't it a word?" I cried indignantly.

He chuckled and nodded, "One of the best."

"Hmm, what about... Ser Squawks a lot?" Trevelyan said again. I laughed at this and the raven shook his feathers as if in disgust.

"Oh no, he doesn't like it." I chuckled.

"You're both thinking too hard, the best names always come from simplicity." Varric interjected.

"You have one in mind?" I asked.

"You want Pizazz, I get you pizazz." He said dramatically, "Ladies and gentle-elves, may I present to you Captain Feathers McSquaw!"

"Most certainly not! That is a most undignified name." I protested as I again stroked under his chin.

"Why must you name it at all?" Solas said his voice dripping with distain.  
I arched my brow, "Because I want to."

"And that is your sole purpose for doing anything, yes?" He said caustically but I chose to ignore him. The fact was I couldn't tell whether he just disliked me or whether he was simply trying to pick an argument. It was strange. I'd known few people who like to argue, mainly because they simply loved to listen to themselves talk. He seemed to think he had the answer to everything. The arrogance with which he held himself, so sure and condisending... It oozed from every step. Dripped from every syllable. If he were not such an know it all arse hole he would be divinely attractive.  
I continued to coo over my new friend, running names by him until he seemed to respond to one. So far, he simply looked around the hinterlands with his birdish jerking movements. And so the crow went unnamed as we finally came upon the camp.  
I sighed with exhaustion as I slumped down against a boulder, Varric did the same only on the other side of it. Solas was much too dignified and the Heral spoke with Harding, one of Leliana's spy masters.

 _"Watch_ _her_. _Keep an eye on everyone, but I must know if I should doubt any of my people's loyalty."_ I remembered Leliana's orders as her spy that wasn't technically her spy. So I kept my eye on Harding as she spoke with the Herald. She seemed to have an easy way with words, charismatic and charming but with an obvious edge that seemed almost forced. She seemed more bark than bite, but I didn't doubt her loyalty.

"You got a thing for dwarfs Trixy?" I heard Varric say wryly. I almost jumped, almost but I turned my head casually to smile at him.

"Only you, dearest Varric, only you." I winked.

He laughed at me, "It's the chest hair, isn't it."

"That and your sparklingly witty repartee." I replied and again he laughed. But it seemed distant, and his eyes took a step back into a memory, as if my words reminded him of something.  
It was then that Trevelyan addressed us, "We'll camp here tonight. I think it might be too late to battle our way to the crossroads now." I could see Harding about to object to her words, but possibly her andrastian faith stopped her from correcting her apparent Herald. The rest nodded thankfully and settled down for the night around the fire, talking quietly of menial things. I however made my way towards Harding.

"You believe we should head from the crossroads tonight." I opened. I spoke quietly, even though we were far from the fire, I didn't want to risk it.

She nodded, "I didn't want to be seen undermining the Herald. Sister Leliana said it was paramount that we obey her in order for others to do the same. Only the crossroads is over run, the refugees can only fight for so long and if Mother Giselle bites it, well. That's our hope for chantry support out the window." I nodded, seeing her predicament.

"Then why not send a few people to deal with the rebels and templars?"

"Like I said," she sighed in exasperation, "I can't be seen going against the Herald's orders."

I whispered now, "Then don't be seen. Send scouts, send me and by morning the only thing the refugees will have to bother with is a stray wolf. Trust me, a few scared mages and frazzled templars are nothing." She eyed me suspiciously now, mulling my plan over whilst trying to decide if she could trust me. Her eyes glanced towards Trevelyan and then back to me.

"Alright, but let me send word to Sister Leliana."

"No need." I stopped as I clicked my tongue and the crow landed gracefully on my shoulder. "I'll send word once we're finished. If she knows you went against the Herald, it'll be your head. Me? Well I'm just here for the scenery, she can't say anything." I smiled cheekily and a smirk grew on her face.

"Alright, you seem confident enough. I'll send a patrol of scouts with you. Make this clean and quiet of you can. The cross roads aren't more than a ten minute walk north of here."

"I'll be back by sunrise." I told her as she signalled eight scouts. She told them in hushed tones about the plan and they all looked to me.  
"You will follow Lavellan's orders. She's Dalish and she lead a scout group back at the Temple. She knows what she's doing." She said sternly and they all nodded.

"By your leave Lavellan." Said a blond hooded woman.

"I'll make up an excuse for your absence, say that you needed to dance naked under the stars because its a full moon tonight." Harding said cheekily as we readied to climb down the side of the cliff.

"How gracious of you." I laughed as I hopped over the shrubbery. My crow flew off down below and perched on a near by tree as the rest of the scouts followed me and we precariously made our way down. The full moon was indeed high in the sky so it created shadows that we could stick to.

As we drew closer, we could hear the fighting, the screaming... I drew my bow and let magic tingle readily at my fingers. I signalled for the scouts to fan out in a ring formation, staying hidden until I gave the call. The mages and templars were clashing, burning and killing regardless of who or what they destroyed on the way and I could feel anger boiling in my stomach.  
I drew my bow taught and picked a mage as my first target. Just as he was about to summon a ball of fire I gave a loud whistle and eight arrows fired out in quick succession. Mine met its target, piercing the mages neck and rendering him a spluttering heap on the ground. Then we made ourselves known, though sticking mainly to shadows. The scouts drew daggers, fired arrows and through their smoke flasks and I was quite startled at how well trained they were in comparison to the soldiers. These people were professionals and they killed with deadly accuracy. Not to be outdone, I fired two more arrows at a mage and a templar archer. Then a quick side step and a twist and I had my spare dagger lodged in between a Templars ribs. He fell and I withdrew the blade quickly spinning to stab it in another's neck. A well placed fireball scorched two mages coming into the fray and three more arrows took down three more templars. They kept coming however, and the fight was beginning to harden.  
Sticking my fingers between my lips I whistled twice and called, "Fall back!" And almost instantaneously I heard the shattering of glass and the scouts all fell into shadow. I followed, back to the treeline, leaving our enemies confused. After a few stamina draughts and a reformation we went back into battle. This happened twice more as the their numbers became thinner and finally as an arrow found the final mage, the crossroads were silent.

The refugees emerged from their dilapidated homes crying out thanks and praises, giving the still night a pleasant warmth. I saw a tall woman in red with a ridiculous hat coming towards us.

"Ah, the inquisition." She said softly in a light Orlesian accent.

"Mother Giselle, I presume."

She nodded regally. "I have prayed for your coming, Herald and-"

"What? No, no, no, I'm not the Herald. I'm just Lavellan. I'm an Inquisition..." Spy, "Soldier, the Herald is back at the camp." I supplied hastily. Again she smiled and did another little bow,

"Even so she sent you to us and-"

Again I interrupted her, "Actually... She doesn't know we're here. She planned to come in the morning but Harding and I knew you'd would be arse deep in trouble so we came out to make sure you didn't get blown to bits by these bastards." I gestured to the carnage around us and the woman looked almost in shock. She recovered quickly though.

"Then I thank you serah, you have done us a great service." I smiled and shrugged awkwardly, really not used to that amount of gratitude.

"The Herald will be here early in the morning, we should really be getting back now." I waved jauntily but she called out to me, and I didn't miss the waver of desperation in her voice.

"Might I trouble you further. The night is still yet long and I fear more clashes will take place before it is through. Would it be too much to ask that you and your party remain at least until sunrise. We can provide little but you may save lives." I suddenly felt overwhelmingly guilty for even considering leaving these people to fend for themselves once more. So I shook my head.

"Not at all, we will gladly stay." I nodded and a smile of relief washed over her face.

"Thank you, may I have your name?" She said kindly.

"Nevalla, of Clan Lavellan." I said with a short bow.

"Then I thank you whole heartedly for your kindness, lady Nevalla." She bowed in return. "Now, while there is a moment of respite, your people must be thirsty."


	10. Poison

Mother Giselle had the people at the cross roads bring us water and a slice of stale bread each. It wasn't much but I appreciated it nonetheless. These people could barely spare a crumb and here they were feeding us what little they had.

"Ma serranas." I thanked the elven woman who brought us food and she seemed slightly disturbed. Perhaps like many humans she too was distrustful of the Dalish. Strange though, she had more in common with us than the shems. I tried not to glare at her as she walked away. It was simply ignorance.  
 _They do not know how far they have fallen,_ came the unbidden thought and I was shocked at myself because for some reason... 'They' included my people. Gods, maybe I was possessed. I scoffed to myself at the notion, earning a few odd looks from the scouts. If not possessed then certainly mad.

There were a few skirmishes throughout the night, a few stray mages wandering too close, an ambush here and there, but the patrol of Templars in the early hours of the morning was the tricky one. We were all exhausted, having marched all day and fought all night, we were bound to be slow. It was as the sun came up over the trees that they appeared. Fifteen of them. My stomach sank but more in annoyance than Dread.  
They fell upon us and we kept our formation. Archers at the back, blades in front and we took down a good few but, silly me I don't have eyes on the back of my head. The others were fine, I made sure. Our archers were still firing and our blades were still slashing between their targets but one of the scouts had left their back open and one of the bastards was charging straight for them.

"Fenedhis!" I hissed as I charged, magic swelling in my hands and with a sweep, flame engulfed him.

"Thanks! I owe you one!" The scout called but it was then I heard the hurried and precise footsteps behind me. I turned and there suddenly a templar rogue appeared, daggers high in the air, ready to impale me. Instincts took over and I went to tumble to my left, but the bastard was obviously a worthy opponent and turned his downward strike to a swipe. I felt the searing burn scrape along my shoulder and I let out a loud curse. Magic flew off me, stray flames and lighting surrounded me like a barrier as I scrambled to my feet. I was angry now. Angry for being stupid, for not seeing him coming and angry and the Herald for not being here to protect these people. The rogue disappeared again and I stood my guard, trying to ignore the pain and the uncomfortable blend of blood and sweat running down my back. I closed my eyes, listening carefully and focussing on the sound of his footsteps coming closer until I could pinpoint exactly where he was.  
My eyes shot open and my mind draws a blank until I can feel his blood running running over my hand with one of my arrows firmly embedded in his neck. I let him fall to the ground and stand back, panting heavily. The sun is now over the trees and I can see the extent of the destruction these people faced. I let out wavering sigh as I wiped my bloodied hands on a cloth handed to me by one of the scouts. I thank them and use it to hold over my wound. I don't think it's very deep and if I get it wrapped it should stop bleeding. Mother Giselle does this for me and I thank her.

"We were never here." I say, but my voice sound muffled. She winks, yes, winks at me and replies, "Of course." Before we finally set off back to the camp.

Harding is there waiting for us, a frown fixed firmly on her face. She berates me but I calmly explain to her why were held up, two of the scouts even back me up and I smile at them. Still everyone sounds blurred. She tells me to get cleaned up, that the Herald will be awake soon, so I quickly scrub my face and any obvious blood and grim from my clothes. Its not perfect but it will do. I send the Crow off with a quick note explaining the nights escapades, hoping it will be enough and settle into my bedroll beside the now dead fire. The other four are still fast asleep, but I can't seem to do the same. The sun is too bright now and I would have to get moving again at any minute. So I stare at the sky and try to ignore the darkening edges around my vision.  
Cassandra is the first to rise, not ten minutes after I settle. She then wakes the Herald, whose loud and over the top yawn wakes Solas. I pretend to also be awakened, stretching but immediately regretting it as I remember my open wound. I hide my hiss of pain in a yawn, but I don't miss Solas' obvious look of shock when he sees me.

"How was your hunt?" He asks me over his bowl of porridge. It's heavy and tasteless and I cannot bring myself to eat it, I feel drunk and the world is going my like a dream.

"Hmm?" I say lazily looking up.

"Harding said you were hunting last night." He supplied. I made an 'oh' shape with my mouth and shrugged.

"Fruitless." I answer simply.

"You look tired." He says bluntly and the suspicion is clear in his voice.

"I was out most of the night, I didn't realise the time."

"That was unwise."

"Perhaps."

After that he remains silent but I can feel his eyes on me the whole way back to the crossroads. We walk slowly and by the time we get there, what with actually using the roads, it's nearly noon. The blighted sun bares down onto the top of my head and the whole landscape turns sharp and painful to look at. And all the while my shoulder feels numb. Varric settles himself by a stone wall while Cassandra and Trevelyan greet Mother Giselle but the glaring heat of the sun and throbbing in my head and numbness of my shoulder are too much and I find myself making for the tree line. I stumble, once and twice which forces me to my knees. I hoped I made it far enough so I go unseen, but I can't seem to bring myself to care any longer. My breathing feels wet and sticky and my ears ring as I lurch and I vomit onto the leafy floor. To spare you the gruesome details, it wasn't good. At least, I know for a fact, vomiting blood is never good. This wasn't right. My wound wasn't deep, I'm fairly certain Mother Giselle's bandaging had stopped the bleeding completely. Unless... Unless the bastard's blade was poisoned.

"Shit, shit shit." I chanted, as I lurched again. The sweat was pouring off me and all I could think about was this was what dying felt like. I was going to die and all because I didn't take an antidote after I was wounded. Such a stupid bloody mistake. And what a way to go to! Choking on your own bloody upchuck! Well done Nev, how very dignified! I could feel darkness ebbing its way into my vision as my throat burned and my lungs begged for air but there was no relenting. I almost gave myself up to it. Almost let the sweet embrace of death pull me away from this horrible suffocating darkness. Almost.

"Atisha, Dhalen, hanin." I heard a soft lilting voice beside me and a kind hand rub my back. "You are wounded." It was Solas and his soft voice somewhat brought me round.  
I then felt a soothing coolness flow through me. It quelled my stomach and stopped the throbbing in my head, calming my rushing heart with its tranquil air and pulled me back to reality. I sat myself up against a tree and shut my eyes, willing my breathing calm again.

"Thank you." I sighed heavily, cracking open one eyelid. He sat on his haunches in front of me, his eyes looking over me curiously. I had in fact made it to the treeline, the forest around us was quiet and still and I could only hear distant crowds from the crossroads.

"I presume that your were not in fact hunting last night." He said with a small smile.

I tried to laugh but I was still feeling uneasy. "What gave it away."

He sighed and looked me over one more time, "The blood on your clothes, the open wound, the fact that I saw you disappearing with several of the Inquisitions scouts. Need I go on?" His tone was almost scolding, but there was a sort of fondness to it as well.

"We needed to clear the crossroads. The people wouldn't have lasted the night. I was tired and getting sloppy, I didn't see the templar."

"The blade was poisoned." He stated though it sounded more like he was finishing my thought. I nodded and sighed, thankful that I'd steadied my lungs again.  
"You should not have gone alone." He berated.

"I wasn't alone."

"Forgive me, I forgot about your army of eight spies. I meant why did you not inform the Herald? Surely she would've seen the reason in your plan."

"She's made her decision, Leliana said we should not undermine her authority." I said, between breaths.

"Giving advice is not the same as insubordination. Only tyrants see good council as an undermining of their authority." His voice was so enchanting. The way it lilted up in down, the way the breeze rustled the trees and the way the distant charter of the crossroads echoed through the valley, it nearly put me to sleep.  
"You should go back to the camp and rest, Dhalen."

"Why do you call me that?" I asked him sharply, for some reason his pet name grated on me, especially in the mood I was in.

He looked surprised. "Forgive me, I did not realise it caused you offense."

"That's not an answer, old man." I said smartly and a frown furrowed his brow.

"That's hardly fair. I am not so much older than you." He said, though I'm certain that he almost tripped over his words.

"Then why call me a child."

That stumped him and I saw his eyes drift over me this time, not so much studying as... Simply looking.  
"Simply because it annoys you Dhalen." He smiled and stood up before I could even begin to rant at him. I sat there for a moment longer, half of me still recovering, the other almost reeling in shock at the mischievous glint in his eye. That was new. Who knew that the grumpy old elf had a sense of humour? I found myself smiling and quickly stopped it, for some reason it was not something I should be smiling about. We were acquaintances, nothing more. Not that that stopped me from thinking about his slight smirk or the dimple on his chin. Fen'harels perky arse, this was going to get me in trouble.


	11. Truce

This was possibly the strangest situation I'd ever been in. We'd been roving through the Hinterlands for two weeks helping every Thom, Dick and Harry that happened to need it! Sure I was all for the aiding the needy but this... This really took the biscuit.

"Why won't he come down the hill?" Tevelyan groaned in frustration.

"Herald is this entirely necessary?" Cassandra sighed.

"Oh course it is!" She rebuked, turning round immediately, bright blue eyes aglow with indignity. Gods, she was so young.  
"The poor things lost and he needs to go home."  
I bit my fingers to keep from laughing, bit once I saw Varric's eyes sparkle I couldn't contain the ugly snort that escaped.

"Charming." Solas quipped, but that didn't stop me laughing.

"Please tell me this will go into the history books." I said, leaning on my knees. "The great Inquisition leading a bloody druffalo back to pasture. Look at it! It can't even get down a bloody hill for Gods' sake." My voice fell into laughter again and Varric joined me. The Herald was trying to mirror Cassandra with her straight face but was failing quite terribly. True enough the druffalo stood at the top of the hill, stamping its feet and shaking its head as if it didn't rightly know what to do. It probably didn't, the poor thing, but that didn't make it any less hilarious.  
"Can we please hurry this along." Cassandra grouced, looking down at her feet that were now soaked through because of the river. We were still laughing however. It was then I heard a squawk from the trees, a familiar squawk that I recognised. He swiftly glided down from his perch and swooped down, narrowly missing Solas. He did the most ungraceful duck I've ever seen which only put me and Varric into further hysterics.  
His glare was ice. The bird landed carefully on my shoulder and let out a soft squawk before shaking his feathers. I laughed atvhis display and took the small roll of parchment from his foot. As the others still struggles with the druffulo, I read Leliana's message. Her writing was neat and practised, probably from her years in the chantry.  
It said simply, "Good work."  
I thanked the crow for his delivery and he cawed softly. I still hadn't named him and he really did deserve a name. I thought back on Varric's attempt, Captain Feathers McSquaw, but that was far too much of a mouthful.

"What about, just Captain, eh Lethalan?" I whispered. His jerking movements stopped and he nuzzled his beak into my ear."Oh you like that don't you, Captain!" He cawed in what I could only take as agreement. I laughed and let him fly off back to a near by tree.

"Naming something will only attach you to it." Solas voice appeared beside me and I startled. He looked concerned.

"That is kind of the point." I said with an arched brow.

"Messenger birds are always a prime target for for interceptors, whether you have named him or not." He said seriously.

I frowned then, hurt spreading through like a weight in my chest.  
"Look I get I'm not your favourite elf, but why do you insist on doing that?" I said through gritted teeth. He looked surprised. He dared to look surprised.

"I simply offered advice."

"Cruel advice."

"Is still advice none the less." He countered and I through my hands up in frustration.

"What did I do to irritate you so much?"

"Nothing, you do not irritate me." He stepped closer, "If you truly irritated me would I have saved your life?"

I guffawed, "You didn't save my life."

"You were poisoned." He said simply.

"I would've sorted it out." I argued, anger replacing the weight of hurt in my chest. "You knit pick everything I say and do and you patronise me with every second breath. I tried to be civil but still you insist on being..." Before I could think of an adequate insult, I felt a pull of strong magic and that familiar distant scream. By the look on his face he felt it too but he barely got the chance to turn and look behind him as from out of a rift, a demon wrapped in cloth launched a ball of ice straight in our direction. I didn't have time to think, my muscles moved on instinct and I launched myself forward, bringing myself and Solas tumbling to the ground, but safely out of harm's way. For a few seconds at least. He let out a huff of air, as I landed on top of him and then he did... A thing... His eyes glinted with silent question, his left brow arched and he barely hid his smirk. Immediately, I lept off him, my mouth going abruptly dry and my face getting warm. I cleared my throat as he too got up and tried to hide the hoarseness in my voice.

"Now we're even."  
The corner of his mouth almost rose as he drew his staff, "Ma nuvenin." I desperately tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach and notched an arrow to my bow.  
The fight was hard. Very hard. The demons were powerful and they kept coming and by the time Trevelyan finally closed the rift, my brow was cut, my ankle pained and Varric was unconscious.  
Immediately, Solas was healing him and Cassandra and Trevelyan shared a stamina draught. I felt exhausted. I'd used a lot of mana and the pain in my ankle was draining my energy too. We got Varric up and made it back to camp, but not before the Herald made us lead that blasted druffulo the whole way back to his farm. My ankle burned and I couldn't hide my limp anymore as we reached the camp. I slumped down at a rock and immediately undid my foot wraps. It was very badly swollen. I hissed pain as I tried to move it and I resigned myself to my fate. My ankle was in fact broken. I let my head fall back on the rock in agitation. This was a set back I couldn't afford. I could try the little healing magic I knew but my knowledge there was severely lacking and I was only liable to make it worse. It was then footsteps appeared beside me. How he managed to stalk about so bloody quietly I will never know.

"Would you like some assistance?" He said dryly. I glared up at him. He simply chuckled and knelt down beside me. Without a word he gently took my ankle and bent it up.  
"Ow!" I cried.

"You're prone to dramatics I see." He said calmly. "It is not broken, merely a bad sprain."  
Did he just call me a drama queen? I clenched my jaw tight in a frown and tried not to think about his gentle hands and his gentle magic caressing my injured muscles. After the glow subsided he moved my ankle again and it hurt far less. It was well into the evening now and the sky was clear and peppered with stars but the firelight of the camp gave a warmer glow.

"I suppose we are still uneven." He said with a smile then.

"What?" I asked him, not quite understanding what he meant.

"You said before, we are even. I would like to rectify it as uneven." He said smartly.

I frowned, "This doesn't count as saving my life."

"On the contrary, have you forgotten about my apparent flooring of a chantry mother?"  
I let out another ugly snort of laughter then at the image. "I have not." I said simply, trying to convey some sort of apology in my tone.  
"A truce then." He said, standing up and offering his hand  
I felt my mouth quirk upwards and I nodded, "A truce." I agreed and I hoped that this time, we might finally start to get along.


	12. Letters Home

The dream was foggy, muffled and unfamiliar. Truly I can barely recollect it but I remember being... Frightened. So frightened and so skittish. I wasn't skittish, I've never been skittish, its a flaw really. But wherever I was in this grand and golden shimmering hall, I was scared. My hands quivered and it was evident to the all the blurred shapes of people scattered about from the chattering of a silver platter that shook I'm my hands.

"You're making a racket." Hissed a woman's voice beside me. It caused me to quiver even more, I was just a child... How could they expect me to learn so quickly? The woman hissed at me to stop again but I couldn't.

"I want my mother." I whispered but the woman just got angrier.

"I want my mother..." I said again, though my voice not as child like.

Then I felt the world shake and the fade filtered away and Varric was looking down at me curiously.  
"You okay there Trixy?" Behind him the sky was turning orange so it must have been morning. It took me a few moments to realise that yes, I was in fact awake but when I did I stretched and nodded lazily.

"Fine, just a bad dream is all."

"You were speaking all kinds of crazy..." He said with an arched brow as he passed me a bowl of porridge. I could only chuckle slightly and nodded.

"I had no idea you were so fluent in Elvhen." Solas' voice drifted across from the other side of the camp, he sounded almost accusatory? I turned and scoffed.

"As if, I can barely say Andaran atishan without fumbling."

"And yet you spoke in fluent, if incoherent, ramblings." He said taking a bowl for himself. Something in me twitched. I became nervous, defensive and god's know why but I felt bloody well attacked. What happened to our truce?

"Well maybe it's a subconscious thing, I don't know maybe all elves know it and we just don't know we know it. We're a strange people like that."  
Solas frowned briefly but that was it. We managed to avoid an altercation and continued on our day with relative peace. Apart from the odd wolf attack and the one rift, we were making headway on our journey back to Haven. Two days after we arrived relatively unscathed apart from this damned graze on my knee that stung like a thousand bees at once. I returned to my shack on the outskirts of the village and flopped on my bed. Oh sweet comfort, how I missed you. In the Hinterlands you couldn't turn left nor right without a great dirty root digging into your back. It was torturous really. But now we were back safe and sound and ready for a proper meal that wasn't half cooked by Varric. I changed from my armour and through it in a bucket to wash later. I put on warm things, accompanied with the scarlet scarf Mahanon had given me as a parting gift. He looked so painfully sad when I left and I didn't even see it. I was too bitter, too angry at the rest of them and their guilty looks that masked their fear. They thought I was no better than a demon, just like the Shems... It seems no one particularly trusted my magic on sight apart from Mahanon... Solas too strangely enough. It wasn't the uncontrollable magic that was his cause for concern, it was my heritage, and frankly I didn't know which insulted me more. Just as I was about make my way to the tavern, the door sounded with a brief knock. I shook off my surprise and hesitantly pulled it open but I pulled it open fully when I saw who stood behind it.

"Evening lady Lavellan." It was grant and he had a small smirk on his face. Even with his hood up I could see it. It made me curious.

"Evening, Grant." I said leaning against the door frame. His smirk broadened and he presented me an envelope.

"It seems I have been demoted to postman."  
I chuckled and his remark and took the letter.  
"Thank you."  
"My pleasure, m'lady." He bowed his head a little and smiled once more before leaving. It was only then did I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and I hastily shut the door. Grant was a pleasant individual and that little smile was... Well, pleasing to the eye to say the least. But I had a letter to open and it looked strange. Dirtied and crinkled and it smelt of earth, not like the official letters I had seen Leliana sort through. This was especially for me. I sat on my bed and gently tore the thick envelope. The writing was instantly familiar and I ripped it out with sheer excitement.

"My Dear little Nev," it began and I smiled at the familiarity of Mahanon's nickname.

"Things are awfully quiet now around here without you causing a fuss. Everyone has been on standby with both bucket and sand for days now waiting for you to loose your temper. But how I miss you, Dhalen. I am well and I hope you are too, though I wish it was more than rumours I knew about this Inquisition you have joined. Though I know for certain this cause is just, (you would not be there if it weren't) all I ask is that you be wary. I know you Nev and careful is something you aren't but you must learn to be, for my sake as well as your own. Mythal only knows what I would do knowing you are no longer here to brighten the world. So be safe, don't let those Shemlens bully you and for Gods' sake try to keep your temper. I highly doubt they would take kindly to your * _unique_ * form of magic, if they haven't discovered it already! The clan is well Dhalen, in case you have forgiven them, I know they miss you. The keeper does especially, I see it in her face when she speaks with the first. None of them hold the magic that you do. You are special, unique and an utter treasure and I want you to remember that always. The children ask for you and I know little Ellana misses you, she didn't stop crying for the first week, mythal bless her. Please, I know the keeper would not forbid the odd visit, Nevalla, if you can find it in your heart to forgive them then please come and visit. We are staying outside Wycome for a time, until the mage templar conflict eases at least. If that changes I shall let you know.  
Write soon ma Dhalen and may the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.

Mahanon."

I only realised the tears brimming in my eyes when I read his name. I missed him. Somehow I still needed him to take my hand and tell me everything was going to be alright. I folded up the thick paper carefully and put it into the nightstand beside the bed. Truth be told... I missed them all. I missed the keepers exasperated glances, I missed Nehn scolding me then patting my head, I missed little ellana's limitless energy and penchant for wild tales... I missed being home and I wondered for the slightest moment, if I would be better returning. I was not truly needed here, I was more like a liability really. But then I remembered my pride and I remembered that they were no longer my clan.  
But that didn't mean I missed them any less. Hastily wiping my tears, I found parchment and an ink well and began to write my letter home.

"Dear Mahanon

I do miss you dearly, in fact I miss you all. This world is strange and quick and so unlike what I have known. The people are hardened and stern but they are doing what they must to save the world. I saw the breach up close and personal so believe me when I say this: it is the justest cause I think there ever was. It's quite frightening really but I must do whatever I can to help, they may need me yet. As to them discovering my magic, they _really_ didn't take kindly to it. Nothing I couldn't handle, don't you worry. As I say the people are harsh but I think they're warming to me. The Herald of Andraste is very young, but bright and good and I believe with help from her advisers she will do well. The rest of us are just here for the ride. There is a Dwarf, Varric who is endlessly witty and friendly however sneaky he may seem I do believe he is good at heart. Then there is Seeker Cassandra. We got off on the wrong foot, but now I'd like to say she is fast becoming my friend. Yes a Shemlen Seeker, my friend! Don't tell Nehn! Then there is Solas. He's an elf and he's very odd. He doesn't hold much esteem for the Dalish, yet he holds even less for the chantry and their circles. He seems to be very much on his own and I find him endlessly peculiar. He's good though, he's saved my life on more than one occasion and for that I am grateful. Something stops me from fully trusting him, however. I feel as though he's hiding something and... Well, my gut has always served me well. That's the other thing, Leliana, the spy master has appointed me her unofficial spy on the inside. I am to watch and report if I doubt anyone's loyalty or if I believe that they compromise the Inquisition in anyway. It's quite the responsibility but I got my own pet crow, so that sort of sweetens the deal. He's called Captain. I do truly hope that you and the clan are all well and safe and I want to apologise for my bitterness. You are my family but..."

Something stopped me from finishing that sentence. I couldn't say 'I am a danger' because it wasn't true. I still didn't understand why I was cast out. But I forgave them for it anyway. I was not a danger. I had never unintentionally hurt anyone with my magic... So I scribbled out my 'but' and continued.

"And I forgive you all, if you'll allow it. I do wish you all well, truly I do, and I hope this all gets sorted out quickly so I can visit. That's all I want really, to see you all again. The crowds here make me terribly homesick for the forests, that is my soul complaint. Other than that, I am well and I intend to do good here. Please write again soon.  
Dareth shiral, with love  
Nevalla."

I signed my letter and gave it a small kiss, hoping it would makes its way safely and soundly. As I left, I called Captain and tucked it safely into his message belt around his leg. He chirped once before taking off into the crisp evening air, I had to sheild my eyes as he disappeared into the sun.  
With a satisfied sigh, I turned back to my shack hoping to wait out the rest of the evening in peace until dinner time at least.


	13. On the Road Again

The next two days past without incidence. I wrote a report for Leliana (andruil's tits it was tedious) and I helped some of the recruits learn how to handle a bow. Some of them wouldn't know a target if it came up and bit them in the arse. Still, I'm a good teacher apparently and I managed to get 4 out of the 7 to hit a bullseye, or there abouts... Still, it was nice to not have to look over my shoulder incase of apostate mages or rogue templars for once. Haven was just that... A safe haven. The people were warmer now, more hopeful. The more that came, the more that hope grew and they smiled more. It felt like a little mishmash community. It was was quite comforting.  
On the third day I met Adan, the herbalist. He was still quite rude but I think that must have been his way because he was rude to everyone, not just me. And he did not once call me knife ear or Rabbit and for that I was grateful.  
"If you've got some time to kill, I could use a favour." He said curtly as he fiddled about with his potions. His shack smelt of elfroot and grass and spindle weed and all other sorts of herbs and spices, it was almost dizzying.

"What can I do you for?" I asked cheerfully, turning away from his catalogue.

My old teacher, master taigan. He was killed in the explosion at the Conclave. Thing is he left some of his research notes in his cabin just outside the village. I've been too busy to get them and they may be useful, last I spoke to him he said he was on to something. It'd be good to see them." He said the last part with a touch of wistfulness and it twinged at my heart.

So I smiled at him and nodded, "Certainly."  
He gave a curt but thankful nod in return as I left into the cold air. It was just slightly warmer, the trees showing the first signs of blooming so it must have been coming into spring. Ah spring, a season I am fond of, though not as much as summer. I past Solas on my way and I had to stop because curiosity over took me. He was dressed in his leathers, staff in hand and everything!

"Where are you off to?" I called, picking up my pace to walk next to him. He startles at my voice and looked almost confused. Almost. I doubt the great and powerful Solas is ever truly perplexed by anything.

"To Val Royeaux with the Inquisitor. You are not accompanying us?"  
I frowned then, I was in fact perplexed. I hadn't heard about any trip to Val Royeaux. Not that I minded. The whole Dalish elf in Orlesian capital city did not appeal to me. Gods, it was bad enough being just an elf in Monsimmard, they had stories about the Dalish that would make your blood run cold.

"Not that I know off." I shrugged simply.

"Then you have a week or two to do as you please." He replied with a soft smile.

"It would seem so." I bid him good day and to have a safe journey and continued on my way. I tried not to let the distinct feeling of being left behind boil over too much. It was probably just easier that they went without me. Maybe they knew I wouldn't be comfortable... Still would've liked to be asked... Not that I was going to let that dampen my mood! The day was too pleasant to be miserable and I soon forgot all about it when the tall pines of the forest surrounded me in their comforting gloom.  
Their smell was strong and I felt refreshed, even more so. After a few minutes of leisurely strolling I cane upon master Taigan's old cabin. It was simple and quaint and out of the way, surrounded by trees and the mountain wind. I understood why it's previous owner thought it a good place to set up shop. I would've considered moving in if Taigan hadn't been so recently deceased. I decided to let it stay there quietly, frozen in time, his bed sheets still unmade and an empty cup of tea on his table. It was quite a sad little scene, as if this little home was waiting for him to return. I thought then that many homes must be waiting on the return of their inhabitants. Many families too... With a sigh and one final look at the cabin, I returned to Haven.  
The Herald's party was just disappearing through the gate as I returned, and I quashed that feeling again. I couldn't be so petty about things like being left behind, the world was ending for goodness sake! Not that I had the time to be petty because I was called upon yet again to do another favour no doubt. It was one of Leliana's spies one I didn't recognise, a young blond elf who guided me to Leliana's tent without a notion of being the timid new recruit. Really it was common decency to act timid when you're first recruited. The cock of the walk thing would surely become tiresome to the others. It was strange how she eyed me, strange the way she held herself. It left a bad taste in my mouth and for the life of me I don't know why. But as I say, my instincts always serve me well. I'd keep my eye on her.

"Lavellan, I apologise for denying you a trip to Val Royeaux." Leliana said with a quirked lip as she looked up from her maps.

"Oh truly I'm heart broken." I replied and she laughed. Laughed. Leliana, ice woman and cold hearted spy master. Her face changed when she did. She looked younger and her eyes were not as hard, perhaps her mask was slipping. Perhaps she trusted me enough to let it slip. The reason for her immense trust still confused me. Perhaps we were simply kindred spirits, her instincts judged that I was worthy of trust. I hoped I was.  
"I have a task that I can trust only to you Lavellan. That is why you must stay." She began and my interest was piqued. "I have had... Strange reports coming from Redcliff. The mages are using it as a base of operations and until days ago there was nothing sinister in their actions. However my scouts are sending back odd reports of rifts opening up and shutting of their own accord, time seeming to slow or speed up around them. Whether these are true or not, I cannot say but I would like for you to head to Redcliff and validate these reports."

I couldn't help but show my confusion, it was a day to be confused it seemed, but the whole thing of changing the pace of time around the rifts, surely it was bad magic.

"Why go to this trouble to scout Redcliff?" I ask.

"Because I believe the mages there are the only source of power that can seal the breach. I do not wish to ask the Templars for aid, no matter what Culled says. I agree with their cause, mages should be free to govern themselves. Why is it that we live as we please and yet they must be locked away? It's not right. Not only that but this sounds like very dark magic and I doubt we want that sitting on our doorstep. We must make the mages seem like the better choice, enough to edge the Herald's mind away from the Templars."

"So you wish to manipulate the Herald?" I said, folding my arms. I was not accusatory, at least I hoped I wasn't, but this choice would potentially decide the entire fate of the Inquisition. Could that really be left to one woman?

"I wish for her to make the right choice. We cannot fight this without the mages help. I leave it to you, Nevalla, if you disagree with my methods then-"

"I'm not disagreeing, I would prefer asking Redcliff's help but... How? I know the herald is a perfectly lovely girl but you should've seen her face when she found out I was a mage! No matter how pleasant and kind and good she is, she's still another shem... Ahem, human who was brought up to fear magic. How do you expect me to make her go against her instinct?" I asked, beginning to pace inside the tent. It was impossible what she was asking, the Herald wouldn't go for it and I'd already seen her blushing at Cullen, whatever he said about the matter she'd agree with. This wouldn't work. I stopped pacing when I realised Leliana smirking at me.

"How much you underestimate yourself, Lavellan." She chuckled, "You escape prison to aid the people that held you captive, you hold what could barely be considered a force at the crossroads onslaught after onslaught and take no credit for it. You can also talk Cassandra out of killing you, that my friend, is not a skill to be scoffed at. If anyone can do this, I believe it is you." She said with finality and a small smile.

"Then you put too much faith in me."

She scoffed, "I have put too much faith into my entire life. I have been proven wrong many times, but others make my faith worth while. You remind me of my friend, she was like you, always doubting. Of course she was not half as tactless or brash." There was a fondness in her eyes and an admiration of which I felt entirely unworthy. But it made me want to show that her faith was not misplaced. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, this would be difficult.

"I'll see what I can do." I said with a shrug.

"I look forward to your success." She nodded and with that, I was packed up, saddled and sent on my way to Redcliff, not before spying that blond elf again. She was watching me carefully. I couldn't put my finger on why I didn't like her. There was a look in her eye. An age beyond her years. It wasn't right but she deeply unnerved me.  
Anyway, here I was on the road again. I didn't run into any particular trouble, thankfully. Just the odd two Templars or rogue mages or a wolf. Nothing i couldn't handle. I wondered then if my letter made if back to the clan, I wondered if Mahanon had read it. Did he let little Ellana read it too? I hoped he did, I missed her terribly. She was always so full of life and cheer and always had these permanently rosy cheeks even when she was asleep. She was what I hoped the Dalish would be. Open, kind hearted, sure and true. Living along side the world, not over it, not trying to control it by building monstrous castles and waging war. Not burning the land to a crisp out of spite. The King's Road was truly a disastrous place. Fire engulfed the houses, spread over the ground leaving a black trail of burned decay. The smoke would nearly choke you, but I held an arm over my face, even as my eyes stung at the thickness of it. Still, I passed through it, away from the now settled but none the less there groups of Templars. It wasn't long before I saw the walls of Red Cliff village come into view.


	14. I Have a Cunning Plan

It seemed like a normal enough village to look at from the outside. Guards were stationed at the gate and they patrolled the walls, I wondered if Leliana's strange reports were in fact true. I relaxed a bit, which is always a mistake because any time you become remotely relaxed, something bad happens.

"State your business, knife ear." Charming. It was one of the guards at the gate, a tall broad and bearded man, so utterly Ferelden that he may as well have a Mabari sitting beside him.

"Just passing through." I said, nonchalantly, might I add. Aside from my vallaslin and pointed ears, I was the picture of inconsequence. Still, the bastard held fast to my reigns.

"Not many folk pass through here these days, particularly your kind. This is mage territory now, soon to be Magister Alexius'" my brow furrowed at that. Magister? Were we starting our own bloody magisterium now?

"Who is magister Alexius?" I asked, genuinely curious. This was bad, maybe this was what Leliana was talking about.

"None of you bloody concern, rabbit, now on your way." He said with his gruff manly voice. Still I stood fast, well my horse did anyhow, I needed into the village and no pig headed dog lord was going to stop me.  
"Lethallin, you will relinquish my horse." I said darkly, letting my magic crawl to my finger tips. He shook his head and began to lead my horse away from the gates.

"Oh no, not on my watch you don't!" He said, loudly. Too loudly that it almost sounded false.

"Look I don't know what you think you're doing-" I began as my temper flared.

"Makers sake girl, be quiet, I'm trying to help." He hissed. "That's right, knife ear! No visitors for Magister Alexius!" He called out again. I caught on then, and allowed myself to be lead around the corner. Eventually, when we were out of view of the walls but still able to see them he let out a long sigh.

"What's going on here?" I said, dismounting my horse.

He looked at me then and smirked."I recognised you, well, really I'm just going by what I was told. The elf at the cross roads. The one with the Inquisition, the one who helped the refugees. To be honest I think my brother took a shine to you, he's the one who told me, you see. Hair as black as midnight and eyes like golden pools. A direct quote miss, you'll forgive his romanticism, he fancies himself a poet."  
Gods, he could fairly talk. I could barely keep up with him!  
"Anyway, I knew you'd be here to help, thing is they're not allowing anyone else in until the Magister organises a deal with grand enchanter Fiona. Bad business, I don't like those Tevinters in my home town. It's wrong as wrong could be."

"Wait," I had to stop him, "A Tevinter Magister is making a deal with the leader of the rebel mages?" I said, not even trying to hide my gobsmacked expression. This was very bad. If they were the cause of all the sudden and strange rifts around here too, then it was indeed bad business.  
"I need to get in there and talk to someone, I've been sent here to neutralise the situation... Somewhat." I said, but the man shook his head and shrugged.

"I can't miss, maker knows what they'd do if they found out I let you in. Sacrifice me to their gods or something, no thank you."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, a headache actually forming from conversing with this man."So I can't get in is that it?"

"Afraid so, but fear not, miss. I have a cunning plan."

"Really." I said unenthusiastically.

He winked, "It's good."  
"Pray tell me your plan then." I sighed. He suddenly became very excited then, leaning in like a school boy telling a secret.

"Right here's what it is; I know for a fact that by sundown there's a shipment of salmon coming into the village by the river. See the barge man stops up at the lake to check his stock before coming here. My thinking is, you tell the barge man your predicament and he'll smuggle you in no problem. Trust me, I know Gord, he's a good man."

Truth be told, the plan wasn't bad. I could easily smuggle my way into the village without causing an uproar. Only problem was it was almost sundown so I had to ride like the bloody wind up to the lake before the barge man took off again. The sun was barely peaking over the mountains in the North by the time my horse climbed the hill. Unfortunately, there went the barge man, pushing his boat along the river.  
"Shit." I hissed and urged my horse to follow along the bank. I caught up to him as best I could, jumping over rocks and fallen trees.

"Hey!" I called out over the rush of water and pounding of hooves. The man gave no sign of hearing me, simply stood at the end of his boat, steering the rear, smiling serenely at the sunset.  
"Bargeman!" I called out again, but still no reaction. I cursed every name I could think of and urged my horse to go faster. If he couldn't here me then he would see me. I took over the boat then, my horse riding hard and began frantically waving my arms. He took notice then alright, gods the look on his face was a picture.

"Can I come aboard!?" I yelled over the noise and wind. Still the frail old man looked bewildered, his floppy hat falling over his eyes as he shrugged. When he fixed it I called out again. "Can I come aboard!" I pointed to the boat for extra emphasis.

"What?! I can't hear you! I'm deaf!" I heard him shout, his voice shrill and old.  
Deaf. Yes, I heard him correctly. Deaf. How the hell was I meant to explain my predicament to him when I didn't know the first thing about sign language?! Bloody dog lord, bloody barge man! Bloody fucking Inquisition for making me do this! I lost my temper then and with almost a roar, I stopped my horse, leapt into the water and swam until I dragged myself unto the boat my the loose piece of rope dangling from the bow.

"What in Andraste's name are you doing, ya crazy elf!? Get off! Go on! Get off!" The old man cried out, flapping his arms about like a wild bird, yet still holding firm to the rudder.  
"Can I hide on your boat!" I shouted in hope that he could lip read.

"Hide? What in the name of- What are you hiding on?" He shouted, eyes wide and indignant.

"I need to be smuggled into Red Cliff!"

"Smuggle? Oh no girl, I'm no smuggler!"

"Please! It's very important that I get to Redcliff!" He looked as if he might argue further, but he sighed and shrugged, and though he looked immensely agitated at the whole situation he nodded.

"Fine, hold the rudder." He said, and I did without question, though I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know the first thing about boats. What was it with Fereldens? Were they all insane? I was torn from my thoughts (and slight nervousness at the upcoming bend in the river) by the barge man lifting one of his barrels of salmon and tipping it on its side. The fish went everywhere and I was hit with the almighty stench.

"Get in there and keep your head down." He groused.

"In the fish barrel?" I said, my mouth curling in disgust.

"You can complain all you want, girl, I'm deaf, can't hear a bloody thing your sayin." Nevertheless and regardless of his foul attitude and equally foul smelling boat, I got into the rotten barrel. However just as I was settled something wet, slimy and foul smelling fell onto my lap. It was a horrid looking, cloudy eyed fish. I yelped and made to escape the barrel when only more were piled onto my head. I heard the wretched little man laughing at my expense.

"Consider this payment for boarding my ship without permission." He cackled and I could only accept my fate. I couldn't even move and the smell was enough to knock out a dragon but what could I do? Well I could leap and push that bastard over board but he was, in kind, doing me a favour and as I said, I don't know the first thing about boats. So there I sat, feeling down right nauseated due to the smell and swaying boat. But the creaking of the wood and the gentle sighing of the water as we glided through it was somewhat comforting. Still, I couldn't help but feel the many glares of dead eyes as I sat there in my barrel, and that unnerved me more than I know it should.


	15. Respite and Lullabies

It took nearly an hour of sitting in that barrel before I felt a knock on the side.  
"We're coming up to the port, I don't recognise the guards here so keep quiet until you hear me shout: Tally Ho."

"Tally Ho?" I scoffed at the preposterous signal. Not that he could hear me, but still I was grateful to him and it dawned on me then that I would never get the opportunity to thank him. The guard said his name was Gord. Gord the Bargemen, hopefully after all this I'd be able to give him a proper thank you and an apology. I know how sailors are about their boats and unwanted boarders.

"Makers tits, I think they're Tevinters." I heard Gord and I could hear the nervousness in his voice. "Think I know why you needed smuggling, girl, and I can't rightly say I won't be wary of sending you off to the wolves. What with the knife ear- ahem, what with being an elf and all."  
I rolled my eyes at his remark and fidgeted as I could feel a cramp bubbling up in my foot. Worst possible time. This was _really_ starting to get uncomfortable, if not for the fact that I was curled up like a snail shell then it was all the damned fish staring at me from all angles. I sighed, regretting it immediately due to the smell but thankfully I would be out soon. Hopefully. I soon felt the creaking and swaying of the wooden boat stop and heard distant voices.

"Delivery of fish, serahs." Gord called out and I heard mumbling and then a sharp call out to unload the barrels. It was at this point that my heart was truly in my mouth. I don't know what they'd do if they somehow found me hiding, or what they'd do to Gord, that thought was more nerve wrecking. I heard each barrel being dragged across the wooden planks and then lifted ashore, one, two three... Finally the whole world toppled sideways as I felt the barrel drag, subsiding my wretch as all the fish fell into my face. I was lifted then and carried for a small stretch before being set back down with a harsh thud. All I could do was wait now. I could still hear the Tevinters chatting as they shifted each barrel but after the tenth one their voice grew distant.

" ** _Tally Ho_** then, Serahs!" Gord shouted, his voice cracking with emphasis. The coast must've been clear, still I was careful, slowly peaking my head out over the bundle of fish until I finally got fresh air. It was bloody marvellous. As I looked around, true enough I was relatively in the clear, the two Tevinter guards sat a few yards away right on the port chatting and playing cards, they wouldn't notice me, not now that it was night and darkness had fallen. It was a clear night but the moonlight created easy shadows to hide in, I wouldn't have to sneak around for long, as soon as I hit the village I could just blend in.  
With an affirmative nod at my plan I stealthily climbed out of the barrel, cringing and every flop and slap of a fish hitting the ground. Luckily it wasn't loud enough for them to hear. When I fully emerged from my fishy prison, I was struck by a how damp I now was and how cold the night was. Bloody stupid fish, sliming all over me, I'd catch my death like this. Finding an inn with a fire would be my next priority.

Finally, with a lot of tiptoeing and sneaking up the hill, I made it to the village. It was still fairly busy, as traders were just closing up shop now that night had fallen and the tavern was easy enough found. It was rowdy enough but that made it easier to blend in. I prayed to mythal that the blasted fish smell hadn't lingered too pungently. A strangers loud, "Phaw, what's that smell?" Dashed any hope of that, unfortunately.  
I hastily bought a room for the night and ordered a bath. It was too late to go around asking questions about Tevinter magisters, and I'm sure The Herald and co had a lot of other pressing matters to deal with in Orlais, hopefully that would buy me more time.  
As far as usurped villages went however, Red Cliff seemed quite at piece. At a first glance. Looking closer I saw the shifting eyes of the Patrons as they checked corners and shadows. For what? Possibly evil Tevinters ready to pounce on them. I couldn't blame them really, Tevinter was the enemy of the south and you didn't get much more south than Ferelden. This occupation must have went against every instinctual bone in their body, I was surprised they stood for it, really. To have a bunch of rebel mages invite a Tevinter Magister to rule them was hardly what you'd call courteous either. Why did they need the Magister? So many questions I had no answers to, not that I cared much when I sank into my warm bath. It was quite lovely, whatever soap the land lady gave me was beautiful, like pine and lemons. I felt gorgeously tired afterwards too, and for a while I somewhat forgot that the world was ending; that I was sent here to spy in order to secure an alliance to decide the fate of Thedas. No, in that moment I was just an elf settling down in a comforting tavern. Listening to the bustling laughter below and allowing my head to sink wonderfully into the pillow.  
In my dream that night I had flashes of things and places I didn't recognise. They rushed by me in almost a blur, as if I was running through a life that went by in a second. The noise of every moment lived buzzing around me, laughter, cries, shouting, whispers I could barely catch glimpses. My mother's voice stood out, others did too and I assumed they were from the alienage because I could recognise them yet I did not. Suddenly it all stopped, there was silence as I lay on my back on a soft bed, the night sky and tall twisting trees above me. I felt so utterly peaceful that if I closed my eyes I would fall asleep immediately. But I didn't want to lose sight of that beautiful night sky. I'd never seen so many stars before, all I could do was gape in awe.

"Are you ready, Nevalla?" Said a low soft voice, the melodic tones of it instantly recognisable. I turned to my right and there she sat, my beautiful mother. Ashen blonde hair aglow in the moonlight, crystalline eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She smiled softly though, reassuringly and I nodded. I didn't know what for but I was ready. I took her hand and squeezed, giving her my own reassuring smile.

"You'll be here when I wake up won't you?" I whispered. She nodded immediately, one tear slipping over the brim of her eyes. She leaned in closer then and squeezed my hand harder.

"I will never leave you, dhalen. Not for one second. Remember that Valla, I will never leave you." She said, her eyes not leaving mine and I knew she spoke the truth, there was a determination in her tone that told me she would take on the world if it meant that I would be safe.

"I know." I whispered and she kissed my hand.

"Go to sleep now, little bird." She said softly. Her other hand stroking my hair and suddenly a tiredness washed over me as I felt my soul reseeding into the beyond. As the world grew black and the chirping of crickets and night birds finally subsided, I fell asleep with only the dulcet tones of my mother singing me her lullaby as I finally slipped into the endless dream.

*Complete steal off The Hobbit, I know...


	16. New Faces

I shot awake with such a velocity that I managed to catapult myself off the bed and land on the floor with a thud. My heart was still beating like an executioner's drum and the sweat was lashing off me. Why I felt so worked up I didn't know, only that dream had put the fear of Elganarn in me. The worst part of it was... It didn't feel so much like a dream, but a memory. I shook my head to shake it from my mind and rubbed away the many stars that still echoed in my eyes. I didn't have time to analyse my dreams now, the sun was up and peering through the tattered curtains of the window and I had a job to do. So I quickly got changed, thankful that my clothes no longer smelt of fish and ate the small provision of bread and cheese the landlady had left me the night before. As I ate I tried to think if a plan. The situation here was precarious at least, outright treasonous at worst! And Leliana expected me to make the mages the more viable option? A hand ran though my hair in frustration, it would be better if I knew the situation with the Templars. I only knew that neither faction wanted to talk with the Inquisition. Perhaps if I could persuade Fiona to invite them? Fat chance. A random elf demanding they invite the Inquisition to help? Hadn't they already got the bloody Tevinters to do that? I was so thoroughly annoyed that I couldn't even finish my cheese.

"Alright think, Nev." I said to myself. Firstly I needed more information, I needed to get a real feel of how the people felt, if they had any ideas, then perhaps I could hazard a meeting with Fiona. Right, yes. That was a good plan. Information.  
With a renewed vigour, I trotted down stairs, thanked the land lord and made my way outside. Now, only to ask these strangers what they thought without looking too suspicious.  
I walked up casually to people at first, trying to bring up the subject naturally in conversation but the looks they gave me made me want to melt with embarrassment so I just started asking people outright.  
This was then only met with, "None of your business, elf." Or frightened looks and a quick departure. It was almost noon when I gave up and slumped against the statue in the centre of the village. I sighed and tried not to let myself get downhearted. I had to make this work, somehow. It was then that from the other end of the village a strange trumpet sounded and a rather extravagant sennet made its way through the town. Everyone stopped to stare at the whole affair. The man in the middle of it all waved out at them as though he were loyalty and I saw the utter contempt they shot back at him. He seemed immune. I could only presume this man was Alexius, his dead eyes and sneering smile was enough of a give away. I must have been glaring particularly hard at him for our eyes met and he smiled even more. It was more like a grimace. A twisted, arrogant, evil thing. I clenched my jaw and turned away, not giving him the satisfaction. The whole display was merely for appearance sake for he flaunted about only to turn back to the castle. It made my blood boil, for the Inquisition, for these people. Didn't the Magister know you never ought to provoke a growling dog? I kicked a stone in frustration then, my job seeming utterly futile. There was no way I could single handedly force out an entire Tevinter army.

"Psst!" I suddenly heard a hiss. "Over here!" It hissed again and I looked to my right. "Not that way, behind you!" It said, not hissing so much anymore. When my eyes finally settled on the extravagantly armoured and moustached man he signalled me over. Suspiciously I did as he asked and made my way over to the shelter of a copse of trees nearer to the chantry. He smiled at me then, a charming smile that I was somewhat unsure to return.

"A suspicious little thing aren't you? And curious. You're the one asking about Alexius, yes?" He said blatantly and I arched a brow my gut told me to be careful.

"What of it?" I said, crossing my arms.

He laughed then. "Very suspicious. Fear not, my dear, I'm here to help. Firstly you must tell me why you are so curious and if you are in any capacity to help the situation." This was very odd. I eyed the man, not even hiding my suspicion any more, he had already pointed it out after all. He seemed to be doing the same however, measuring me up.

"I don't even know who you are." I said darkly.

"Then we are on equal footing, are we not? I don't know you, you don't know me. So how about this, I am Dorian of House Pavus, and yes I hail from Tevinter. You are?" He offered me a hand shake but I recoiled.

"Tevinter? Do you work for the Magister?"

"That was not part of the agreement, your name, I would have it." He pushed his hand out further. Every bone in my body told me not to trust this man, but... Something about him seemed... Good. Uneasily nonetheless, I took his hand and shook it.

"Nevalla, of Clan Lavellan." He beamed then and returned my hand shake enthusiastically.

"Splendid! Now to answer your question, no I do not work for Alexius, I was under his employ, however I am no longer. That is why I am quite the useful asset to have in this predicament. Now, my dear, would you be so kind as to answer my question." Dorian, began to walk, and I could only follow him. He knew I would. However when he told me his affiliation, I could only trust him. He was unapologetic about it, there was a truth to what he said. I could only do the same. Perhaps we together could help Red Cliff.

"Well, I'm here unofficially on behalf of the Inquisition. I've been sent to neutralise the situation here so that the Herald chooses to ally with the mages and not the Templars. Unofficially. The last part is very unofficial."

That seemed to pique his interest, "So, an Inquisition spy and a dashing Tevinter mage. We should he suffice enough to solve this then shouldn't we?" He said ironically.

I felt myself smile, "Certainly. Why not?"

"Exactly what I want to hear, now, come tell me what you've got so far." He said, pushing the large doors to the chantry open. Surprisingly it was empty, I thought in a time of trouble people would be flocking to a chantry. "Now, the goal is to get Magister Alexius out of here and away from The Inquisition as soon as possible." He began.  
"Wait, away from the Inquistion?" I stopped him.

"Well yes, that is the soul reason they're here. For the Herald." That was a spanner in my works. "Problem is, I don't see us solving this without some sort of help from the Inquisition. We can't ask Ferelden for support, it'd take weeks to even get an audience for starters and then who knows what they'd do to the rebels. The Inquisition is our only hope."  
My head was spinning with this information. "Wait, slow down... Why does Alexius want the Herald."

"I thought that was obvious, the mark on her hand. My guess is he wants to find a way to claim it for himself. Quite the perilous plan in regards to the whole tear in the sky."  
"He wants to stop closing the rifts? Why?" I said, flabbergasted by the idea. Did he have no sense of self preservation?

Dorian sighed in exasperation, as if I really ought to know why, "Alexius is part of a Tevinter organisation called the Venatori, bent on bringing back the glory days of Tevinter where we crushed everyone and were rulers of the world. I believe Alexius believes the mark on her hand is the key to doing that. Or something along those lines."  
"And you used to work for this madman?" I scoffed.

"Yes, well before he was utterly insane." He said smartly and I couldn't help the small chuckle, perhaps it was the ludicrousness of the situation.

"I've a feeling this may be indeed too big for two people alone." I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"Then we need to get the Inquistion here, and fast." Dorian said, beginning to pace.

"The only idea I've come up with so far is an invitation directly from Fiona." I shrugged.

"And that will be as easy to get as a good joke from an Orlesian, yes." Dorian agreed. There was an energy in the room, an excitement as we planned and plotted. It seemed that great minds did indeed think alike.

"So we're stuck." I said, slumping down on a pew.

Dorian stopped pacing then and smiled at me, "Not yet, dear Nevalla, not yet."

"How so?"

He slumped down in the pew in front and turned to face me. "What if we sent someone who isn't Grand Enchanter Fiona."

"Who would we send, they wouldn't trust a stranger." I countered.

"Let me finish," he said sassily, "What if we send someone who isn't Fiona, but looks like Fiona." He said, eyeing me carefully and nodding at me. I guffawed then at his suggestion.  
"Sorry to break it to you but a wig and a few fake wrinkles aren't really going to cut it. They know me, they'd recognise me." I laughed, for the plan was laughable. Dorian simply rolled his eyes.

"Did I not mention that I was a mage? A highly talented mage? I know a rather simple disguise spell that should do the trick." He said, smug satisfaction crossing his charming features.  
"A disguise spell? You want to disguise me as Fiona? What if we're caught?"

"If we do nothing your Inquisition will be in danger from an army of rogue mages with a Tevinter Magister at the helm. Which would you rather?" He cut me off sharply and I couldn't really argue after that. The danger to the whole out weighed the danger to us. We at least had to try.

I sighed nervously, "Alright, how do we go about this."

Dorian smiled again, "Well ideally we need a drop of her blood-"

"What?!"

"But a few strands of her hair should be fine." He finished and the outrage in my gut somewhat subsided. It still meant that I still needed to steal The Grand Enchanters hair.

"Alright, so her hair, what else?"

"Nothing but your charming presense and my magical know how." He grinned and I arched my brow.

"This could go disastrously wrong, you know that." I said skeptically.

"Only with that attitude, Dear Nevalla." And I laughed again, something I found was quite easily done in his company. I think I found then that yes, I liked Dorian.

It was at that moment the doors of the chantry opened. "Ah, just in time." Dorian greeted.  
"Sorry, I couldn't get away, father was making a fuss." Said the figure that entered. Immediately again I was on guard.

"Nevalla, may I introduce my dear friend Felix, Alexius' son. And before your ears get any pointier, yes he is on our side."  
I felt somewhat embarrassed then and subtly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.  
"My father is getting out of hand, I want to stop him before he does something dangerous." Felix explained with a soft and reassuring smile. He was pale and rather thin looking and had dark circles under his sad eyes. There was an illness about him. However Dorian quickly explained the plan and all seemed to be going well until I realised,  
"How do I get to Val Royeaux on time?" I blurted out, causing the two of them to look at me curiously and then look back at each other.

"We may have an idea..." Felix said cautiously.

"An idea that is quite the risky one but nevertheless the whole thing is fruitless with out it. You wonder how Alexius got here so fast under the very nose of the Ferelden Arm? As if by magic yes? Well you would be right." Dorian explained.  
Felix took over then, he seemed to understand that this was all entirely new to me, "My father has developed... A sort of time magic. Yes, it sounds ridiculous but it can work. I believe that by using this magic to get you to Val Royeaux, you may get there in time enough to speak with your Herald."  
I stood in awe for a moment. Time magic? Was that even possible? Surely there was blood magic or demons or something involved in it. Time magic was not just something one happened upon!

"Is... Is it safe?" I asked.

"In all honesty, not entirely."

"Dorian!" Felix chastised.

"She deserves to know what she's getting into, but you know what's at stake. There is the slightest risk we rip a hole in the fabric of time but without this, we stand no chance."  
I felt almost knocked back by his warning. Mythal's tits what had I got myself into. But I had other choice did I?  
"Alright." I agreed, though apprehensively.

"Splendid! Now, all you need to do is get a strand or two of Fiona's hair and Felix? You think you can get the amulet?"

"I hope so." He replied. So there was an amulet now. Brilliant. So long as nobody mentioned blood sacrifice in think I could go along with it.  
Really, what had I gotten into?


	17. A Most Preposterous Situation

I was in almost a daze as I walked towards the Tavern, Dorian told me Fiona would be there. I had never felt so in over my head in my entire life. This was too big for me! This was magic I'd never even heard of before and I was toying with the very fate of Thedas itself! Me! A little nobody elf from Wycome...

I nearly walked into the tavern door, my thoughts were so confused.  
I stood in front of that door however and told myself to calm down. It didn't matter that it was me. It didn't matter that I was a normal person. What matters was that I got the job done. What matters is the lives I would save. So with a long and calming breath I pushed open the door.  
There she sat, surrounded by other mages and one guard. Shit. Suddenly I was a jumble of nerves. I was actually going to pluck out The Grand Enchanter's hair. Fen'harel's arse but I wish I wasn't in this situation. Who would want to be in this situation?!  
I had to think, long and hard about this. Did I just walk up and pluck out her hair like a mad person? Truly that was my only option here... Shit, shit and shit again. I couldn't do this. I found my jelly legs carrying me over to the bar where I ordered the strongest drink they had. I downed it in one trying to subside the burn in my throat when suddenly and idea came to me.  
It was either that or the mad person bet and right now, I wasn't willing to risk a tango with that guard. So with a deep preparative sigh I feigned a stumbling walk over to the table, mug in hand. Believe me when I tell you, I've had enough practise at a drunken walk to play it convincingly.  
They all turned to look at me, brows arched in confusion.

"I jus' wanna tell ye's all..." I mumbled drunkenly, "That ye's are all brilliant! 'Specially you, Gran' enshanter! C'mere!" I slovenly walked over then and embraced her in a drunken hug. She seemed rather taken aback and suffice to say, she didn't return it.  
"Thank you for 'elping us mages." I said, and part of me meant it. However, it gave me the opportunity to craftily pluck three of her hairs as I withdrew. I ignored the outraged gasps of the rest of the mages around her and was hastily ushered out by the guard but my mission was complete, for I really did just pilfer the hair off somebody's head. I had a cunning smile all the way back to the chantry, gripping those three hairs in my hand as if my life depended on it. When I entered Dorian simply laughed.

"Truly! You did it! I had my doubts, Lavellan. But don't let it be said that you aren't the best thief in all of Ferelden." He chuckled and I did too, more out of the remainder of my adrenalin than anything.

"Where's Felix?" I said, carefully depositting the hairs in Dorian's hands.

"He should be back soon. His father does like to fuss with him. He's... Well he's quite sick you see." The usual snark and cheer went from his voice then.

I couldn't think of what to tell him, comfort had never really been my strong point, and from his tone, Felix was indeed very ill, "I thought so... I'm sorry to hear it. Are the two of you close?"

"I've never had a dearer friend, truly. When I was just an apprentice he and I would always get each other into trouble." He smiled wistfully then and I felt a pang of sympathy for Dorian. It seemed that his flamboyant exterior perhaps was just.

We didn't have to wait long for Felix to return with the ominous ritual amulet. But it was first set aside because I needed to be transformed into a grand Enchanter. Dorian bid me to stand utterly still as he formed a light in his hands and waved them over the hairs.

"Ready?" He asked me, eyes focussed in concentration.

"As I'll ever be." I sighed.

"You and I both." He chuckled and with that he let the light in his hands explode and wash over me. It felt endlessly strange, like a wave of pins and needles, tickling every nerve in my body. When it subsided and I could see the two of them again, I felt immediately self conscience. They stared at me like I had two heads... Gods, I didn't have two heads did I? A quick check confirmed that I didn't.

"Well? Did it work?" I asked hastily, covering my mouth in shock when I heard an Orlesian accent come out instead of my elvish brogue.

"It did... rather well in fact. Excuse the staring but this is quite remarkable." Dorian said stepping closer and examining me. "It actually worked." He laughed to Felix who nodded in awe aswell.

"Was there any doubt?" I asked indignantly. "Well, there was the slightest chance it could have turned you into paste. I don't know why I ever doubt myself, really. This worked splendidly. But, now to the trickier part. Again if you would, stand perfectly still." He said as he picked up the amulet and began wafting his hands around it quite hypnotically, until it began to float.  
I suddenly became very nervous indeed. The idea of ripping a hole in time didn't sit well with me.

"Are you sure this will work, Dorian?" I asked.

"You'll be fine Nevalla." He said, his voice distant. It didn't really calm my nerves. But again, I reassured myself. This needed to be done. I took a deep breath and readied myself.

"How long to I have when I get there?" I asked him.

"As long as I can keep it open, as long as I can manage." He said, his voice distant again but his eyes were firm and focussed. I had to put my faith in him. I had to trust him, truly trust him. A moment later his eyes came away from the amulet.  
"Ready?" He asked, more sombre this time. He was just as nervous as I.

But I smiled, a more confident smile,"As I'll ever be."

He nodded then, his shoulders relaxing slightly, "Good. Good luck Nevalla." And with that a swirling rift opened and I was dragged inside. For a moment the world spun in shades if green and black and I was almost sick with how dizzying it was until, whoosh! Here I stood in the sun light. Tall white washed buildings surrounded me, golden lion heads decorated the walls and people stood conversing normally in their decorative masks and fancy gowns. I almost collapsed with relief.  
So far, no holes in time... none that I could see. That was good. But now I needed to find the Herald. I didn't think this far ahead.  
Suddnely though, my thoughts were interrupted by the heavy marching of boots as a whole troop of Templars marched by and out of the gates. I hid immediately in the shadow, instinct to avoid Templars over riding everything else. That was strange though. Why were the Templars leaving Val Royeaux? As I looked around, a chantry mother sat on a scaffold with a bleeding nose, and many Orlesian women had fainted. Something bad had just happened here.

"We shall have to discuss this when we return to Haven. If the Templars do not offer us their support then..." It was Cassandra and her voice was drawing closer. I spun on my heal and there they were! Right there and walking towards the gate! This was my chance.

"Inquistion, a moment if you please." I stepped out in front of them, hoping the disguise was holding. They all looked sufficiently shocked at my appearance.

"Grand Enchanter Fiona?" Cassandra voiced their surprise.

"Leader of the rebel mages." Came Solas' voice from behind. He switched his footing to lean on his staff an eyed me suspiciously. I hoped to the Gods he didn't somehow recognise me. I ignored him however and did what I planned. Invited them to Red Cliff. Mythal's mercy I couldn't even tell you what I said, it all went by in a blur I was so nervous. I hoped they didn't pick up on it.  
"I hope you will consider my offer, Herald. It would be very beneficial for us both." I finished my point as they began to depart.

"We shall, good day to you Grand Enchanter." Trevelyan said ever mannerly and with a sincere smile. Again it struck me how young she was and I suddenly felt very guilty for misleading her like this. I watched them go, ignoring the fact that Solas' eyes lingered on me suspiciously longer than the rest. I could only wait now for Dorian to-

Whoosh! Back through the terrible time vortex of terror and I was back, staring dumbly at an expectant Felix and Dorian as he downed a bottle of lyrium.

"Well?" Felix asked eagerly.

I nodded, still in shock at the sudden change in scenery. "I talked to them." Felix smiled in relief then and Dorian slammed down the empty vile with s triumphant smile on his face.

"Splendid! Only trouble is you were gone for quite some time and while you were away, this ghastly thing appeared." He said, pointing up towards the ceiling and there, ominous and green, an unopened rift. True enough also, the colours of the stained glass windows were cold with moonlight.

"Shit..." I sighed, feeling my stomach sink.

"Well it hasn't opened." Felix said lightly.

"Yet." Dorian added ominously and I could only agree.

"We can only keep an eye on it." Felix sighed, his breathing rattling in a disturbing sort of way.

"We shall do no such thing." Dorian interrupted. "For starters, you need your rest, don't think I can't notice when your feeling unwell and secondly, Lavellan dearest, if you want to remain unofficial Inquistion spy, I suggest you make your way back to your unofficial boss. I don't know whether that portal flung you into the future or the past, all I aimed for was the present but time magic is oh so temperamental. You really should get back if we have any hope of saving Redcliff." He said, gathering up himself and readying his staff.

"What about the rift? We can't just leave it." I protested and he smiled.

"I'll keep an eye on it, you needn't worry." If there was ever a man who suited the phrase 'cock of the walk' more, I would really like to meet him.

"It's all well and good keeping an eye on it when it's closed, but what about when it opens and all manner of terrible demons start to pour out of it? No, I can't just leave you alone with it, its too risky." I said, reaffirming my point by sitting back down in a pew. His smiled turned less from a smirk to something more sincere.

"Nevalla, while I sincerely appreciate your concern, it is paramount that you get back to your Herald. Who else is going to persuade her to come here? If you stay here then this rift is a much bigger problem if the Inquistion don't come to Redcliff. Really, I'll be fine. I know how to look after myself." He said with a wink. Something in me told me not to leave him. He'd been a perfect stranger and decided to help because... Well truly, for no other reason than it was the _right_ thing to do. Behind his pomp and arrogance, This Tevinter mage, no... Dorian was a good man. And he had a witty sense of humour, I was always a sucker for a joker. I liked him, and I didn't want to see him hurt. He seemed to notice this and his smile all but faded. Still his eyes held their spark as he crouched down in front of me.

"Truly, I do appreciate your concern. Not very many people hold us Tevinters in much regard and yet... Barely a minute after I met you, you trusted me enough to fling you threw time! Put that trust in me again, Nevalla." He said softly, squeezing my hand. I looked down at him, his face truthful, his moustache curling up with his growing smile. A natural camaraderie seemed to float between us, similar to what I felt with Leliana. He was a kindred spirit, and he seemed to recognise that too.

"Only if you promise you'll be here when I bring the Herald." I said smartly.

"Dearest Nevalla, of course I will." He laughed as if any other notion was preposterous. That was reassuring. In truth I barely knew Dorian, but in time, I could tell, we would become fast friends.

"Alright then. Be careful, don't touch it and if it opens, run like the clappers." I warned. He laughed at my vernacular.

"That sounds like something I would excel at, truly. Now, off you go, the sooner the better and Felix, do try to stay out of trouble, won't you?" He said, gathering up his belongings and organising them.

"Only if you promise to be careful." Felix laughed as he headed out the grand chantry doors.

"I make no promises I can't keep, he really should know that by now." Dorian chuckled.

"I'll be off too then. Remember, don't touch it." I repeated and he laughed.

"And run like the clappers if it opens, yes Nevalla." He laughed again and that somewhat eased the tension I felt. I waved him goodbye one final time before stepping out into the night air.  
Now, if only I kept my bloody horse.


	18. Nevalla Tell

I took my own advise when I thought about Dorian's words and ran like the clappers out of the village. If the Herald and co were already back at Haven and I turned up, horseless, dirty and in the same clothes I was in when they saw me last, that would raise questions. None to which I had answers and surprisingly enough, I was a terrible liar. At worst I'd be uncovered and the probably thrown out for going against orders or something like that. After all Leliana had no claim as my employer and the only other person who knew was Harding and I doubt she would drop herself in it along with me. At least, Leliana would tell me off for being late. I severely hoped that would happen. Yes, I didn't know what I'd do if they kicked me out now. I was too involved and Dorian needed me to get the Inquisition to Redcliff.

However, charging off into the middle of the night through a war torn Hinterlands was not the best idea I've ever had. I had to avoid the Templars and mages this time round because their groups were bigger and there was no way I could take them on single handedly. I walked along the river, hoping in vain that I'd find my horse again, but to no avail. I hoped that it managed to find its way back safely, or at least someone else had found it and would look after it. Only thing was, it had my other quiver arrows and that left me with only five in my current quiver.  
Another reason why I had to avoid all manner of altercation unless it was completely unavoidable. Like that bloody pack of wolves I ran into. One of the bastards scraped my arm and fell into my head, so subsequently: I was head butted by a wolf.  
They even chased me up a bloody tree and everything! Luckily it gave me a good place to shoot down from. However now I only had one arrow left. Yes.  
Walking through the Hinterlands with one arrow! Splendid! Really! Well done, Nev, you do always know how to manage a disaster.

I was more or less sprinting over the hills and valleys only stopping when I couldn't catch my breath. I ran until sun rise and I knew I was close to an Inquisition camp then. I was sorely tempted to stop even for just a drink but that might have been too suspicious. If memory serves me well however, there was a small cabin up by the lake, maybe there was someone there who could spare a flask of some sort.  
I climbed up over the foliage and shielded my eye from the sun, only to hear the familiar clang of steel and shouting of a battle straight ahead. At the cabin. And of course, who else would it be other than the Herald? Immediately I hit the ground, rolling over onto my back with an arm over my eyes, silently cursing my luck.

"Shit..." I hissed, that arm coming away and slapping the ground. No use in waiting around for them to finish their fight, I had to get back pronto. At least now I knew they hadn't returned yet. Hastily, I made my way back down the slope and onto the road, my pace not quite a sprint, barely even a jog because of how exhausted I was.  
Gods' was I exhausted. And thirsty. Leaving my horse behind wasn't the best idea I've ever had. I wondered then if I'd ever had a good idea. Probably not. If I did I wouldn't be trudging up the ever more snowy roads that lead to Haven. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself to keep out the chill as evening was well and truly upon me now. Blast it all, I'd probably freeze to death now. It was three days now I had been travelling, none stop. It wasn't human or elvenly possible to do that. I should be a crumpled heap in the snow, but I am nothing if not determined. Unfortunately.  
So I kept going, marching up and up until I reached the cobbled stones of the dilapidated bridge into Haven. The comforting flames on the village wall were a relief to see, so with a final long breath I picked up my pace and marched through the gates. It was late at night however and the village was all but deserted. A cool wind blew through it, carrying the hushed whispers of the guards on the wall and it felt peaceful. After a long time of being on edge, it was a wash of relief. Still, I had to report to Leliana and she would most likely be in bed. She slept in a small vestibule of the Chantry, tucked away from the rest of the people there. I supposed she liked her solitude. Another attribute we both shared.  
As I peaked my head around the corner, I saw her sleeping soundly on her small cot. It felt quite strange watching her. She was so peaceful looking, and yet more vulnerable than I'd ever seen her before. I bit my lip wondering if I should wake her, perhaps I should wait until morning. But as I went to back out quietly, my foot shuffled only slightly and those snake like green eyes shot open to look at me. She sat up immediately and subsided her glare. I folded my arms guiltily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I whispered.

She shook her head dismissively, "I'm glad to see you returned, it had been longer than I expected."

I breathed out a quiet chuckle, "Sorry, I... Well, the situation at Redcliff is a lot more serious than we first thought."

She got fully out of bed then and picked up her candle, "Not here." She whispered and lead me swiftly away from the main hall and down the steps into the dungeons. They were deserted, eerily so. Only the echoing dripping of water and the whistling of the wind outside could be heard. It sent a shiver down my spine. Leliana however seemed unperturbed and shut the door tightly behind her.

"I thought as much. What has happened." She said, her voice above a whisper now.

"Well, for starters, a Tevinter Magister called Alexius is currently bargaining the terms of the rebel mages loyalty, meaning that there is a Tevinter army residing in Redcliff castle." I saw her eyes widen then and I let out a bitter chuckle, a result of my exhaustion, no doubt.  
"Oh no, it gets worse. The only reason Alexius got there so quickly was because he used time magic. Subsequently ripping a hole in time and causing all manner of strange rifts to appear. There is currently one in the Chantry by the way which I left under the guard of another Tevinter mage. He's alright though, Dorian Pavus, he's called. He helped me... Well, he helped me get to Val Royeaux to persuade the Herald to come to Redcliff to help." My tirade was stopped when I noticed her sudden frown.

"You went to Val Royeaux? In such a short time? You realise you you will have blown your cover." She said scoldingly.

"Well..." I stuttered. Unsure if I should tell her, unsure that she'd even believe me! "It wasn't exactly me who went. As I said I had the help of Dorian Pavus and he managed to disguise me as... Grand Enchanter Fiona." Her eyes widened then but she shook her head, shaking off her shock probably.

"You... How? I sincerely hope there was no blood magic involved, Nevalla."

"No! No, of course not. I had to pinch a few of her hairs but nothing to do with blood, I assure you. Dorian used the same sort of magic Alexius used to get me to Val Royeaux on time... That's what caused the rift to appear in the Chantry. It is as yet unopened and hopefully it stays like that. At least until the Herald can get to it."  
To say Leliana looked shocked at my story would be an understatement. But credit to her as she believed it and within a few moments I could see her already ticking over the information and forming her plans.

"Alright..." She said finally. "Where your methods are slightly questionable, you did your job and more. A direct invitation from the Grand Enchanter will look much better against the Templars insults. It works greatly in our favour. Thank you Lavellan. You can leave the rest to me. I will do all I can to ensure we get the Herald to Redcliff. Now get some rest, truly you look terrible." She smiled at the last part and I laughed.

"I would be insulted if I didn't think it was true." Finally, I nodded my head and brought up two fingers to my forehead by way of a salute and made my way swiftly out of the chantry and back to my own shack. I opened the door and with a flick of my wrist lit the hearth, immediately chasing away the cold that had settled in my small home over the last few days. I sighed happily, kicking off my boots, throwing of my jacket and such and sink into my bed, bringing the blankets right up to my ears. Another contented sigh escaped me as I finally let my sore joints and muscles relax. It was blissful and eventually I felt my eyes grow heavy as I let myself fall into the sweet embrace of a well deserved slumber.

I had another dream that night. One that was equally unnerving and... Real. I couldn't understand these dreams, they were like another person's memories, not mine. Maybe it was something to do with the Breach, I'd never had them before. But this one was strange, it was far more disjointed. I just remember my mother holding my hand and smiling at me. Her face was bare, that was important for some reason. She looked happy, like the other the dream when we looked out over the forest. It was so strange. Other shadows moved around us, but they glowed. And they weren't frightening. I just remember feeling... Relieved. Happy. Like something was over. Then cool hands and a cool light over my eyes and my face and a soothing voice telling me I was free. It made no sense and before I knew it I shot awake. Or at least I thought I did. I was back in an aravel. It was dark but warm and... To my left there lay Elendal. It was just after Arlathvhen, he was from a same clan as the fabled grey warden and he liked to brag about how he knew her. But he was good in bed, and he wasn't bad to look at. Our dalliance lasted about a week until he went back to his clan and I wasn't bothered. But he was my first time, so naturally I felt a strange attachment to him. He had always said to me that I was different. That I looked out of place and I don't know why but it always stuck with me. He was kind all in all and I couldn't help but smile down at him. I reached down to stroke a strand of his ashen hair out of his eyes but the world grew hazy and I awoke.


	19. Well, Shit

Someone was knocking my door. Blight take the bastard, I really didn't want to get up. I could barely even crack my eyes open, they were still so heavy. And Fen'harel's left ball sack but did my back hurt. In fact I hurt all over, but most prominently my back. I groaned loudly and buried my face in my pillow hoping the damned knocker would just go away. Come back later when I've returned to the land of the living. But no. They kept knocking, annoyingly so.

"Alright! I'm coming keep your hair on!" I groused, rolling out of bed. I straightened myself out as best I could and slovenly pulled open the door. The bright light of the day time proved too harsh for my eyes that had yet to adjust. Squinting however I saw in front of me, a girl. An elf, city elf presumably, she had no vallaslin. Her hair was cut bluntly and its blondness reflected the light. She seemed awkward, her eyes suddenly not meeting mine.

"Shite. Right. Erm, yea! I've been sent to collect you." She muttered. I was too tired, too asleep really but my temper was short and my hearing was still fuzzy.

"What?" I asked shortly and her head snapped back up and a look of offence crossed her boyish features.

"I said, you need to wake up 'cause we're going on a trip, yea? But fine whatever, stay in and sleep not like I care, don't even know you..." She muttered dejectedly to herself as she stormed off. I rolled my eyes at her childishness and slammed the door harder than was strictly necessary. I groaned again, ever so tempted to just flop back into bed. But apparently I was needed. I hoped it wasn't anything major. I really wasn't in the mood for another trek. I splashed my face with cold water to wake myself, quickly washed myself down and got dressed into fresh armour. I'd need to stop by the blacksmiths to pick up more arrows. That was done with my chin held up high, even when he scoffed and ignored me. Bastard. I was fastening my bow on my back when I realised how empty my horse's stable was. I gulped.

"Shit..." It came out as a sigh that I couldn't help.

"Whats the problem Trixy?" Varric chuckled as he walked up behind me, leading his horse. All I could do was feign ignorance and hope he wouldn't notice. I pointed at the empty stable. Luckily he was as surprised as I wanted to seem.

"Shit indeed." He said scratching his chin. "Seeker! I think we have a horse thief on our hands." He called as Cassandra marched over angrily.

"What?" She said indignantly. Varric mirrored me and pointed to the empty stable. She frowned, not frighteningly so, but it was a frown. "We will have another horse saddled for you, my apologies Lavellan. I will alert master Dennit." She said sincerely. I felt guilty then and bit my finger.

"Wonder what could have happened to him." I heard Trevelyan's soft voice float close by. She lead her chestnut mate behind her and had a worried look on her face.

"You could always walk. Thought you Dalish liked to rough it." Chuckled a deep voice behind me, it made me jump and I turned. Behind me, sitting casually on a stool was a giant Qunari, smirking and everything. He was fiercely intimidating, what with the eye patch, and from his deeper chuckle he could tell I thought so.

"Depends how far we're going." I quipped, smothering my surprise.

"Redcliff." Said Solas with an unnervingly smug look on his face. The rest of them seemed to go about getting ready, or going about their own business when he leaned in closer and said in hushed tones.  
"Or did you not know that already?"

I tensed, visibly so. Partly because I could hear the accusation in his voice, partly because... Well he was very close wasn't he?

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shrugged.

He smiled and arched one of his brows. "I merely find it curious how a horse could simply vanish. Perhaps it wasn't stolen after all? Perhaps, it paid a visit to Val Royeaux." He said, louder now and I elbowed him harshly. He didn't seem too injured by it for he simply chuckled. I glared at at him.

"Or maybe the fade did it, eh Solas? The fade being the answer to any and all questions." I snapped and I could see him tense up at my remark.

"Makers breath, are you two at it again."

"No." We both answered in unison, though the bitterness in our voices spoke differently.

Varric only rolled his eyes and sighed. "Remind me to tell them about the champion of Kirkwall and the Broody elf on this trip, eh Herald?" He chuckled. Trevelyan laughed and looked utterly delighted as her eyes darted between us. I hadn't the faintest idea what he was on about frankly. I'd heard of The Champion, knew that Varric wrote a book about her but I'd never read it. I simply ignored the comment and thankfully took the new horse Cassandra offered me. Solas however, was slightly more agitated. If he was capable of showing agitation that was. But his eyes flickered, the tips of his ears went red and his nostrils flared. He mounted his horse without another word as our party got on our way once again to Redcliff. My stomach sank and I suppressed my sigh, really I'd seen enough of the Hinterlands to last a life time. But, at least the Herald was going to speak with the mages. That was something. Everything was going to plan so far.  
On the trek if was myself, Solas, Varric, Cassandra, The Herald and that girl who woke me up. Sera. She hadn't said another word to me since our mild altercation and I felt slightly awkward about it. She laughed and joked with Trevelyan easily, something I yet could not do.

"I sense an elvhen artifact nearby." Solas said and the Herald nodded as if it were a perfectly normal thing to come off with. I however let out a "charming" (as he put it) snort of laughter. He glared at me then but it only made me laugh more. Gods he took himself so seriously.

"You 'sense' an artifact?" I laughed.

"I fail to see the humour in it." He said sombrely.

"What 'senses' might these be Solas? Your magical magic senses?" I teased.  
"The same senses that sensed when the veil was 'thin', whatever that means." Sera joined in and I smiled. Glad that she was talking but also I laughed at the fact that Solas made comments about the veil being thin.

"Thin? What else can the veil be? Can it be think? Floppy?"

"I think it can be wobbly." Sera added again and we both laughed, at his expense, of course. He was absolutely furious.

"Oh you do get touchy about the fade don't you?" I pushed him further and I could see his indignation rise over his limit.

"Only because it is being mocked by a fool _dalish_ who is too ignorant to understand it or its magic." He said and he utterly spat the word. I felt my chest constrict at the insult.

"Say that again." I said darkly.  
"I have no need to, you heard me. You are just as defensive about your culture as I am about the fade. Perhaps you will learn not to throw stones in your glass house." He patronised.

"You are the most condisending arsehole-"

"I'm merely stating fact, take my words as patronisation if you wish." He interrupted me. Actually interrupted me.

"Dread wolf take me, but you are infuriating!"

"The feeling is entirely mutual I assure you." He spat, easing his horse into a trot to catch up to Cassandra, thus ending the argument. I sighed and felt the guilt of my words wash away my anger. Would it always be like this with him? Would he always see me as merely the Dalish elf who would never understand. I thought by now... After our friendlier truce... My hand ran through my hair in frustration.  
It was Sera who scoffed, however. "Talk about a sense of humour failure." She said it deliberately loud enough for him to hear too. I cringed but I silently agreed.

"He does love the fade, you two picked on his sore spot." Varric chuckled as his horse caught up beside us.

"It's the _fade_ its just a big wibbly wobbly magic thing, init? Whys he love it so much."

I shrugged, "I don't know why, it shouldn't even exist in the first-" The words fell off my tongue before I could stop them and I couldn't even tell you why. I shook my head and thought back over them. Why had I said that? Why shouldn't it exist?  
"Thats not the point though is it? He should learn to take a joke, that's what." Sera reiterated her point and I shook off my confusion, putting it down to tiredness. One of these days I was going to have to confront all these strange uncomfortable things in my brain, but not today.

"Varric, I think it's time for the Broody elf story!" Trevelyan called back to us with a big smile on her bright face.

"What broody elf are you talking about?" I asked. I noticed Solas was further on ahead again.

"Please, spare us." Cassandra sighed but Varric only chuckled.

"You have all heard tell of the famed champion of Kirkwall, but have you ever heard the story of her Elven lover?" He asked mysteriously. I arched my brow, knowing all too well where this was going.

"Do continue Varric!" The Herald called, barely keeping in her giggle.

"Ah yes, it wasn't long after her arrival in Kirkwall that she met the elf. He was tall dark and handsome and had strange lyrium tattoos that allowed him to rip out men's hearts with his bare hands. For he was an escaped Tevinter slave, and it was his master who bestowed the markings upon him."

I sighed, "Get to the point Varric."

He smirked, "You really wanna know my point?"

"Trust me Lavellan, you do not." Cassandra interrupted gravely.

"Fenris and Hawke hated each other's guts." Varric continued, "So much so that they ended up in each other's beds, and there's no stronger love than the love for someone you used to hate."  
I arched my brow in shock. What had love to do with anything?

"He means, that you two are gunna bump uglies, yea?" Sera tittered, pointing up ahead to Solas. If I was walking I would have tripped. Thankfully I didn't, but I was struggling to hide the blush creeping up my neck. For a brief moment I was speechless at such an outlandish implication. Soon though, I found my wit.

"In his dreams." I laughed, shaking off the situation like a damp towel. I didn't need to be thinking about that. Solas didn't hate me, he disliked me. He disliked what I was, who I was. The things I did and said. He thought me an ignorant child and that was that. How could anyone build a relationship out of such dislike. The line between love and hate is one thing, but scorn and distain? They couldn't be further from love. Not that I wanted him to love me, or even sleep with me for that matter. I wouldn't degrade myself enough to sleep with a man who disliked me.

"All joking aside," Varric began, "You two really need to put aside your differences. There are bigger things going on in the world than your pointless arguments."  
Oh, I felt well and truly scolded then. His words and tone were on a par with Mahanon's whole, "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed" line. He was right, however. I would have to apologise and we would have to form another truce. We couldn't afford to be squabbling while the world fell apart around us. I looked at Varric and then to Cassandra. She begrudgingly nodded in agreement and I sighed in annoyance.

"Fine, I can be the bigger person." I grouced, trotting on ahead to catch up to Baldy. Strangely enough he had his eyes shut and his face was relaxed, like he was meditating. I almost felt like I was disturbing him.

"I'm sorry for taking it too far. You're right, I can dish it out but I can't take it back. There." I said, and I meant it, really I did, but I'll be the first to admit my tone sounded slightly confrontational. His eyes opened slowly and they blinked in the light. The sun made them shimmer almost, made the coolness of their blue seem warmer.

"Then I must apologise for insulting your people, it was beneath me." He said lowly, still looking out into the sun. It still felt annoyingly unresolved however, and did for the rest of the day until that evening when we made camp.

Sera, Varric and the Herald sat around the fire, chatting easily while Cassandra polished her sword a little off to nearer her tent. I however sat atop a boulder just outside of the camp, away from the fire and closer the shadow of the forest. I could see the stars clearer then, could pick out all the patterns and signs. The moon was merely a fingernail but it still glowed its sad and luminous light. I sighed quite contently, leaning back on my elbows and shutting my eyes. I could quite happily fall asleep here in this boulder. That was until I heard the snap of a twig nearby, I was then fully awake and ready to fix an arrow to my bow. However from the darkness emerged a rather apologetic looking Solas, carrying a bundle of kindling in his arms. I laughed slightly in relief and harnessed my bow, remembering the awkwardness that now floated between us.

"Sorry, thought you were a wolf." I said with forced cheer.  
The corner of his mouth turned slightly downward when I said that but the look vanished and he smiled and small smile.

"Think nothing of it." Was all he said before making to go back to the camp. Mythal's tits, I couldn't just let this stale mate go on forever. I had to fix it.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked suddenly and he stopped and turned, a smile appearing slowly on his face.

"I didn't, not until now."  
Crafty so and so but I laughed.

"No really, I thought Dorian did a good job with it."

"Dorian being the mage who helped you cast such a spell?"  
I nodded with slight sense of pride.

"He must be quite talented." Was all he said, before turning back again. I sighed, it still didn't feel fixed.

"Truly, Solas... How did you know?" I repeated and again he stopped. He sighed then and I could feel his annoyance, though it wasn't quite directed at me. He seemed to hesitate, almost reluctant. But eventually, whatever argument was going on behind his eyes was won and he turned back to me.  
"Your spirit." He said simply.

"My spirit?"

He nodded, "It is... Powerful. Unique, not unlike your magic. I have not seen the like of it since..." He stopped himself briefly, "since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the fade."  
Something about his words seemed wholly undeserved. They were close, quiet and almost confessional and they made my cheeks burn.

"Oh..." Was all I could muster, leaving us once again in a heavy and weighted silence. Good one, Nev. This probably made the whole thing even more awkward.

"I believe there is more to you than meets the eye, Lethalin." He said, taking a step closer to my boulder, thankfully breaking the silence. In the moonlight his eyes were cold and intense and they made the blush in my cheeks all the more apparent.

"And to you." I whispered, unable to force anymore sound from my throat. His eyes shimmered then and his lip quirked, as if my words were a challenge.

"Ma nuvenin." He replied, his voice low and sultry, enough to send a bloody shiver down my spine. And no my eyes did not linger on his lips, neither did they watch his arse as he walked away.

Well, Shit.


	20. It All Started So Well

I dreamt again that night, the dreams seemed to come thicker and faster now. This one was different however, because my mother wasn't there.

"Lower your elbow, for gods' sake girl." Snapped a harsh voice beside me, an older voice. I knew he was talking to me and something told me he was my uncle. We stood in a glade, it was quiet and serene, the only company we had was a few shadows and wisps but that was it. He had painted a target crudely on a tree several feet opposite, at which I was to shoot. I'd tried and failed three times to hit the bullseye, yes I could hit the tree but hitting the exact target was pertinent.  
"What's the use in aiming if you don't hit your target, _l_ _ower_ your elbow, Nevalla." He repeated, pushing a hand down so that my arm almost cramped at how unnatural it was.  
"I'm trying." I hissed in frustration before letting my arrow fly.  
I woke up before I knew if I hit my target.

The following morning was nice enough. We got up, had breakfast and it was an all round pleasant affair. The sun was out, the breeze was balmy and birds chirped in the trees. Bees too, buzzed about the place, much to Sera's enjoyment, she seemingly loved the furry little creatures. I couldn't help the smile on my face, it seemed like everything would be alright now... Even though I only had to turn my head to see the breach in the sky, that was a bit of a downer.

"Tea, lavellan?" The Herald called over the fire. I nodded eagerly and she passed me a small tin cup.

"Herald, do we really have time for... Tea?" Cassandra sighed. Trevelyan only chuckled and said positively the most Ferelden thing I've ever heard.

"Cassandra, my mother always told me, there's always time for tea."

"Here here." I raised my cup in agreement. She laughed then and proceeded to offer the rest of the group. Solas' look of utter disgust did humour me slightly. He shook his head politely in refusal but I didn't miss the suppressed snarl of disgust even at the mere mention of tea.

"Not a fan of tea, hahren?" I jibed and his head turned my way. He shook his head again with a slight smile, "I detest the stuff." I distinctly remember feeling aghast when he said that. Who didn't like tea? What sort of maniac didn't like tea.

"Don't tell the Herald, she might get offended." Varric chuckled.

"Every Ferelden bone in my body is offended." She said indignantly, but with a good natured smile.

The rest of the day was pleasant too, as is the way when you have a pleasant morning, not very much can put a dampener on your day. I was smiling contently for the most part, letting the rays of sun bounce off my face and stared in awe at the way it reflected diamonds off the waterfall coming into the Village. It was then, unfortunately, that my day took an unfortunate turn for the worse. Glaring and oppressive outside of Redcliff's gates was a horrid green tare in the veil.

"Bollocks." I heard Sera sigh as she taught her bow, I did the same. Before I knew it we were slashing, hacking and... Well, whatever noises staffs make- through the demons that poured from the rift. You would think by now we would be used to it, and yes, with any other rift it was quite systematic. Hold off the demons enough to weaken the tear and then Trevelyan would close it. Only this time however, there were spots of green light around the rift, spots of light that either sped up time or slowed it and believe me, the slowing of time in the middle of fighting a demon that's more claws than sense is not ideal. It was almost weakened enough, I could tell, I don't know how but I knew, the screaming always got louder. However without thinking, I let a demon get too close and so I stumbled back into the patch of light that slowed time. It was quite a surreal experience and if I wasn't about to have my guts clawed out, it would have been quite relaxing. But no, I stumbled back in slow motion all the while a demon readied its great sharp claws to tear me limb from limb. My instinct was to turn and run but it was as if my feet were glued to the spot. All I could do was wait for the axe to fall, so to speak.  
However, I blinked and suddenly felt the full force of something charge into me and knock me flat. I hit the ground with a thud that knocked the air clean out of me. Then I realised what had happened. The force that hit me was none other than the baldy elf, who now stood leaning heavily on his staff, his breathing falling into grunts of pain. Cassandra finished off the demon behind him, but I was by his side before it even hit the ground.

"Wait." I said urgently, scanning his pained face for injury. It wasn't until I caught the red contrasting the green on his shoulder. "Shit, Solas..." I whispered, carefully removing his rucksack. His hiss of pain told me I should have been more so.  
"Dread wolf take me, I am so sorry Solas." I muttered frantically, seeing the angry red gash stretching down his shoulder blade.

"Tel'abelas, Lethalin." He grunted easing himself up straight, as if to continue on into Redcliff like he'd only skinned his knee.

"You're not going anywhere with that." I said, holding him in place by his other shoulder.

"Shite, she's right, that's pretty bad. Probably gunna need stitches." Sera whistled.

"All the same, very heroic." Varric chimed, that old shit eating grin on his face. Solas simply rolled his eyes.

"I will tend to my wound, you should continue to speak with Enchanter Fiona. I will not hinder you now." He said, though he tried to keep his face and tone level, it was clear the wound pained him.

"We can't just leave you in the middle of the road." I protested.

"Truly, I will be fine."

"Then let me at least help you." I retorted again, helping him shimmy his arm free from his outer jacket.

"I believe it would be wise to let Lavellan help you Solas, we shall at least get you inside the Village walls, come, we must not tarry." Cassandra said and we quickly piled on into Redcliff. I stayed close to Solas, guilt almost overwhelming me every time I saw the colour on his face fade and the pained expression he wore. By the time we made it to one of the Inquisition tents, I was almost in bloody tears! I sat him down hastily and began ringing a clean cloth in water, my hands shaking unintentionally.

"Nevalla." I heard him say behind me, his tone firm. "I will be fine, you should continue with the others."

"I'm not leaving you to stitch your own shoulder, its not even possible." I tried to force levity into my voice but its crack gave me away. He looked at me then with almost pity in his eyes and opened his mouth as if to say something, but I looked away because the tears would have streamed over the rims of my eyes otherwise. I hated people doing this. Not that I wasn't thankful! But he should never have gotten himself hurt just to save me... Mythal's mercy he could've been killed.  
Carefully, he pulled off his tunic and the wrapping he wore under it allowing me to see the full extent of the gash as I sat behind him. I barely hid my gasp and he chuckled slightly. "Is it so terrible?"  
I bit my lip them and told myself to stop being foolish, crying helps nobody and Solas was in serious need of help. It didn't bleed profusely but it had bleed enough and was still an open wound, easily infected. Mustering my common sense, I lightly dabbed at the bloodied skin. His whole form tensed in pain so I lightly pressed my left hand onto his back, letting the little healing magic I knew sooth his pain.

"Thank you." He sighed, his shoulders relaxing now.

"It's the least I can do." I said guiltily. As I dabbed his shoulder and let my healing magic sooth the wound I couldn't help but let my eyes drift over the light peppering of freckles across his shoulders. I smiled slightly at them, it must have meant he was a natural red head, surely. Before I could stop myself a finger had already traced a line between three of them, causing both myself and Solas to startle. Neither if us said anything however and I continued to tend his wound. This meant, unfortunately, that I would have to stitch it.  
I am not very experienced in the art of stitching wound. Clothes? Yes. Skin? Not so much. I'd stitched tiny cuts before, one on my hand from when I'd tripped on a hunt and one on little Ellana's knee where she too had tripped. Not gaping wounds like this, no, this was a whole other matter. Still, I had to do it. Who else was going to? Unless Solas was a remarkably talented contortionist, I highly doubt he could do it himself. So I fetched the needle and thread from his pack, took three tries to actually thread it and prepared myself to do this properly. For gods' sake I had to stop my hands shaking. With a deep preparitive sigh, I plunged the needle into the angry skin surrounding the gash. Solas hissed out a long elvish curse and I saw his face screw up in pain and I was again awash with guilt.

"Ir Abelas..." I whispered, plunging the needle in the other side and pulling it tight. I don't even think Solas tried to contain his pain. Which was bad. Because Solas was prideful and stoic. It must have been truly awful if he was willing to let that calm exterior slip.  
I bit my lip, cringing at his grunts of pain as I stuck the needle in again.  
It was then that he let out a long, trembling sigh, shook his head firmly and brought up his hand to his shoulder. The soft and cool green light of his healing magic began to flood over the wound and seemed to nit itself back together before my very eyes, barely even leaving a scar. He sighed in relief when he had finished and I could only stand there in awe. He stood then, not looking at me and pulled his clothes back on. I could barely articulate myself.

"How... What... Why did you not just do that in the first place?" I whispered.

He shrugged on his back pack and in a clipped tone replied, "You were insistent on helping, I thought to let you tend my wound would stem some of your guilt." I didn't know whether to feel stupid or offended or both, ot whether I just felt guilty again for causing him even more pain. Suddenly though he stopped and offered down his hand.  
"You are quite the butcher, however." And the smile was back in his voice, the kindness back in his eyes as he pulled me up to stand. I blushed fiercely and do not ask me why because I still have no answer. After that comment however, whatever guilt I might have felt was indeed stemmed and we quickly got back to the matter at hand; following the rest of the motley crew up to the Tavern to meet Fiona. We didn't speak much on our way, however it didn't feel awkward. I felt as if we had truly set aside our differences this time. After all, you don't just throw yourself in front of a demon for someone you dislike. I made a mental note to repay him for it if the need ever arose. He was an odd man, Solas. Something was truly strange and yet ever so familiar about him. Perhaps I'd make it my mission to find out what it was that made him so enigmatic. Perhaps I would never. All I knew was that he saved my life, more times than seems justified and for that I was immeasurably grateful. He was a good friend. A loyal friend and I was simply happy to call him as such.


	21. This Charming Man

By the time Solas and I quietly made our way into the Tavern in Redcliff's main square, the herald was already talking with Alexius. Her face was straight and impassable as she conversed with him, a quality I'm sure she picked up from Leliana. Perhaps the girl was learning yet. We made our way towards Cassandra, Varric and Sera, the two former looking more grave than the latter who really just looked as though she could use a drink. I wouldnt mind joining her, but this meeting was paramount for getting the Mages' aid instead of the blasted Templars.

"They have pledged themselves to a magister." Cassandra said lowly as we approached, her words utterly dripping with distain. Solas frowned and looked down at me, a 'why the hell didn't you tell me' kind of look. I shrugged meekly and turned back to the seeker.

"Out of fear rather than choice, I suspect." I whispered and she turned on me about to argue when Suddenly I saw a familiar face.

"Felix bring me my scribe." Alexius said over the din of the tavern. In a moment, Felix was walking towards him, his eyes meeting mine, and I winked at him. His lip almost quirked in a smile but he suddenly began to shuffle forward, looking very dazed until it would seem that all his strength gave out by the time he made it to the Herald's side. She caught him of course, and it would take very sharp eyes to see the note he passed her. I smiled then, the plan seemingly coming together. Alexius made a fuss then, muttering about mixing powders and Felix getting rest.

"I don't mean to trouble everyone." he said apologetically, but I didn't miss the wink he threw me on his way out the door.  
Trevelyan read the letter carefully and her brow furrowed.  
"Come to the chantry, you're in danger." She read it warily, as warily as she should be it was quite the ominous note and I'm positive it was Dorian who wrote it. He did seem to have a flare for dramatics.

"Sounds like a trap." Varric said with a shrug.

"Yep, definitely a trap." Sera reiterated. Trevelyan looked the letter over again before looking to Cassandra. The seeker had become quite the idol to the girl and my lips quirked up at that.

"Is this a trap?" I heard Solas's low voice beside me and I looked up and almost startled because he was closer than I remembered.

"Of course it's not a trap." I whispered with a smirk, "It's Dorian."

His expression somewhat shifted then, "You seem quite taken with this Dorian."

I scoffed at his outlandish remark. Maybe I was taken with charming Dorian, maybe I wasn't.

"Hmm and if I was? You wouldn't be jealous would you, old man?" I teased him expecting an indignant retort to my blatant flirtation. However, he said nothing, only let his eyes roam up and down my body before following the rest of them out the door. I did too before I had the chance to melt in a puddle right there in the tavern. That was most definitely new. And strange. Perhaps the healing magic went to his head...

I caught up to them easily enough as we made our way to the Chantry, glad and just ever so smug that my plan had come together. As we neared the small stone building, however, I felt the pull of the fade and from his look, Solas did too. If that wasn't incentive enough to get a move on the Herald's mark sparked as it always did when we approached a rift. I felt fear rise in my gut then, fear for Dorian. What if he had been fighting those demons for days, what if... what if they'd killed him and I would no longer get to know that charming man. We did pick up our pace then, the Herald stormed through the Chantry doors and there it was, opened and spewing demons but there was also Dorian. I couldn't help the sigh of relief when he turned around with a cheeky smile and said,

"Ah, there you are, now help me close this thing would you?"

We did just that, and in all honesty it was quite a joy to actually fight beside Dorian. He was deadly with his staff, utterly trained and precise and powerful. I suppose they have better circles in Tevinter. In comparison to me, that was. I would forever be hopeless with magic. When the rift was sealed, Dorian turned with a curious look in his eye.

"Fascinating. How does that work, exactly." He said, his voice seeming a little awed. When Trevelyan could only shrug he chuckled, "You don't even know do you? You just wiggle your fingers and boom." The Herald smiled at that, an easy smile and I was glad. Dorian was a mage and yet here she was bantering with him. Maybe I'd managed to change her mind on the whole mage matter.

A few moments later, after Dorian had been introduced to everyone and a plan was set in motion, we were making our way back to Haven. Not before stopping, however to talk to the boy named Conor. Frightfully skittish, he was, like he was just waiting for the sky to collapse around him. I suppose in a way it had. He hadn't seen the best that magic had to offer, everyone, even the Dalish had heard the tales of the blight and the hero of Ferelden and the Battle for Redcliff. I'd heard tales of a possessed boy who nearly destroyed an entire village. For our clan he was a cautionary tale, one Deshanna liked to remind me of constantly. But his words shook me. They felt twisted and hateful in my gut.

"We are monsters." he had said, his words drenched in fear. _In ignorance_ , that other part of me hissed bitterly. I tried to stop thinking about it. Tried to stop thinking that there were other mages out there who hated what they were. I couldn't imagine that amount of self loathing, that feeling of being genuinely frightened of what you were. I couldn't understand, probably never would either. But the notion sat with me the whole journey back, even if I watched Dorian, the most self confident bordering on arrogant mage I'd met, fling his spells around like he hadn't a care in the world... Somewhere, some mage probably would rather die than have magic. And that... that was just wrong.

When we returned to Haven, the Herald and Cassandra rushed off to the war room, followed by Leliana. Not before she gave me a slight nod of cohorts. I returned it and smirked, I hoped painfully that Trevelyan would choose the mages. They desperately needed our help.

"I did not know your friend was Tevene." his voice startled me from where I stood, at the stables. I was hanging up my saddle and Solas had come to do the same.

"And so what if he is, it doesn't make him a bad person." I retorted. He gave me that look then. That look I'd come to know as the 'I'm about to bestow an unwanted lecture upon you' look. I rolled my eyes before he could even start.

"His countrymen reduce your people to mindless slaves. You would pardon him for claiming ownership of your kind?" He snapped and there was a harshness in his voice. An anger at the mere mention of slavery. I understood though, I knew that anger. All my life, for as long as I can remember slavery has disgusted me. I fear it, perhaps more than anything in the world. Knowing that you are property and not a person, that your value is made up of coins and not character. That you are nothing but a tool to be kept like some pet. I shivered at a strange flash of quivering hands and silver plates and a powerful disapproving glare. But i shook it off and met Solas with an even glance.

"You presume to think that Dorian even agrees with his kin. As far as I can judge, he is so untevinter I wouldn't be surprised if they had actually kicked him out." I said lightly he didn't seem to find it funny.  
All he said was, "Be careful." Before stalking off again to his shack. I scoffed at his behaviour because I was rightly sick of his mood swings. There was little I could do about it now, anyhow. All I could do was wait on The Herald to finish talking and hopefully join her back at Redcliff. I couldn't just sit around Haven for Gods know how long, so I decided to run a fee errands. First and foremost, I needed a new bow, badly. This clunky, broken thing would only last a short while longer and even if it did, it was so warped it hardly ever met it's target. Only thing was, I'd have to go sheepishly back to the blacksmith and commission it. I did, or at least I tried, but I was only met with a stream of curses and a two fingered salute that I shot right back at him.

"Fucking Shemlen prick!" I called back at him, storming off only stopping when I heard a low throaty laugh from near by. When I turned to look I saw a man, dark hair and a dark beard laughing at me. I shot him a look and he had the decency to stop and simply smirk.

"I'm glad I am such a figure of fun." I said smartly, making my way over go him. He was quite old, now that I got closer, his almost black beard streaking with grey.

"I do apologise my lady, was just quite a spectacle is all. Never seen a dalish trade so many insults in one breath before." He said, but there was a sincerity in his voice. A truthfulness.

"I've had a lot of practise, believe me." I sighed tiredly leaning against the stone wall.

"I don't doubt it, girl. The name's Blackwall, by the way. Heard you were wanted a new bow." he said, peaking my interest.

"I was yes, only seems that ignorant bastard is too stupid to make money." I said, glaring at Harrit for all I was worth. Blackwall laughed again.

"Well, I make no claims to be a weaponsmith, but I'm quite a hand at carpentry. You get me the right things and I'll make you a bow, girl, how's that sound." he said kindly. I was quite bewildered by his offer, in fact I was speechless for a moment until my wits found me again.

"What's the catch?"

He laughed again, "No catch. Just don't like to see people bullied for what they are. And you look like you deserve a fine bow, a little huntress like you." he said with a fond smile. It was a strange smile, not alike to that of Varric's which was cunning or like Solas' which was always strange and enigmatic. No, Blackwall's smile was kind and honest. There was nothing hidden behind, it. It was genuine and it reminded me of Mahanon. I could only return it with a quick and thankful nod.

"Now, you tell me where I can get the best wood and I'll get started, may as well find something to keep the hands busy, I've been left behind here ever since I arrived." He chuckled lightly but there was a slight resentment in his tone of that fact. I wondered why. He was tall and broad and i could tell, he was most likely a good warrior.

"The Herald has her favourites noone can deny that. Perhaps you could speak to the commander about helping with the recruits. You look like you're fairly capable." I said, hopping up onto the stone wall behind me. He smiled again and shrugged modestly.

"The commander is a... good man." He said forcefully and I could feel a growing smirk. I didnt care if it was wrong, but I was so glad that he clearly shared my dislike for the Commander Cullen.

"I fear he does not trust me, however. Or my order. He seemed to take a strange dislike to me." He didn't seem very offended when he said this. Almost as if he was used to it.

"Your order?" I asked.

"The wardens." He answered simply and I couldn't help feel a little in awe of him. I'd never met a grey warden, but I'd heard the tales. How they didn't see lord or servant, elf or human. You were a sworn protector of the land and nothing more. In war, sacrifice and all that. For a moment I could only stand dumbly as he shifted awkwardly. I would never have pinned him for a warden, but I suppose they took in all sorts.

"So, about your bow."


	22. Cheese on Toast

I'd made all the arrangements with Blackwall about all the best sorts of materials that make a Dalish bow. Iron bark was probably the biggest factor. It was supple and light but never warped. It was perfect for archers. He told me that he would be sure to find some and I was touched by his kindness. It wasn't so often that people offer to make you things, never mind making a proper Dalish bow. In fact I was very grateful to Blackwall im general. He was kind. Genuinely kind and that couldn't be said of a lot of people in this inquisition on my first meeting with them.

As I made my way back into the walls of Haven, I passed the huge qunari a slight nod and he lazily saluted me back before continuing to chat with what I'd come to realise was his mercenary group. I spoke with one of them, the tall one, Krem. He was pleasant enough, a trifle brash but he seemed good company. Cassandra and the Commander were both in the war room discussing what should be done about Redcliff. It made my stomach sink with nerves at the thought. This was too big to just be left to sort itself out. Surely I'd made them see that mages were the best course of action. Surely Trevelyan would realise that... I had to put my faith in her, in all of them. I knew Leliana would play her part and she could he very persuasive. I'd yet to meet the Antivan ambassador but I'm sure she'd be sharp enough to see that leaving a Tevinter army at the back door would only spell trouble. Cassandra would see this too, I hoped. She was clever and if nothing else, she always let the Herald make the final call. Cullen would probably go to the Templars even if they threatened to kill him. Even the mere thought of him made me angry. He'd yet to ever apologise for the whole tranquil thing and he'd yet to ever have an actual conversation with me. He saw me only as a dangerous mage that needed to be controlled and that... that irked me more than it ever should. I suddenly found myself in the Chantry, why I don't know. Maybe I thought I could earwig some of the conversation and if the need called for it, interrupt the bloody war council itself.

"Ah! And there she is, my partner in crime." said a familiar refined voice. I smiled when I realised who it was. He stood, languidly leaning against the stone wall beside the war room, as if he had the very same idea as me. Dorian had an easy way about him, the way he acted and smiled and I couldn't help but do the same.

"And what might you be doing, loitering around the war room." I asked him smartly, mirroring him on the wall on the other side of the door. His voice fell into a whisper then.  
"Waiting to make my dramatic entrance. And what of you, dear Nev? I didn't take you for one to loiter in a chantry."

I smiled then and shrugged. "Not sure really, hoping that my presence might sway the argument in our favour."

"You and I both, dear Nev." he said with a smirk before standing properly, straightening his moustache and flinging the door of the war room wide open with a loud, "I believe I can help with that!"

Immediately I shrank away from the door as the guards that rushed towards it and fell back into the shadows before anyone realised I was eaves dropping. I hoped again that Dorian had swayed the decision. Fenedhis, if I were Herald, the situation wouldn't even be up for debate. We'd get the mages, full stop. But perhaps that's why I wasn't the Herald. Trevelyan may be young but she was probably more level headed than I will ever be. She looked at both sides. In the future, she would truly be a remarkable leader. When I heard the advisers begin with their debates again, I decided to make my way back to my shack, hopefully Mahanon had replied by now. At least I would have, had I not seen the most gorgeous dress I'd ever laid eyes upon. It was silver and splendid and sparkled in the low firelight and I was green with envy. The woman who wore matched its grandeur, the power and self importance oozed off her as she read her large book by a small table. She raised her eyes momentarily to catch mine and I did truly feel like a startled deer then. She was a mage. As I said the power oozed off her, but there was something repressed about it. Controlled until it no longer felt like an aura but a razor sharp knife.

"Can I help you, my dear?" She asked across the hall. I struggled to find words under her scrutiny but eventually I smiled awkwardly and took a few tentative steps closer.

"We haven't met." I said.

She arched an eyebrow. "Indeed, we haven't."

I swallowed hard and felt my palms sweat because if I thought Cassandra had been intimidating, this woman was ten times more so.

"I'm Nevalla Lavellan." I smiled rigidly, offering my hand. She shook it with a look of slight disdain but nodded all the same.

"Enchanter Vivienne, a pleasure, my dear." Her tone said nothing of being pleased to meet me, but she was being polite at least and perhaps I'd interrupted her reading. I should have just left then.

"You're a mage, then." I said with again a forced smile, but I hoped this would give us something in common so she would at least stop looking at me like I'd been scraped off her shoe. Why I felt so inadequate in her presence was beyond me. She shut her book then however and really looked at me.

"And you are aswell." she said, but there was utter contempt in her voice. "A dalish mage, yes? Tell me, were you first or second?" She asked bluntly and I hesitated. Somethimg told me it would not be wise to tell her about the whole being debunked to third because of uncontrollable magic thing.

"Third." I said meakly.

"And that is why you are here, yes? The dalish are curious when it comes to dealing with mages. No circles but when there is one too many mage in the clan, they are abandoned." She said, her eyes falling easily back to her book. Her sweeping statement about my people had made me angry however, and I soon forgot how intimidating she was.

"The dalish do not abandon their own." I said forcefully and her eyes met mine again, a challenge in them.

"Truly, my dear? Then why is it you are here and they are not?"

"I was sent here to spy on the Conclave. My clan are kind to it's mages, they see people, not monsters to be shackled and controlled. We are not like the circles." I retorted fiercely, my pride very much wounded. Her eyes were sharp then.

"The circles are the only way mages can live in peace, my dear. Magic must always be feared for it is a powerful tool." She said and I bristled again, Conor's words echoing in my head.

"How can you say that when you are a mage yourself? You would rather see your people oppressed than free?" I said, my voice louder than it should have been. The book was shut then and her gaze levelled mine.

"Magic is dangerous, just as fire is dangerous. Those who forget that get burned." Her voice was like steel and her ice like ice. She was truly a formidable woman. Not that I agreed with her in the slightest. The back of my mind screamed that she was an ignorant human who knew nothing of magic. But the more rational part of me told me to bite my tongue, that everyone is entitled to their opinions. No matter how wrong they are. And how could I argue against that point? It was what the keeper had told me for as long as I knew her. Magic is a tool, nothing more. It must be controlled.

"Do say what you're thinking, my dear. Do not bite your tongue on my account." Vivienne interrupted my thoughts and I smirked. I liked her. I couldn't help it.

"You sound just like the keeper." I said and she looked rather shocked.

"Should I be flattered?"

"If you like."

Silence reigned then, heavy like a blanket until she sighed.

"I cannot abide smart mouths."

I chuckled then, "Truly, I'm heartbroken, lady Vivienne."

She looked at me tiredly before rolling her eyes and getting back to her book. I smiled once more before taking my leave.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, lady Vivienne." I called.

"And you, my dear." She said dryly just before I was out of earshot.

It wasn't a particularly pleasant day, in fact it was rather grim. When I stepped outside the chantry, there were no warm braziers to keep the chill away. The air was wet and cold and fat splats of sleet fell down from the grey skies above. It was the first time at Haven that I felt truly cold, so I quickened my pace towards home. I lit my hearth with a flick of my wrist and let the warm air of the flames flush away the chill. Leliana had brought some bread and cheese for me a few days ago, and I had pilfered some of Trevelyan's tea leaves. I'm sure she noticed, but I doubt she minded. So, I poked my bread on the end of a fork and had the old black kettle bubbling nicely. Outside I could hear the winds picking up and the sleet pelting down more harshly, but in my small sanctuary all I felt was warmth. I sank deeper into my rickety wicker chair as I let the cheese melt on my toast before tucking in was on my final bite did I hear a squawk at the window and a tap on the glass pane. There, looking rather distressed sat Captain, squawking noisily and shaking his damp feathers. Immediately I forgot my toast and heaved open the window that was stiff with the cold. He flew in swiftly and settled himself on the arm of my chair, cawing softly as he shook the remaining flecks of sleet from his wings.

"Long time no see, lethallan." I cooed as I returned to my chair and stroked his beak. His beady eyes looked to me, then his foot and then to my toast. He cawed as he nibbled at the crust and I didn't have the heart to take it from him. He must've been hungry, so I let him have the last of it. Around his foot however was a small scroll and I eagerly unfurled it. It was the same earthy paper as the last letter and my heart swelled to see it.

"Dear Little Nev,  
I am glad you are finding a place in this Inquisition. The more I hear of it, the more I am proud. I have even heard tell of a mysterious elf with hair as black as night and eyes of molten gold holding off an army of templars in the Hinterlands. Does that sound familiar, dhalen? It did me well to hear from you, Nev, truly. It does me well to know you are doing good things. I am pleased you are making friends too, even if they are shemlens! You have always been a good judge of character, so I trust your judgement. I also believe you when you say you are homesick, but remember all the woods in the world were once whole. If you walk through one, you walk through home. You do the clan proud and I want you to remember that. But whatever you do my dearest child, know that I will always love you and I will always be proud of you.  
Write soon, dhalen, love Mahanon."

The letter warmed my heart even more so and I was smiling ear to ear. It felt nice to feel so at home here. Warm inside with a cup of tea while the winds howled outside. Like a small moment of respite after so long on edge. After my cup of tea all I could was watch the flames grow ever hazier as the world grew ever more dim. It took only a moment before I fell into a long deserved sleep.


	23. Nightmares

My dreams that night were wretched, horrible things. They were so vivid and real that I could feel every bead of sweat, every breath of wind and every flash of pain. At first I was back in that gilded hall, the intricate golden mosaics creating eery shapes on the walls in the grand firelight that lit the space. I was scared, so scared and all I could do was wish for my mother. Two long and delicate hands held me down but their grip was brutish. Another hand came and pulled back my head so that I had no choice other than to look upon a terrifying face. He seemed like a demon, with red scars down his eyes like tears and wide set jaw and a long nose and dead, lifeless grey eyes baring into mine. He was tall and broad and utterly without kindness. He lifted a silver knife from a golden tray that was presented to him by a slave... yes my mind told me the boy was a slave even if he bore June's markings. He examined the small blade and let it flash gold in the light before his eyes again turned to mine and fresh tears of fear burned down my face.

"Hold her still." Was all he said, his voice booming across the hall like a clap of violent thunder. The knife came closer to my face, I tried to squirm away, yelling for my mother but she would not hear me in this place. And then, the first mark was made and I screamed. I could feel the blood trickling down my face as he marked his lines around my eyes and lips. It was agony. The only thing I can compare it to was the pain of receiving vallaslin, but this was much much worse and I was too young, too small, only a child's body yet I was so old... my mind turned to a blur the more I dreamt, things and people became confused. The agony of the blade stopped and suddenly I was running, breathless and full of fear, following a man I did not know down a dark corridor, his torch the only source of light.

"Hurry, dhalen." He said urgently, pulling me along faster by the hand. I was no longer a clumsy child, almost a woman grown but still years of brutality had taken their tole.  
That was the last moment of clarity in the dream. All other things flashed in front of my eyes in a blur. My mother embracing me, crying and laughing all at once but there was a deep pain in her eyes when she traced the markings on my face. Then being taken up the long steps and through the mirrors until the kind blue eyes set me free. I remember awakening to fear, an emptiness and a wrongness to the world that almost drove me mad. Then peace. And I was looking out again over the great expanse of trees, a free woman. And my mother smiled.

"Remember this moment, Nevalla." My mother's kind and smiling words, echoing in the confusion. _Remember this moment_. The words would not leave me, as I suddenly found myself falling through a dark starry night. _Remember this_... the words still echoed loud over my screams and the wind that whistled past my ears.  
 ** _"Remember."_**

A flash of steely yellow eyes I awoke, again almost throwing myself off the bed. I was damp with sweat and could not catch my breath. My heart hammered and I shook with adrenalin... these dreams were getting worse. Captain stared at me curiously and cawed softly, his beady little eyes almost concerned. It was then I realised the knocking at my door and stood to answer it. My fire had long since died and I assumed it was early in the morning seeing the low orange glow the peered through my windows.  
I pulled open the door to met with a cold breath of fresh morning air and a smiling Leliana. Or at least she was smiling until she caught sight of me.

"Are you well, Lavellan?" She said, her voice full of concern. I rubbed my eyes sleepily, still groggy and restless.

"Bad dreams..." I said simply and she seemed to understand, she nodded and did not ask and for that I was glad.

"I am afraid I have another favour to ask of you." She said, a small smirk rising on her face. It lightened my spirits slightly as it dawned on me why she was in such a good mood.

"The Herald is going to Redcliff." I said with a sigh of relief.

Leliana nodded, "She is, with a formal envoy in order to open discussion with Alexius in regards to the mages."

"Or so you would have him believe." I said as I leaned against the door frame. Her smile widened.

"You are sharp, Nevalla. Of course his invitation is a trap, so we shall beat him at his own game. The Herald shall meet with Alexius as a distraction, meanwhile I will need you to lead a group of spies through the under passages of Redcliff castle and dispose of his guards. By the time he has realised what has happened it will be too late and we shall have a Tevinter Magister im our custody."  
The plan was ambitious, risky even but it was most likely the only way to get to the mages. I was all for a plan that would avoid any templar interaction. Still...

"It would need to be quite a force of spies, Leliana... You think I can lead them?" I said uneasily.

She sighed good naturedly and put a hand on my shoulder. "You need to begin to trust in your own abilities, Lavellan. You are a remarkably capable leader, you have proven yourself time and time again, at the Conclave, the Crossroads and at Redcliff. My spies respect you, they realise your ability. You should too."  
I could only nod, but I felt unworthy of her trust, of her people's trust. Everything I had done, at the conclave, redcliff even the crossroads, it was all just luck. Sheer luck and not an awful amount of skill or tactics. Eventually, I'd get something wrong and it would lead to death, if not mine, the people who relied on me... that thought petrified me.

"As you say, Leliana." I nodded, trying to put on a brave face.

She smiled again then, "Good, you must leave tonight in order to be at the Windmill tunnel by tomorrow evening. The Herald will make her way there soon. The tunnels themselves are not difficult to navigate, but you will need to ere on the side of caution, I am not sure of the size of Alexius' guard force. If you are swift and quiet, it should be an easy exercise." She explained further and even gave a me a crudely sketched map of the tunnels. True enough they were not complicated, but a lot of corners meant a lot of blind sights... perhaps I could use this to our advantage. Our blind sights meant their blind sights and, if I was swift and quiet and lead my people right, this may just go to plan.  
I spent the afternoon studying the map. The tunnels split off in three directions from the windmill entrance on the first floor, there would likely be prisoners in the cells there, and guards. I'd split my force in three and sweep the the three cell blocks and reconvene at the door to the second floor. It was trickier. It was the kitchens and the parlours and the stores, all open spaces and very little corners. Hopefully however, there would not be a large guard presense there, mostly just staff. Even so, I would split my force in half, Grant would lead the seconds and sweep the scullery and Parlour on the left, I would sweep the stores and kitchen. Again like before we'd reconvene at the entrance to the third floor. It lead out to a courtyard which in my mind was a fish in a barrel situation waiting to happen... We couldn't just waltz out into a courtyard surrounded by walls of archers. Somehow we'd need up onto those walls. That somehow was alluding me much to my frustration. Unless there was a way to avoid the yard altogether, but I couldn't see any other way of getting to the main all and that's where we needed to get. No it couldn't be avoided, it would just leave more guards at the Heralds back.  
I sighed and rubbed my eyes, the hour growing ever later and I knew at sundown I'd need to leave, plan or no. The only way I could see was to grapple the walls... I supposed it would have to do. It felt wrong however, this was all purely theoretical. I had no idea of the size of the forces, no idea if the staff were Tevene or Ferelden and truly, no idea if these maps were accurate.

"It's all we have, commander, better that than nothing." Grant said with an assuring nod. I myself however, was not very assured. The force of spies was large enough, around 25 of us and they had taken to calling me Spy Commander, which made me endlessly uncomfortable. I'd never even so much as seen a military force, never mind lead one. _It's a hunting party,_ I told myself, _A very large, twenty five person hunting party, that's all._  
I explained the plan, taking any suggestions that they might have but they seemed to agree with all of it. That or they couldn't think of anything better. Leliana, Cassandra and the Herald came to see us off.

"You know the arrangements then?" Cassandra said, just about stopping herself from wringing her hands together.

"Yes, we do." I nodded and she seemed to calm then.

"I wish you luck, Spy commander and hope to meet you safely when you reach the main hall." Trevelyan said softly, "And to you all." She echoed to the rest of them, and they stood a little taller.

"Thank you, Herald." I said with a low bow. She smiled and looked to Cassandra before they both took their leave. Only Leliana stayed and she took a step closer, leaning in and talking softly out of ear shot of the Herald.

"You must show no mercy here, Lavellan. We cannot afford even one stray."

"I know." I replied.

She looked gravely at me, "You understand that Alexius may have replaced the castle staff with his own people, if they attempt to raise the guard-"

"I know what must be done, Leliana." I interupted her, feeling my heart climb back a step from the world as the words left my mouth. She nodded then. Nothing more needed to be said. She wished us all one final good luck before taking her leave. We didn't have mounts, they'd be too noticeable so we would make our way on foot through bush and forests, being a subtle as possible. No one could see us coming. I turned round a to look upon Haven one final time, when blue eyes caught mine. He didn't make any motion to move, only nodded and returned to his home. Perhaps it was his farewell. An acknowledgment of the fact that this mission was a blind risk.  
Was it his goodbye?


	24. Harden Your Heart

It took us a full night and day to reach the borders of redcliff. We barely stopped, only to drink or go for a piss, that was it. Truth be told, we were all exhausted which in my mind deemed the plan even more of a risk. Still, it had to go ahead or else we would no doubt send the Herald to her death. We had spread out around the hills that surrounded Redcliff, so as to get a good view down. There were two guards posted at the windmill, which meant they must have found the escape tunnel. I hoped that they hadn't posted too many guards then. It was a slim hope. I signalled Grant to move then, and in a wave of hushed boots we swept down the mountain. To untrained ears we were but an evening breeze. The two guards were easily taken care of and the bodies hidden nearby but my heart was in my mouth and something told me that this plan was going to be disastrous. Grant seemed to notice this as we carefully opened the door down to the tunnels. All he could do was nod and half smile, as if that would ease my fears. I took a deep breath in before going down into the dark, leaving the blood red glow of the sunset to the rest of the world.

The ladder down was damp and cold and rusted. It was endlessly dark down here too, my eyes hadn't yet adjusted, it seemed like I was just descending into further shadow. Finally however, a warm fire lit glow cast shadows below my feet as I neared the bottom. Unfortunately, amidst the comforting crackling of flames, I heard the whisper of a strange language I did not understand. So there were guards posted down here. I signalled quickly up to Grant and he nodded, silently following me down. I took a deep breath and continued to pad down the ladder, my heart hammering so loud I was sure the Vints would hear it. I had no real plan of how to deal with these two, at least I assumed there was two. I could only hear two voices. That was until one of the bastards stepped right into my path way at the bottom of the ladder. I froze. He hadn't noticed us yet but if the ladder so much as creaked he would look up and discover us. I felt Grant freeze too, felt his hard stare on the top of my head. I felt the pressure of 25 other sets of eyes watching me, waiting on me to give the order. What order was there to give?

If Mahanon saw what I did next, his heart would have given out. Of course, Grants piercing gasp almost lead me to believe that his own heart had done just that. I couldn't see any other option, the guard was five feet below me. So I let go of the ladder and let myself drop those five feet, landing on the guard and shoving a dagger into his head. We hit the ground with a loud thud and a clatter, much to the alarm of the other guard, but before he could say what the fuck, I had an arrow in his neck. His body shook in shock, his eyes went fearfully wide and blood spurted out like a fountain to merge with the dirty puddles of water on the stone floor. Then he too fell with a thud. His impossibly wide eyes never leaving mine. _Harden your heart_. A voice whispered in my head, like memory... like a conscience. It was silent after that, so I signalled the rest to follow and we continued on. I didn't even try to avoid the pools of blood swirling at my feet.

The first floor was relatively simple, as I hoped it would be. The layout matched the maps exactly so we were finished within the hour. The only thing that unnerved me was the amount of prisoners in the cells. Most of them were asleep but the few that I could see did not look like criminals. It was mostly women and children and... I wondered why. Still we met at the entrance to the second floor and as the plan was laid out, we split in two. I headed for the scullery and stores, Grant to the kitchens. Again, like the maps had shown, there were very little corners, but there were guards. Three so far, but a dagger in the back and another two well placed arrows by my comrades and they were dealt with. The stores were large but all empty aside from the odd guard patrolling. The sculleries however... they were full of make shift cots and beds and in near everyone of them slept a young man or a woman or even a child... most of them were elves. I turned to the twelve behind me and put a finger to my lips. We shouldn't waken them, if only to save them fear. However I still needed a plan for the courtyards and maybe one of the staff who had worked here would know the castle well. So I bid the others to wait while I approached the bed of a young Elven woman. I crouched down beside her and covered her mouth gently so she wouldn't scream. Unfortunately her green eyes flashed open and she struggled, her cries thankfully muffled against my hand.

"Shh! Shh! It's alright, we're here to help." I whispered but she still struggled. "Look, we're not here to hurt you, we're with the Inquisition, can you tell me how to get through the courtyard."

Nothing I said seemed to calm her, in fact it only made her worse and the others behind me were shifting uneasily at the noise. I tried again to quiet her but she kept struggling, biting my hand so hard she drew blood and let out a blood curdling scream, waking the rest immediately and surely alerting every guard. I jumped back and looked around the room, they all sat up on their beds, their eyes baring into mine as the woman continued to scream... in a language that could have only been Tevene.  
"Shut her up!" One of my men hissed, notching an arrow to his bow. They rest began to shout now, and I heard calls from the other rooms. We were going to be slaughtered if the guards came down here. The woman continued to call out. She wouldn't stop.

I can pin point the exact moment when my heart was lost to me. When I couldn't shield it anymore, when I'd hardened it so much that it may as well have been stone in my chest. That's what it felt like. When her warm life blood spilled out over my hand as I shoved my knife in her throat. As her terrified green eyes stared into mine. As the rest of the room fell as silent as the grave. That is when my heart turned to stone. She fell back on her cot as I wiped her blood from the blade. I turned back to the rest. My men looked at me in shock, some in horror. But I was following orders, I was doing what needed to be done. The other guards would be on us soon if they hadn't already got to Grant. One life for twenty five. One life for the The Herald's. One life for the rest of the fucking world. That's what I told myself. I did what had to be done. What no one else would do.

I avoided the gazes of my men and marched over to the closest other slave. That's what I assumed they were.

"You speak common?" I demanded and I had never heard my voice so cold. He began muttering things incoherently, clasping his hands together as though begging.

"I speak common." said a quivering voice at the other side of the room. It was a young boy, blond, elven and he looked utterly petrified.

"You will tell us how to get onto the walls of the courtyard." I said lowly. He looked about nervously and shook his head.

"I- I can't... if I do they'll kill me. They'll kill all of us. Please... we're only slaves, we do not want a part in-"

"Either they kill you, or I do. If you tell me what I need to know you will be safe." I hated how my voice sounded. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I was numb, cold and the weight in my chest wouldn't leave me.

The boy's eyes filled with tears as he glanced at the body behind me. I wondered what the Herald would say, what Solas would say... Dorian and Cassandra. I wondered what Mahanon would do if he knew of this. I wondered what my mother would do...

"There is a way, a staff entrance onto the walls for bringing the guards their meals... I can show you."

True to his word the boy showed us the way. We met again with Grant and made our way onto the walls, taking out any and all guards easily enough, we had the element of surprise.  
It was sunrise by the time we were finished in the courtyard, and by the time we reached the castle, the herald and her entourage were arriving too. When we reached the main hall, my hands were so bloody that I'd be washing it out of my nails for months, washing the smell of death out of my hair for months... but no amount of soap or perfume would wash away the memory of that frightened woman's bright green eyes. I could barely meet the glances of any of my men, not that they would meet mine. Someone had obviously told Grant for he would not even look in my direction. I wanted to cry. Even as the Herald marched up boldly to Alexius and demanded his surrender, even as Cassandra nodded proudly behind her and smiled at me. Even as Dorian passed me a wink and Blackwall the same. Even as Solas looked at me like he would rush over and hold me at any second, as though I was made of glass... I couldn't feel anything. Only the rock in my chest where my heart had once been. Blood no longer flowed through me, it was ice. I was cold and unfeeling... and it made me want to scream.

I stood there in the shadows, watching the exchange, watching Alexius become angrier with every word the Herald said and I hated him in that moment. He was the reason. It was because of him that girl had to die. I could kill him, right now I could stick an arrow in his throat. But just as I was about to do just that he pulled out an amulet, a very familiar amulet. I felt a familiar power too and I saw Dorian rush forward to protect the Herald. It was the time amulet. And before I could even help myself, I too had rushed to protect the young Herald. She could not die now. Before I knew it however, a green vortex appeared, a rush of magic and then... darkness.


	25. A Future that Should Never Come to Pass

Water. Yes I was in a pool of water. It was cold and I shivered and I could hear it rushing in from somewhere. And someone was shouting, swords were clashing and magic whirring over me. I opened my eyes then, my vision still blurred but I saw the Herald, plunging her sword into a Tevinter soldier. My mind came back to me then as I remembered Alexius' amulet and the Vortex and the probable life or death situation we now faced. I rushed to my feet, ignoring the dizziness I felt and marched over to the herald, checking her for injury.

"Lavellan, I'm fine." She said, trying to smile lightheartedly but it didn't reach her eyes.

"That may yet be up for debate." Dorian said uneasily, looking around.

"The last thing I remember we were in the castle hall... where are we now?" Trevelyan said, matching Dorian's uneasy glances.

"So if we're still in the castle, it isn't." Dorian muttered. "Ah! It's not simply where but when! Alexius used the Amulet as a focus, he moved us through time."

Why Dorian sounded so thrilled at the prospect of being stranded somewhere in time, was beyond me but the Herald seemed to share my concern as I saw her mouth open like cod fish.

"Did... did we go forward or back? And how far?" She said in awe, a hand coming up to play with the end of her chestnut braid.

"Those are excellent questions, ones to which I hope we find answers. I believe if Alexius used the amulet to send us here, we may be able to reverse the process."

Trevelyan's face lit up.

"He said, 'maybe'." I said lowly, my mind still reeling from everything that had happened. Yesterday seemed like a lifetime away, like a different person's life. I wondered how many times a person could feel like three different souls before they went mad. I was A Dalish, I was a spy, I was an elf of an alienage... I was some sort of freed woman from a time forgotten. How many people can one person be? The two of them looked at me sombrely as I walked on ahead. I was determined to find the answers to those questions and hopefully go back far enough so that I wouldn't have to kill that girl. Her blood was still clinging to my hands. I must have looked a picture. We walked silently through the corridors of the cells, they were all flooded now but I recognised them from our infiltration. They were utterly destroyed however, decaying almost. With the same red shards of rock protruding from the ground.  
"Red lyrium..." Tevelyan said, edging that bit further away from it. I heard its whispers and felt its power, and a darkness that seemed to float about it like a sickness. I couldn't help but do the same. It seemed we walked for an age, not finding anything or anyone of use, until that was we found an elf in a cell. I recognised him from Redcliff village though I couldn't remember his name. His eyes were red and absent and when the Herald tried to speak to him all he did was chant eerily to himself.

"Andraste bless me, Andraste bless me..." he repeated over and over. Andraste was not here. There were no gods here.

"He's lost, leave him." I said, pulling her slightly by the elbow, her eyes lingered on him long after she came away and I could see the strong exterior that she had worn for so long beginning to crumble. All of a sudden she was just a young girl thrust into a hellish world. I looked to Dorian and he seemed to see it too.

"It'll be fine, Evelyn. We'll get back and none of this will have happened." I Whispered to her gently. She tried to smile again and nod, but it was still forced. She was scared, I had to help her through this. She was the one thing that could save us from this.

In the next cell we found Fiona. The grand enchanter of the free of the free mages, struggling for life. The Herald gasped sharply when she saw what was left of her. The red lyrium that had been plunging up from the ground was... growing out of her. A great red shard of it impaled her, right through her abdomen. And yet, most torturously of all, she still lived. She raised her dark head up and like the elf before, her eyes were gone, replaced by red stones.

"You... you're alive." She stuttered. Those red stones seeming to brighten just a little. Trevelyan took a tentative step forward and nodded, her smile forced and her bright eyes tearful. She was too young, too good to see this. All I wanted to do was pull her back and shield her from the world. Yet her shoulders were straight and she faced it regardless. How I continued to underestimate this girl. There was a strength in her that very few possessed.  
"Grand enchanter," Dorian interupted urgently, "Can you tell us the date, it is very important."  
If she was confused by his question, or even in awe of the fact that we were in fact alive and not dead, her body and spirit was either too tired or too broken to show it.  
"9... 42... Dragon." She managed.  
A year... only a year had passed without the herald and yet the world had ended. It left my chest feeling even more constricted. We had to fix this, the Herald had to return and we had to stop this from ever happening. What this exactly was I wasn't sure, but as the Herald continued to talk with the enchanter and as she reluctantly left her to her fate, I began to think about what was really happening here. It felt as if the air was bleeding. Bleeding what, I do not know, but there was something terribly familiar about this feeling. I could feel the magic in the air with my finger tips but it was wrong. It was not like in my dreams were the magic flowed around me like an aura, this clung to me in clusters. It was thick and unwelcome and corrupt.

We continued to explore the decaying ruins of the dungeons, ignoring the infrequent roars we heard in the distance, until I heard a familiar voice, tinged with a slight distortion. She was muttering something, I only caught the end of it from behind the heavy wooden door.

"For those who follow the makers path, fire is her water." she said, and there was no mistaking Cassandra's voice. I clenched my jaw in preparation for what we might find behind the door. I dreaded to see what was left of my shemlen friend.

When we came to her cell I couldn't help my sigh of relief. She fared better than the Grand Enchanter, but her eyes too... infected with red lyrium. Trevelyan wasted no time in freeing her. She too was in awe at the fact we were. Dorian reassured her that we could fix it and her eyes seemed to brighten. She spoke of strange things, dark things that made fear twist in my gut. She told us of an elder one killing the empress of Orlais and, in the chaos, taking the rest of the world with an army of demons. It sounded like something from a nightmare... and my dear Cass had lived through it. I wanted to hug her then, to tell her that I was sorry, sorry that I wasn't there to help. But what could I have done. Had I not been caught in the vortex, I'd probably be dead.

 _Demon fodder_.

I shuddered and Cassandra noticed.

"It... it's good to see you again. Even under these circumstances. I thought I had lost the Herald and my friend that day. I am glad I was wrong." She said with a faint smile, but I couldn't help but hear the corrupt ripple in her voice, the red infecting her eyes. I felt a lump form in my throat but I desperately willed myself not to cry. In the next cell we found Blackwall, he was in a similar state to Cassandra but he looked utterly broken. He had the look on his face of a man who would welcome death and that was not the quietly cheerful warden I had met back in haven.

"I'm sorry I never finished your bow." He said to me with a smile and I barely held back my sob, muffling it in a laugh.

"You will yet. We will make this right." I said firmly, more to persuade myself than him.

We came to the final cells then, they were more detached from the others. I doubted there would be anyone left in them, but Trevelyan insisted and I don't know whether I was glad if she did.

He stood in the cells, his back to the door, his shoulders bent and his hand at his chin in thought. When he heard us coming he turned around and looked at us in awe, mainly at the Herald and her hand. When Dorian explained, there were no looks of awe, he simply agreed and said words that would stick in my mind forever.

"This world is an abomination, it must never come to pass." And he had yet to look at me. Barely even acknowledged me. Perhaps he had found out about the serving girl I killed, perhaps he would never forgive me for it. We walked on then, up past the cells until we came to what I can only assume were the torture chambers. A chill ran up my spine but Blackwall, lyrium riddled as he was managed to pass me a reassuring glance.

It was when we found Leliana that my fear and bewilderment gave way to anger. Her words cut through me like ice.

"This is all a game to you, some dark future you hope never comes to pass. I lived it. We all lived it." she said, her once youthful face beaten and burned until she was barely recognisable. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, to plead her forgiveness for letting this happen to her. In all of this world, she was my closest friend. My kindred spirit. And look what they did to her. Something stirred in me. A darkness that washed away the coolness of my fear with a numbing warmth. Vengeance. A dark and terrible vengeance. Alexius would die for this. The elder one would die for this. Every last one of them would die for this.  
Navigating our way through the castle was almost impossible in the state it was in. When we came outside however the true magnitude of what had happened was lain plainly before us. The sky was sick and green. Rocks, houses, castles and statues floated in the sky like they were feathers. It looked like the fade. But sicker, more corrupt. it seemed as though the entire world was dissolving, melting away into the corrupt and vile magic of the Breach. i could only look on it for so long without going mad with fear.  
Suddenly, something flashed in my mind the longer we stood looking at the sky around us. A flash of noise and colour, yellow. Steely yellow eyes smiling down at me.

"You do your mother proud, dear girl." Said the silken voice in my head. "I'm glad to see you finally free." I looked around frantically, shaking my head to rid myself of that voice that I knew so well, and those eyes. I had bowed to those eyes, revered those eyes.  
When? Why? How? Was this a trick of this corrupt world? Was another soul's memories bleeding into mine? I couldn't rid my sight of those eyes nor my ears of that voice so I shut both tightly willing it to stop, but as soon as I did, it was almost as if I was transported to another place and time.

It was a hall, not dark and golden with eery mosaics on the walls, but open and airy, with a view of the sunset from the tall windows beyond. Wisps floated around the ceiling in clusters of light and a woman stood before me. An elvhen woman, tall and lean and beautiful with a shock of white hair and steely yellow eyes. She smirked down at me but there was a deep fondness in her eyes. Everything was still however, but it was the clearest I had yet seen these dreams. Beside me, my mother still was bowed, her eyes shut and an almost relieved smile on her lips. Behind the tall woman stood hooded shadows, protective and cold as statues. They were her guardians, but I did not know who she was. I knew her eyes though. Her eyes were terrifyingly familiar.


	26. An Unquenchable Flame

I opened my eyes again and I was back in this abominable world, the rest of them walking on as though nothing had happened. My nerves, however, were shattered as I couldn't fight the memory of that woman. I caught up to Solas then, these dreams... memories... whatever they were, they were getting out of hand if they came unbidden in the waking world as well as in my sleep.

"I must ask you something." I whispered quietly. He didn't stop walking but his eyes drifted down to look at me. I took that as a sign to go ahead. I took a deep breath and without trying to sound too insane I explained my dreams. We were gathering shards of lyrium to open a door when something I said finally peaked his interest.

"This dream, with your mother and the mountains. Can you recall anything else?" He asked almost impatiently.

"Nothing other than... being free. There's a strange blue light that drifts across my face and something falls away, and words telling me I was free... nothing of real detail." I said but his face looked awe struck. He stopped in his tracks and regarded me carefully.

"How strange... Who might have known, you..." his voice seemed to drift off, his words hanging in the air as though he was talking to himself and not to me.

I furrowed my brow and stepped closer to him. That meant something. What he said meant something. Before I could ask him, the great doors opened and we were faced with Alexius. A deep hatred burned within me when I saw him. I drew my knife and made to march towards him, but strong hands pulled me back and held me.

"Wait." He whispered in my ear, and I was suddenly aware of how close his lips were to my skin, so much that I felt his breath condense on my neck. His arms wrapped around me more like an embrace than anything else. Again, all I could do was watch the exchange until Leliana had what was left of dear Felix with a knife at his throat.

"Please, do not harm him, I'll give you anything." Alexius pleaded.  
She seemed to hesitate then, looking around her, her once bright green eyes vacant and dead. Her next words were so utterly heartbreaking that tears welled in my eyes.

"I want the world back." She muttered before slitting his throat.

Alexius raged then, and Solas had no choice but to let me go. The fight was hard, we faced not only Alexius but his demons too. I was exhausted, I had not slept in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Alexius fought like a mad man, his eyes fierce and red with tears. If I did not hate him so much I might have pitied him. Dorian, as usual, fired out his spells with accuracy and precision. The Herald slashed her way through the crowds of demons around us. But Blackwall, Cassandra and Solas seemed slower. More tired. I only need look at their faces to see the pain and exhaustian that sat heavily on them. He finally fell however, and Dorian got a hold of his amulet. He began casting the same spell that had sent me to Orlais. I was now glad that he had had the practice. We were running out of time though and we could hear distant roars and a brutish rumble over head.

"Give me an hour." Dorian muttered but Leliana rebuked him.

"You do not have an hour." She said harshly, hesitating only a moment before looking to the others and nodding.

"We shall hold them off." Solas declared, readying his staff. I spun on my heal to face him.

"No. You'll die." I said, my voice as hard as stone but even that wouldn't hide it quivering.

"Look at us, we're already dead." Leliana said with a bitter laugh. The roars outside the hall were growing louder and getting closer.

"It is the only way dhalen." Solas said, taking a step back towards the door but my hand on his arm stopped him.  
"Nevalla..." he tried to reproach me, as the others readied themselves for a fight. His once blue eyes raised to meet mine and I couldn't stop the tear from falling. Behind me I could feel the power of the fade swirling around the amulet.  
"You will return with them and this world will be but a nightmare." He said softly.

"What did you mean." I asked him and his smile returned. "What you said... What did it mean?"

He sighed gently and cupped my face in his hands, "It means you are utterly unique. In another time..." he did not finish his sentence but smiled and gently kissed the top of my head. "Go. We do not have much time."

I could barely let him go, it tore at every instinct in my body to let his hand slip from mine. To watch three of those dearest to me walk away to their deaths.

"Quickly, you have as much time as I have arrows." Leliana called, as the door shut behind them. It seemed like a lifetime before the sounds of fighting to finally stop outside and my stomach sank. Tears burned down my face as I saw Leliana notch her arrow. She began to recite something from the chant, even as the demons poured through the door. She stuck an arrow in all of them until her quiver was empty. I couldn't let her die here. Not like this. I notched an arrow to my bow and let it fly, piercing the demon behind her. It fell and she continued, tumbling over one to stab another. My heart was in my mouth, tears burned like fire down my cheeks and then she was caught, her eyes met mine and she nodded as the claws of a demon came down upon her. I cried out against it but the wash of the fade dragged me back and I felt my magic go loose. I saw nothing after that. I felt nothing either until my wrists jarred on a hard wooden floor. I looked at my hands. They were caked it blood and muck and ash but they were glowing too. Blue, like the colour of a low flame. I looked up around me, the room was silent until I caught the sight of him. He looked horrified and enraged all at once and I was consumed by a hatred I'd never known.

"He dies here." I said darkly, my voice like a roll of thunder, as I marched towards him. There were gasps in the hall but all I was focussed on was the terror that sat delightfully in Alexius' eyes. Vengeance had all but consumed me. The hate I had for this man was unlike anything I'd ever felt, but the power it gave me... My magic had neither ever felt so strong.

"Nevalla!" I voice called, a familiar voice that was usually so pleasant and kind, that was now feirce and commanding. I turned and saw The Herald, her youthful eyes strong and fixed on me. I felt the power within me flow out in a rush, I felt the hate in me vanish and my knees gave way. Blackwall and Dorian were there to ease me back on my feet but I was exhausted, as though all my mana had just left me. Dorian passed me the one lyrium potion he was just about to drink. In my exhaustion, I forgot my manners and so necked it without question. He almost smiled, but his eyes watched me warily, like I was about to spontaneously combust.

"Maker's sake, Girl, you're as temperamental as a bloody dragon. Watch what you do with that magic." Blackwall warned me quietly.

"He's right, dear Nev, I've never seen someome light themselves on fire and live to tell about it." Dorian said aswell and I would have told them I was sorry, that they need not worry. But in all honesty, that was a lie. That and an army baring Ferelden banners marched their way into the main hall, and from behind them emerged a woman dressed more regally than anyone I'd ever seen before. She seemed terribly important and it wasn't until the Herald nearly fell to her knees to bow did I realise; This was Ferelden's queen and she was demanding that the rebel mages leave Ferelden.

"I bade you take shelter in Redcliff and you repay my kindness by opening the doors to a Tevinter magister. This cannot stand." She said, her raised but calm voice commanding an easy authority. She was a bit late though. The Tevinter army had been dealt with, they'd retreat home with their tails between their legs and Alexius would hopefully have his head lopped off. The mages here however were a different matter. Fiona pleaded with the Queen but she was adamant they leave.

"We still need mages in the Inquisition, it is why we came here." The Herald said, but she was again the submissive little girl in front of this Queen, not the flourishing leader she had been moments ago. That vexed me. She was worth eighteen Queen Anoras.

"Then take them with you, as allies or conscripts; that is up to you." She said with finality before marching off again, her soldiers following her swiftly. Suddenly my heart was in my mouth as I saw the Herald weigh up the decision in her mind, but I had the utmost faith in her.


	27. Unyielding

"Conscripts?!" I cried out indignantly as I paced up and down the dungeons back at Haven. Leliana said nothing, only looked as morose as I felt about the fact that had still yet to seem plausible to me: The Herald had conscripted the mages. Conscripted them like a desperate commander conscripts beggars on the street and criminals in their cells. I was outraged, to say the least. I couldn't even articulate how I felt until Leliana brought me down here.  
"We need the mages on our side! How can we expect them to fight for us if it is not of their own choice. These people fought to have a right to choose their life, she just stripped them of anything they ever stood for! May as well have just gone a sided with the bloody Templars!" I ranted and I could see in her eyes, Leliana agreed but she had brought me down here to cool my temper, she couldn't let hers flare too.

"Declaring the rebel mages open allies of the inquisition would have given us many enemies, more so than what we have already. In conscripting them we have them as allies but not as equals. I understand your revulsion at the decision Lavellan, truly I do but as difficult as this is, we must support the Herald in the decisions she chooses to make, lest we fall into anarchy."

In my opinion a little anarchy would do this place good. Everyone here was far too revering of the Herald. That kind of worship can lead a person to believe that they deserve it. I said nothing however, only continued my aggressive pacing. What made it all the worse was how proud Cullen looked and how she looked back at him with a soft smiled that begged for his reassurance that she had made the right choice. It burned me like a fire inside my belly. He had sunk his claws into her and it would take a lot to get them out again. I bit my tongue, it was late but I wasn't tired, my mind too alive with all that had happened over these last few days. I needed a walk, a long one, I didn't expect to return before morning. I told Leliana this and she half smiled but let me take my leave.

Coming out of the stuffy Chantry always gave me a sort of relief, but especially tonight. The air was particularly crisp and the night sky particularly clear. It seemed to go on forever, the pure lights of the stars peppering their way across it for eternity. I like the night sky, it made everything seem so small in comparison to it's vastness. It even made these problems seem smaller. Those stars had been here since the dawn of time and would be until its end. We were only a fleeting glimpse to them, a momentary blur of life that would pass as it always has. One thing rises as another falls, but the stars go on forever. There was a comforting inevitability in that.

I breathed in the clean night air and felt the fire in me fade slightly. A long walk outside the village walls would do a world of good. The trees always seemed more alive in the moonlight and everything seemed more... magical. I was always convinced that the veil was weaker at night, like the moonlight stripped it away slightly. That was the only explanation I could come up with. Maybe I'd ask Solas about it, he loved talking about the fade. I found myself smiling when I thought of him, which shocked me altogether out of my thoughts. So perhaps I was fond of the grumpy sod, but nothing more. He was at least ten years my senior. Still, the more I thought about him, the more I thought back to Redcliff and what he said to me. It still made me uneasy to think about that dark future but his words had stirred something in me, something so strong that I hadn't slept since for fear of the dreams I would have. If they were at all dreams.  
I sighed again as I came to the gate trying not to vex myself any further. I need not have bothered however, as the gate guard was told to stop by a commanding, smug and self satisfied,

"Halt!"

I rolled my eyes ridiculously so, and the guard held back her smirk but straightened as soon as Cullen was close enough. I spun on a heal then and faced the commander. Creators, even the sight of his face made me angry.

"To what do I owe the displeasure, Cullen." I said sharply. He narrowed his eyes at me and put his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Where are you going?" He asked me bluntly, that permanent line of worry sitting once again on his brow.

I shrugged, "I don't recall that being your business." He didn't seem amused, so I decided to wind him up further, he did bite so easily. "Alright," I said putting my hands up, "I'm off to dance naked under the moonlight and summon demons. Might make a human sacrifice or two when I'm out there, care to join?" The guard behind me snorted with laughter but a cold glare from Cullen silenced her.

"You are aware that the Herald has conscripted Redcliff's mages." He said and I felt the fire begin to burn in my chest once again.

"No doubt you had a hand in that error in judgement." I quipped.

He ignored me however, and continued with an exasperated sigh, "It means that the mages in our Inquisition have to be kept under constant surveillance. A curfew has been put into affect so that no mages are to be outside the walls of Haven after nightfall. This includes you, Lavellan" He said sternly. I was taken aback, truly, I didn't think he'd ever actually forbid me to have a walk. Who knows where he suddenly grew the balls from. He continued to talk through my gob smacked silence.

"All evidence has shown that you are particularly unstable and have little control of your magic. For the safety of the Inquisition, I implor you to return to your home." he continued to ramble and I lost interest, so, I simply turned around and proceeded to walk through the gate. Perhaps I was being unreasonable, but I would not be told I couldn't go for a simple walk. His words sputtered off before he managed to shout, "I command you to halt!" I almost laughed. As if I would ever stop for commander Cullen.  
"I'm warning you, Lavellan!" He called but I continued to walk on further, I could hear the ring of his sword draw. An obvious bluff, he would never cut me down from behind, if he would dare to cut me at all. If not for his honour then surely Cass or Leliana would have something to say about. A mild rebuke at least. The snow crunched beneath my boots the further away I got, and I let out a cheerful breath when I heard Cullen had given up on his shouting. The sky was beautiful, the stars were beautiful and the splendour of the snowy mountains surrounding me was almost enough to make me forget all that had happened, all that I'd done... almost. But even now, I could feel the heat of an innocent woman's blood om my hands. Even now I could see her terrified eyes. I could still hear the silken voice and I could still remember how Solas looked at me like he had just discovered a diamond. It was enough to drive me mad, but before I could think on it anymore I felt every ounce of strength flood out of me, like it had when we came back through the time vortex. Only this was more raw.  
This felt more like my mana had been ripped from me and it almost hurt. Needless to say, I fell to my knees, my hands plunging into the icy snow. My breaths came out in deep struggling puffs of air and I felt as if I'd just been strangled. I realised then, as his quiet prayer floated by my ears, just what had caused this. He had dispelled my mana, he had dared to strip me of my magic and it made me angry. I turned my head back to look and true enough his sword was still plunged into the ground. Three more deep breaths and I felt my power come back to me. I clenched my jaw and turned to look at him. He seemed surprised by my sudden recovery but it past quickly as he raised his sword again and plunged it into the snow. It rattled through me this time, ripping at my mana so much that I grunted out a curse of pain. My knees gave way again but I kept my eye on him. His face going from determined back to that surprised, almost aghast look. I smirked as my magic came back to me quicker this time and I took a step to stand, but again he slammed his sword into snow. This time however, I did not fall. I was awash with exhaustian, but I would not fall three times before commander Cullen.

"Will you not yield?" He said his voice on the precipice of panic. I smirked then and shook my head and declared boldly,

"Never again shall we submit." Before turning around and walking back out into the open night.

"You leave me no choice!" He shouted, but his words floated over me. I was exhausted. Utterly, truly, mentally and physically exhausted. Three days, I'd gone without sleep and his Templar spells weren't doing much to help. I prepared myself for the ensuing wave of agony, but it never came. Instead a voice cried out over the top of the ringing in my ears.

"Enough!" And there was no mistaking who it was. There was never a woman alive who could shout a command like Cassandra Pentaghast. The two of us turned immediately, staring blankly at her as she marched through the thick snow as though it was a field of grass. Nothing it seemed could stand in her way.

"This must stop." she said, her eyes as sharp as the steal of her sword. "We cannot afford to squabble amoungst ourselves. The Herald needs us to be strong, the Inquisition needs us to be strong. In fighting only creates further divisions that we cannot afford." A long silence hung between us as the rest of Haven slept. Only the distant call of a wolf carried over the mountains on an eery breeze. I felt as though that breeze might knock me over. Cullen's blasted spells seen to it that I was now even more exhausted, even more fed up and just sick of this whole situation. Something warm trickled down over my lip, blood, I discovered as I wiped it on the back of my hand. I scoffed then, shot one final glare at Cullen, nodded to Cassandra and limped back silently to Haven. My whole body ached, my eyes blurred and burned with the cold. Even huddling into myself did little to keep away the biting night air. I looked up to tuck a strand of hair from behind my face when he caught my eye. He leaned away from the wall outside his house and looked almost concerned. He nodded to me, seeking confirmation that I was infact still alive. I half smiled and made my way towards him. When I came up the steps, he was holding his door open, an apprehensive frown sitting on his brow. Any other time I might have taken that as a queue to politely decline, but the warmth and firelight of his meagre home was far too inviting to pass up. I crossed the threshold and he followed close behind me, the door closed with a click and so the cold night and wind was shut away and I we were left with a cosy crackling fire and the sweet smell of herbs and poultices and wood. Yes it smelt distinctly like a forest, a scent I found more comforting than anything else. I was suddenly aware then his presense behind me, so I turned and tried to smile. He simply arched his brow.

"You look quite frightful, dhalen." He said smartly and rolled my eyes but laughed all the same. I probably did, too, what with the black bags under my eyes, gaunt face and bleeding nose, I was the picture of health. I told him this, though my voice sounded muddy in my ears, but he smiled regardless.

"Might I be right in guessing that these last days have taken their toll on you." He said quietly, slowly and gently disentangling my bow and pack from my shoulders.

"No more so than anyone else." I yawned, my head falling back as my body was relieved of the weight of that dammed rucksack. I shut my eyes and sighed deeply, imagining that smell of the forest was real.

"Be that as it may, you must rest. I don't believe that you have had a nights rest for five days now. Would my assumption be correct?" He was taking off my outer coat and wrapping my body in a thick blanket instead. Then he sat me down on his bed, dabbed the blood from my nose and handed me a warm mug of something that smelled sweet. That too was familiar. It was night tea, a thick brew of tea and herbs that helped you sleep. Mahanon would make it for me whenever I had night mares. My mother before him... My mother...

A vision of her handing me night tea in a fine silver chalice in a fine marble hall that glittered with starlight and Solas' humble mug slipped from my fingers to spill on the floor. A the little wooden mug circled on itself and the thick tea spread through the cracks of the floor. I remembered the blood on the stone floor. The heat of it spilling over my hand and her fearful eyes. I was awash with guilt then. I tried to clean it up, I tried to apologise but my words came out as mumbling string of 'sorrys'. Firm hands covered my own then, they stilled their shaking and gave them a comforting squeeze. It was only when I looked up and the sob escaped my throat that I realised I was crying.

"I murdered her..." I whispered, my voice thin and small. Solas looked confused then but he leaned in closer as though trying to understand.

"Who, lethallin?" he asked gently.

My body shuddered with the memory, "The serving girl... I thought they were the castle staff... We needed directions so I woke her. But she just kept screaming for the guards to come even when I tried to silence her. If we were discovered we would be dead, the Herald would be Alexius' captive or worse and that horrible future that I saw would come to pass... I had to... But I don't want to have had to." I sobbed. "Mythal's mercy she looked so frightened."

Solas held my hand tighter then, "You did what you had to do. Sometimes in order to protect our world... sacrifices must be made. If there was another way to stop her, I'm sure you would have found it, Nevalla." He said warmly, his hands giving mine one final squeeze. There was a look in his eyes too. Empathy, like he understood. I can't tell you the relief that that look have me.  
"People forget the sacrifices that are made in shaping worlds. You did what you had to do. Remember that." His voice was further away then, and his eyes became more distant... A step back from the world. I couldn't help the words that fell thinly from my mouth then.

"What did you do?"


	28. Let Go

It was a stupid question. An inane question that would have made very little if any sense had Solas not been so out-rightly appalled by my asking it. He was silent at first, then, through tight lips said that I should go to sleep, then he stood and brooded by the fire place until I finally drifted to off. It added to that eery feeling I had in my gut on our first meeting. Solas had some serious skeletons in his closet. That night my dreams disturbed me as well. I felt trapped, terrified, alone and... Empty. Buildings crumbled around me, people wept endlessly and I felt myself going mad. Then my mother's eyes telling me to sleep. To forget. I awoke to the horrible memory of the slavers dragging her off. Those screams would never leave me. Nor would that feeling of utter devastation when I discovered she would never come back. Solas was gone when I awoke. In fact, when I had readied myself enough to peer out into Haven, it seemed plenty of people were gone. Cullen, Cassandra, the herald and most importantly; the mages.

"You're shitting me." I hissed as it dawned on me where they were. Today was the day they would seal the breach, and they had left without me. After all I've bloody done for this blasted Inquisition and they leave me behind?! In fit of fury, I charged towards the stables, jumped onto the first horse I could find and rode like the wind out of the gates and towards the valley.  
The cold wind howled in my ears, stung my eyes and cheeks but I hardly noticed it in my anger. How dare they leave me behind, like I had no right to be there. I had every right to be there. I had sacrificed more than any for this cause, Solas knew that and he left without me regardless. And just like that, he was right back in my bad books. I rode that horse as fast as it would go, straight down into the valley where the inquisition soldiers had gathered. I felt my teeth clench painfully together as I stewed in my indignity, but couldn't help also swallowing the lump that had been sitting in my throat. They had overlooked me. More than once now, and I won't lie, it hurt. I had been overlooked for as long as I could remember. Truly, whatever I did someone had always been better. But with the inquisition I thought that perhaps I was finding my feet, that I might feel needed... Apparently not, it would seem.  
The hooves of my horse clattered noisily against the still crumbling stones of what was left of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, so I leapt down and sprinted the rest of the way. I heard Cassandra shouting commands, heard soldiers replying as I ran past the shards of red lyrium that blocked my path. I would not be absent for this.

"Focus past the Herald! Let her will draw from you!" I heard Solas call just as I rounded the corner. The mages raised their staffs high and I felt them gather their magic together, building and building until the air hummed with its energy. Then, with the slams of their rods into the ground, that energy gave way like a tidal wave. I could only watch, what else could I have done? Perhaps that's why they left me behind. I was useless.  
The power fed into the pinpoint that was the Herald's mark and as it did I could feel it building again. Only this time it was ready to explode. Even from this distance I saw the determination on Trevelyan's face. I saw the fear, the pain but that strength would not subside and I prayed for her not to give up. She shot her hand that now glowed a vibrant green towards the Breach, her teeth clenched tightly together as she did. Still the magic flooded around her awaiting a release. A release that was apparently alluding her. Still she held her arm firm, even as her knees began to give out under the pressure. I couldn't simply stand by and watch her be crippled under the weight of this magic. I ran down towards her but was stopped immediately by many guards. Cassandra called out for me to halt, but Trevelyan had tears in her eyes now. I would not let her die, for die she would. How could she withstand so much power?

"Evelyn!" I shouted to her and her frightened eyes darted to look at me.  
"Close it!" I cried out, trying simultaneously to free myself of the guards grip. She shook her head, a tear spilling over the edge of her fearful green eyes. She didn't know how. Finally I managed to struggle through the hoards of the guards even at the behest of Cass. I was at the heralds side in seconds.

"Evelyn, listen to me." I called to her over the noise and rumble of the power gathering above me. It was intoxicating. It felt like the veil no longer existed, that I might morph the world into which ever way I chose it. Like in those memories I saw, magic flowed around me like water, clean and refreshing and so alive. Whosoever memories they were, they were old. Magic had no boundaries there. But this was the here and now. Magic did have boundaries. The veil was torn and it had fallen upon a seventeen year old girl to fix it. I gently squeezed her free hand and held her gaze.

"Can you feel it?" I asked her, softly, even over the noise my voice somehow carried. She gazed at me in awe, a sort of wonder and nodded slowly. "Then let it go." I whispered. She seemed to understand what I meant, swallowing down her fear and glaring up to the breach above her. I saw her jaw clench and her eyes focus until finally, it was released. And then the world stopped. The Herald cried out as the gathering magic exploded from her palm and shot towards the sky. As the magic imploded around and over itself, as the power rushed through me just as the breach was sealed... In that moment I could recall everything. And then it was gone.  
As the last of its power thundered across the mountains and the world once again went still, Evelyn's hand slipped from mine and she fell to the ground. My ears hummed and my eyes blurred in shock. It seemed as though I stood there frozen for a lifetime, my mind tripping to catch up to itself. I was on the verge of collapsing myself, when I saw the soldiers coming towards us. I snapped myself back to reality, willing myself to ignore whatever had just happened, to forget it. Something like the whisper of an old dream echoed in my mind then, but nothing more and I couldn't ignore the feeling of emptiness that now sat heavily upon me. It was as if something in me was withdrawn... detached... It was unnerving to say the least.  
I finally came out of my head long enough to see Cassandra and Cullen at the Herald's side.

"Maker, Trevelyan, are you alright?" Cullen asked frantically. She simply smiled at him and nodded. It was a strange smile, a smile I doubt she showed to anyone else, but something close to adoration flashed in Cullen's eyes. I watched their exchange, it was close and intimate and I felt entirely like an intruder but I could't help the flutter of my heart when I saw the way he looked at her. Cullen may be a lot of things but he cared and he was honest, and though it might not have been love, there was certainly a deep fondness between the two.  
She turned to look at me, whispering a hoarse, "Thank you." as Cullen helped her to her feet.

I somewhat snapped out of my daze to throw her a flippant smile. "No, thank _you._ You did all the hard work."

She smiled again, even as exhaustion clearly hindered her, she managed to grip my hand tightly, "You helped me... You always help me." she said, all too knowingly and I felt myself blush. Perhaps she knew about my secret missions all along then. Some spy I was.

As Cullen lead her away towards the healers, I noticed the raucous noise of celebration that echoed throughout the valley. It seemed everyone was in high spirits. Soldiers hugged mages, their laughter full of joy and their tears full of relief. I couldn't help but smile at them all, their happiness was infectious. As they began to disband, I was ready to follow them and join them for the inevitable drinking fest that would ensue. I stopped however, when I saw Solas. He stood where he had stood for the entire affair, his hands tightly gripping his staff, and glaring at where the breach had once been.  
It was quieter now, the noise following the crowds of people that were heading back to Haven... heading back home. I smiled again at that. Their simple happiness was something I envied. Still, I found myself approaching Solas. His glare might have killed.

"You know, you don't have to keep glaring at it, Trevelyan closed it, it'd gone." I said with a smirk.

His eyes came away then to look somewhere close to me. Not at me, but at least he wasn't glaring.

"Not completely. It is closed yes, but the scar shall remain." he said distantly.

I shifted awkwardly and sighed. Though I was not tired, I really did just want to get back so I could drink. Really, I needed to wash away the whirl pool of thoughts in my mind and only a strong drink would do that.

"Well, standing glaring at it won't help much, even if it does reopen. Now come on, I need a drink." I said casually, making to walk away when I heard him chuckle. It stopped me in my tracks.

"It is not yet midday, Lavellan."

I arched my brow and smirked, "Your point being? Come on Solas, we just shut a hole in the sky, if that doesn't warrant a little day drinking then I don't know what does!"

He smiled at me then, a soft and gentle smile that shone briefly before it gave way to a slight frown.

"You must forgive me for my rudeness, lethallin." his eyes fell to the rocky ground at his feet.

I was somewhat startled by the sudden apology, really after this whole thing I'd quite forgotten about being annoyed at him.

I dismissively shook my head, "Really there's nothing to forgive. I'm just happy to have survived this." I laughed breathlessly as I gestured around me. I met his eyes and with the most genuine smile I could give, said "It's a fleeting thing, these days: Survival I mean. With everything that's happening I could be here one minute and gone the next. Why would I waste such precious time on holding petty grudges?"

He took a step towards me then, a purposeful step filled with... something, but he stopped, his purpose filtering away into a friendly smile. "You're quite strange for a Dalish."

I laughed, "So you've said before."

"Then perhaps there is truth in it." he said, his words heavier than his smile suggested. I didn't know what to say then, his eyes regarded me deeply now and a heavy silence fell between us. I wondered what he was thinking, his eyes were inscrutable but he was definitely thinking of something troubling, his brow was furrowed in that peculiar way of his.  
I startled myself then at the fact I was now picking up on his habits so I did what anyone else might do.

"Shall we go get that drink?" I blurted out.

He half smiled, "Another time, lethallin."  
And with that, he stalked off and I was left there quite aghast. Still, I tried to practise what I preached and not hold a grudge.

Dread Wolf take me, I _really_ needed that drink.


	29. It was Fun While it Lasted

I was drunk. Yes, I shall happily admit that I had had an evening of getting resoundingly pole-axed drunk, when it all began.  
Let me start at the beginning.

After Solas' polite (yet infuriating) decline of my invite to a friendly drinking session, I decided that I would indeed, need more than one strong shot of something. I marched back up to Haven, ready to stew in yet another of my foul moods until I reached the gates. What I saw would have made even a demon smile. There, handing out mugs of ale to the returning soldiers and mages, was Blackwall, Sera, Bull and the rest of his Chargers. They had opened at least seven casks and were very happily giving it away to whoever would take it.  
I laughed as I approached, drawing their attention, Sera even clambered haphazardly onto to Bull's shoulders to greet me.

"There sh' is! M'favourite Dalish!" she cried out slovenly, earning a laugh from myself and Blackwall, Bull evidently still too sober and too concentrated on not dropping the elf that now hung from his right horn.

"You lot are making rather merry, I see." I chuckled, nodding thanks to Blackwall as he handed me a flagon.

"It's an occasion on which to be merry, don't you think?" Bull said with a smile, still disentangling Sera from his horns.

"It is that indeed." I said, raising my mug and taking my first mouthful of the day. Andruil's tits, it tasted awful but it had been so long since I'd had a drink that I couldn't bring myself to care! Still I cringed and coughed, much to the rests amusement.

"I know, it's terrible." Blackwall laughed. I could only nod through my distasteful frown.

"Perhaps we should take this to the tavern. It seems the last of the soldiers have returned. Krem!" Bull called, "Bring the casks back to the Tavern, It's too cold out here for me to get drunk." he said with a shiver, causing Sera lose to what little of her balance remained and tumble into the snowy ground. Everyone laughed then, myself included. I couldn't help it, there was a feeling in the air. It floated on the breeze, carried in our laughter and shone in the peoples' smiles. An infectious hope permeated Haven and I couldn't help letting myself get swept along with it.

From the Tavern onward, things get a little blurry. I remember Bull betting that I was too small to down a full pint in one, I remember him handing me two gold sovereigns as I wiped the froth away with a sleeve. Then Blackwall bought us all two rounds of some sort of rum sweetened with honey and sugar so that it was deceptively easy to drink. That was the end of my sobriety, I believe. After that, I can only remember a few flashes: Standing on the counter with Dalish, one of Bull's chargers and singing an old drinking song. I do remember a conversation with Bull, however that seemed to stick. As drunk and as merry as we were, it still seemed to become serious, if only for a moment.

"Are you tired of it yet?" he asked me over his cup. I turned to meet his eyes with a slovenly confused frown.

"Tired a' what?" I slurred.

He leaned in closely then and with two quick glances behind him said, "Playing spy."

I remember this because his question shocked me slightly sober. It was forward and sure, as if me being a spy were the most obvious thing in the world. I suddenly grew very suspicious and wouldn't say a thing until he let out a loud belly laugh.

"You have nothing to worry about, Nev." he chuckled, and I finally loosened my jaw enough to speak.

"Is it so obvious?" my whisper a tad overemphasised.

He shook his head with a smile, "No, in truth you're good at it. I should know," he leaned in again, "I'm a spy too."

I felt my eyes widen in shock as I looked around in case anyone heard him say it.

"You're a spy? For who? What for? Oh, I've got to report you to Leliana." I slurred and stumbled and Bull only laughed, lightly pulling me back to the bar stool by the end of my plait.

"Ow!" I rebuked, though it didn't hurt, I would not lie it wounded my dignity. He only laughed again. "Oh I'm glad I'm such a figure of fun."

"Your spy master already knows of my affiliations, as does the Herald. I told her on our first meeting. I am a spy of the Ben'hasrath, a qunari order. We simply wanted to know if you people were competent enough to deal with this mess." he said plainly, and though I was drunk, I could hear no lies in his words.

I furrowed my brow, "Well, you're not a very good spy then if you go about telling people." I said, taking another sip.

He shrugged, "It's complicated."

I smiled then, "It always is."

He laughed again and raised his mug of ale, "To being complicated." he said.

I mirrored him, "To being complicated, and may we hopefully become more simple in the future."

After this, the night escapes me, more drinking, more singing, one very emotional, very one-sided heart to heart with the bar maid and such other things. It wasn't until I was talking in hushed tones with Sera about a bucket of honey and some feathers did I begin to sober. It was late, from the small window I could see the moon sitting high in the sky. It was bright and gleaming, waning as it was. Its silver light bathed the cloud around it in a cool glow.

"Is jus how we ach'ly get the feathers on the door is th'tricky part, hic!" Sera slurred. Creators was she drunk. I'd never seen someone of her build sink so many and yet still be conscious.

"We could put them in with the bucket of honey." I suggested and her drunken eyes lit up.

"You're friggin' gen'us, Nev. I'll get th'honey, you get, hic, feathers..." she said as she attempted to stand and put our plan into action when unfortunately, her legs finally gave out and she hit the floor with a thud. Her heavy snores the only sign of her. I laughed again, a loud heaving laugh that only seems possible when drunk.

"We should probably bring her back to her chambers." Blackwall said, scooping her small frame up in his arms.

My laughter subsided, "We probably should. Gods help her, she'll have one hell of a headache in the morning."

"I think we all will Nev." he chuckled, glancing about the Tavern. Whoever was still awake was either about to pass out or still sober enough to stumble home. The rest had been sleeping for well over half an hour. This included the mighty Iron Bull, who was now sleeping on one of the tables, his chargers all soundly passed out next to him. It was a terribly endearing scene. I chuckled quietly one last time before stepping out into the night air to follow Blackwall. It seemed that the party was still in full swing outside. The people of Haven danced and played music and they drank, though not nearly as much as the occupants of the tavern it seemed. For one, they were all still standing. I walked with Blackwall until we got Sera to her tent, funny, I always presumed she stayed in the Tavern. But no, here her home stood, an inconsequential tarpaulin filled to the brim with arrows, jars of honey and cushions. I smiled at the sight, it gave me a new perspective on the girl. The elf who refused to be an elf. When I'd first discovered this trait of hers, it had angered me. I'd deemed her ignorant and selfish and disrespectful. How she could detest her own kind so much was beyond me, especially when the humans did enough detesting of us themselves. Perhaps she still was all the things I had deemed her, but perhaps she had a few redeeming qualities. Like her strong will, her perseverance, her humour and her utter contempt for authority. She cared about the people, the beggars and servants and commoners. They were her people, just as the Dalish were mine. I would try to remember that.  
Blackwall gently eased her onto her pillow strewn bed and let her sleep soundly. She mumbled something incoherent about the feathers again which made me smile.

As Blackwall and I stepped back out into the merry night he turned to me with a kind smile.

"Don't think I've forgotten about your bow, Nev." he said.

I faced him and drunkenly returned his smile.  
"I thank you for even offering to make it at all."

"Well, just in case you're thinking I forgot, it's almost finished. Just a few details to add and then it will be ready." he nodded soundly.

"Oh, you needn't go to too much trouble Blackwall, really a string tied to a lump of iron bark is all I need." I laughed.

"You deserve more than simple string and wood. You're a good girl, Nev. I know perhaps sometimes people forget to see you... But, if it's any comfort, people rarely see the spark that starts the fire." his words were kind, true and honest. His voice softer and more... real. It was not The Grey Warden Blackwall who said them, it was someone else. The man before the Wardens. It was him and it reminded me so much of Mahanon that a lump formed in my throat.

"Thank you." I croaked and he smiled again, wrapping his big arm around my shoulders and giving me a comforting squeeze.

"Anytime you need me, Nev, I'm here." he said gently as we began to walk away.

I knew he would be, something in his words that night were the truest I had yet heard him. Perhaps it was the drink, but even if it was, Master Nehn always said a drunken tongue was an honest one.  
Blackwall bid me a goodnight as we came back to the main square. People still whooped and cheered but he said he was getting too old for such long nights. I'd laughed then but bid him goodnight all the same. I too was quite tired now, the alcohol still swimming cheerfully in my blood made me drowsy and no longer in the mood to dance and shout, but simply watching the people do it was enough. It brought a simple joy to my heart that made me smile. I settled myself next to a familiar dwarf who, when he noticed me, hastily tucked away a small leather note book.

"Another one of your stories, Varric?" I asked him cheekily.

He shrugged and smirked enigmatically, "Perhaps it is. All this would make one hell of a story."

"Hmm, the stuff of legends, I hear." I said with a sigh.

He turned to me then, "Your enthusiasm is exuberant." he chuckled, his sarcasm making me smile.  
"What's on your mind Trixy?" he asked.

I was struck by the genuine concern in his question. I adjusted myself to face him and shrugged slovenly. In truth, nothing truly that terrible was on my mind. I was happily drunk, surrounded by smiling, happy people and there was no longer a hole in the sky- That was a big plus.

"Nothing, Varric just..."

"Hey, listen. I know these are tough times. I know its the end of the world and we're all doomed to an eternity of suffering. I know things are happening that none of us have control over and I know that we have to face it all with a shrug and a smile." He leaned in closely and set his hand on my wrist. "But you're still allowed to feel sad, Trixy. Putting on a brave face for the Herald doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel. You can be sad, you can be frightened and you can feel nothing at all, just make sure you talk about it. Keeping it all bottled up has sent people down paths that I don't ever want to see you on." he gave my wrist a squeeze.

His words had comforted me more than I knew I needed it. The world was spinning out of control and I felt utterly powerless to stop it. I had killed an innocent woman for which the guilt still haunted me. Though the strange dreams had subsided, I felt as if a part of my soul had been torn away. I was utterly terrified of what the future might hold but... here was Varric offering a smile. There was Blackwall offering a hand. Sera and her jokes, Dorian and his kinship, Bull, Leliana, Cassandra and Solas. I had them all as dear friends and that... That gave me more comfort than anything else. Whatever terrifying fate might befall us, I knew it would be easier with them at my side.

I lightly held the hand that he had on my wrist, "Thank you Varric. That means a lot." I said quietly and he shook his head flippantly.

"It's no trouble, Trixy, no trouble at all."

After that, we fell silent and simply watched the joy around us. Adan had gotten particularly drunk by now and his loud laugh echoed over the village. Others danced about merrily, as they had done for the entire night and for that I was glad. They deserved it after so much fear. We sat there silently for a few moments, watching the world go by, watching as the stars shone bright in the sky. It was beautiful. Peaceful. A hope of things yet to come.  
I found my eyes drifting up to find a familiar house beside a familiar wall, and there he stood in his familiar stance. He looked oh so thoughtful until I met his eyes. Then he half smiled, his lip barely quirking up to the right before he nodded in my direction by way of saying hello. We seemed to do that quite often, many of our exchanges held little dialogue, but there was something that I quite liked about that. It was ours, as if we were in cohorts.  
What drew me away was the sound of Varric hastily scribbling something down in his little notebook.

"What are you doing?" I asked, but he had already crammed it back into his pocket before I could get a closer look.

He smiled sweetly and suspiciously, "Just adding a little something to my new book."

I arched my brow at him in suspicion but simply rolled my eyes when he continued with his grin.

"It's getting late." I said and he seemed to understand that it was my time to leave. He nodded and smiled, genuinely this time and I returned it. It was as I said, getting late, by my guess it would have been close to dawn but the parties continued all over the village. For a while I did contemplate going to bed as the last of my drunkenness was wearing but I didn't. My feet carried me, as they always seemed to do, towards his door, at which he stood- his eyes scrutinising the crowds around him. As I approached he gaze softened and fell to me.

"I take it you have had a pleasant evening." he said with almost a smirk.

I chuckled, my throat now hoarse and dry, "Too pleasant. Creators, Bull can fairly sink them." I ran a hand through my hair and let it fall lazily back to my side.

There was moment of silence between us before he stood away from the door frame, "Nevalla, I would-" but he stopped himself, a look of panic shooting across his features. The night darkened then, the pale glowing moon was shrouding behind thick black cloud and the joyous sounds of Haven smothered by the piercing chimes of warning bells.


	30. Oncoming Storm

I knew the peace was too good to last. I knew that something had to go wrong. I had let my guard down, I had allowed myself to become relaxed and happy and I dared to hope things might get better. What was I thinking?

We were a sitting target for any army who might have wanted to attack us, but an army of Templars? Red Lyrium addled Templars who did not see man woman or child, only prey? I thought for sure that this was the end of the Inquisition, that this was how that dark future began. When the bells first sounded, Solas and I shared a frightened glance. I hoped in vain that perhaps it might only be something minor, a pack of bandits, a few stray demons or an open rift... But when I saw the hoard of torches marching towards us over the mountain, my stomach sank. The people in the village rushed in a panic, the happiness and celebration that had permeated the air only moments ago had vanished. As if it had never been there in the first place.  
I felt like crying. It wasn't fair, these people had suffered enough fear and uncertainty. Was one night of respite too much to ask?

The army continued to pour over the mountainside, Solas and I were running towards the gate behind Cassandra and The Herald. We got there just as Cullen began to explain as best he could, what was happening. The Lady Josephine was there too, in her gold shimmering dress and piled up jet black hair, she was... stunning really, and had it been any other night I would have stopped to watch the way her tongue moved as she spoke and the way her deep brown eyes scrutinised everything.  
But this wasn't just another night and I would most likely never get the chance to do any of those things, but before I could let that train of thought continue a loud heavy bang thumped against the gate.  
Immediately I reached for my bow, only to discover an emptiness where it should have been. My gut sank more so. Perhaps had I been completely sober, I would have thought to arm myself. Failing that, I let flames tickle my finger tips.

"I can't come in unless you open!" called a panicked voice, a young boyish voice. A moment later we were being introduced to the strange boy, Cole. He was pale and thin and sickly looking, but he had cut down the Templar before him as a trained assassin. That put me on edge, coupled with how childishly he saw the situation.

"He is very angry that you took his mages." he said lowly, his voice concerned, his hands rubbing together fretfully.  
He tried, as best he could, to explain the situation. He mentioned these Red Templars and an Elder One, which to me sounded terribly ominous. He was coming to destroy the Inquisition, and by the looks of things he might do just that.  
I took a long and quivering deep breath in, trying to calm the fear rising up my throat. Every march of their boots shuddered through me, an constant reminder of the impending doom that would befall us all... Unless we could think of a miracle.

Luckily, we already had our little miracle.

"Cullen, give me a plan, anything." She said sternly, all the tone of her girlish voice an almost exact echo of Cassandra. It was Cullen who pointed out the trebuchets, who had the idea to try and break the bulk of the force. I may have thought him many things, but one thing I could not fault Cullen for was his ability to lead. He was a soldier, through and through and his men respected him. He commanded them all with the same calm authority I had seen on our first meeting and suddenly, the Inquisition sprung to life.

"Cassandra, Lavellan- with me. We must arm the trebuchets!" Trevelyan called, already drawing her sword and heading up the hill to the large wooden structures. I nodded firmly, about to follow when I heard Leliana call me.

I turned quickly and caught the bow she through to me, then the arrows. I mouthed a quick thank you and she winked- I think it was the adrenaline that was making me smile. Just as I was about to follow the Herald, I turned one last time to see Solas. He stared out across the mountains, glaring at the force before us with such anger that I had never seen him express before now. His eyes burned fiercely, his nostrils flared and he shot daggers at the tall menacing figure looming above the army. The Elder One, Cole had called him.

"Solas!" I called and he startled out of his trance. He nodded and dragged himself away enough to follow us. The look that still sat heavily in his eyes troubled me. It was not the look of a man caught in the middle of a battlefield, he didn't look shocked... If I hadn't been fighting for my life I might have stopped to wonder why. Fighting for my life at that particular moment was more difficult than it had yet been. These red Templars were rapid, monstrous carcasses of what the order had once been. Red lyrium protruded their grey dead skin and their eyes glowed with its vile infection. They were so far detached from the humanity that might have once sat there that it was if we were fighting demons. They held nothing back, gave no quarter. They cut down villagers and swung at you with their heavy unbalanced swords with all their might. Mythal only knows how Cassandra managed to keep her shield up against these things.

Throughout it all I kept my eye fixed on Trevelyan. I through out whatever magic I could in order to protect her and fired as many arrows as I could at the Templars surrounding her. She noticed, I knew she did because she passed me a quick appreciative glance and I returned it with a nod. When the onslaught faded she took the opportunity to turn the cog on the trebuchet. The rest of us stood watch, waiting for the next wave to come and another fight to begin. I was so tired however. Exhausted, and though I am absolutely loathe to admit it (given the seriousness of the situation) I was beginning to feel the effects of a hangover. Within moments however, the thing was armed and the order was given to fire.  
I watched with great anticipation as the ropes cracked and the stone was hurled hundreds of feet in the air only to smash down into the army in a puff of white snow in the distance. The soldiers whooped and cheered at the success, but another warned of the second trebuchet not firing.  
It wasn't until then did I notice how distant I felt, the ringing in my ears and the far off whisper of magic calling me. It's gentle hushed sound like a breeze through a forest was pulling me back from the world. I didn't feel as if I was there, it was almost the same as dreaming- light and unreal. Still I fought, still I communicated with the others during the fight and cheered when the avalanche swamped over almost half the Red Templar army. But there was a lightness in my chest and a slowness to my wiggling fingers as I watched them. Everything seemed to slow then, the soldiers took minutes to land from their triumphant leaps, Cassandra's smile of relief grew for an eternity... and I felt the creature coming before it even swept over the mountain.

As soon as I heard its tortured roar, my senses came back to me.

"Maker have mercy!" Cassandra cried out ducking her head and moving instinctively towards the herald as a twisted red dragon swooped down, covering the village in it's white hot flame.

"Is that what I think it is?!" Trevelyan cried out, as we retreated to the gates.

"I sincerely hope not." Solas' voice said behind me, rushed and panicked as he was he seemed the only thing that might keep the world from falling apart. I fell in place beside him and tried to catch his eye. He only looked to me briefly before grabbing my hand and running faster. We ran past the forge, stopped to help the blacksmith collect his essentials. I didn't miss the look of gratitude on his face when I helped to open his door.  
We met Cullen and the others at the gate, I tried to listen to what he said but all my senses were focused on that beast raining fire upon us. It swept through the air, wreathing the entire village in flame, even as we tried we could not rescue all the people from its unchained wrath. Adan... the herbalist who had been kind to me, was killed in an explosion. He was wounded but as I reached out to grab his hand, I was tugged away and shielded from the blast by a strong barrier.

"No!" I cried out, my voice finding itself again, as I watched that good man die. "I have to save him, let me go!" I struggled against Solas' grip, but he only tightened his hold.

"There is nothing more you can do, we must go Nevalla!" he called out to me but I couldn't heed his words. My world had once again become confused. In that moment I didn't just see Adan. I saw my mother being dragged off by the slavers, her crying out my name, _Leave her be I beg of you!_ She screamed, though her words were not of this time. She was speaking elvhen. _Let her go! Please! Nevalla!_

 _"_ Words she shouldn't understand echo in her mind, a language that is not hers, a time that is not hers, a life that isn't hers. But the magic is so familiar, so strong, so old... so very old and powerful. Not her, not her. Forget, forget- mama told me to forget. An old spell, too long left unattended, the binds will break. You will **Remember**."

Suddenly I was back in the chantry sitting still against one of the pillars as though I might melt into the stone itself. The boy, Cole sat in front of me, crouched down childishly on his honkers, regarding me with bright curiosity.

"The spell holds." he said with half a smile.

"Wh-What did you do?" I said, my mouth slow to form the words.

"I felt your mind. It... hurts. Trapped. Chained. Caught in a cloud of self doubt- these things can't be real. You have known so much hurt... But I can't make you forget anymore, you've forgotten too much." the words tumbled from his mouth in a jumble. Though they made little sense they spoke true and I couldn't put my finger on why. They meant something, and that something terrified me.

"Ah, I see you've decided to rejoin the land of the living. You've sat there dumb for quite a while, I was almost worried about you." Dorian's voice rang loudly in the hall that had seemed deathly quiet before. I was very grateful for that.

I smiled up at him, "Almost?"

He returned it as he too crouched down beside me, "Yes, almost. I've seen you come out of much worse, dear Nev." he said as he pushed a strand of hair from my eyes. A rumbling roar rattled over the old chantry and I noticed then how empty it was. Where were the people of Haven? Where was Cullen, Leliana, The Herald? Where was everyone?

"They're evacuating Haven, Roderick knows the path he walked in the summer. Over grown with weeds and wild flower... but still beautiful." Cole said dreamily.

Dorian arched his brow at the boy, "What our friend here means, is that there is a secret passage through the mountains. We're getting everyone out, Nev, this includes you. Come on, can you stand for me?" he said gently, pulling me up to my feet.

"What if- what if we're caught... the dragon... fenehdis..." I mumbled rubbing the stars away from my eyes and trying my hardest to ignore that persistent ringing in my ears.

Dorian openly cringed, "The Herald had a plan... but you're not going to like it."


	31. The Beginning

I always manage to surpass myself in regards to my impulsive actions. In fact I am really quite surprised that I've made it as far as I have in life. Dorian was definitely right in that I _really_ didn't like the Herald's idea of a plan. If I was impulsive then the Herald was just plain suicidal. I couldn't believe that anyone had let her go through with this "plan". It wasn't a plan, it was a barely formulated idea! What was she expecting to do?! Use herself as a distraction, drown the Templars and Haven in snow and hope for the best? She was our only salvation in this whole mess and she had willingly sacrificed herself.

"You all just stood there and let her go?" I bellowed at the advisers after Dorian had told me where to find them.

They stood there dumbly for a moment until Josephine spoke up, "With all due respect Lavellan, the Herald made a choice and we stand by her."

I, for a moment, was dumbfounded. "And what, you'll all huddle behind that mountain with your fingers crossed and hope that she manages to make it out alive?"

"Nevalla, we understand this is a difficult situation, but the Herald has acted and she has given us a chance. She has Cassandra, Varric and Blackwall with her, they will not let her come to harm. Have you so little faith in her?" Leliana said quietly, taking a cautious step towards me.

I shook my head, I couldn't understand how they were all so calm. Cullen however had yet to meet my eyes. "She's... She's just a girl!" I blurted out finally, an illogical concern overrode all other reasoning behind me wanting to bring her back. It wasn't just because she was the only way of shutting rifts... I cared about her. I would not see her hurt.

"She's right, we must bring her back." Cullen finally spoke up, his voice tight and strained. I nodded to him and he returned it with the slightest air of camaraderie.

"Cullen, we have agreed." Josephine said sternly.

"We agreed on nothing, the situation is desperate and in that desperation we made a rash decision. We have given this 'Elder One' exactly what he wants. We must bring her back to safety." He retorted, matching Josephine's tone. The two glared at each other for a moment before Leliana stepped in.

"Enough. It is too late now. The Herald is out there. She has bought us time and we are wasting it by arguing. We either flee now and use what opportunity she has given us, or squander it: return and lose the village and the Herald both."

I shook my head again and clenched my teeth, a lump forming in my throat and my frustration about to boil over. We couldn't just leave her out there to couldn't become just another martyr to her cause. With her death, the whole world becomes a martyr. Cullen looked away, his eyes burning with something other than anger. His jaw was tight and he blinked too quickly, it was the most flustered I ever remember seeing him. But he didn't raise his head, only turned sharply and stormed like a violent wind up the path to help his soldiers with the fleeing village. Josephine and Leliana shared one final look before following him. Josephine stopped however and turned to me, her expression leaden with guilt.

"I'm sorry Lavellen." was all she said before walking on.

The night settled on me then, the rumble of the distant army echoed over the hills and the cold night air burned and condensed in my lungs. A thin trail of torches snaked its way up the mountain side, away from the village- away from death. Some villagers cast glances back, forlorn, frightened... defeated. This was no victory. We were running with our tails between our legs while we let our only hope of saving throw herself into the fire. I could not stand by and watch it happen. I would not.

And just like that I was charging out of the chantry doors bow and quiver in hand. Dorian trailing behind me telling me to stay put.

"Nev, you're being a trifle rash, don't you think?" he said hurriedly, panting as he tried to keep up.

I closed the large doors and sighed, "I won't see her die Dorian. I have to make sure she survives this."

He shook his head and leaned in closer, his eyes narrowing in confusion, "And what makes you think she won't survive this? Haven't you seen enough bloody miracles to believes that..." he stopped himself and shook his head before meeting my eyes. "Might you dare to hope that this will all turn out fine? That she'll drag herself out from under all the rubble and dust and stand triumphantly over it all- just like a heroin out of Varric's stories."

His words touched me. They were precious, honest words that were said with such fragile earnestness that I was afraid to breathe for fear they'd shatter in the air where they were left.

"And there I was pegging you a cynic..." I said sadly, trying to smile, but I know it never reached my eyes. He knew it too. "I have to do this Dorian... without her, there is no hope." My words were soft, almost apologetic. But he knew the weight with which I said them and he stepped back again.

"I should not be allowing this." he said with a sigh, before placing his hands on my shoulders. "I'll see you on the other side, dear Nev. Promise me that much."

I nodded firmly and squeezed his left hand, "I promise you."

His moustache twitched up slightly and his eyes softened. They became unguarded, scared and he encompassed me in a hug. We said nothing more and I departed silently, stepping out into the village as silently as I could manage. As soon as I left that building, however, the world appeared... wrong again. Everything moved to slowly, my footsteps, the snowfall... Bodies littered the village, civilian and Templar alike. Blood seeped into the frosty ground and spread like wine stains across it, so dark against the snow it was almost black. I could have fallen into that abyssal pool, the one still fresh enough to spread out further. My head spun and I felt again too unreal, too light and airy. Like I was in the fade and that persistent bloody ringing in my ears had yet to subside. It was a weight in my head that I could not shift and then it was a lightness, a hole. It was something missing and that hole, that gap grew larger the closer I got to the sounds of the Herald fighting. The village was silent other than the distant marching of boots and clanging of swords. I had not seen any signs of red templar forces, and if I had I was in too much of a daze to realise. I had to make my way to the Herald, above all else, that was my goal. How I thought I'd convince her to come back, I did not know, but at least if I was there beside her then I could protect her.

All at once however, behind the ringing in my ears and the noise of battle, I heard the beating of powerful wings against the wind. I looked to my left as I passed the burning inn and there, thundering over the mountain side was that monstrous dragon. And it was heading straight towards me. I somewhat snapped out of my daze enough to force myself to run in the other direction and straight through Haven's gates, but I could not lose it. It circled above me like a vulture bellowing out it's fearful roar as it closed its wings and shot like an arrow towards me. I could do nothing but hold my breath and wait for the inevitable burn and sear of my flesh as the red hot ball of lyrium flame would hurtle towards me. I closed my eyes and felt the weight of certainty blanket itself over my shoulders. I have never felt such peace as the peace of knowing you were going to die. I tried to think about my life and wondered if it would flash before my eyes like they say, but nothing came. Just silence and a grey smoke behind my eyes. Was this death?

Then I felt a thundering vibration at my feet that threatened to knock me over and my eyes shot open, my senses again razor sharp and the ringing vanished. There before me stood the dragon, its large head level with mine and its red eyes baring into mine and what I saw there broke my heart. There was so much pain, hurt, fear. All fear of this creature vanished and was replaced by the utmost pity. It was all I could do to reach out and touch its nose. He leaned into my touch and let out a long heavy sight as his eyes shut. I felt it then, an aura and a presence about this creature. It was no arch demon, it was no vile creature concocted by the elder one to do his biding. It was a dragon. A dragon who had been cursed with the blight of red lyrium. And it broke my heart to see it in such pain.

"Ir abelas, lethalan..." I choked out, resting another hand under its chin and pulling myself closer to him. I felt his throat vibrate as he leaned in closer. I felt the connection then. I understood why the ringing in my ear stopped and why the weight in my head felt less so. Something in my heart told me this creature was kin to me. That these dragons were part of me. _How dare this elder one treat one of my own with such cruelty._ A voice in my head hissed and anger filled my blood. The dragon jolted away from me then, the hurt and pain in his eyes replaced by the lifeless red glow of the lyrium. I stumbled back and shook my head.

"No, dhalen, fight it!" I cried out but he stepped back again, shimmying his head as a horse would. "Please, ma dhalen, do not let him take you." I urged but it was no good. He let out a mighty and pained roar before taking flight, disappearing behind the the buildings of Haven and heading straight towards the herald. The tears were streaming down my face before I had time to realise.

Why had this dragon stopped, why had he let me speak with him and why, why in the name of Mythal did I feel a kindred connection to him? I had never felt this before. I had never felt any sort of connection to dragons. My clan did not hold them in high regard, I had thought them beasts to beware of and nothing more. Why then did I feel as though that dragon was of my people, as much as I would an elf? And the power I felt... the moment I touched its skin I felt its power flood through my veins. It was rich and heady and still rushed through me, tingling on every nerve. It filled the gap in my head and the world came back to me and I realised then, that this was what I was missing. This power was mine and somewhere I had lost it. When and why, I couldn't remember... but something told me I soon would. Cole's words echoed in my head along with my mother's...

 _The binds will break, you will remember._

 _Remember Nevalla._

 _Remember._

 **Never forget who's blood flows in your veins.**


	32. Blood

Blood. I could hear it rushing in my ears, feel it pulsing through my finger tips in the cold air. I could see it contrast against the white snow on the ground. I could smell it in the very wind that howled past me as I ran towards the trebuchets. The herald was still fighting there, at least I hoped she was. Haven was a ruin, charred and collapsing and gone. There was nothing left to but the bones of buildings still aflame or red hot and turning to cinders. As I ran, as I tried to remember my purpose of saving the Herald, those words still rang in my ears. A voice I did and didn't recognise.

"You do your mother proud, dear girl." she had said before, the elf with the steely yellow eyes.

Now she held my chin and I was fearful, scared and frightened of what might happen. I could feel the tears on my cheeks, see them ripple in my vision but she glared down at me, her face inches from mine and her voice as sharp as a knife.

"Remember whose blood flows in your veins."

I shut my eyes against the memory, yes, I had to admit now, these visions were in fact memories. They were too real, too close to me. They were my memories from time I shouldn't know.I should have said something to Solas. He could have helped, he knew what strange dreams meant he could have done something, gave me a potion or at least told me what they were. That all seemed fruitless now, it was all too late. Everything seemed a pointless endeavour. Look at what this Elder One had done. Look at the mess he'd made of this village, the lives he destroyed and for what? That was the question. Why cause this destruction, why create the breach in the first place? He was powerful, that much was for certain. Even had he not an army of templars, enslaving a dragon to do his bidding required something beyond magic. What that was as yet eluded me. All I knew at that moment in time, I had to save the Herald. If I never understood the images and flashes that plagued my mind, if I fell to protect her- the greater good... At least then I could finally say I had done something truly meaningful. I had to snap out of this. This day dream had gone on far too long. This was a battle field and I was contemplating the inner most workings of my mind? That was not me. I was not myself. I had to find myself again and myself (apparently) charged headlong into battles with unknown enemies of proven deadly power.

And suddenly there I was, once again risking it all. My feet no longer dragged in the snow for it had all but melted from the scrambling feet and heat of the surrounding flames. They licked the air around me, crackled and roared in my ears like the ferocious tongue of the very dragon that swooped menacingly close to the ground. Close to the trebuchets ahead, close to the Herald. Too close.

"Hold on, Evelyn." I panted, hoping my voice would somehow carry to her even over the noise of flames and war. I willed it with all my might, she had to know she was not alone. By the time I finally found her, my stomach sank and fear over took me... had I been too late? She was standing face to face with the twisted form of what I could only assume was the elder one. His face a mess of flesh and lyrium. It ripped at the jaw and clung by weak strands to his neck. His body was a tall and twisted form of malice and claws and he towered over everything. What was the meagre Herald against this creature? A young girl, shaking, cold and alone. A fear sat heavy in her eyes and flickered in her clattering teeth. Her brow was cut and her left eye red and bleeding. A child scared in the snow... And yet there she stood, a sword brandished in her quivering hands and she faced this monster down. All I could do was watch as it unfolded. His voice rumbled over the chaos about his divinity, 'the will that was Corypheus.' But the herald stood fast. She did not waver and she did not speak, what else could she do? Now was as good a time as any to save her. I took my chance, a moment of pause between the two that would not have lasted long and I couldn't risk endangering Evelyn any further.

Before I could tell myself otherwise I was charging between the two, notching an arrow to my bow as I did. The twisted Elder one for a brief moment looked perplexed and then back to... nothing. His face bore no expression. His eyes held no soul.

"Lavell-"

"Evelyn go!" I shouted to her, cutting her off before she had time to argue.

"And so comes an elf to carry the human's burden. The people have fallen further than I last remembered." He sneered, the strands of his flesh stretching horribly across his face.

"Nevalla, I'm not leaving you." she pleaded, her voice still quivering behind me.

"You are The Herald of Andraste, the Inquisition needs you! Do what must be done Evelyn, we cannot lose you!" I shouted, my eyes and arrow ever fixed on the Elder One.

His sneer fell and his face dropped, "Enough. This shall end now." He raised his gruesome claws to the sky and I awaited the inevitable flash of that terrible red fire but an all mighty clang and crack of a rope sounded over the hills. For a moment it was the bell that stopped time. I turned sharply behind me to see one final trebuchet fire into the side of the mountain. The Herald stood panting, her sword falling loose in her grip.

"What did you do..." I whispered as I heard the rumble of the world around me. She levelled me with a gaze.

"What must be done." she said firmly, her jaw tightening as the tonnes of snow rushed towards us from the mountainside. It would smother Haven and everything in it. We both knew it, even Corypheus knew it. His dragon lifted him safely from harms way just as the snow ploughed through the walls, a look of utter disgust eteched on his destroyed face. After that there was no more time to think. I acted, the only way I knew how to: On blind instinct. As the snow charged towards us, I grabbed the Herald by the arm and dragged her through the collapsing floorboards of the trebuchet. I did not know where it would lead, I did not know if it would get us to safety but I did know that that week square of flooring was our only hope of surviving. As the mountains fell down and roared on our ears and as we fell further into the darkness I could not think of whether or not we would survive. All I could think about was the set of yellow eyes watching me and how in the shadow of the drop, I saw an approving smirk creep into their corner.

"Are you angry with me?" A voice whispered, so soft and unsure and my mother's.

"No. No I'm not angry." I heard myself answer into the dark, but it did not sound convincing.

"I know this is a lot to understand. But she thought... I thought it was important for you to know why you are always running. Why your life has been as it has, why it has been so lonely, why June stole you from me into his service. She can protect you now, in a way that I never could." she explained, and Mythal bless her, she sounded so guilty. I remembered holding her hands, bringing them to my face so that she clasped my cheeks.

"You are my protector because you are my mother. You are my family, my whole family." I remembered she smiled then and tears fell from her beautiful crystalline eyes. I smiled back at her, "You took care of me when he did not. You raised me to be good, you taught me all that I know and you made me who I am. He would have had me a vengeful, power hungry villain like the rest of them. I will not be like them. You have made sure of that." I told her, my heart young and truthful and earnest. "Her grace told me to remember who's blood flows in my veins and I shall, but my heart... my heart, mother, is yours."

She stroked a strand of my hair away from my face and smiled one last time. "And I will always cherish it. You have a good heart my child. It is of the light. You are kind and you are strong and you are good, so unlike your father."

"I will never be like him." I hissed, clouds suddenly covering over the world around us and I shuddered.

"I know." was all mother said, her words honest and true and the clouds dispersed. "But remember in all his years of wars and revenge he did do one good thing."

"What, mother?" I asked.

She brought me closer and kissed my forehead, "He gave me you."


	33. Continue On

By the time my eyes came back to focus and my head stopped spinning from the dizzying drop, I was only able to hear the final rumbles as the avalanche finally settled over our heads. The cave we now found ourselves in was cold, dark and unwelcoming. Its walls shimmered with a thin sheet of ice that let the echoes of a small drip twitter through out the cavern. It was a lonely sound, made even worse by the slumped over body of the Herald beside me. Her eyes were shut and her bleeding brow furrowed but she was breathing at least.

"Evelyn," I shook her, "Evelyn wake up." She only groaned in response. I swallowed down my rush of panic and ignored the empty feeling in my stomach. I would not let her fall here, I had set out to protect her and by Elganarn's wrath, she would be protected. My eyes scanned the cave again, my ears listened too. The little light and the near deafening silence of them told me they were deep underground, too deep and too unknown to rest in. I couldn't risk staying here the night and wake up to an icicle for a Herald. I had to get her moving.

"Well," I sighed rolling my neck in preparation, "No rest for the wicked." I said, heaving her up with all my might so that her body draped over me like a heavy, lumpy, herald shaped cloak. "No, you just sleep there, Evelyn, I'm grand. No, don't be silly you don't need to walk! I'll carry you all the way to fucking Tevinter if you like." my caustic words coming out in rushed puffs of steam. My frustrations and efforts echoed over the cave as I dragged her slumped body through their shadows. There was something immeasurably undignified about this. She needed to wake up, I couldn't let her continue on like this, what if something attacked us? I shuddered with the cold and the fear. It was all too silent and an eerie feeling crept into my bones.

"Come on Trevelyan, wake up." I hissed, still dragging her like a sack of potatoes through the caves. I'd given up hope that I might wake her now but I spoke to her nonetheless, if only for someone to talk to. To stave off the lonely silence. "I need you fighting fit if we ever hope to get out of here. What would Cassandra say if she saw you sleeping on the job? You can't afford to sleep and as I said no rest for the wicked... Or in your case, no rest for the infuriatingly kind and well meaning. Come on Evelyn, I know you're there. What will I do if I've unwittingly landed us in a wolf den or a bear cave? Or even worse, what if this is a nest for giant spiders! Gods, I do hate spiders. They've got too many legs. Mythal's tits, I don't know what I'll do if this a spider's nest. Suppose I could use you as a human shield, that seems the only real use for you in this state."I saw her twitch and groan quietly when I said that and I know it shouldn't have made me smile, but I was just relieved that she was somewhat conscious.

"That was a joke," I reassured her, "And I do suppose that there are things out there worse than dragging your unconscious friend through a nest of spiders. Never thought I'd say that, sounds like a bad end to a night out." I chuckled to myself, letting the sound of meagre joy bring a little warmth to this icy tomb. But as it's echo subsided and I rounded the next corner, the dull blue light of the caves was interrupted by an eerie flash of green. I stopped dead as I immediately felt that violent tug from the fade. The air around me crackled, The Herald's mark sparked to life and suddenly she was awake. She sprung away from me with a heaving gasp and looked around with frightened eyes.

"There's a rift ahead." She whispered, her tone steady but her words still quivered.

I laid a hand on her shoulder, "And we shall deal with it as we have done with all the others." I said firmly and the fear in her eyes flickered away to that strength that I knew. She wiped the blood from her eye, squared her shoulders and nodded, stopping only briefly to whisper, "Let's try to avoid any 'human shield' situations, Lavellan, if we can."

I smiled at her and followed on as we ran out to face the rift, just us two. I will not lie it was difficult. The demons used the cold around them to their advantage, firing long arms of ice towards us. It sank into my skin and clung to me, seeping its way towards chest. The hooded demons were trying but they were not many and the fighting was over in what seemed like a moment. For some reason, however, the Herald's mark was unpredictable and sporadic. When the demons had fallen and she tried to close it, she jumped back from the shock of power that beamed out from the mark. But she focused hard on it and finally closed it shut. When it was sealed, the remainder of it's magic felt more... Secure. Like it had been welded shut not just sewn. This rift from the fade had well and truly been cut off to this world and I couldn't help the distance I felt in my soul. It made me shiver.

"Shall we continue?" was all Trevelyan said. Her voice tight and her attempt at a smile tighter. I took a step towards her and wiped the blood away from her brow. The cut was deep and she flinched when I touched her, but her smile relaxed and settled into something endlessly sad. Tears welled in her eyes and it was all I could do to encompass her in a hug.

"Oh Evelyn..." I whispered, holding her tighter as her small body shuddered with silent tears. "It's alright, everything is alright." I whispered, kissing her auburn head.

"I'm frightened Nevalla... I want to go home..." she wept and her words broke my heart. What could I offer in comfort? We stood at the precipice of the end, the edge of a knife. One breeze this way or that and we would fall, we all would fall. That weight sat on her shoulders everyday since she awoke in that tumbledown village. She was so strong and kind that I forgot sometimes she was just a girl, and the weight of the world might certainly threaten to crush her.

"I know." I whispered, pulling her back to look at her. "We all wish that we were home, sound in our beds with nothing but the next day on the horizon. But what has happened has happened and nothing we can do will change the past or make it otherwise. But we will go on, as we always have. Life is a stubborn thing, goodness is a stubborn thing. In all the darkest of times, light always finds a way. Take comfort in that, Evelyn. Life finds a way." I tried smiling to her and she returned it, meekly, but it was a start. she stood back from me and sighed, wiping the blood and tears from her face. When she brought her hands away and opened her bright hazel eyes, she was strong again. More sure, more The Herald of Andraste.

"Thank you, Nevalla." she whispered. She said nothing more as she looked sternly down the long throat of the cave ahead. With a firm nod she took a step forward and continued on, myself following ever faithfully behind her. She needed me here, I like to think. As we walked together in silence, I like to think that my presence at her back brought her comfort. Just as hers brought comfort to me. I trusted her. I had to put my faith in her fully and she had yet to make me question it. I didn't think she ever would. She was a good person, that was in short supply in these times. I knew then that someday she would be a great leader.

We were making our way through the caves easily enough, we didn't run into anything too taxing but soon, light appeared at the end and the howling of wind. By the time we reached the mouth it was clear enough that there was a blizzard outside and it roared across the mountains. Evelyn stopped and dared poke her head out only to leap back inside taking deep gasps of air, flakes of snow coating her eyebrows and hair.

"It's too much we must stay here until it subsides." I told her, taking a step back in and setting my bow against the wall.

She shook her head however. "We can't, if we don't go now we'll lose all hope of finding the Inquisition."

I frowned and pointed to the howling sheets of snow beyond us. "Evelyn we can't possibly hope to track the Inquisition in those winds. It'll kill us. We can afford to wait until morning."

"No we can't. It's like you said Evelyn, the Inquisition needs me. And what makes you think we are safe in these caves?" She said, raising her voice to try and match the storm outside.

"You think we'll be any safer in that?!" I shouted now, the storm becoming ever fiercer.

"We can't sit here and hope we survive til morning." she retorted, pulling her cloak tight around her body and making to leave the cave. I jumped towards her and grabbed a hold of her arm.

"Evelyn if we go out in that storm we'll die, it's freezing."

"Either freeze here or freeze out there. At least if we freeze out there we will have died trying!" she shouted, shrugging me off.

"Do you have any idea what you're walking into?" I called after her and she stopped. "Are you willing to let the cold seep into every fibre of your being until it feels like you've known nothing else? Are you willing to feel so weak that you can no longer shiver to keep the cold out. Are you willing to let the ice form on your toes and fingers until they fall off? Will you let it sit in your chest like an iceberg, waiting for it to smother you. That's what awaits you in that storm."

She turned to me and shook her head, something akin to disappointment in her eyes, "Nevalla, we have to try." and without another word she ventured out of the cave and into the storm. Her small cloaked form disappearing in the endless waves of snow and wind. It didn't take me long after that to quickly follow her. It was a foolish decision, but she had made it. Just like before I would be there to make sure she saw an end to her foolish decisions.


	34. This is the End

The winds were stronger than even I anticipated. They barrelled into us, rolling over the mountains like great white curtains. And the cold! My skin felt as though it had been shaved away and left raw. I hated this cold. With every step, the ice sank deeper into my chest and all I could think of was that icy cage of my childhood. The frost on the bars, the cold dry air burning with every breath... The howling wind almost sounded like the desperate cries of my mother as they hailed her away... We needed to find shelter or we wouldn't last the night.

At least I could take a small satisfaction in being right: Trevelyan and I would most certainly meet our ends in this storm. I would not say I told you so, however, not when she looked so bloody determined, marching against the walls of wind and snow as she did. She looked frightfully small with her shoulders hunched and arms wrapped under each other as she walked. Her feet sank down into the continuous new snow on the mountain side which shortened her height even further. But still she continued, heaving each leg in front of the other and continuing Northwards. My hands stung me then, the cold biting away all their sensation. I was exhausted, almost so exhausted that I could barely summon enough power to send some warmth to my hands. They tingled gently when I focused long enough however and I sighed in relief against the winds.

A tumble of movement drew my eyes in front of me where the crumpled form of The Herald lay in a heap in the snow, small white flecks gathering quickly on her cloak.

"Evelyn!" I cried, hardly able to hear my own voice in the storm.

I cantered over to where she fell, rolling her over in my arms and cradling her. Her eyes were shut, her rosy cheeks were almost blue and her nose was crusted with ice. I called her again, shook her too, as white hot panic surged up my spine.

"Evelyn, please! Wake up! You must wake up!" I demanded, shaking her shoulders even more violently, "Shit, shit, shit!" I looked around but all I could see was the dark grey white of the storm. The was no shape, no feel of any land below my feet or sky above me. Just the white abyss that circled in violent gusts around me. I pulled her closer to my chest, straining my eyes desperately to find a tree, a rock- any semblance of shelter! There was none and my panic gave way to an emptiness. A heavy acceptance that this was it. This was the end. I pulled her freezing face into the crook of my neck and rocked her stiff body back and forth.

"You're going to be alright, dhalen. I promise." I whispered, repeating it over and over as I shut my eyes and built my focus. I needed heat, and the only sure fire way for me to create that was to focus on my anger.

I shut my eyes tight, so tight that I saw green and purple patterns but I had to look past them, into the dark black abyss in my mind. I steadied my breathing, long deep breaths no matter how much the cold air burned my lungs. I said the words in my mind and the pictures came easily.

 _Cold, dead faces, marred by blood and ash. The inn keep, the alchemist, all people I had seen, people that I might have known. Dead and butchered in their own village. They had been alive moments before._

 _The Tevene serving girl, her fearful eyes and her screaming. Strangled words in a language I didn't understand muddied by blood._

 _And then Friedrich... My friend from Wycome. The ripping of his flesh as the demons claw came down on his back._

The faces of everyone I had ever lost came flooding back to me. The pain, the loss, the anger filled me up until I burned. I shut my eyes tight as the tears rolled down my cheeks, burning in hot white rivulets that threatened to scar. I had to focus on that pain, bring it altogether into an energy that might save the Herald. I felt it flood down my arms and into my hands, the warmth of a fire. I hoped it would help her, hoped she might feel it, if only to let her know that I was here. She was not alone.

"And you never will be." I whispered into her frozen hair. "I promise you now, Evelyn, you'll never be alone." The words were but whispers, barely carrying over the remaining howls of wind.

Her brow furrowed and she mumbled and I laughed in relief. She was still here, still breathing. Gods, but she was a fighter.

I focussed the energy harder now, let it flow out of me and into her. But as I did the world grew darker and colder. So cold...

"I'm here, Evelyn. I always will be. I'll keep you safe." I sighed. I couldn't even hear the words myself but I said them regardless. She wouldn't here them either, but I had to say them. I had to convince myself that I would save her. The grey world around me ebbed in and out of darkness, each blink threatening to be my last.

As I held her tighter and willed myself to stay awake, a strange sound carried across the stormy winds. It was eerie and long and it took me only a moment to recognise the forlorn sound. Wolves. With all the energy remaining to me, I stood up, carefully laying the Herald back on the snow. The winds were dying now, only coming in short gusts and the snow falling softer. As the grey of the storm cleared it wasn't long before I could make out the black figures padding towards us.

The encircled us, taking one carefully laid footprint at a time. I counted six but there was bound to be more, wolves didn't normally hunt in so small a number. I held my breath and felt my fingers twitch with nerves. The closer they drew, the more animated they became. They bared their teeth and snarled, Shook their heckles as they readied themselves for the kill. They must have been tracking us for hours, waiting for us to tire so we'd be easy prey.

"Fenedhis." I spat and reached for my bow. I had come this far, I had just faced down an avalanche. I wasn't about to be conquered by a few dogs. At my movement they barked and growled even more some even crouching back on their hind legs, ready to pounce, but they made no move. Were they taunting me?

"Come on then you mangy mutts! Lets get it over with!" I shouted, knocking an arrow and letting it fly at the one directly in front. It pierced his head and he fell limp. The rest, however, took this as their queue to begin the attack. They fell upon me at once, but as they bounded towards me I was able to take out two more in quick succession. That left only three who now circled me again. My neck shifted left to right in jarring movements following their pacing. My eyes flashed down at the unconscious herald at my side, but that's all they needed: a moment to strike. They barrelled at me again, and with all the power I had I sent out a force of magic. It sent the two closest to me sliding a few feet back into the snow. But the third came up between them as they dazedly clambered back to their feet. He leaped upon me with a frightening speed and sank his inch long teeth into my forearm, which I had raised in a feeble attempt to protect myself. I screamed out in pain as I felt the teeth tear through bone and sinew. He shook his head violently, dragging me to the ground and for the flash of a moment I thought about letting go. Let the bloody thing maul me. The effort to stay alive in that fleeting moment seemed all too much. Then my eyes fell upon Evelyn. If I die she'd die too, and the other two wolves were sniffing a little too close at her crumpled form for comfort.

"NO!" I yelled, heat and lightening surging up from my chest and coursing into the wolf who had me pinned. It shuddered with shock and fell with a pathetic whimper. It drew the attention of the others and soon enough they were back on me, ripping and clawing at my cloak. Hot blood poured from my left arm, so much I thought I could smell it. It was a hazy, powerful aroma that sent white hot images through my head. They were clear as day, the clearest yet. As though this world was the dream and they were not.

 _"Dear girl, it is only another source of power, nothing to be feared. Give me your hand, this may save your life one day." It was the tall silver haired elf with yellow eyes who spoke to me. We sat in a glade decorated with fine silver arches and seats. It was bright and fresh and alive with magic. Solid gold vines entwined themselves up the nearest trees and I remember thinking they were rather pretty. As the thought appeared in my mind, the vines appeared as fine bracelets on my wrists. The woman smirked and arched a brow._

 _"Idle tricks will not help you in the middle of a battlefield, Nevalla. I told your mother I'd have you trained and trained you shall be."_

 _I gulped and looked up at her and felt my palms grow sweaty. She held out her long elegant hand with a flourish and waited. My eyes glanced down to the knife in her other hand and I swallowed again. Finally without another word, I gave her my hand. She smiled in satisfaction and in one swift movement had slashed my wrist. I gasped out in pain._

 _"My lady!" I cried, "You've killed me!"_

 _The woman through her head back in a loud and long laugh, "A flare for the dramatics. Just like your father." The last part was said with a sneer. "Use the power in your veins, girl. Heal yourself. There is nothing more powerful than that which gives you life."_

And as though they had never appeared in the first place, again, the memories were gone. Vivid agony replaced them. Not only from my arm but now my leg, as the second wolf sank its jaws into my shin so viciously that I felt the bone crack in two. I screamed and with a surge of mindless adrenaline, slammed my bow down on the wolf's head. It snapped like a twig and only caused the wolf to whimper and stumble back a few paces. The other came at me now, bounded up silently so I did not expect it and had me pinned on my back before I could think. I tried to struggle free but he ripped at my face with his teeth. What I felt then was white hot pain. It buzzed through me and all of my sight turned red. Red with blood. I could smell its power whispering to me. There is nothing more powerful than that which gives you life.

The world stalled then for a moment, slowed to an almost impossible speed. The wolf lifted its head and readied itself for another attack, but all I could feel was the pain and the blood and, Oh, the power... It whispered to me, long and ancient spells that threatened the sundering of the world. I only needed to take out two wolves but world sundering would do nicely at this point. I shut my eyes and let the blood swirl around me, let the power in it surge and surge until it threatened to explode! And then... Thud.

It felt like a thunder strike to my soul when that power released itself. It was violent and free but I had never felt such control over my magic. Before I knew it I was standing, being held up by the force of it. The blood from my wounds encircled the wolves and coursed through them, leaving them shrivelled carcasses of what they had just been.

And then it was done. The power faded, and the pain returned. I collapsed with a cry into the cold snow. My breathing came out in bubbling sighs and my sight was fogged and red. I cried out, fear encompassing me as the unknown of death crawled in around me. The herald still lay beside me, her face almost blue. I tried to call to her but my voice was broken and wet with tears and blood. It couldn't end for her like this. They had to know she was still out here, surely they'd be looking for her.

"Come on!" I told myself through gritted teeth, "One... One last hurrah... Please."

With a long scream I hauled myself to my feet and focused one final time on the fire within me. I pointed my one good arm high into the sky and whispered to myself to do it. It would surely drain me of all I had left... But Evelyn had to go on, even if I could not. With every ounce of strength I had I willed a ball of fire into the night sky. As the heat left me, so did everything else. I fell back into the snow, the pain not even reaching me now. I stared at the night sky, watching as my fireball exploded and cast the cold mountainside in a warm light. It was a comforting thought. Not even Cullen could have missed that.

With my life spent and efforts spent, I contented myself to watch the night sky as it drifted over head. The bright lights peppered across it eventually grew dim however, as darkness encompassed me. I could do nothing to halt it and truly, there was nothing left in me that wanted to.


	35. Awakening

I cannot say how long I fell through that abyss. It was dark and empty and all the while I was pleading for this not to be death. Where were the castles in the clouds and the Gods to welcome me home? Everything they had told us was wrong. Death was not the releasing of your soul, it was a cold, black well of nothing. No light, no noise, just the torturous awareness of the void around you. I had to wake up, if this was death then I did not want it. I had to be asleep, I had to wake up, wake up

 _Wake up!_

"Shh lethalin, you are safe, you are here."

"Solas..." I croaked into the darkness and I heard him give a small laugh that almost sounded relieved.

"I'm here, Nevalla. Rest" He said, his voice a warm disturbance in the dark.

"I- I'm frightened... Solas I can't wake up!" I began to panic, if I had been aware of my body I might have been crying.

His comforting tones hushed my grievances, "You have nothing to fear, Nevalla, you are safe."

"Where am I?"

"Asleep. You have been for days, we have had trouble waking you. You have a heavy fever, lethalin... You were gravely injured."

"The Herald... The wolves!" I cried.

"Shh, try to remain calm Nevalla. We found the Herald, she is safe and alive. You may have saved her life."

"May have!?" I shouted into the dark.

I heard him chuckle again, "Of course, forgive me. You most certainly saved her life. Varric has been spinning endless tales of your heroics. However, there have been some queries from Cullen and Cassandra on just how you faced down the pack of wolves. There was a lot of blood, lethalin. They suspect blood magic."

I fumbled for words. There was really no denying, not to Solas. He could probably tell a mile off that it was blood magic. Come to think of it Cassandra and Cullen probably could to, what with their Templar/Seeker senses tingling.

"I- Solas I had no other choice, it was either that or the herald. Fen'harel's hairy arse they'll think I'm an abomination for sure."

He was silent for a while and again my panic grew.

"Don't leave me here alone, Solas." I pleaded into the void.

"I'm here." He said quietly but again it was followed by a heavy silence. But somehow, it was enough to know he was there.

"Nevalla..." He began, his voice tentative, apprehensive.

"Yes?"

"The magic you used... I have not seen its like since... Do the Dalish truly teach such practises." He had that tone again that told my gut he was hiding something. I ignored it, like I always did.

"Are you appalled by it?" I whispered.

"On the contrary," He began, and the abyss seemed that little bit brighter. "Blood magic is simply another source of power. It should not be a thing to be feared."

I shuddered and shut my eyes against the all too vivid memory of the silver elf. She flashed in my mind once more, her smirk, her eyes and then nothing.

"Nevalla..." Solas whispered, an edge in his voice I had never heard. But before I could answer him everything fell away, his voice, the darkness, even my awareness all filtered out into nothing. Was this death?

The first thing that came back to me was the rattling and rolling of cart wheels. The wooden axle creaking and jolting over uneven ground and the nearby hum of conversation. I was jolted harshly to the left and that is what truly brought me back to consciousness. I opened my eyes wide but instantly shut them as blinding light flooded in. I groaned and raised an arm to cover them.

"Maker's arse in the air, you're awake! She's awake!" called a very familiar voice. I smiled at Dorian's unusual over-zealousness, but the left side of my face smarted as I did. My hand came up to feel the soft bandages surrounding that side of my face and it was then that I remembered the extent of my injuries. Flashes of the wolves barking and biting forced me awake and I jumped up with a start.

"Wow there Nev! Easy, easy. Hell of a fight you got in back there." Bull was speaking now and I was able to open my eye enough to see around me.

I was, indeed, in a cart. It was lined with soft furs and blankets and was very comfortable. A large horse pulled it along through the snowy mountains of the Frostbacks. Ahead of that was what looked to be the remaining population of the Inquisition, trickling its way in a continuous march towards the horizon. There was something brilliantly hopeful about the sight and I smiled despite the smarting in my face. I looked down again and realised my right leg was in a splint. Two spots of blood seeped through the bandages. My left arm was also in a sling but not in a splint. I looked around and there, walking alongside my cart was Bull, smiling down proudly.

"What... What happened?" I croaked, my voice dry from lack of use. A bustle came from behind then followed by indignant yelps and curses.

"I said _excuse_ me! Maker, you Southerners couldn't be mannerly if your life depended on it! Here, dear Nev." It was Dorian and I found myself laughing as he reached into the cart to hand me a small cup of cold water. I swallowed it down eagerly.

"Well, how do you feel?" Bull asked.

"Oh, right as rain! Nothing a nap and cup of tea won't fix." I said with an all too sweet smile and flourish towards my broken leg.

Bull chuckled, "You still have your wit, I'll give you that."

"Really Nevalla, how do you feel. It can't have been easy well... surviving all that." Dorian said as he gently nudged Bull out of the way. The huge Qunari looked down at the mage then with a look that almost spoke of fondness.

How I felt however? I didn't really know. "I believe I have a new found fear of wolves, if that means anything." I shrugged.

"Who could blame you?" Dorian chuckled, eyeing my leg and arm but only briefly scanning my face.

My hand came up to feel the bandages again, "Is it that bad?"

"You were pretty bashed up when they found you, Trixy." It was Varrics voice to my right. I looked to him and smiled, he returned it warmly. "Glad to see you back with us."

I felt the bandages again and remembered the searing pain of the wolf attacking my face. "I'll have a hideous scar now, won't I?" It may have been a vain thought but it upset me greatly. To think of my face permanently marred like that... I'd always quite liked how I looked. Not in an arrogant way but over time I had grown accustomed to my face. And now it would be forever changed and scarred.

"Nonsense." Varric said, "Scars have the best stories." he winked and I took some comfort in it.

"Well..." I sighed, settling back into the cushioned furs of the cart, "What's the plan?"

"Well, after your flamboyant pyrotechnic signal we were able to find you and The Herald within minutes." Dorian began.

Bull chuckled, "Should've seen the look on Cullen's face. I think he just about shit his breeches with excitement when that fireball exploded. Way to get a guy's attention."

"Yes, everyone was thoroughly pleased and excited. The Herald slept off her exhaustion, had a few stitches but you... Maker I thought..." Dorian cleared his throat and blinked his eyes too quickly but continued, "It took more than a few stitches to bring you back, I think for a while you were really, well, dead."

"Solas and Dorian took it in turns keeping you alive-"

"Makers breath I've never seen chuckles look so determined." Varric added.

"Sure, he did his fair share but Dorian too-"

"Yes and everything I did to try and help, he insisted I was doing it wrong. Nothing was good enough for his little lethalin" Dorian cut Bull off, "You'll note that your broken arm is no longer and your leg remains split in two. I was in charge of the arm. You can blame Solas for the splint and crutches."

I had to laugh. Hearing them all talk so easily, knowing they were right there beside me after so long of what seemed like being alone... It was like a homecoming. A family.

"Anyway," Dorian continued, "We're here now, following the Herald North. Apparently there's a place for the Inquisition to hold up and rebuild."

"That was two weeks ago." Varric added in his familiar droll tone.

"And if I have to spend another two weeks pissing into a freezing tin pot I'll throw myself off one of these mountains." Dorian finished and I laughed loudly. It echoed over the mountains and turned a few heads in the crowd. They smiled however, a warm and hopeful smile. They had persevered and they had survived.

A week went by of travelling and camping. Leliana visited my cart and brought me sweet cakes and tea.

"I order you to get well soon Lavellan. I cannot afford to do without one of my best agents for much longer. The Herald may be many things but she is no scout. Finding this Stronghold has been a torture."

We laughed and talked long into the night and she stayed with me until I fell asleep. It was a nice thought that so many of these people cared about me. Like they truly were my family.

Sera and Blackwall visited briefly, but they were needed up at the front with the Herald and couldn't stay long.

"I've a present for you, Nev. I'll give it to you when we finally find this place." The Warden had called and I had thanked him eagerly. Another week passed by of travelling through the snowy hills and the once sublime scenery around us was becoming quite boring. Especially sitting where I was in the same cart.

"A Fortnight, Varric." I moaned. "It's been a whole fortnight and I haven't moved from this bloody cart once."

He chuckled as he walked slowly alongside me. "Well, you need to rest that leg as long as you can. Chuckles' orders."

"Well it would be nice if he'd actually tell me that himself. Two weeks and have I seen him? No! Of course not! Because every now and then he takes it into his head to be an arsehole!" I cried.

"Come on now, you know no one cared for you like he did when you were sick." He chastised me.

I slumped back heavily into the cart, "I know." I said, defeated and fed up, "And its that which I can't understand. Why show such care for me when I'm unconscious and yet refuse to acknowledge my existence when I'm awake?"

Varric looked somewhat speechless, "I'm not sure I can answer that. Maybe he's scared."

I guffawed, "Scared? Scared of what? That I'll insult the fade again?"

"Look, I know you two have never exactly gotten along. But, Lavellan... When they brought you back up here on that stretcher, your face torn and covered in blood... Solas was the first one by your side. It was like he saw nothing else, not even the Herald, and the way he looked at you? There was something there, Trixy."

A heavy silence fell on me then, a kind of disbelief almost. I didn't what to think about what that "something" was. It was strange and unfamiliar. I'd much rather keep our little rivalry going than find out what it was.

"Far be it from me to be spreading idle gossip. So, you want out of the cart? I can get you out of the cart." Varric, as if he could tell, broke that silence and I shot up with a smile.

"My dastardly dwarf," I laughed, "You get me out of this Mythal forsaken thing and I'll be forever in your debt."

He leaned in closer and looked around suspiciously, "I may be able to pilfer you a pair of crutches."

"It would need to be subtle." I said,

"Of course."

"And no one can find out or they'll stick me right back in."

"Not a problem."

I smiled fiendishly and without another word, Varric was off to set me free. I laughed and leaned back into the cart in satisfaction. Things might just get better yet.

I must have dozed off by the time Varric returned with said crutches because I awoke to a man I'd never seen before clambering over the top and inright alongside me.

"'Pologies miss!" He whispered. His face was gaunt and bearded and heavy wrinkles lined under his eyes. He was thin and crooked from what I could tell under his cloak, and had tufts of white hair sticking out from under his hood. "Master Varric said I could have a turn in the cart. Injured my leg back in Haven you see. Bit of the Inn fell right down on my knee. Should've heard the almighty crack it gave, miss. Never heard the like of it, and it ain't the first bone I broke. Usually I wouldn't presume to climb up in this cart so brazen like, but these old bones heal slow, and a few days of resting might do them some good."

I sat in a sort of stunned silence but nodded all the same. Of course he could have the cart! Gods I felt appallingly selfish to think of all the others who might be struggling along with broken legs.

"Certainly!" I burst out, shuffling over to the side where Varric handed me up the old man's crutches.

"Thank you ever so." He sighed, slumping back heavily in the furs and closing his eyes. I think I heard him snoring by the time I was out and in the snow. I beamed widely at Varric as I tested the crutches. It was easy enough to walk alongside the crowd as the snow had been flattened and melted by the many footprints.

"You've got a knack for that." Varric chuckled as I picked up my pace.

"Its quite fun really." I said, taking long strides through the cold evening air. The sun was setting just below the horizon and the sky was draped in the finest colours, pink, purple and gold. The mountains once again looked beautiful and immense from where I stood. I closed my eyes and let the cold mountain air wash over me.

"Its things like these..." Varric said, his voice distant and entirely not like him.

"Like what?" I asked.

He turned to me and with a smile pointed up to the sunset. "There are times when I think about turning back, giving up and letting this whole shit show play itself out. What am I supposed to do against everything? Its not my problem, let the Herald take care of it. What's the point in fighting against so much bad in the world?" He paused and his eyes drifted back to the horizon. "Then things like that happen and I realise that's why. There's so many things in this worth that deserve to be fought for." He smiled and nodded back to the sleeping man in the cart, "So many people, who can't do it themselves, they deserve to be fought for. I'll be damned if I stand by and let Corypheus take all this away."

I stopped and watched as he walked on ahead with the rest of the Inquisition. What he said stuck to me. It was true and right and it I could not fault it.

"Varric, I believe that's the most uplifting thing you've ever said." I called to him.

He turned back to me and laughed, "Yea well, don't get used to it Trixy. I may be fighting for the greater good but I'll make sure to complain about it every step of the way."


	36. Exit Lavellan

Night fell once again over the travelling Inquistion and further up the stream of people, little red tents began to appear. The moon rose fully into a cold ink sky, so clear that every white dot in it could be seen. The valley beneath it where we camped was silver with the snow and the moonlight and it was so beautifully quiet. Not silent, people still bustled about but they spoke quietly and calmly and settled softly in their tents, tired once again from the day's journeys. The battle at Haven seemed so far away now, like a bad dream. The people here deserved quiet, they deserved peace and as Varric said, I'd be damned if I stood by and let Corypheus take this from them.

I watched the few people that were still up as they pottered about the camp. Some chatted softly at their fires, others cleaned dishes in bowls of melted snow. Some were still eating, steam coming up from their little wooden plates: a warm meal against the cold. It smelt earthy and hardy, and I realised then just how at home I felt. It had been a while since I'd lived like this. It made think of my clan and Mahanon. A slight fear struck me when I wondered if they'd heard about Haven. Surely they would have, something like that would be hard to miss, what with the Templar army and the fire breathing dragon. Oh, and the mangled corpse of some over ambitious Tevinter Magister.

"Varric?" I called out quietly. I knew he was camped nearby and he was bound to have some pen and ink on him. It had definitely been too long since my last letter home but with so much happening it had quite slipped my mind. However, when no reply came I assumed that he had gone to sleep. I clucked my tongue and hauled myself to my feet with my crutches. Perhaps Dorian would have paper, or Josephine- she was always scribbling away on that strange portable desk of hers. I hobbled over the trampled snow with as much grace as I could manage and made for her tent. She was not too far away, close to the Herald anyway. I stopped just outside the ambassador's tent when I heard fervent whispers coming from within. I recognised Leliana's lilting accent and Josephine's too. Cullen's louder vibrato cut across them followed by Cassandra hushing him.

"I understand we owe a lot to her but we cannot have such a practice in the Inquisition, it is too dangerous! We may already have an abomination on our hands." Said the commander.

"I must agree, while we recognise Lavellan's efforts, such outlawed practises jeopardise the integrity of the Inquisition." Said Josephine. I leaned in closer when I heard mention of my name, my cheeks flushing red and tears welled in my one good eye. I knew what they were discussing. They knew I'd used blood magic. I silently cursed myself and listened on.

"No more so than your smuggler rings and questionable Lyrium sources." It was Cassandra who rebuked her and I almost smiled. I had not expected that from her.

"Cassandra is right. Lavellan has proven to be a fierce ally of the Inquisition. She has went above and beyond to aid us and while I do not agree with her use of blood magic, I will not see her cast aside." Leliana spoke then, her voice cold and unrelenting.

"With all due respect, Spymaster, the decision is not up to you." Cullen said quietly.

"With all due respect then, _Commander_ , let us hear what the Herald has to say."

The silence seemed unending. I even dared to lean in closer, afraid I might miss the Herald's verdict. I felt my lip quivering the longer I waited. Just when I thought I had found a home, yet again something was pushing me out. I was always left behind, for some reason or another... But whatever it was it was always my magic. People feared me. Cullen, ex Templar who had seen the best and worst of magic. Diplomatic and caring Josephine. They both feared me. The Herald, who had been tossed out of the Breach, who had faced down Corypheus- she feared me. I wouldn't be surprised if they all did, Leliana, Cassandra, all of them. My heart broke at the thought of being cast out, or worse. It broke my heart to think of these people who I'd come to see as family turn on me and run. In that moment I cursed my magic, wished it was never a part of me. In everything I did it would always hound me, it would always overtake.

"Are we absolutely sure it was blood magic?" Came the Herald's voice at last. She was sounded as though she didn't believe it. Why would she believe that her friend had stooped so low? She only saw the best in people.

"I am afraid so. Mages have verified this, Cassandra too." Josephine replied.

Another silence came and I took a step back. I knew what would be said next. There was no way Trevelyan would let this slide. She was brought up with Chantry laws, fervently believed in Andraste and the Maker and all that shite that made everything about me so wrong. I hobbled back again, each time I did, my heart stepped back with me. Further and further into some dark part of me which I never dared to look. Heartbreak gave way to anger and I spun violently to run but I stumbled over the crutch and my broken leg pulsed with pain.

I let out a whimper and landed in a heap on the snow. My still tender arm took the brunt of the tumble but my leg had not been entirely saved. I'd twisted it in the landing and in throbbed violently now. I grit my teeth and tried not to cry out, tears burned in my eyes from the pain and hot breaths of steam shot from my mouth and into the cold night air. As I tried to stand, I heard a shuffle of movement ahead of me. As if out from the shadows, Solas emerged, his head lofty, his arms behind his back. It was a posture I recognised from our early days together. Standoffish and proud.

"You should be resting, Lavellen." He said quietly, concern knotting his brow.

I pulled myself upright, ignoring my throbbing leg and matched his stance. Or at least tried to. It's quite difficult to stand at ones full height on crutches.

"I was. But I just decided to go for a walk." I lied.

The arch in his brow told me he knew.

"It should take another week for that leg to heal now." He said, nodding to it.

I glared at it, willing it to stop pulsing, Mythal's sake I could almost hear it. He said nothing more, and neither did I. It felt awkward and strange to be near him. He had been avoiding me for so long, I had almost gotten used to it. That and Varric's words about "Something" being there made my throat close over with nerves.

"Then it is settled. You made the right decision, Herald." Came Cullen's loud voice from the tent. It drew both our attention and my heart sank. They had past my sentence. I turned back to look at Solas and his face seemed impassable, if not for his eyes. They burned with something strange, a determination and fear.

"Follow me, quickly." He said, stepping forward to take my arm. With his aid we made in to the shadows between two tents nearby.

I looked at him in confusion.

"The Herald will not cast you out while you are still injured." He said, his hand still wrapped firmly around the crux of my elbow. I understood then why he had not healed my leg immediately. He knew the Herald and the advisers would have no choice but to expel me after my dabble in blood magic. He knew also that the Herald was not so merciless as to leave me out in the snow with a broken leg.

I felt my lips part but I couldn't think of anything to say. I suppose a "thank you" would have been adequate but I couldn't form the letters on my tongue. I tried but I could only smile at him. His eyes flicked up from my mouth to look me in the eye.

"You need to be seen above suspicion." He said lowly, "You will need to win their trust again, Lavellan. You used the one thing they can all agree is wrong, it will not be forgiven easily. Scout to the North, be their guide."

"But my leg, I can hardly walk as it is never mind alone."

He spread out his palm and it glowed softly in a green light. As it vanished, so did the throbbing in my leg, almost completely. He knelt down and snapped the splint off, throwing it and the bandages to the side.

"It will be weak," He said, coming to his feet, "But you can use it well enough."

"I have no weapons!" I hissed, suddenly frightened.

He smiled slightly, "I believe Warden Blackwall will be of service there."

I guffawed and shook my head, crouching down when I saw the Advisers disperse and go to their separate tents. When the rustle of tarpaulin settled, only the wind could be heard whistling through the valley. The night seemed utterly still. If not for the thick mauve clouds moving across the sky, time could have come to a halt. It was interrupted only by the long lonely cry of a wolf.

I shivered and I imagined the cut across my eye was fresh for a moment. The pain flashed for a mere second but vanished. I touched the fresh bandages that covered my face and willed the panic rising in my chest to calm. I looked to Solas when I noticed him moving. He was fidgeting in his pocket. A moment later he held out what he was looking for. it was a small wooden amulet, circular with small swirling carvings around its edges. In the middle was the very simple depiction of a wolf's head.

"What's this?" I took the little amulet and examined it closer. There was not much more to it, it was very rudimentary.

"Token of the Pack Master. As long as you wear it," He paused and watched as I put it on, "No wolf should harm you."

"Truly?"

His mouth quirked up to the side, "Truly. Come, Blackwall has a pack and supplies made up for you."

I followed him in and out of the shadows of the tents. It was easy enough to remain hidden under the dark sky, and we being elves, we moved light on our feet. He lead me up a trodden path away from the main camp and behind a large wall of rock. There, waiting at a lonely torch stand was Blackwall, Varric, Dorian and Bull. Solas lit the torch with a flick of his wrist and joined the others. They all watched as I came towards them, a look of pride on all their faces. Blackwall stood pack in hand with a bow slung over his shoulder. Varric sat on what looked like a box draped in fabric, his arms crossed to keep out the cold. Dorian stood beside him. He leaned on Solas' staff and was shivering like a kitten. Bull however, was fully armoured, battle axe and all.

"So they're kicking me out." I tried to sound lighthearted but the humour in my tone fell flat.

"Not if we have a say in it." Varric spoke up and stepped forward.

"We came up with a sort of contingency plan when you were still asleep after the attack." Dorian added. "The idea being that you get yourself as far away from Cullen and the other Chantry preachers as possible."

"All the while doing the work of the Inquisition, that so far, The Herald has failed to do." Bull chimed.

"You gotta one up the Herald, make them realise that they can't do this without you." Varric finished.

I was somewhat stunned by their organisation and their shrewdness but more so that they cared enough to go to such lengths to keep me here.

Blackwall stepped forward then, set the pack of supplies at my feet and handed me a bow that hung on his shoulder. When I felt the weight and smoothness of the wood I knew immediately it was iron bark. I ran my hand down the intricately carved length of it and all but gasped when I saw the carved dragon's head at its top. I realised then that the whole thing had been carved like a dragon. It was beautiful, even if the tail at the bottom was slightly blackened and charred. The fine intricate carving that acted as scales gave it grip, the head and tale at each end gave it a balance.

"It got caught by the flames when we were escaping Haven, but it should work just as well." He said and I looked up, only noticing how foggy my eyes had become.

"Thank you, Blackwall." I whispered, running my hand up its length and pulling the string taut. I felt a smile grow on my face as I looked around the small sphere of light that held these people who cared so dearly about me. "Thank you, all of you."

"You've given much for this cause and to see it be so easily cast aside is a great injustice. You should not be made the villain after you've done so much for the good." Solas said, as he took his staff from Dorian.

"You're coming too?" I sounded more hopeful than I wanted. He nodded. "Splendid! Now, you said we're scouting to the North to find a fortress for the Inquisition. Quick question, before we set off," I said, slinging my pack over my shoulder. "How are we meant to find this fortress that all the Inquisition hasn't been able to find in three weeks?"

"I know where it is." Solas answered. He said nothing more and didn't look like he would.

I looked at Dorian, "The Fade?"

"Of course, The Fade. How else would he know the location of an impossibly secret fortress?"

I laughed loudly and had to smother it with my hand for fear of alerting the others.

"Well this should be interesting." I said, turning to Solas, "Shall we set off?"

"Yes we shall." Bull said, walking forward and down the slope towards the camp. He stopped half way however and smiled back at us. "What? The Frostbacks are crawling with bandits and cults and all sorts. You'll need a heavy fighter if you want to find this place at all."

"Both Nevalla and myself have travelled alone many times before. I believe we are capable enough without you." Solas sounded more disgruntled than I expected of him.

Bull simply laughed, "You'll thank me when we're balls deep in bandits, and besides," He said and a sly grin spread on his face, "Someone's gotta chaperone you two."

I saw Solas' jaw flex in indignation, but he only held his head higher and marched down the slope ahead of Bull who was laughing and taunting him as he went. I blamed my red cheeks on the cold wind.

"One more thing before you go." Varric said, turning back to the covered box he had previously sat on. In one quick movement he pulled away the dark green fabric to reveal a bird cage and inside sat a very familiar, beaked face.

"Captain!" I cried, running towards it and opening the little latch. He hopped out and cawed softly.

"You send him back with any findings and he'll report straight to The Spy Captain." Varric smiled.

"Oh I have missed you, you silly bird." I giggled as he flapped up to my shoulder and pecked at my hair. "Thank you. Sincerely. It's quite overwhelming to think you care about me this much."

"Of course we care about you, dear Nev, you're part of this family whether they like it or not and you'd do well to remember it." Dorian said fervently.

"We know you belong here. Give The Herald time and she'll see that too." Blackwall said, his large hand ruffling my hair.

"Good luck out there, Trixy."

I looked at the them a final time before taking a deep breath and following the others down the slope. This would be quite an adventure. I could only hope that it would be enough to secure my place in The Inquisition.


	37. If at First You Don't Succeed

"This is a fucking disaster!" I cried, flinging Blackwall's beautiful bow into the stiff snow.

"It takes practise, Nev. Maybe you'll learn to appreciate your depth perception a little better when that eye heals." Bull chimed, without looking up from his bowl of stew. Solas stirred the pot slowly, looking between the two of us, a look of worry sitting on his face.

It was our third evening travelling together and we had made a quite a bit of headway in regards to finding Skyhold. Solas had told us the name of our hidden fortress during our first day. He said that it had been used as a stronghold for many, many years. It had seen the rise and fall of countless empires and stood against it all. There seemed something familiar about the name and something foggy in my head switched it to The Place Where the Sky is Held Back. However, as fascinated as I was with the history of this oh-so-ancient castle, it was hardly at the forefront of my mind.

On our second day, we ventured lower down the mountains to avoid the worst of a snow storm. Unfortunately, a pack of bandits had had the same idea and so we were set upon. They jeered and whooped with the same desperate arrogance all of their kind seem to possess and I took it upon myself to fire the first shot. I expected it to hit the man not five feet ahead of me, but to my utter astonishment the arrow flew wide and landed pathetically in the snow.

"Now you see why you need me." Bull had said.

I had to stand back like some sort of liability. I had never felt so useless. My hands itched with a want to defend myself and I couldn't. I had to sit back, run away from the fight because I couldn't even shoot straight.

I slumped down heavily on the stump opposite the fire. Solas watched me carefully from the other side of the flames. My skin buzzed with frustration but above it all there was that hollow feeling in my chest of what if this was it? What if I had lost my sight? I'd never be able to shoot again. And then where would I be? Where would I stand with the Inquisition? I'd be a useless, blood magic practising nuisance. They'd have to get rid of me. I'd get rid of me.

I heard movement beside me as Bull stood up and retrieved my bow. His heavy footsteps trudged towards me before he through it into my lap. I jostled to catch it and shot him a fierce look.

"Practice." he said, tapping his eye patch. "I've only got one eye and I do just fine."

"Its different."

"How so? Pick up your weapon and practice."

I jerked my head to look up at his, tears burning my eye, "It is bloody different alright? Look all you have to do is swing an axe around and hope you hit something. Shooting takes focus and skill and time and years of practice. And a good fucking amount of eyes!" I said with a heat in my throat.

He said nothing. Only smirked and shrugged and returned to his stew. "Practice." he said once more.

I growled and stormed back to where I'd been firing my arrows at one lonely dead tree. It was silent, the only noise the winds over the mountains in the distance. They picked up silvery swirls of snow from their peaks and carried them off into the pale navy sky. Like the calming breaths of some giant. I tried to copy the strange rhythm of those silver streams and focused once again on the tree in front. The crudely painted target was smudged by snow now, but I could still make it out. I tongued the piercing in my lip and remembered Mahanon's lessons. Back straight, bow pulled just to the corner of my mouth. I looked to my elbow, turned it in a bit more and looked back to the target. I felt every muscle quiver and tighten like it always did as I readied for a shot. I took one final long breath in, the world around me becoming a blur in my ears and just as I exhaled... I released it!

I heard the arrow hit wood and my heart rose. When I looked at the target however it had flew right of the bulls-eye. My heart sank once again.

"Better!" Bull said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

" _What's the use in aiming if you don't hit your target..._ " I echoed the strange words I once heard in my dreams.

"What she say?" Bull said behind me and I realised then, the words had rolled off my tongue in Elvhen. It startled me, once again and I was forced to admit that these were not in fact mere dreams anymore. They were memories, but not mine. They couldn't have been, it wasn't possible. The Dragon, the dreams, the speaking a language I had never previously known...

"Nevalla..." Solas' soft voice came from behind me, it had a sort of worried tone to it.

"I can't do it." I hissed.

"Of course you can! Look you were just wide this time. Give it another shot." Bull said and I could hear him getting up to stand beside me. He nudged my shoulder, "Go on."

I did nothing. I only stood stiff, gripping the bow in my left hand so hard I thought I might snap it. This was it. I had put every ounce of effort into that shot and still, I missed. I could not afford to take that amount of time in the middle of a battle. I was just as useless, like some novice who had no real skill at archery at all.

"Look Nevalla," Bull began, "You can't get anywhere in life by just giving up. I know it came easy to you before but this might be something you have to get used to." He hesitated, "We don't know that yet! And hey, you could take that bandage off right now and see fine. But in the worst case scenario, you'll have to get used to this. And in the worst case scenario, giving up is not an option."

I turned to look up to him and looked at his eye-patch. That could be me... I could be blind and no matter what he said, I couldn't shoot with just one eye. A smirk spread his face and he ruffled my hair.

"You know you can do it. I believe in you." He said, very, very cheerfully. It irked me. He didn't understand.

"You and I are not the same, Bull." I growled and he didn't even look offended.

"Sure we are!" He said brightly, taking a step back. "I lost my eye and practice made me damn near the best mercenary there is."

Smug. That's what he was. He was being smug, and I felt a pit of anger form in my chest.

"You know what got me through it all? When, I had my eye burned out of my socket?" His voice got harder now, sterner, like I was one of his recruits. "When I smelt my own flesh burning and my eye pour down my face like warm jelly, do you know what made me pick up my axe and keep trying?"

I looked at him now, still angry but something like fear tickled up my spine too. The stern look on his face fell as if he could see it too, and the smirk stretched back on his face.

"If at first," He began, his shit eating grin getting ever wider, "You don't succeed..." He waved his hand and clicked his fingers at me as if he was expecting me to finish the stupid phrase. His smirk and his smugness and just _him_ in that moment annoyed me beyond reason. He kept clicking his fingers, kept smiling and waiting for me to finish. I wasn't going to.

"I'm warning you Bull." I growled.

"Oh she's warning me, you hear that Solas? She's warning me! You can't even shoot straight what are you gonna do?"

I clenched my fist and felt searing hot tears well in my eyes. I was furious, he didn't understand. None of them did! The lot of them helpless and blind to what I was, to _who_ I was.

"One more time, Nevalla." Bull said, the arrogance in his voice a catalyst for the fury in my gut. I looked at the tree in front of me, its dead gnarled branches like taunting fingers.

"If at first you don't succeed."

"I think you should let her be." Solas said from the campfire, his voice heavy with concern now.

"If at first you don't succeed, Nevalla." Bull pushed.

The world grew quiet, the silver streams of snow on the mountain peaks had stilled and all that was left now was my heavy breathing and the static snapping in my ears. Magic swam around me like tar, the power of it pushing in on me, willing me to let it in. It buzzed so loudly in my ear that I thought it might deafen me.

"Try, try, try again." Bull's voice made it crack. I let the magic flood into my veins in a white heat of rage. I let out a guttural yell, drew my bow and fired. The boom that echoed over the mountain side was shattering. The tree with the painted target was split down the middle and the static around me flickered away. I shook with the force of what I released. The magic that I had felt still hung heavy in the air and in the distance the snow slid away from those distance mountains. I could only hope the Inquisition was nowhere near that avalanche. I looked around to my other companions and the two of them held the exact same same expression. Utter astonishment.

"Well..." Bull said. The word coming out in a puff of steam. Everything was still once again, until I felt a tingling sensation at my back and I noticed their expressions fall. As I turned, very slowly, saw what they were gawking at. Above the fractured tree, a green slit hovered in the sky.

"Is that?"

I turned back and Solas nodded very, very slowly.

I froze, we all did. We had no idea what activated the rifts; whether it was the Heralsd's mark or just sheer bad luck. It was unopened, but still, it could split at any given second...

"Pack up the things carefully..." I whispered not turning my back to it. I heard Bull and Solas scuffle with bed rolls and pans and heard the hiss of an extinguished fire. "Solas, which way do we go from here?"

"West, down between the two peaks and up again." He whispered in return.

I nodded, "Alright, now quickly and quietly we are going to-"

I was cut off by a buzz and a distant scream as the rift cracked open and an onslaught of demons appeared. I abandoned my other idea and turned quickly to my companions.

"Run!" I cried and they did not need any further encouragement. Our footprints scuffled in the snow and the demons followed swiftly behind us, lurching ever closer. "Come on!" I called again. Solas fired out whatever spell he could to slow them down and Bull slashed at the ones nearest to him. I fired my arrows with the same inane focus I had when I caused the rift and they thankfully hit. I laughed in relief, I couldn't help it.

We ran as fast as we could, picking off whatever demons were in our range but we could not hope to stop them all, they were continuous and we didn't have Trevelyan's mark to save us this time. My chest burned with the cold air but I had to keep going, we had to get out of their range. I ran until I stopped suddenly as I came face to face with a sudden drop down the mountain. I barely held my balance, in fact I thought I was falling before Solas had my hand in his vice like grip.

"Thank you." I breathed.

"Ma Nuvenin." He nodded and turned back to the fight but before we could, half a tonne of Qunari barrelled into us.

"Bull wait!" I cried but it was too late, we were launched over the edge, tumbling down the side of the snowy cliff in a ball of limbs.

I finally landed on my back in a heap of snow and my lungs felt like they had been punched from the inside out. There was a weight on top of me, a bald weight that slowly pushed himself up by his arms and looked down at me. He was smiling.

"Nice of you to drop by." I said foolishly, expecting him to roll his eyes and sigh but he didn't. He laughed. It rang over me like silver bells and made my chest swell with some emotion I wasn't quite sure of. As we laughed, a clump of snow slid off his head and hit me in the face which made him laugh even more. We laughed with what little air we could push out of our lungs and the joy that it gave me was like static in my heart. His arms gave out and he let out one final laugh into the crook of my neck and that's when the static sparked me. I stiffened, scared to move in case he realised his lapse in coolness. He didn't move however, he kept his weight on me and if I was not mistaken he smelt my hair... All I had to do was tilt my head and his lips would be on my neck, his breath was condensing there already.

"That was some short cut!" Bull burst out, shaking himself free of the pile of snow he was under. Solas scrambled up to stand and once again, coolly retrieved his staff from the snow.

"Was it a short cut?" I asked.

He didn't turn round to answer me, just brushed the excess snow that lingered on his clothes.

"It was. The stronghold is behind that mountain ahead. All that remains is to trek over it." he said flatly.

I let out a long groan and Bull laughed.

"Well at least one good thing came from all of this." Bull said through his chuckle.

"And what was that?" I sighed.

He picked up his axe and winked, "You hit the target."


	38. Denial (mature content)

One foot in front of the other. Crunch and sink down into the snow. Crunch and sink, crunch and sink. Continuous effort that seemed futile in the wide expanse of white and blue that surrounded us. There's nothing quite like trekking a mountain to remind yourself just how small we truly are. The top of my legs burned each time I had to haul my leg forward. I was exhausted, my eyes stung from the brightness and my lips were dry and chapped. I hadn't slept well at all the night before and my stomach was growling very audibly. All in all, I was not having the best of times. Solas walked in front, Bull trudged along beside me. He seemed to be struggling too, squinting at the brightness and letting out a heavy breath every other step. The elf ahead however? He lunged forward with just the slightest effort, his strong legs propelling him onward, his thighs tensing under his robes... I let my eyes wonder carelessly down to his behind. It was currently covered by his outer robe but I'd seen him in his leggings, I knew what was under there. I checked myself sharply when I felt Bull's eyes on me. My leering was getting ridiculous. If it had not been for that blasted dream the night before I wouldn't be mentally undressing my good friend in the middle of some Mythal forsaken mountain. In brief, I had also come to the conclusion that I, in fact, wanted Solas. Yes, I wanted him to take me up against any available structure and I wanted him to do it now. How did I come to such a dramatic conclusion? Well I'm glad you asked!

After the rift and after our tumble down the cliff, we made camp at the bottom of the mountain where we would begin our current trek. It gave us some shelter and also hid us from view quite nicely. Before we turned in, Bull tossed me a roll of bread and an apple as I hadn't eaten any of the stew. I ate it slowly in my tent, knowing that it would have to last me until our next stop and something told me even then that it would be a while. After my meagre meal, I tucked myself into my bedroll and let myself drift off. Sleep came easily as I was last watch and knew I'd get a good rest until then.

I dreamt of old places again, of gilded halls and magic mirrors and my mother. They always made me uneasy, those dreams, so my mind drew me back to more comforting things. The clan, Mahanon and the people in it. The food and the stars and the halla and then to Ni'leen, she kept the halla. She was lithe and strong and the only shot to rival me in the clan. We had been on a hunt together when we'd first kissed. It was a messy thing, unsure and nervous but it settled into something marvellous. Then the next time down at the river I'd been swimming and she joined me. I remember how her red hair sat like fire on top of the water as we stood, naked and inches apart. She slipped a cold finger between my legs first and being so unsure, so nervous I had imitated her. She had laughed and kissed me and we made love in the water. I had loved Ni'leen, I think... I believe she was the first person I ever did love. She ended it, said there was no real future for us and went ahead and married into another clan. That had hurt a lot. But it was years ago, and I had made my peace with it. Why she had entered my dreams that night I didn't know, but there was always an intimacy with her that I had had with no one else.

Her kisses burned down my legs, getting hard enough to bruise by the time she'd got between them. She had licked and sucked and her fingers curled inside me and in the fog of my subconciousness I felt my body tighten and a groan escape my throat. I moved my hips further into her mouth, my head thrown back so that my neck stretched. A hand then wrapped around my thigh and another held onto my fingers but they felt... not like hers. In the blur and disjointedness of the dream I managed to look down and Ni'leen was no longer between my legs... It was Solas. It was his blue eyes, his freckles, his hands... I remember not feeling startled. It seemed perfectly... right.

His stone blue eyes rose languidly to meet mine and it was in that moment that fire rushed through me. I breathed deep fast breaths as the tension in my body escalated. But this was more than some foggy orgasm in a dream. My palms sweat, my mouth fell open and the feelings that swelled in my chest with his every touch, his every movement made me want to cry. All the distant feelings I remembered with Ni'leen burst back to life with him there, kissing me and holding me. I felt him move in me now, his lips pressed desperately against mine. Every sensation was fogged and unclear, his fingers and lips running along my skin and his hips thudding into mine. But it all built to the same pleasurable clenching in the pit of my stomach. I was so close now, I could feel my dream building up to its final crescendo.

"Solas..." The word came out in a sharp, uncontrollable sound, I felt unable to to speak but the word echoed out regardless. This was the sort of dream I was used to, my subconscious taking control and nothing but feeling and sensation and want to drive me.

"Nevalla!" he hissed, his motions in the dream becoming clearer, more real. His movement slowed to a torturous speed, I could feel every inch of him moving in me. His eyes bore into mine and suddenly we both froze.

I awoke in a cold sweat and with such a start I almost launched myself out of the tent. The pulsing heat in the pit of my stomach faded disappointingly and I sat panting, trying to gain some element of composure after such intensity.

The memory of that feeling hadn't left me, even till late into the evening. The sky melted from blue to orange to purple and still we walked and still I thought about him. The feelings frightened me, they were overpowering, ridiculous things that I shouldn't feel. Feelings like that don't just happen over night. I'd known Ni'leen for years before I felt such things for her. And there was Solas, walking along the top of the snow, his head tilted back with a small smile on his face. I felt my own mouth quirk up as I watched him.

"Don't do it Nev..." Bull's voice came from my left, wary and full of concern. It startled me and I tried to look innocent.

"Do what?" I asked turning to look at him with a smile.

"You know what I mean, that's a whole lot of something you don't want to get mixed up in."

I scoffed, "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Play coy if you like but I don't think it's a good idea." he said, falling back a pace. I followed him, a frown now forming on my brow.

"And why is that?"

Bull shrugged, "Never get mixed up with people you work with. Especially when your work is fighting impossible monsters and entire armies. Nothing is ever guaranteed out here Nev and heartbreak lies in every sword and arrow." He looked as though he had finished and his words had hit something in my chest which almost brought a lump to my throat.

"Besides," he added, "Don't you ever get the feeling he's hiding something?" We both turned our heads to watch him. He seemed innocent enough in that moment, but I couldn't deny the but feeling I had always had with him, and he was definitely keeping secrets. I'd known that and still, logic would not win out.

"I'm fond of him Bull, that's all."

He must have felt our eyes on his back as he turned around with a suspicious glance.

"How far now?" Bull called loudly, before Solas could question why we were starting at him. He turned his head out to the horizon and sighed.

"If we keep our pace and continue Eastward we should be there before sunrise."

I took that as a signal to leave a trail for the others to follow. I had been doing this throughout our journey when Captain had not yet returned to send messages. I collected three rocks and piled them on each other. As I rose from the ground, however, my weak leg twinged with the memory of the broken bone. It was still healing and the muscle was not yet accustomed to use. I stumbled forward with a hiss of pain, but there in the crook of my elbow was Solas' strong grip, not holding so tight as to hurt but firm, almost gentle. He stood beside me, a soft look in his eye as he let me use him as a crutch. I could barely bring myself to look away from his face. He looked different now, open and smiling and beautiful. His touch ignited things in me that I had forgotten. Tendrils of warmth spread in my chest and down to my finger tips and my mouth drew out unwillingly into a smile. He watched my mouth, eyes falling to it longingly...

"We should continue." He said, his face going sterner, his brow furrowing and his posture straightening. He almost jerked his hand away from my arm before he went on trudging through the snow. The warmth twisted in my stomach and the quiet tendrils gave way to fluttering fingers that burned my cheeks and ears. I felt utterly idiotic. I was nothing more than a companion, a patient maybe even a friend. But he had not stared longingly at my smile, and his gentle touch on my arm was nothing more than to steady me... Logic won out.

I fixed my pack on my shoulder and followed him, my embarrassment sinking ever deeper I to annoyance. Too many times had I thought I might know Solas and too many times he had shut his doors in my face. I was imagining it all. I explained away the feelings as loneliness, perhaps even mere lust. I could understand lusting after him, I could deal with that. I could not deal with the caring look in his eyes and the way he held me and his smile as he let the mountain air blowing past him.  
I was imagining it, and until he told me otherwise, he would be merely the closed off grumpy stuck up elf he had always been.

"I was too late, wasn't I?" Bull chuckled warily beside me.

"What do you mean?"

He nodded towards Solas, "You're falling for him."

I guffawed loudly, a great heaving scoff that I doubt sounded convincing. "Yea, right."

Bull arched his brow so that it looked curiously above his eye patch, "Uh huh, so why are you letting him get your breeches in such a twist?"

"Solas has no effect on my breeches, thank you very much. And besides, I'd sooner fall in love with the Dreadwolf than fall in love with Solas."

Bull laughed loudly, "I'd like to see that."

"Oh, I'm sure you would." I quipped before we fell once again into exhausted silence and continued our journey towards Skyhold. I just had to keep telling myself that this swell of feeling would all blow over.

"As much as you're denying this, Nev, you're the one that brought up love, not me. You've fallen hard there, kid, better pick yourself back up before you get hurt." He said no more and walked on ahead and left me with the gut wrenching idea that perhaps I might be slightly in love with Solas...


	39. A New Home

The fortress came into view like a stone crown atop an ancient kings head. Withered grey flags blew limply, like old, sodden strands of hair in the cold wind. The sun was coming up from behind it, bathing it in a cool steal light as the cloud settled around it. Birds flew in and out of its bony structure where they had taken up residence after it had so long been abandoned. We trudged down the mountain side towards the bridge leading to the entrance. It crumbled with our first steps and I swallowed down my nerves. Peering over, the drop below seemed an unending white abyss.

"Are we sure this is safe?" I mumbled, worried if I spoke any louder the stones would give out below us.

"It has stood solid for ages beyond count, why should it crumble now?" Solas answered smartly.

His arrogance got to me again, but this time it made my stomach flutter. I clenched my jaw shut and willed the foolish emotions I felt to go away. I hid them underneath something familiar, a mocking jibe, a teasing joke. Disliking Solas was so much easier than admitting I loved him. Which I most definitely did not!

"Well for starters, this bridge might not take the weight of your massive head." I giggled.

I heard him let out a long sigh, "Witty, as always Nevalla."

My chest constricted and I almost let my heart flutter but I swallowed it down and and shut my mouth. It was how he said my name, _Nevalla,_ it sounded so lyrical, so wistful and the way it rolled off his tongue. He pronounced it like how I imagined the Elvhen pronounced it. Magical and sweet. Ne- _val-_ la...

"Nev?" Bull hissed and I sparked back to the present.

"What?" I cried, my voice at least three pitches higher than normal.

Bull looked at me once again like I had done something endlessly stupid. What he must think of me after this trip.

"We'll look around and then find somewhere suitable to make camp... If you are quite done day dreaming." Solas said coolly. Always so cool and stern and impassable, if not for his eyes. Those blue windows were transparent enough for me to see passion and pride and anger and sympathy. Everything he thought was reflected in those eyes, I just had to learn how to read them.

"Yes, I- uh, I'm quite back in the real world, I think."

Bull and Solas filtered away, their weapons still on their backs, as they went to look around our new fortress.

I found myself alone in what seemed to be the courtyard. It was overgrown with wild grass and weeds that crawled up the stone walls surrounding me. Behind me, the bent and broken portcullis lay diagonally at the entrance as though it had been bashed through. The tower above it was crumbling, even now stones tittered down from the top.

"A strong gust of wind might take this place with it..." I mused, walking towards the tall stone steps that lead to what I assumed was a grand hall. It was a dilapidated old shell. Dust floated in the air through the cracks in the ceiling and through the stained glass windows at the far end. Faded and tattered emblems draped the skeletal walls, so old and worn that whatever symbol they bared had long gone to dust. It was quite sad, I looked around to the balcony above and saw more beautiful stained glass windows and I felt sorry for the old fortress. There was a life in it, ancient, cold and barely breathing but it was there. All it needed was a purpose and the Inquisition was going to give it that purpose. And perhaps a spring clean to boot.

"Not too shabby, Solas!" I called out to the room, the echo would carry enough for him to hear, wherever he was. I explored further, through a door on the far right to what looked like an ancient undercroft. It opened out like a mouth to the mountains that surrounded us and let in the freezing air. Then I ventured to the tall rotunda. I whistled at the size of the place and laughed as the noise carried on echoing moments after. I climbed the old circled steps that lead up to the second floor and leaned over the railing to look down at where I'd been. This part of the fortress seemed... Older. The walls were not made of the same stone as the rest of the castle and there was an atmosphere in the rotunda, something that whispered down my spine. The emptiness of it chilled me.

I climbed more steps and came back out onto the battlements. The cold wind hit my face in an icy gust. It made my eyes water and whipped my hair. I shot my arms out wide and cried out against it, an inane surge of adrenaline hitting me.

"Everything alright Nev?" Bull called to me from the other side of the battlements.

"Everything is brilliant!" I cried back and turned once again to face the wind. I closed my eyes and let the fresh breaths wash over me. They seemed to dull everything else around me so that it was only me, and if I closed my eyes tight, I could have been flying.

Behind the wind I heard a cawing sound. I opened my eyes and down from the tallest roof, Captain was flying towards me. I stretched out my arm again and he landed down on it with effortless grace.

"Hello there!" I cooed, scratching under his beak. He shook his feathers happily and pecked at his ankle. Around the little black twig, was wrapped a small scroll. I unravelled it and read the note. It was Leliana's loopy handwriting and I smiled.

"We are close behind. Hope you are doing well. See you soon."

Immediately I tore out a small piece of paper and sharpened coal from my pack and scribbled back to her.

"We are at the Fortress. Eastward down the mountain. You can't miss it." I rolled it up and fastened it to Captains leg once more.

"Be safe, silly bird." I whispered and kissed him on the head. I thrust my arm into the air and he took flight, pulling himself through the air, up towards the mountain where the Inquisition still marched. My eye caught sight of Solas as he walked in and around the courtyard so I called down to him.

"It should take about a day or two for the Inquisition to arrive!"

He nodded, "You've done well, Nevalla. Without you they would have been lost in that mountain."

I frowned and shook my head, "But it was you who showed me where to find it?" I hastily made my way down another flight of steps to meet with him. He waited on me, both hands lightly clutching his staff in a relaxed position. "I wouldn't have the faintest idea if it weren't for you."

He smiled, not a toothy smile but it was light and endearing and I felt my posture slacken.

"I was not the one accused of blood magic. I do not need to have them in my debt. They mistrusted you Nevalla, hopefully now you may have won them back."

Silence fell between us as I thought about what he had truly done for me. He had saved me, so many times and in so many more ways than won and here he was doing it once again. He set it all up, kept this place a secret from everyone until I could take the credit. I shook my head and tried to find words but they caught in my throat. _Ar lath ma, Solas. Ma Serranas..._

"Thank you..." was all I could muster, before nerves and sense smothered down the thought.

"Think nothing of it." He said curtly, looking away sharply before taking his leave. Had he seen right through me? Were my feelings for him so apparent that he felt the need to shut them down then and there? What was I thinking? I did not love him. I cared about him as a friend, was indebted to him, maybe fancied him from time to time but not love... And what on earth ever made me think he'd love me back? I was exhausted, that's what. Tired from all the journeys I had endured and my injuries. I needed a good long rest and a large meal and everything would go back to normal. This heavy weight in my chest would disappear and I would be able to look in his direction without feeling guilty.  
I stormed off to have another look around, kicking a loose stone when I knew he was out of sight. He frustrated me beyond reason at times, it frustrated me that he frustrated me. He should not be allowed to have such an affect on me.

Throughout that day, we took up small tasks in order to get the place looking somewhat presentable for when the Inquisition arrived. I stuck with Bull mostly, not wanting to again put myself in a bad mood from being around Solas. Bull could probably see the annoyance on my face and kept the conversation trivial and lighthearted. For that I was thankful. Together we cleared away some of the smaller bits of debris in the grand hall and with the old flags we managed to give the place a bit of a dust. At the end of the hall, under the stained glass windows we cleared away the rubble and a fallen chandelier to reveal something that was covered by an old grey sheet.

"What do you think's under that?" Bull asked.

I shrugged and brazenly pulled back the cloth to reveal a bronze throne. Dust flew up from it and the two of us coughed and spluttered but the throne sat almost pristine. Almost as if it had been preserved.

Bull chuckled when the dust finally settled and with a smug grin he sauntered up and through himself languidly on the throne. I laughed loudly at his performance.

"I, The Iron Bull do proclaim that free ale be given to all the country!"

"A fine proclamation, my liege." I bowed. "Shall I ready the casks?"

"You shall." We both chuckled heartily as he stood up. "You're turn," he winked.

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly..."

"Might be your last chance, whoever's butt sits on that throne when they get here won't be too happy with any other butts sitting on it after."

I bit my lip and thought about it. Something in my gut told me this was treason, I would offend the Herald, because Mythal knows, nobody else was going to get to sit up there. But as Bull said, it would be my last chance, and besides it was only a bit of fun.

"Alright!" I laughed as I scampered up the steps and sat down. I wiggled around in the seat, frowning in disgust. "Don't envy whoever has to sit here."

"Crushing weight of responsibility?" Bull asked.

"No its bloody uncomfortable!" I said, flinging my legs over one of the arms. "Hmm, slightly better. Now servant, fetch me my wine and cheese and be sharpish about it. I do not like to wait."

Bull held his stomach and laughed, "You're very convincing at that." He chuckled.

"Oh I'm sure I was royalty in a past life." I joked. But something about what I said made me the slightest bit uneasy. "I have a regal air, don't you think?" I ignored flashes of gilded halls and ancient cities but my hands began to shake and I broke out in a cold sweat.

 _"This is something you'll have to get used to."_ A voice whispered in my head, " _When all these wars are over the people will want a leader who is kind but firm, loving but strong. A leader who will love her people like her children and drown her enemies in blood."_

I tried to stand from the throne but I felt frozen to the spot, like a paralysing dream. And then there she was in front of me. The silvered haired elf, yellow eyes blazing. Her figure was like a fog, ghostly and unreal but still she swaggered towards me.

 _"You must walk and talk like a leader, it is in you child. You're father is too vengeful and your mother is too kind, find a balance and you will be loved through the ages. We can no longer keep you in the shadows, become who you were born to be._ " she said, her fist clenching with emphasis.

"Who am I?" I muttered, unsure if I spoke or not. She smirked,

 _"You are my flesh and blood, Nevalla. So prove it."_


	40. Who are you?

Bull hadn't seemed to notice my hallucination when I finally came to as he had continued talking and cleaning and laughing about what it would be like if he was in charge. I was thankful in a way. I didn't feel ready to try and explain these things happening in my head but they were getting wildly out of hand. They were my memories, they had to have been. I could no longer blame them on The Breach or rifts or anything like that... The woman called me Nevalla, for goodness sake!  
Here's what I had gathered so far: I was held captive when I was a child. I was freed many years later when I had the vallaslin removed. I was brought somewhere important, the Silver haired elf was _very_ important and my father was some sort of angry, vengeful, warmonger. After my most recent hallucination I have discovered that I was also being trained to become some sort of Queen. As if that is in any way plausible!

Before I knew it I was wrapped in my bed roll, staring at the ceiling of the grand hall. I'd spent the whole day more or less in silence, brooding over what was happening in my mind. Now I didn't even have Bull for company, only his obnoxious snores, which by now I was used to anyway. We'd all agreed to sleep in the Main Hall as we still hadn't had a chance to explore the fortress in full and Creators know what sort of things were lurking in the darker places. Spiders. I'd put gold on it. I shivered at the thought and turned on my side away from Bull's snoring. Still these memories perplexed me. Where had they come from and when did they happen, that part worried me the most. I remembered growing up in the alienage, I remembered the friends I had and the people I'd known... didn't I? I shut my eyes and tried hard to remember the name of my first friend... and it wouldn't come. Frustrated and frightened tears burned in my eyes and I had to fight to hold in the sob. No, no i had to remember. The girl in the house next to me with the blonde hair... or was it brown?

I turned over on my back again and let a shuddering breath escape my lungs. Tears rolled down the sides of my face and dampened my hair and pillow but it seemed trivial. My whole life was a lie... Growing up in an alienage, speaking Orlesian? It was all one huge farce!

No. I told myself. Not all of it. My mother loved me, and whether I lived in an alienage or not, she loved me and she was taken from me. It suddenly struck me in that moment why everything had been such blur before that night with the slavers. Why I couldn't recall the names of neighbours and friends. I had always pinned it on me being too young to remember but I should have, I wasn't a baby. Something or _someone_ had made me forget and I'd be damned if I couldn't remember. I shut my eyes against the world, once, twice and then I was gone. I felt myself slipping into a dream, flurries of sound and images began to appear.

"No." I said sternly. I would not be dragged through the unknown again tonight. "Tell me what is going on." I demanded. There was a grey fog and a silence for a very long time. Then a luscious echoing chuckled rang out in the abyss.

"Spoken like a true Goddess." Said the voice. It sounded like cracked porcelain. I looked around because I recognised the tone. My head turned from left to right to left and there stood a figure, swaggering towards me through a shallow pool of grey water. I recognised the gait of that walk too. It took her a while to come into my focus but when she did, I knew who it was immediately. She cocked a hip and folded her arms and smirked at me like she knew the answer to all my questions. She probably did too. Her hair was still silver and grey, done up into two horns on her head. Her face was different however, older, more fiendish and with an anger that hadn't been so visible before. And her ears were flat... but those eyes, no there was no mistaking it.

"You..." I whispered.

She chuckled, "Ah yes, and who am I?"

"Y-you're the elf from my dreams, you-"

"Memories girl, not dreams, do try and keep up. Now, who am I?" She snapped.

I shook my head, "You're... My flesh and blood, that's what you told me..."

Her smile softened and suddenly the human figure melted away and her elvhen self stood before me like a ghost. "I am." she said.

"And... you were teaching me magic and... to lead, you were teaching me to lead."

"So the enchantment is finally breaking. Old Flemmeth was more talented than she realised." she chuckled.

"Flemmeth? Asha Bellanar? You knew her?" I stepped forward and the human returned.

"I am her, dear girl." she shifted again back to the elf, "And I am her as well."

I watched her as she watched me, suspicion in my chest rising by the second.

"Ask me once more, and if I feel you truly wish to know, I'll tell you." she said.

"You'd deliberately keep secrets from me?"

"For your own good, girl, sometimes we are not ready for hard truths."

I hesitated, a clarity coming into my mind and a vague recognition. I knew who she was. "Who are you?"

She smiled at me and paused and in a flourish of her hand we were in the glade with the golden vines and silver arches. I gasped as I felt the cool metal of the vines twirl around my left wrist, small intricate bracelets, like they had done before in my dreams.

"This was your favourite garden." she said, "Mine too, it was something we shared." Looking around it now it seemed so familiar. The tall swaying trees almost seemed blue, not green and the pink and purple flowers draped themselves carelessly from their stems around the edge of the garden. The golden vines shone splendidly in the sunlight and the smell of the grass wafted in my nose. The woman sat down on an intricate silver chair, another formed and I sat down next to her.

"You're mother preferred the livelier gardens." She spoke again, "With water fountains and candlelight, they attracted spirits easily and she enjoyed their company." her smile was sad and remorseful then. "You may not have known this, but your mother was a wild thing when she was young. The parties she used to attend, the dresses and the dancing! Oh she loved dancing..." She looked around the small garden and sucked in her lips, I'd recognised the movement as one of my own. I did it to stop myself from crying. "Your mother... she was my daughter." she finally said and the words punched me in the gut.

"W-what?" i gasped.

"You are my grandchild, Valla. You know this." she said, her sternness returning in a flash of her yellow eyes.

I was speechless, utterly and completely without words. This woman... this ancient being... witch of the wilds... she was telling me that she was my grandmother?! That my whole life was a lie? I stood up from the chair and paced back and forth. My grandmother- whoever she was clicked her tongue and crossed her legs.

"The sooner you accept this, the easier it will be. Come now, dear girl you know I speak the truth." She leaned forward and I stopped my pacing. I shook my head and fumbled for words. Anything I tried to say made no sense.

"But... You can't just... I'm not..." I stopped and started, working myself up into a panic. She stood and watched, made no effort to comfort me. Her eyes were like a challenge.

"My father, who was he?" I demanded and she flippantly laughed.

"A mere servant of my unfortunate other half. A vengeful little sprite who was power hungry and foolish. What happened between him and your mother was entirely an accident."

"Oh, thanks, nan." I scoffed.

She chuckled at that, "It's sweet of you to call me that, but you called me by my name when you were young."

"So what, nanny flemeth? Stop dancing around things and be honest with me, I am owed that much."

She studied me carefully, weighing the decision in her mind before finally nodding.

"When I tell you who I am and what that means, you must promise never to speak of it with anyone lest you put yourself and countless others in great danger. No one, girl and I mean it. Not the Shemlin mage, not the spy, not the dwarf and most certainly not Solas. Do I have your word?"

I nodded slowly, regretting even asking in the first place. She stood slowly and elegantly, brushed off the wrinkles in her dress and walked towards me. Stroking a strand of my hair away from my eyes she tucked a finger under my chin.

"My name is Mythal and you are my last kin."

In a pulse, I could remember everything. Who I was, who I was meant to be and how I came to be here. I remembered towers in twinkling mists, cities that stretched into the sky and more. Forests and woods that glowed with magic and the freedom of it. It was like living in a deep pool, bound by nothing and no one. If the world was something I could change it to another. It was beautiful and it was magical and it was... home. Then flashes of war. explosions so bright and booming they'd turn you deaf and blind. Armies upon armies clashing into dust for eternities. And sombre faces of elves whose vallaslin had not yet healed. Slaves... Their tears entwined with their blood in dark lines down their scarred cheeks.

Slowly it all filtered away, the clarity was lost and I looked at the memories now as though through the dark. There and not there, shifting shadows. Like the hollow tricks of the mind you had when your were a child after hearing a scary story. One thing was certain to me though. They were true.

I found myself sitting and drawing my knees up to my chest, the heavy weight of what I'd learnt settling about me uncomfortably. So many questions ran through my head. What happened that I came to still be here? How old was I and were there any others like me? I was... elvhen... ancient and terrifying. I felt like I should stand against the wall, still as one of the many statues I'd seen representing them. They were me, I suppose weren't they? The people I had revered all my life, I was one of them. I had resented the elvhen and the Dalish absolute belief that we'd never be as good as they were. And Mythal... If she was indeed Mythal, she was a real. Hence, all the other Creators, probably real too... The Creators... June, Sylaise all of them! Real people!

"What in the void does that make me!" I gasped aloud, my voice echoing over the hall and causing Bull to grunt and grumble in his sleep. I covered my mouth, the echo falling onto the dust of the hall. Everything seemed... trivial. Life seemed to just be a great nothing. A meaningless jumble of events that could easily be erased and changed and forgotten. Everything around me was false, the very fabric of my being was a lie. I was not the person I had cultivated over the last twenty-eight years. I was a fraud... An actor, a character in a story. Everything about me was unreal. I looked at my hands. The bitten and bruised fingernails, the skinned knuckles and my slightly crooked little finger. I'd broken it in a sparring match with a friend from my clan, it had never healed properly. The scars and and callouses on my palms, years of working and fighting and living. Was this not evidence enough of my life? These tangible pains, these memories and feelings that sat on my skin could they not be enough? I flexed my fingers and felt the dry skin of my palms stretch. Yes, it was enough. I could still be Nevalla Lavellan.


	41. Breathe

The morning brought with it a clear blue sky and a frost all over the keep. Bull and I shivered beside the fire we'd started in the main hall. Solas had earlier dismissed himself, saying that he needed to explore further. I hadn't really noticed, all thoughts were currently on avoiding frostbite. Bull seemed to be fairing worse. His shivering made the clattering of his spoon on his porridge bowl sound like a tiny irritating band procession. He blew on his steamy mouthful and scoffed it with a long satisfied sigh.

"Just what the healer ordered." He said through his food.

"Don't speak with your mouth full." I jibed and scoffed my bowl too. Silence feel over us again, only interrupted by the slurping and shivering and clattering of our breakfast. The fire was beginning to scare away most of the chill, and the porridge warmed my insides pleasantly enough that I could unfurl my cloak from my shoulders. I set aside my finished porridge and warmed my hands, admiring once again my bruises and cuts and smiling at their familiarity.

"The rest of the Inquisition shouldn't be too far behind now. They could make it here today." Bull said.

"You're speaking with your mouth full again." I smirked. He rolled his eyes and wiped his mouth, setting aside his bowl before leaning forward.

"I want you to know, whatever happens when they get here, you have me at your back."

I didn't quite know what to say, the gravity was completely unlike him. In all honesty, it stirred a slight panic in my gut. I hadn't really thought about what to expect when the Inquisition got here. Maybe Solas' plan had paid off and they'd welcome me back again with open arms. _Thank You Nevalla, you're a hero! Blood magic? What Blood magic?_... I didn't think it was likely. In the back of my mind I could see them accusing me of fleeing Chantry Justice. So what if I led them here? I'd used forbidden, dangerous and terrible magic. They'd either kick me out, arrest me or even worse... If I was in one of their circles, I'd be made a tranquil. A mindless little alchemist to follow the Heralds every whim. I tried to hide my shudder.

"You okay?"

"I take it it's no coincidence that you always have my back, Bull." I smiled.

He looked at me strangely, but then his usual dangerous smile returned with a wink, "I enjoy the view."

I giggled and punched him on the arm, "You're such a sleaze."

"Only for you, Nev. And the occasional red head. You know I like a red head." He said standing up and chucking his bowl in our pot of water. "Well, I'm going to check out that old tavern, might try tidy it up a bit. People could use a place to clear their heads when they get here." he headed towards the great doors at the end of the hall.

I nodded and scooped up one last mouthful of porridge.

"Speaking of," He called from the doors, "Might want to take a walk before they get here. You can sit there and pretend you're okay Nevalla, but I know nerves when I see them. If you don't want to talk about it, I get it, but don't make yourself crazy. Some cool air might do you good." And with that, he disappeared out into the light of the morning.

I chewed slowly and swallowed down the last, lumpy and tasteless mouthful. I'd much rather just deal with it when they got here but... What was my plan? I stood, wincing as I did as my leg was still tender, and made my way out onto the battlements. The cold air blasted me in the face and blew away my panic. In another gust I was firmly grounded in reality. I leaned my elbows on the crumbling stone walls and gazed out beyond.

The way I saw it, the most likely scenario was that I would be thanked for my efforts but in turn they would ask me to leave. It made a lump swell in my throat but I swallowed it down and blamed the welling tears on the wind. It was the reality of the situation. There was no way they would let me stay. I was a corrupting influence now, dangerous and unpredictable, and my leg had healed. There was nothing keeping me here now, not guilt, gratitude or friendship. The Herald would have to make a judgement and that was the fairest most lenient thing I could imagine. Perhaps I could still aid them in outside ways, like the smuggler rings do. Perhaps I could join the army in secret and help out that way. But in all my scenarios I played in my head, I could not abandon this cause, even if they demanded I do so. Something tied me to it. It was the only thing standing between the world and utter destruction, I had to help them. I would continue to do so in any way I could.

I took a long deep breath and shut my eyes. Yes, I'd made my decision. I would not abandon them.

"It is quite the view." His voice startled me and I spun round to face him. Solas stood behind me, his eyes fixed on the horizon, his hands folded behind his back.

"Breathtaking." I agreed.

His eyes flicked to me and he took a step forward, "Nevalla, you shouldn't worry. You have done well. It would be unjust for them to treat you with any malcontent."

I picked my finger and tongued at my piercing, "If..." I began, my voice thin, "If they should ask me to leave-"

"They will not."

"But if they do, Solas, I would like... to stay in contact. I want to still be in the loop. Not suggesting that you need to, but if you were so inclined as to send me the odd letter about things here, I'd appreciate it... Any information you could give, I'd make sure to put it to good use. I just, I can't abandon this. I have to see it through."

He looked at me then, really looked at me deeply. His brow rose sadly but the corner of his mouth quirked upwards. His eyes were soft and blue and clear as the morning. In another stride he braced me lightly on my shoulders.

"They will not abandon you, Nevalla." he said. I couldn't leave his eyes, they bore relentlessly into mine with something so powerful that I had to look away but I couldn't. I felt my mouth fall slowly agape and my stomach rising and every breath I took felt laboured and long. My lips were dry so I folded them over my tongue. It hardly helped, my mouth had went dry too. How long had we been standing like this?

"Thank you." I croaked out suddenly. Well it was either that or jump him then and there.

His nostrils flared but he smiled quickly. "You are welcome." and with that he took a step back, and another and another until he leaned against the other wall of the battlements. "It seems you haven't long to wait to hear their deliberations." he nodded to the horizon behind me, and true enough, the first tendrils of the Inquisition were snaking their way over the mountain side. Fear lurched up my throat but I steadied myself with another deep breath of cool air.

"Should I prepare a speech?" I joked.

Solas simply chuckled, "Let's hope not."

It was late afternoon by the time The Herald had arrived. Most of the Inquisition had come before them and had been putting in the hours, clearing debris and making the place almost presentable. I even heard talk of scaffolding being assembled. They were nothing if not efficient. I had been sitting on the steps watching everyone else busy themselves. I didn't see how I could have been much use and anyway, anyone I did approach avoided me like the plague. So I sat alone, watching as the courtyard turned golden in the sunset. The sky around us had just faded to pink when there she appeared through the gates, surrounded by Cullen, Leliana, Josephine and Cassandra. My back went poker straight with nerves and I tried in vain to steady them. I saw the Herald look about her, her face filling up with joy and hope that usually would have made me feel the same, but then her eyes met mine and it all vanished. Her face was disappointed, maybe even scared. I made no motion to move and sat where I was. I saw her whisper something to her advisers. Cullen nodded and called to his men whilst the other three looked on with worry. Great.

Cullen and two other soldiers marched up the steps towards me, still I didn't move and I wasn't sure whether out of stubbornness or fear.

"Restrain her." He said curtly. The soldier on the right produced a pair of chains.

"Cullen!" I heard Leliana shout. She bounded up the steps towards us. I said nothing, but I didn't hide my hiss of pain when I was hauled to my feet and spun around to be chained. I hissed out a curse as my leg throbbed with the sudden movement.

"This is too far. She has redeemed herself five times over, there is no need to treat her like a prisoner. See, her leg is still wounded." Leliana said as she pushed past the other soldier on the left. The irons on my writs were cold and heavy and they nipped my skin.

"These orders come directly from the Herald. She is to be restrained until her trial, then we will decide what should be done." Cullen said coldly, but then his eyes met mine, "The use of blood magic cannot be so easily forgotten."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. If I opened my mouth my voice would wobble and I'd be a pile of tears in no time. I had to be strong, I knew this would happen so I had to be strong.

"I will not see _my_ agent treated like this. Unchain her." Leliana demanded. The two soldiers looked to each other and then to Cullen.

"It's fine." I said, my voice harder than I thought.

There was another kerfuffle of noise at the bottom of the steps and at the source of it was Blackwall.

"You can't go around treating her like this! It's a bloody disgrace!" He shouted, pushing past the soldiers in his way, I had to hide my smile in relief when I saw him. I wanted him to fight them all and free me and hug me and tell me that it was alright. That they'd forgive me and it would all go back to normal. But he couldn't and couldn't stop the tears welling in my eyes.

"It's fine, Blackwall." I called to him and he stopped, his frown disappearing when he saw my face, "I'll be alright." I nodded reassuringly. I saw him clench his teeth before nodding slowly and backing away.

"Take her to the dungeons-"

"This is ludicrous!" Leliana shouted.

Cullen continued, but not before shooting her a glare, "Take her to the dungeons to await trial. Thank you for cooperating, Lavellan." Before I was dragged away he gave me a look that almost spoke of regret. Almost.

I was lead down the dank lower corridors of Skyhold and down into the even danker dungeons. The cells were damp and cold and decaying. Rust clung in thick clumps to the iron bars and the only light was from the tiny cracks in the walls. I was lead to my cell and walked inside. It was probably the least rotten one here but even then, it wasn't what I'd call luxurious. The barred gate shut with a loud clang behind me and a torch was lit outside to give some semblance of light. Unfortunately however, it gave no warmth or comfort. It only revealed my very skeletal cellmate.

I shrieked and jumped away from it, the bones almost dust and the rags that it once wore thread bare and crumbling. The orange light of the torch made the shadows of the skull shift and change, almost as if it possessed shadowy eyeballs that were frantically looking about, wondering what it had been doing here all this time. I shrank down to the ground and drew up my knees and watched the poor skull in its confusion. The dungeons were silent and hollow. No one else was down here but me and the skeleton. It was then and only then did I let myself cry.

I can't quite recall when I fell asleep, probably somewhere in between all the tears and self-pity. I knew I was asleep, I was becoming more conscious of it these days,but I didn't dream of my ancient memories. I dreamt of the forest and green Aravels, and children running around and climbing trees, and Mahanon stirring his pot of stew and the Keeper reading one of her stories. It was my clan, my home. Perhaps it was the only true home I had because as I watched my family and friends go about their lives I felt as though half of me was missing.

"You must be quite homesick." I jumped and there again, stood Solas.

"Creators, you've got to stop doing that." I groused, walking further into the the camp, past Nehn and his smithy and towards the Halla pasture. It was a quieter part of the camp and quieter was what I wanted.

"So this is your clan?" Solas spoke again.

"Yes, it is and if you say one word against them I swear I'll slap you when I'm awake, I don't care if you're just a dream."

"On the contrary. This life looks quite idyllic." he said, as he watched the people around him. I hoisted myself up onto the fence of the makeshift pasture and watched him. There was something too solid about him, too real. Too Solas. Then I remembered how he always rambled on about the fade and travelling in dreams and then it struck me.

"Is this... is this really you?" I asked him, leaning forward to poke his face. He quickly swatted my hand away and I laughed. "Oh it is! How nice of you to drop by!"

"Only if you allow it." he said sternly, "Ask me to leave and I shall, I will not intrude."

"No, no... stay." I said quietly, almost not at all. He didn't say anything in return, he just nodded and watched my dream. Nothing particularly interesting was happening really, it was a normal day... it was happy and it was peaceful.

"You are not like most Dalish I have met." Solas said lowly.

I shrugged, "You've told me that before. Several times actually."

He turned to face me, questions burning on his lips, "Are there others like you, other Dalish? If they can raise someone like you have I misjudged them?"

I laughed at his eagerness, it was unlike him but then again, he was curious about most things. I levelled him with a look, "I would not be the person I am today without this clan. They may not have been my first family, but they were that. My family. And they raised me and treated me with kindness and taught me all of their knowledge. I would not change them for the world." His eyes softened as I finished, "So, to answer your final question, yes you have misjudged us. Whilst I know there will be clans out there who are ignorant and... standoffish, my clan are not. Many of the other clans I have met have been the same. They are my people, Solas, they will always be my people."

He was watching me now with a clenched jaw, his eyes deep and far away but I knew something was troubling him. His nostrils flared and he turned to walk away.

"Solas?" I called but he didn't stop, so I hopped off the fence and followed him. "Where are you going?" I cantered to catch up to him but he stopped suddenly and spun around. I was halted in my tracks because I was once again held captive to his gaze.

"You change everything..." he whispered. It was a confession. It was the deepest of his secrets laid bare to me and he knew it. We were so close, mere inches apart. I could feel his body, feel the heat of it and his breaths, I could feel them on my face. Like before my body stiffened and I felt as if I couldn't swallow but I did, my tongue once again came out to wet my lips. Before I could change my mind I stretched up on my toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. He didn't return it, but I felt him jump and heard his breath hitch. I pulled away almost immediately and felt like a fool. He breathed heavily, not saying anything and not looking at me. I looked to the ground, trying to hide the fearsome blush that had come over me. What a stupid bloody thing to do, Nev. I shook my head and sighed, my mouth trying to find an apology and failing.

We stood in silence, the noise and bustle of my clan fading away into that familiar grey fog and then it was just us. The only sound in the world was our breathing

I willed myself with all my might to wake up, so that this nightmare could end and I could go back to what it was. A barely held together friendship with one-sided sexual tension. Of course he would never feel that way about me, why did I ever think he would?

"I'm sorry... That was ill considered." I dared to look up at him and to my surprise, he met my gaze.

His mouth was somewhat open and he still took long slow breaths. Then his eyes fell to my lips and I felt myself melt all over again.

"Very ill considered." Was all he said, before he crashed his lips onto mine. I let out a shocked whimper before I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to his. His tongue came in eagerly as he deepened the kiss, pressing his body flush against mine. In return I flung my arms around his back and gripped at his clothes. His hands came away from my face and travelled determinedly down my body, stopping at my behind which he gripped tightly. I sighed into his mouth the noise breaking into a small moan. I pushed myself into him, clung to him tightly and longed for us to be closer. His hand ventured lower where he grabbed my thigh and hoisted it onto his waist. We still had not broken the kiss. It was then that a wall appeared at my back, or rather I was pushed against it. I pushed back and I could feel his length press hard into my groin. I had to break the kiss to gasp for air but his mouth only mouth to my neck which he bit, hard enough to make me gasp.

"Solas!" I hissed and I felt him freeze. I looked down in confusion as he shook his head against my chest.

"We shouldn't do this... Not here." He sighed, trying to gather his composure.

"Why? Because it's a dream?" I asked, he let me back down into my feet and he didn't meet my eyes. "Because it's not real?" I said more harshly.

"That is a matter for debate." He said, stepping back, "One probably better left for when you wake up."


	42. Sack-of-Bones the Skeleton

I awoke in my cell without any idea of time or place. It could have been noon, it could have been midnight, but the dull orange glow of the dungeons kept me in limbo. My cell hadn't changed since I had slept, Skeleton still lounged lifelessly in the corner, the walls still crumbled and everything still stunk of damp moss. I sighed and rested my head on my knees. That dream...

"That fucking man..." I groaned. I still couldn't decide if it was truly him or not. It seemed, for all intents and purposes, to be exactly like Solas in every way. He had himself confirmed that it was him and that he didn't want to intrude on my dreams, but then could this all be one giant leap of imagination. Maybe everything was! Maybe the whole Mythal and ancient elf thing was just my mind playing tricks too!

"Maybe I'm just going mad." I mumbled to no one but the skeleton. I huffed and shook my head, "Yep, definitely going crazy. I mean, if it was really him, wouldn't he want to speak to me about it? It was one hell of a kiss..." I closed my eyes and remembered how his lips and tongue moved against my own and I sighed. The skeleton's head fell slightly to the left and I clicked my tongue, "Oh what would you know you old sack of bones. Maybe they just aren't allowing me visitors." His head fell again, "Well then why do you think he wouldn't come and see me?" I demanded. The head fell again, it wobbled unevenly and then fell away from the neck altogether, clattering to the stone floor. A little rat ran out of the eye socket and I shrieked and jumped up to my feet. It scarpered from my cell as fast as it could and I was once again left on my own. "Maybe they'll just leave me down here to rot like you." I said to the empty skull, my voice echoing through the hollow room. It bounced off the walls and back to me again, a solemn reminder of my loneliness.

I don't know how long a was kept down in those dungeons, but it must have been days. They sent my food and water every so often and I slept twice, my guess was three days. On the final day, I truly was starting to question my sanity. I had nothing for company but Sack-of-bones and the constant dripping of water. Oh, and the little rat had made two reappearances. Probably checking whether or not it could eat me yet, little bastard. Finally however, the doors to the dungeons were dragged open and light poured in from the top of the steps. I stood up and pressed my face to the bars, trying to get a good look. Two soldiers came down the steps, the same two that had put me in here in the first place. They were followed by Cullen. I felt my whole form relax with relief.

"Finally!" I shouted out to them, "You know what it's been like sitting here by myself for Creators know how long? I even named the fucking skeleton!" Cullen watched me with an exasperated look and folded his arms.

"I apologise for the wait but things have been busy. We organised this trial as quickly as we could, maker knows it's caused more than a little upset." He shook his head tiredly and signalled for the soldiers to open the gate.

I pouted and presented my wrists to be shackled, "I'm sure you've all missed me terribly." He arched his brow at me and tightened the irons on my wrist, "Ow!" I frowned but he simply rolled his eyes and lead me up the stairs. "Creators, it's been ever so boring without anyone to talk to. I told you I named the skeleton, didn't I? He's called Sack-of-bones. Thought it had a nice ring to it. I imagine he was a terrible criminal, to be left down there all on his own to rot. I'm sure he deserved it, he had that look about him. But then again I could be entirely misjudging the situation."

I was lead out of the dungeons and up the steps and into the now more tidied courtyard. "I like what you've done to the place. Oh, the tavern is open! Mythal's tits but I could use a drink after all this."

"Maker, don't you ever stop talking?" Cullen sighed.

"Well, I haven't been able to have a real conversation with anyone in three days, Commander, come on you owe me a little small talk. How have you been then, how has everyone been? They all coping, seeing as I haven't been here to clean up all their fucking messes?" I spat and it was then he stopped and turned around to face me. We stood at the bottom of the steps leading to the great hall and nerves bubbled in my gut. This was it.

"Nevalla, Your sacrifices have not been forgotten, you must know that." Cullen said, sincerely too. It was nice for him to finally recognise what I'd done for this cause... Maybe things would go in my favour. He continued to lead me up the steps towards the doors.

"You know, I think that's the first time you've called me by my name, Cullen." I smiled.

"Yes, well," he stuttered, "I wouldn't be expecting a bouquet of roses anytime soon."

I laughed, loudly and freely, "No of course not! Save them for your lady Herald." I winked as he opened the Grand wooden doors and smiled even more as he blushed.

The Great Hall was tidier than I'd last seen it too. No more rubble lining the floor, no more tattered or eerie ancient flags, even the chandelier had been removed. People lined the edges however, clustered together in little huddles groups. Some were workers, climbing down off their scaffolding to watch as I walked up the aisle. Others were clearly noble men and women. They wore extravagant gowns and puffed silk trousers and gossiped about me behind their china masks. The room held an oddly crowded warmth but even then, cold nerves tingled up my spine. At the head of the hall sat Evelyn on her strange chair, beside stood Josephine and Leliana. The latter nodded to me with a smile as I came closer. Cassandra stood with Blackwall at the doors of the under croft whilst Varric, Bull and Dorian stood on the other side of the hall. Varric hazarded a small wave and I smiled and tried to do the same, but my shackles restrained me. I was lead right to the steps of the throne when Cullen stopped and nodded to the Herald. She nodded back with a soft smile and I was left alone in the middle of the hall, all eyes staring at me. I cast a nervous glance behind me where I saw Lady Vivienne watching from the balcony and Sera standing half in, half out of a door way. But where was Solas?

"I present Nevalla of Clan Lavellan, spy of the Inquistion. She is being charged with the use of blood magic, a practice outlawed by the chantry for it's dangerous and violent nature. Have you anything to say in your defence, lavellan?" Josephine spoke. I was startled at the suddenness of her question. Was this it? Was this all the defense that I was entitled to?

"I, uh..." I fumbled for words, trying to think of what I could say that might persuade them to be kind. I wasn't going back in that cell, that was for damn sure. "I know what I did was wrong... For many of you it might seem unforgivable." I looked around the faces in the room once again, they were growing ever more distant. "Maybe it is unforgivable... But Herald, you know I would never do any harm to the cause. I used blood magic because I wanted to protect this cause, too protect you." I stepped forward and watched her face closely. It was sad... oh so endlessly sad and afraid. What were they doing to this poor girl, setting her on this throne to be judge, jury and executioner. She didn't want this, I knew she didn't. "I turned to forbidden magic in desperation because I saw it as the only way to protect you, and the way I see it, if you die then we're all buggered, aren't we?" I heard a few gasps behind me but I saw the tiniest quirk of her mouth. "I have done despicable, insane thoughtless things to protect this cause, Creators I probably will continue to do so, but I can promise you here and now Evelyn..." I met her eyes and held her gaze. I wanted her to know I meant it with all my heart. "I promise you, I will never turn to Blood Magic again, for as long as I live. Just let me keep helping you. I cannot abandon this yet"

Her eyes blinked too quickly and she ran a hand through her chestnut hair. She looked to Josephine, then to Leliana and Cullen and then back to me.

"It has been put upon me..." she began, "To be a judge of the people that harm this Inquisition." Silence fell about the room and I felt my heart sink and my lip begin to quiver. She paused, her eyes going distant as she thought about her deliberation. "I must judge these people with a level and unbiased opinion. No matter who they are. But you, Lavellan?" She stood from her throne and came down to meet me. "I cannot judge you, for not once since I've none you have you ever harmed or tarried our cause. Without you, I know we wouldn't stand here today. I have had streams of people outside my door protesting your imprisonment for days now and do you know what I realised? They love you. They all love you!" She smiled and held my shackled hands. "Dorian," She pointed to him in the corner, "Tortured me about your honest and desent character for two days . Varric, had petitions signed, Bull was threatening to call off our deal! All because there was a chance I might abandon you." She laughed and squeezed my fingers. "I believe you and I trust you, and I always know that you will do right by us all. I was trying to be a leader, I was trying to use my head but I know in my heart, leaders don't abandon the people who've fought hardest for them."

I felt a tear spill over onto my cheek and I rolled my eyes at my foolishness, "Stop you're making me blush." I laughed though it was to cover my sob. I was so relieved, so relieved and so happy to finally hear her say these things. She was a leader now. This was the leader that she could be. Just and honest and true to her people. She gave my hands one final squeeze before gesturing to Cullen. "Release her. She is free to do as she sees fit."

Cullen paced over with an almost shocked expression but did as he was bid and unlocked my chains. The iron clasps fell open and I flexed my wrists.

"Thank you..." I whispered to her but she shook her head.

"No, Thank you. For saving me. Again." she shrugged. I laughed lightly through my tears and pulled her into a hug.

"Well think about it this way, none of this would have happened if you just stayed in the cave like I bloody told you to."

She laughed into my hair and shook her head, "I know, I know. Please forgive me Nevalla... I will try to be better."

"You're forgiven," I said, pulling her back to look her in the face, "And thank you, again."

The people who came to watch the trial had filtered away, obviously disappointed with the resolution. I however couldn't be more relieved. As soon as the Herald excused herself I almost ran out of the great doors and out into the clean, crisp air of the evening. I loved the air here, I loved the wind. It made it fresh and alive and invigorating. I laughed and stuck out my arms, letting the cool wind blow through my fingers. I looked out to the courtyard below where the people worked on rebuilding Skyhold. They laughed and bantered easily as they worked, some on their breaks teasing the others that toiled. I cantered down the steps and did what I said I would do. You guessed it, I made my way to the tavern for that drink.

"A flagon of your finest ale, please!" I called to the bar keep. He held a straight expression and poured me a mug of the same stuff everyone was drinking. I gave him his coin with a smile and took a sip. It tasted like piss and water and salt and bunched up my face in disgust but shrugged and drank it anyway. This was a good day, and I wasn't going to let rotten ale ruin it.

"You're happy." Came a small voice. I jumped and almost spilled my drink.

"Creators!" I hissed and looked to my left where a young boy sat perched on a bar stool. It was the boy Cole. His big hat covered his face and he fidgeted restlessly. "Cole, isn't it?"

"Isn't it?" he replied slowly. I arched my brow and smiled.

"I am happy Cole, very happy."

"That's good... I like to see people smile."

He said nothing else, just sat and watched me. It unnerved me, so I took another coin out of my pocket and handed it to the bar keep.

"You should be old enough to have a drink, yes?" I said, pushing the mug towards him. He looked up from under his hat and peered into the ale. He jerked away suddenly, however, and held his nose.

"I don't need to drink."

"That's not really the point of alcohol, kid." I chuckled.

Suddenly a long arm stretched between us a moved the ale well out of Coles reach. I was confused but followed the arm to where my eyes met Solas. He was frowning. Oh joy.

"What Cole means is that he does not require sustenance." he said, giving the mug of ale to some passing drunkard.

"Oi! You're paying for that!" I called to the drunk but turning back to Solas asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Cole is a spirit, possessing the body of a mortal."

"I stop the hurt." was all the boy said, swinging his legs on the stool like a child. I didn't want to begin to try and understand what that meant. Was he human or spirit? Did Cole even know? He was in for one hell of an existential crisis if he didn't.

I arched my brow in confusion, "And you know this how? Oh let me guess!" I teased and took a sip of my drink. He simply folded his arms and lifted his chin.

"Did you sleep well? In your cell, I mean."

I choked on my mouthful and sputtered half of it back into the mug. Was he suggesting our little dalliance in fade tongue? I managed to swallow the rest of my drink and calm my choking enough to act aloof.

"Slept like a log." I said, "Nothing very exciting to report. I did name a skeleton though, have I told you about my skeleton?" Solas simply looked confused.

"Lips crashing together, open mouths, hot wet kisses that cannot part. His breathing heavier than mine, he wants me... It's hot and warm and tempting, kiss her and never stop-"

"Cole." Solas said sharply, cutting the boy off instantly. He vanished in a quiet puff of smoke and I was left sitting with Solas, my cheeks feeling as if two hot coals sat on each of them. Solas had not looked away from where Cole had been sitting and I took another long gulp of my drink.

"So..." I sighed, "It was really you."

He looked slowly back to me and nodded, "Yes. Forgive me, the kiss was..."

"Ill-considered?"

He smiled, "Yes... I should not have encouraged it."

"And what about, _You change everything_?" I asked, in my best Solas impression. He clenched his jaw and took Cole's seat.

"I meant it..." He said lowly and my heart stopped. My throat closed over and my stomach flipped. How did he manage to reduce me to a bumbling teenage girl?

"Oh." I said, barely. I wasn't even sure if the sound was audible above the noise of the tavern.

"I need time." he said, looking at his fidgeting hands so I reached out and set mine on top.

"Take all the time you need." I withdrew my hand and he met my eyes with a small smile.

"I'm glad to have you back with us."

I winked as I took one last gulp of my ale, "So am I, Solas, so am I.


	43. Close to Home

Solas and I sat together in silence for a while after our discussion. Every now and then I glanced at him and he would glance at me and I'd smile and look away. It was one of those smiles that pull at your cheeks unwillingly, one that would spread to a grin if you let it. There was something so special about those smiles. It was Solas... Every time I looked at him I felt my chest swell and my cheeks blush, my heart would shiver and I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to be closer to him, to scoot my stool an inch and rest my head on his shoulder and just bask in this feeling. The idea that my feelings weren't totally unrequited gave me a rush from my chest, right out to my finger tips. He looked more distant than usual, and truly, for Solas that was saying something. His eyes floated off to nearby windows, then fell to the shadowed corners of the tavern, they darkened there and an uneasy feeling swelled up in my throat. Second thoughts are indifferent glances that fail to meet your eye.

Hastily, more hastily than I intended, I ordered another drink.

"Want one?" I chirped.

"No, thank you..." His curt words were forced through a thin smile.

I ignored it, or at least tried to and smiled, though I'm sure it was as false as his, "Suit yourself."

The silence between us shifted to something thick and impassable then. Like a thick bramble that grew slowly between us and every second it was left uncut, it grew harder to reach him.

Suddenly, however, I heard the door of the tavern swing open and thank the creators for Dorian's flare for pomp.

"There she is!" he cried, almost leaping across the other patrons to get to me, "The woman of the hour!"

"Dorian!" I called back and crashed into him with open arms, "Oh, I'm so glad to see you."

"I know, I know, you've missed me terribly. I can only imagine the kind of monotonous company you've had these past two weeks. No offense, Solas."

Solas bowed his head and stood from his chair, "None taken." was all he muttered before he slipped between the crowd and was gone. My heart sank and my chest yearned to have him close by again.

"Well, we've all been waiting anxiously to see you again, they're all outside, let me just fetch them."

Now, whilst I love and adore my friends whom I'd found in this inquisition, the thought of having to sit and smile and banter and converse with them all at the present moment exhausted me. It would all seem so false and tiring. My head was not in the place for a party, or even really to sit with friends. It swam with thoughts of Solas' cold stare after so many warm smiles. It was caught amidst the memory of that fiery kiss in the fade and him politely excusing himself to leave. I realised then that my relationship with Solas was in a perpetual limbo. At first, I was his friend and his enemy, his friend and then nothing and now? His lover? Or was I? I shook my head. I would not let him drag me along like this. If he was happy to be nothing and ignore all that had happened, then fine! So was I! It was too exhausting trying to determine where I stood with him, so I decided then and there that we would be nothing but friendly acquaintances, unless he proved to me otherwise.

"And now, everyone is panicking because this thing has a whole lot of momentum with no rudder to steer it." Varric said, the rest of them had appeared in front of me sometime during my thoughts.

"I think its fine how it is, we've gotten this far without a named Inquisitor, why should we need one now?" Blackwall shrugged as he took up a seat beside Bull.

"Sure, that's when we were a small organisation with no need for a leader. Look at it now, we need someone to pull this thing together, someone who can unite every aspect of it." Bull said, as he downed his drink and ordered another.

"Well, I know exactly who should be Inquisitor." Dorian smiled deviously and with a small flourish of his hand, he pointed at me.

"Me?! Are you mad!"

"And why not? You've lead us through these snowy mountains did you not?"

"No, _I_ didn't, Solas did." I said begrudgingly.

"Sure he may have given you directions but you made the contact with Leliana, you left the trail." Bull nodded, emphasising his points with his mug.

"And if I'm not mistaken, Trixie, you saved the Heralds life back in Haven. You were the one who faced down Corypheus with nothing but a bow and arrow."

"And lets not forget you lead the infiltration of Redcliff and orchestrated the recruitment of the mages. You are a very possible candidate, Dear Nev."

I was struck dumb by their suggestion.

"I- I'm not a leader... I can't, I'm not the least bit diplomatic... I don't know anything about politics..."

"All that can be taught." Varric waved his hand in a flippant gesture and then rested it on my shoulder. "If you think every great leader wanted to lead, then I've got news for you."

I jumped back from them, my hands put up in defense, "Look, look, look. Whilst I'm very flattered by the suggestion, I cannot be the leader of this Inquisition. I have not been the one leading the people. No one flocks to Skyhold because of me. They come here for the Herald, she is the one who should be leading this."

"And you still believe that? After she put you in jail?" Bull raised an eyebrow and part of me wanted to jump out and agree with him, but I didn't.

"Yes, wholeheartedly. She is the leader the Inquisition needs, Bull. And yes, she's made mistakes but she has learned from them."

"And if she refuses the role and its offered to you?" Blackwall asked. Suddenly in the corner, I saw a disproving pair of yellow eyes. Mythal shook her head severely. I looked away from her and back to my friends, heat rising in my cheeks.

"Look, I just can't do it, alright?" I snapped.

"Wow, Trixie, it's just talk, hypothetical... Nothing is set in stone." Varric said softly.

"Not your time to lead, The People will need you." Cole's voice whispered from the beams above me where he sat. I'm not sure if the others heard it or if it was just meant for me. When I looked to the corner again, my grandmother was gone.

I sighed and tried to clear the thoughts that swam in my head, The People will need me? What the hell did that mean? Again I was being fed riddles and I was getting bloody fed up with it. I rolled my shoulders and took a long slug of my drink.

"Sorry... Just a lot on my mind, Varric, I didn't mean to get angry." I sighed.

They looked between each other and then to Dorian. He gave them a frustrated look but then groaned and rolled his eyes. The rest of them, less than nonchalantly, backed away into the crowds behind them.

"Alright, what's he gone and done." Dorian sighed, leaning his elbow on the bar only to jerk it back in disgust and wipe away whatever he found there.

"Who?" I acted ignorant.

"You know who, your less than charming elf friend. I saw the way he slunk out of here earlier. What has he done?"

I rolled my eyes and was about to lie and say that nothing was wrong, that we were fine. I'd let this whole thing blow over without even acknowledging it... But it was like having a sack of coal on my shoulders and perhaps talking to Dorian might alleviate it. I sighed and tried to explain the situation without telling everything.

"He hasn't done anything, Dorian... that's the point."

He looked surprised, "Nothing?"

"Well, not nothing..."

His brow arched, "Ah, yes. _Not nothing_? Let me guess, he _not nothinged_ you and hasn't spoken to you since. I thought he was the type. Always looks like he's hiding something."

"No!" I cried, the alcohol I'd been drinking loosening my tongue perhaps more than I'd intended. "We kissed."

"You kissed?"

"Yes."

"Just a kiss?"

"Yes!"

He didn't look convinced.

"Well it was about to be more than a kiss." I admitted and he nodded with smug satisfaction. "He said that we shouldn't do anything because it wouldn't be right and that he needed time."

He looked well and truly surprised then. "Time? Time for what?"

"I don't know, he didn't say. I presume, whether or not he wants to pursue this." I watched then as Dorian's face fell grave for a second, "What?" I said warily.

"I don't want to see you getting hurt. Solas may be mysterious and... whatever else it is that you see in him, but don't let him hurt you."

"Dorian, I'm a big girl, I can handle men." I said wryly.

He snorted, "I don't doubt it for a second. But there's a difference between handling men and falling in love."

"Who said anything about love?" I said shortly.

"You don't have to say anything about love. You see it, you feel it. I see it, it radiates off the two of you like a torch. And with a love like that Nevalla, it's a lot easier to get burned."

I glanced up at him from my drink but I said nothing, hoping only that my look might convey my plea to cease with the topic. Ale swam in my gut now and made the room sway and all the fire light danced. The shadows ebbed and flowed around them. I hadn't realised how much I was drinking until then. The sound of the room was now indistinguishable, clattering and shouting and cackling, all rolled into one obnoxious blare.

"I think I'll turn in." I said quietly and he straightened his back, his eyes looking almost offended before he blinked and nodded. Maybe he understood then that he'd delved deeper into my thoughts than I liked. I stood without saying another word. The room span in a slow waltz and I tried to hide my slight stumble as I stepped out into the night air. Perhaps I had been there longer than I thought. I shut my eyes and sighed, letting the quieter, cooler air outside sweep away the dizziness and stuffiness of the tavern. I realised then that I had not been assigned a room, or even a bed and I wasn't about to spend another night in that tavern. I asked around for Leliana and was told she'd be in the tower. I trudged up the stairs, their ever curving motion making my head spin even more so than it already was. Leliana was stood, leaning at her desk when I found her, it seemed to be a favoured position of hers.

"I really doubt that anything on that table is so interesting." I slurred, as I perched myself against a wooden beam near the window. She lifted her head and smiled at me, not in the least bit surprised to see me.

"It's good to see you've taken advantage of the facilities here at Skyhold, Lavellan." her eyes returned then to her table.

I waved my hand and blew out a burst of air, spit flying out in a small mist. "Well someone had to use it, everyone is far too serious these days... You'd think, hic, you'd think, it being the end of days and all, that people would be a bit more..." I shot my arms out but when the word wouldn't come to me they flopped back to my side. Leliana was watching me when I looked to her. She had this half confused look in her eye. Almost like judgement... But it wasn't but it was a strange look. I didn't want it or need it, and in my drunken state I took great offence to it.

"I'm beginning to think I'm more trouble here than I'm worth." I mumbled.

"Lavellan, perhaps you should get some rest."

"Well see now, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, I haven't got a place to stay." I shrugged and something about what I said made me endlessly sad. I had no place to go. I was alone again in this place I thought my home. I started to cry, ugly little sobs that were mingled with drunken ramblings. I heard Leliana sigh heavily, but she settled her arms about my shoulders and lead me quietly down the stairs again. The walk to my room was dark and blurred and I can't really remember a lot of it. I do however, remember Leliana leading me towards my bed, taking off my boots and tucking me in. she lit the fireplace opposite and told me to get some sleep.

"Wait..." I croaked, trying to sit up from the bed, but she hushed me and settled me back on the pillow.

"Get some sleep, I'll have some water and eggs made for you tomorrow. Maker, if you can even stomach them." She chuckled. I smiled lazily into the pillow.

"You're my bestfriend..." I mumbled. She squeezed my shoulder and whispered, "And you are mine." Before standing up softly and making her way out of the room. It didn't take me long after that to fall asleep.


	44. Begin Again

I knew I was awake when I heard the obnoxious sounds of Leliana's crows cawing in my ear. Or at least I assumed they were Leliana's. It would be slightly unnerving to see two crows padding about my room if they were just, well, crows. The sight I'm general was strange, I don't think Leliana's would have left any windows open, I mean we were in the middle of the mountains. Then again it was freezing. I drew my blanket around me to keep away the biting chill that had settled on me now that I was fully awake. Another crow noisily flapped it's it' down towards the now dead fire place and I finally took a look at my surroundings.

For starters, there was a rusty axe wedged into the foot of the bed, that also had collapsed on one side now that I felt it. The floor was strewn with old sheets and flags and crumbled stone and rotten wood and as my eye followed up towards the light, I realised why the room was I'm fact like an ice box. Right above me a great gaping hole gave me a view of the clear morning sky. I shivered again and pulled my blanket around me and felt the sting of insult along with the stinging cold. With a vicious growl, I flung off my covers, pulled on my boots and marched out the door. This was the last straw. Really of all people I thought Leliana's might have found me a decent room.

"Excuse me!" I called to the nearest soldier I could see. She jumped back slightly and her eyes were glued to the floor.

"Yes, ma'am." She sputtered.

"Ma'am?" I queried but she didn't look up or give any indication that she might answer. "Never mind, have you seen Lady Leliana or Cassandra or the Inquisitor. Anyone?"

The girl looked up timidly and I saw her eyes rest on my bandaged face. Something in her pitited glance moved me to an almost rage. So, without another word I unravelled the bandages and through them on the ground. The cold air stung the new skin on my face but it was rather refreshing. It was nice to feel something other than clammy bandages on my cheek for once. The only downside was the grey sheet that still rested over my eye. I knew it was too much to hope that I might see out of it again.

"Does that make you less uncomfortable?" I spat.

"No ma'am, I mean yes ma'am, I mean... I wasn't uncomfortable. The Inquisitor and her advisors are in the war room-"

"Yea, thanks kid. Some fucking soldier you are. You better get used to seeing more than the scars." I knew I had been too harsh. As soon as I said it, those chastising words in the back of my head whispered _you were too harsh._

Anyway, I swallowed down the moment and made my way to the war room to have a very strong chat with Leliana. I was surprised again at the speed at which they were renovating the place. There was barely even any dust on the furniture now. Still a hole in the wall as I walked down the corridor to the war room, but I suppose that's just being fussy. I could hear them all talking from outside, they didn't sound too fretful but I decided to ere on the side of caution and knock the doors. In truth I thumped on them hard enough to bruise my hand but I was angry. I thought they were done treating me like a second class citizen.

The door swung open and I was greeted by Josephine.

"Lavellan... This is most unexpected." She said in her usual polite tone. However, no matter how trained in her Orlesian game, her eye still fell to my injuries. As were everyone else's. I almost forgot why I came here in the first place as I felt heat simmer in my cheeks.

"Ahem," I began and all their eyes immediately found another object of interest, "I just wanted to have a word about my... Accommodation."

At this, Evelyn stepped forward. "I know the hold isn't at its best, but we are working to improve it in what ever way we can. We can have some fresh linens sent up to you Nevalla, or perhaps a new bed?"

"And what about a new roof?" I folded my arms, "I mean I know I'm Dalish but seriously? A hole in the roof? I'm lucky I didn't wake up frozen!" I directed this at Leliana who hid her smirk.

"I thought the fresh air might do you good."

"Leliana!" Evelyn cried, "I'm so sorry Nevalla we'll get you moved immediately. Why was she put in that room in the first place?"

Leliana let out a girlish laugh, "My word, I did not realise there was a hole in the ceiling. Though I did wonder why it was so much colder."

Unsure of whether or not I was to take this as an insult I nodded awkwardly, "Well," I said, "I'm going to find myself a proper room." I spun on my heel, easier said than done as my half vision made it an exercise in dizziness.

"Wait Nevalla!" The Herald called so I stopped and spun back, slower this time, not wanting to end up a heap on the floor. "I know a room you can use, above the gardens. It's far better suited." With that, she linked my arm and guided me back through Skyhold. We walked back through the main hall and out through to the gardens which, with all the rubble and skeletons cleared, were quite pleasant. They were quiet and strangely alive with wild life as we walked through them and over to the far wall that concealed a set of crumbling stone steps.

"I wanted to speak to you Nev." Everlyn said quietly, unlinking my arm as we climbed the stairs.

"I'm all pointed ears." I said.

The stairs lead to a small balustrade that overlooked the gardens and the mountains beyond the castle walls. It was a pleasant view. Not too isolated and yet lonely enough to be alone. The Herald stopped at the third door at the end and pushed it open. The room was small, but it it was perfectly intact. Like it had been immune to the decay that rendered Skyhold a ruin. There was a wardrobe, a small sideboard with a silver wash basin on top of it and on the wall above perched a mirror. There was also a writing desk by the window, a book shelf and a bed. The linens were a simple green and the small round carpet in the middle of the room matched it perfectly. Were they of the same material? I didn't care if they were, it added a cosiness and I knew at night, with a few candles and the back ground noise of the keep this would be the most homely place I would find.

A smile stretched at my lips as I ran my fingers over the smooth wood of the writing desk, and smelt the old paper in the book shelf, sweet and woody.

"Do you like it? I admit, it isn't the finest room." Evelyn said.

I turned to her and grinned, "It's lovely."

She beamed then and slouched with relief. "I'm glad, I had originally renovated it for guests staying here. But I see no reason why a perfectly good guest room should be wasted whilst members of the Inquisition barely have a roof over their head." I chuckled at her earnestness and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I said. At this, however, her cheerfulness fell as her eyes did to the floor.

"I have wronged you greatly Lavellan. You've no need to thank me."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Evelyn." I shrugged, sitting down on the soft bed.

She shook her head, her shoulders going tense with frustration. "I can't afford to make mistakes though, can I?" she sat down beside me with a huff. "I can't afford to make stupid judgements, maker I nearly sent you away. You! You who saved my life more than I care to count! You who lead an entire Inquisition through the Frostbacks. How could I have thought that was in anyway a good idea?" when she stopped she was breathing heavily, almost as if she were about to cry. Once again I was struck by her age. I remembered how unsure I had been at nineteen. How I was still finding my way in the world and terrified that I might never achieve what I wanted. But here was Trevelyan, leading an army... making decisions that would shape the world and so far, she wasn't doing too badly at it.

"The important thing to take away from that, Evelyn, is that you didn't send me away. I'm still here, I'm still going to fight for you."

She looked up at me, unconvinced, "Yes but I might have had everyone else not told me it was a bad idea."

"Then you listen to your people, an admirable quality in a leader." I cut in.

"Yes but shouldn't I be able to make these sorts of judgements for myself? Should my people not have some confidence in me that in a time of crisis I will act accordingly?" she asked, her big eyes so full of insecurity.

I shook my head and smiled and in another beat I put my arm around her and squeezed.

"We're all muddling through this Evelyn. One day at a time. Nobody can really say what's the good or bad decision. It's what's in your heart that you feel is the right decision. That's what you should go for. And if you're really stuck, that's what the advisers are there for. That's what we're all here for. Being a leader doesn't have to be lonely."

She let out a long sigh as she rested her head on my shoulder, "This would be a lot easier if you were to be made Inquisitor."

I barked out a laugh, "I think not, can you imagine? People wouldn't know their arse from their elbow, complete disaster!"

Evelyn snorted but the the room once again fell heavy with silence.

"That's what they were talking about until you came in," she said lowly, "How and when it should be made official and whether or not it should be an official ceremony. Maker there was even talk of invitation designs. And there are reports of Grey Wardens going missing all over Thedas and now we have to try and stop the Empress of Orlais from getting assassinated all the while trying to stabilise the situation in The Exalted Plains... These are all decisions that I either cannot make or they're being made for me."

I was looking at her sad, tired face that rested heavily in her hand, "Evelyn if they're going to make you Inquisitor then you need to act like an Inquisitor. Firstly, there's a difference between listening to your people and letting them walk all over you. Take charge of this thing. Lead them, don't rule them."

Her eyes met mine and they had a bit more sureness to them. "Lead them, don't rule them." she repeated and something in the words seemed to resonate with her. I nodded and watched as she stood to leave.

"I should probably go and sort this then."

I smiled and showed her to the door but I stopped her before she left, "You have what it takes to be truly great, Evelyn, don't forget that."

With a final, resolute nod, she left to take up the mantle of Inquisitor and within the hour I could hear the people of Skyhold cheering and chanting for their new leader. I made my way round the battlements to watch the courtyard below becoming ecstatic as she raised a sword high into the air. It was almost the length of her and I had no idea how she held it so high, but there was a determination on her face and a strength surrounding her that I always knew she possessed. I smiled for her, for the members of the Inquisition and the people it protected. She offered such daring hope that it seemed that even the smallest mouse could take on Corypheus. She allowed people to believe that they would survive this, that the world would get better again. Her strength reminded them that there was still something worth fighting for.

A cold wind blew across the battlements and it stung the fresh skin on my face, I winced and tried to ignore it. It was too exhilarating watching this crowd of people cheer with such hope. I watched The Herald- or rather, The Inquisitor, and her advisers disappear back into The main Hall, and I assumed the war room. Hopefully she would put her knew found strength to use and steer this thing in the right direction. Another gust of wind blew and my face stung again and I was conscious now of grey silhouettes in my left eye. Whatever she decided to do, I knew I'd be out of action for a while to let this heal properly. Hopefully the vision would come back. If not, then I'd have to get practising, wouldn't I?

I turned away from the courtyard below as the people began to filter away back to their duties. It seemed there was little pomp or circumstance about the Inquisitor's inauguration. Everyone just seemed to... get back to work. I suppose that was a good thing, they were inspired and motivated and also they didn't have the time for frivolities such as parties now. They had all seen Corypheus, they all knew what he was capable of. I made my way down the steps to the now empty courtyard and examined the area. It was a good space, open and had soft ground. I did a slight jump just to make sure. Yes good soft grass. I then paced my way across its length and breadth and nodded to myself. This would be an excellent spot for training.


	45. The Devil Will Find Work For Idle Hands

"What if this is not what I want?" I felt myself say it, though my mouth seemed not to move. My words echoed over the halls around me. They were silver and shimmering and stretched for what seemed like miles. Orbs of light floated around me, little purple stars that bounced and faded as though leaves on a breeze. My mind registered this as a memory, or a dream of a memory for everything shifted and changed too quickly and yet happened completely in time. Mythal was sitting at the head of the hall, her protective shadows on either side of her and she did not look impressed. She didn't answer my question, just arched her brow and tilted her head so it rested on two fingers.

"What if I refuse?" I said.

"You cannot refuse." she said, rigid and cold.

"Am I no better than a slave then? A puppet for you to use so you may still hold power. That's all I am to you. A pawn, a piece you can move and use to suit your ends. You're no better than the Evanuris."

"Valla..." My mother was standing beside me, he gentle voice chastising me. I could have almost cried at how _real_ she was. She was there, solid and tangible and more clear than I had ever seen her before.

"Mama..." I whispered, whatever else I might have said to my grandmother was caught in my throat. "I miss you."

Her face turned sad but she smiled nonetheless. A smile so gentle and comforting that I ran to her. "I miss you too, my little bird." Her delicate arms encompassed me in a hug and I squeezed her tightly. It was so real, so unlike a dream that I had to wonder if it was truly her.

"I need you with me." I whispered.

"Oh Valla... You haven't needed me in a long time. You have become such a wonderful person and I could not be more proud of you. My little bird no longer little." She pulled back to look at me and stroked the tears from my cheeks. "These are treacherous times for you, I know, but you can guide yourself through them, you always have. But you must watch over the people. They will need you."

"But why? When? How will I know they need me?"

She smiled her soft smile, "You will know, for they will call to you. When the sky falls back and a good man's heart turns to stone."

Her words seemed cryptic and strange and I tried to figure them into the present but they didn't fit. What did it mean for the sky to fall back?

"Leave her Mythrella. You've always been too soft on her." Mythal spoke again, and the dream was thrust back into the past.

"Mother, she is only young, she is not ready."

"Then it is our job to make her ready. The people will look to a leader outside the Evanuris. She must be that leader."

The hall fell silent, Mythal had made her decree. I remembered that frustration, the anger and the fear. The fear crushed me, like a ball and chain it dragged behind me. How could I bring the world back together after so much terror and war?

Suddenly to my left I felt a swell of magic. It came from a tall golden mirror, it's glass now viscous and glittering like the sea.

"Enough. I have important business to attend. We will speak of this later." She arose from her seat, followed by her shadows and I was ushered out of the hall. Before we had the door shut behind us, I heard my grandmother let out a throaty laugh, and with her usual calm sarcasm said, "Well who am I to keep mighty Fen'harel waiting?" I gasped and turned back to look, the memory of excitement I felt being drowned out by my current curiosity. I barely caught a glimpse of the figure. He was tall, lean but silhouetted against the bright magic light of the mirror, it smothered any definable features. The heavy gilded doors shut behind us and with that the dream came to an end. I was floating back to consciousness through the ever warming sunlight coming through my window.

My eyes fluttered open to the morning. The sun peaked through the thin green curtains to the right of my bed and I stretched away the fogginess of sleep. The dream now didn't sit so heavily on me. They were clearer, less frightening things. Dare I say, they were almost nostalgic? That one had been anyway. I had never dreamed of my mother like that, never had she seemed so clear and real, not even in my childhood when I had first lost her. It was a comforting dream and I awoke with a better mood for it.

As had become a practice for me in the last three weeks I walked over to my small mirror and shut my right eye. My left one, though still scarred and blurred had gradually been getting better. It no longer felt like a grey sheet sat across my vision, but rather something more sheer. In any case I could see more clearly out of it, though I still found it difficult to pick out finer details, progress was progress. I washed my face and put on my clothes, wrapping my cloak tightly about my shoulders as I walked out into Skyhold. It seemed to be becoming a fortress to be reckoned with. I hadn't seen much action in the three weeks since we arrived, but I heard things from fellow agents and directly from the others who had been on journeys with the Inquisitor. They'd been to Crestwood, stopped a bunch of corpses from destroying a village and had met with Alistair the grey warden. They returned from that particular adventure a few days ago, Alistair and the infamous Ava Hawke in tow. I like Hawke. She was charming and funny and had the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen. And her freckles, they danced along the bridge of her nose like stars and her hair! It was a shock of red, swept back off her face. She was beautiful. And no matter how much I wanted to fancy her, I couldn't. Every time I saw her vibrant blue eyes, they melted away to softer, wiser ones. I was in love with Solas and that was that.

I found myself walking through the courtyard. My original intention was to bother the cook for breakfast but I was stopped when I saw Trevelyan gathered with Cassandra, Sera and Solas at the gates, their horses packed and readied to depart. I leaned on the wall and watched as they readied to leave. Sera looked a little worse for wear, her outer coat pulled tightly around her, her hair mussed and her eyes dark. She must have overslept again. Cassandra and Trevelyan were discussing something quite intensely, from Trevelyan pulling out her map and pointing to it with animated gestures, I presumed it was over directions. My eyes then fell to Solas and I felt myself sigh. He looked like he was day dreaming, he stood gently stroking the nose of his horse but his eyes were focused on something ahead of him. Creators I had fallen hard. He was so handsome, tall and lean and stoic... His proud chin held high as he thought and his gentle hands stroking his horse, so softly that it looked as though it might fall asleep. Then, as if something told him I was staring, he shook himself from his daydream and turned to look exactly where I was standing. I froze and pretended to be looking at something else. He had done the same, for when I glanced back, his eyes were fixed to the ground as he lead his horse through the gates.

"Solas, can you wait a moment, please." I heard Trevelyan call in frustration, obviously they had not finished their argument over directions. It also meant that Solas had more or less ran from the sight of me. Great. I pushed myself away from the wall with a huff and tried to ignore the offended lump in my throat.

"If I catch you staring at him one more time then I'm going to vomit." Dorian's voice came from behind me and I begrudgingly smiled. He had that effect on me.

"I wasn't staring..." I lied.

Dorian simply scoffed, "Yes, and I wasn't born a Pavus. Nevalla, what has it been, three nearly four weeks since your conversation with him?"

I shrugged.

"And has he even acknowledged your existence since then? No he has not, not truly anyway. Please Nev, try to stop pining after a man who wants nothing to do with you. This crestfallen look you have doesn't suit you in the slightest." He said bluntly. I looked up at him sadly, then back down to the courtyard where the party was now leaving. I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair.

"Don't you think I would stop if I could?" I said, and even I had to admit how pathetic I sounded. I cringed inwardly.

"You just need a distraction." He said leaning against the wall to look me in the face. "You've been cooped up in this maker forsaken castle too long. You need something to do so I took the liberty of speaking with Leliana."

"Dorian, I'm fine-"

"No, listen, she has a mission for you. A good old cloak and dagger, I know how you love those." he said with a wink.

I smiled again and looked at him fondly, "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

He chuckled, "The sentiment is mutual, dear Nev. Hopefully a night of life or death and danger will help you get over whatever warm fuzzy feelings you have towards our hermit friend."

"I think I need more than a night of more than that." I sighed.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Dorian laughed, but he folded his arms.

I arched my brow as I thought what I meant was fairly obvious. "I mean," I began, trying to find the right words but instead chose the wrong ones, "I mean I need someone to fuck me until I'm senseless, alright? I just... Creators... It's been a while. A _long_ while. Maybe that's where all this is coming from. Maybe if I just slept with someone else, these feeling would go away." I looked at him, longer than was proper and he took a step back, shock fixed firmly on his face.

"Before this conversation carries on any further-"

"I didn't mean-" I tried to speak but he continued.

"I just have to let you know that you are most definitely barking up the wrong tree."

"Dorian, I wouldn't ask you-"

He went on, "You are my friend, a dear friend at that and another thing Nev, you aren't exactly my type."

"Your type?" I said, offence clouding out the obvious at this stage.

He shrugged, "The exact opposite of my type."

I folded my arms and frowned, "Oh and what's that? Because I'm an elf? Do you only exclusively sleep with humans?"

"Men, Nevalla. I prefer the company of men."

My mouth shut firmly and I cringed at myself and my stupid Dalish Pride. "Yes, well that makes more sense." I said with a chuckle.

"If it makes you feel better, I do prefer the company of human men. I find elven men to be terribly scrawny."

I punched him jovially on the shoulder.

"A mere jest, Nev." he laughed. "Go on, Leliana's waiting to brief you, I should think." He made to walk off but turned back to me with a wry look on his face, "If you're looking for a quick release I'd go to Bull or one of his louts. I hear they're always willing." he winked and sauntered off leaving me to stew in my embarrassment. I shook off the moment and ignored the fact that I ever admitted aloud to my frustrations. Hopefully Dorian would remain tactful and not tell the whole of Skyhold that I was desperate for it. I made my way up through the rotunda to Leliana's desk. She was reading a letter, her eyes scrolling across the page and for the first time since I met her, she looked startled when I knocked on the wooden pillar beside me.

"Nevalla, I've been meaning to speak with you." she said, gently placing the page face down on the desk. I wondered what it was and she noticed. She always noticed. She delicately picked the page up and handed it to me. In small print, in two columns ran a list of names.

"A list of the names of those who died in Haven." She said, her voice soft and weary.

I read down the names, some familiar others not. But there was a lot more than I expected. I looked back to her and her eyes were glittering with tears.

"A reminder to be more vigilant." She whispered, taking back the page and setting it back on her desk.

"Leliana," I began, wary of the tears still welling in her eyes, "What happened at Haven was no ones fault."

"I pulled my scouts back. If they had remained in the field we would have had some warning of Corypheus' army." she said sharply.

"Or they would have all been killed. You did the right thing. They're lives should not necessarily be forfeit because it might have given us an extra ten minutes." I said, perching myself on the edge of her desk.

"The risk is part of the job, my agents know this. They would have lain down their lives for this. You know they would, I should have told them to remain."

"And what would you gain if they had stayed and died? Less guilt? You did what was right, you saved your agents. There was no way of stopping what happened at Haven." I rested my hand on hers and squeezed it, "None of the people on that list died because of you. It was Corypheus."

She met my eyes with a smile and blinked away the tears, "Then we shall avenge them."

I winked and smiled back, "There's the Leliana I know."

She chuckled and cleared her throat, and once again the cold hardened exterior was back.

"You wanted to see me about a cloak and dagger mission, I understand." I said standing back to lean against the pillar.

"It is a simple enough scouting mission," she began, pulling out a map from under the piles of paper on her desk. "You are to go to the Exalted Plains. The Inquisitor is headed there now to try stabilise the truce between The Empress and Duke Gaspard's armies. We've heard troubling reports from the region. You are to go beyond this however. There is an old elven fortress occupied by Celene's soldiers. Apparently there has been no word from them in weeks. It is a large stronghold and we must make sure the situation is under control in order for this truce to stick."

"So scout out the fortress and make sure everyone is alright? Can't say that's exactly cloak and dagger." I shrugged.

"It's all I have at this time. Dorian and I thought it might help to take your mind off..." I gave her a stern look. I knew Dorian wouldn't keep quiet about Solas, I knew it! She had the tact to cut off her sentence and continued, "Well, you seemed to be getting bored."

"I will check in on them post haste. Don't just see why you couldn't send a letter." I sighed, turning to head back down stairs.

"Well then, I'll have a raven sent if it's so beneath you."

"No! I'm going, I'm going!" I called and I heard her light laugh as I headed to prepare myself. This would be a simple task, and it would finally get me out of Skyhold.


	46. Thoughts on Fen'harel

It took us three days and three nights, with very little rest, to reach the exalted plains. I would have been awe struck by the place if I hadn't been so exhausted. It was very beautiful, sublime even, with it's sweeping mountains bordering it and its beautiful rivers and waterfalls. It was only ruined by the permanent smell of battle and decay. The flat lands were charred and burned and any trees that might have grown here were nothing but black and burning bones that stuck out like jagged fingers from the earth. Dust and smoke blew on the wind and I couldn't help but feel anguished at how much this once beautiful land had endured. Above it all sat a statue of the dread wolf, proudly looking out over the chaos, almost glad at what he had wrought for his people. _Harellan_ , traitor. My mind wondered back to the dream I had and the fondness with which my grandmother addressed the infamous Fen'harel. Had she known him before he betrayed us all? Had I? I shuddered and turned my eyes away from the statue. We had made good head way that day and were coming up to the crossing to the old fortress.

"Make camp here for the night." I called to the other scouts, they looked around the relatively enclosed space and set down their packs. The sun was going down and in my mind, travelling in such a treacherous place at night was less than smart. Aside from the Freemen of the Dales we had encountered on our travels, we had also come across demons, the un-dead and also two ambushes by bandits. All of which we dispatched with ease. The Inquisition spies had always been good, but practice seemed to make perfect. They truly were deadly. It wasn't long before we had a fire going and stew in the pot. I wasn't hungry however, I couldn't eat, Something about this place felt so off. It turned my stomach and unsettled my mind.

"I'm going to check the perimeters again." I said, standing up and handing my unfinished stew to Raphael, who sat beside me.

"You have barely touched your food, Lavellan. This is my mothers own recipe!" He said indignantly.

"It's lovely, trust me, but I have no appetite."

He shrugged and ate away at my bowl, mumbling something in Orlesian as he did.

"That's the third time tonight you've checked the perimeters. If you need the privy just say so, no need to be embarrassed." Grant said smartly. It was nice to be working with him again. I hadn't gotten to do that since Redcliff. I liked Grant.

I made a face at him, "I just like to be sure we're not in the way of any imposing ambushes, you know, we are in the middle of a battlefield."

He shrugged and said nothing more. All in all there were seven of us travelling to the old Fortress. Myself, Grant; Raphael the son of a farmer from Orlais; Melissa, she came from Kirkwall after the Chantry explosion; Triona, she was from Lothering I think, apparently she knew Hawke when they were kids; Marianne, she was from Orlais too. She'd trained to be a bard but left the game and came to fight for the Inquisition; and finally there was Maharen, he was an elf, a city elf or so I presumed because he bore no vallaslin. He didn't speak much and something told me he wasn't very fond of me. He kept glancing at me with suspicion. It was slightly unnerving.

"Just make sure you do you business away from the camp and not near any water supplies!" Grant called after me, much to the amusement of the others. I rolled my eyes and walked on away from the light of the camp fire and out into the dark expanse of the plains. It was endlessly eerie, but I thought that perhaps the adrenaline might clear my head. So I walked further out this time, climbed over a couple of boulders and came upon the river bank. The moon shone down on it peacefully but once again the shadow of the Dreadwolf cast an unwelcome darkness. I looked up and the huge figure silhouetted by the moon and shivered.

"He wasn't so bad as your stories would have you believe." The voice startled me as I didn't expect to hear it in the waking world. I turned to my left and there stood Mythal, almost imperceptible but there. She stood like a ghost on the waters edge, looking forlornly up to the statue.

"So I've advanced to full blown hallucinations. Good to know." I whispered.

She chuckled, and her ethereal figure turned to me. "Perhaps it is this place. The veil is very weak here. These plains have ancient memories, stories beyond count. It draws spirits as it allows me to stand before you."

I arched my brow and shook my head, "You sound just like Solas."

She said nothing, only looked back to the statue. "He tried his best. But even the best laid plans can come to foul fruition. He was a dear friend."

I frowned at her that last part was said far too wistfully, "A friend? Or a _friend?"_ I jibed.

She turned sharply to me, "Oh he was far too young for me, dhalen. He was handsome, I will admit."

I laughed quietly, giggled really, but then it settled into silence and the earth stilled, as though no battles had ever been fought here. "Everything I ever learned about my past. About the Gods and Arlathan... It all seems to be crumbling."

"Or are your memories rebuilding? There are two ways to look at all things Nevalla, happiness depends on what way you pick." she sighed, placing a ghost like hand on my shoulder. We sat in silence for a moment more before it grew too heavy.

"So what was he like then? The big bad wolf?" I asked, settling myself on a tree stump. Mythal sighed and thought for a moment.

"He was quite funny. Endlessly clever, it made him quite arrogant. He loved the libraries. He would pour over texts for hours. And he had a fondness for the spirits. Above all he was proud, and his pride came before the fall." she sighed.

"Did I know him?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"No, no, you were kept hidden, even from him. I could risk no one discovering you again. You were the key to peace..." She trailed off and shook her head, "No more talk of the past, you will remember eventually."

I scoffed, "I can't believe you think that Fen'harel was handsome."

For a moment her fine features became clearer and I saw a smirk on her face, "I was not the only one to think so. You took a fancy to him when you spotted him one evening from afar. You made me promise that I'd introduce him to you." The clarity of her face shifted again, as though she turned back to the statue again. "Here, my promise is kept. Fen'harel..." She chuckled, "Such a ghastly name, allow me to introduce my granddaughter, Nevalla, daughter of Mythrella.

I laughed out loud and shook my head, "I refuse to believe that!"

She chuckled in return but again she fell solemn, her figure becoming ever more transparent. "He was good at heart... and he tried to watch out for the people. I believe he still does."

I looked around the desolate land behind me. Dirthavaren, The Promise, we had called it. A promise of our own land stripped away once again by the humans. "He's doing a sterling job, I must say." My sarcasm fell flat.

"He's more attentive than you think." was the last think she said, before her pale figure disappeared on the breeze. Once again the plains fell silent, nothing but the breeze and quiet rush of water filled my ears. As I stood, however, I began to hear another sound. It whispered just behind the water, but it was a different sort of rush. The rush of heavy paws across dry grass. I turned immediately, fear lurching up my spine as I looked around for the source. There was no mistaking the sound and soon enough they revealed themselves, glowing green eyes fixed on me. Wolves. Instinctively, I backed away, but the memory of their attack on me still lingered and though I was right to be frightened, I was almost terrified beyond reason. I took another step back from them, my foot sloshing down into the flowing water of the river. But the wolves did not advance. They stood where they watched me and sniffed the air. Creators, they looked almost just like big dogs. Slowly, ever so slowly, I took a step towards them but as I did, they yelped and ran away. They had not come to hunt me, merely watch... I slouched over in relief, felt my breath shake after letting out a long sigh to try and steady my heart. It was the strangest encounter I had ever had with a pack of wolves. There was nothing vicious about their demeanour, just curious. Then I remembered the large wolfish shadow that was cast in the moonlight and turned back to look at the ancient statue of the Dreadwolf. I don't know what I expected it to do. I imagined that it would sit up from lying down and stretch its giant head to howl. But no, it sat rigid. Looking out sombrely once again over the plains.

"More attentive than you think..." I whispered, echoing Mythal's words. My mind reeled, surely it couldn't have been true, that somehow an ancient slab of stone had fended off a pack of wolves. No! I suddenly thought, as a memory struck me. I reached into my clothes and from around my neck pulled out the small wolf token that Solas had given me. It's soft and simple wood almost glowed a ghostly white in the moonlight and I remembered what he had told me. If I wore it, no wolf would harm me. I smiled as a rush of feelings fluttered in my chest and kissed the little wooden face. I held it so tenderly, it was the only true affection he had ever shown me. With that thought I grew sad and wondered would he ever again show such feeling. No I could not bog myself down with these thoughts. Dorian was right, the crestfallen look didn't suit me. I didn't fall for people like this, I barely fell for anyone at all. I didn't need this in my life, there has never been a _need_ to have someone as a partner. I've never _needed_ to love and be loved by one person. I never _needed_ someone to call vhenan... It might be nice... _Stop it Nev!_

I stuffed the feelings down into the pit of my chest and shoved the amulet back under my jerkin where it belonged. I gathered the rest of my composure and started back to the camp. I hadn't realised how long I'd been away but realised when I saw Grant and Maharen looking frantically about near the river bank.

"What are yous doing?" I whispered. Both their heads turned at once. Grants figure slouched and he comically wiped imaginary sweat from his brow.

"Do you have a death wish?" Hissed Maharen.

"What?"

"Wondering off into the night without your weapon for maker knows how long isn't exactly what I'd call sense, Lavellan." Grant chastised me as we walked back to the camp.

"I'm sorry, I was away longer than I realised." I said lowly.

"Wondering off like a child. I heard you were one of the best agents here, I've yet to see it proven." Maharen said again, his tone harsher.

"Alright take it easy," I snapped.

He said nothing more, just shook his head and retired to his tent. I turned to Grant.

"What's got his breeches in a twist?" I asked.

Grant shrugged, obviously as clueless as I was. "Maybe he has issues."

I didn't rightly care what his issues were. I was a grown woman, I could go for a walk if I chose to.

"We best be getting some rest." Raphael yawned, piling the last of the clean dishes up.

"Early start tomorrow." Melissa said.

I nodded and watched them retire to their tents, but Grant hovered a little more.

"Are you alright, Lavellan?" he asked me gently.

"Yes why?"

He smiled and shook his head, "Nothing you just... seem different."

"We've been through a lot, I wouldn't be surprised if I've lost some of my sheen." I shrugged.

"That's the thing..." he said distantly, "You seem to have more of it."

I didn't quite understand what he meant and his quick smile told me he knew, "Ah, what do I know, goodnight Lavellan."

"Goodnight..." I said and watched him retire. I stood out in the open once again and listened to the quiet noises of the night. I climbed into bed shortly after, we did have an early start after all and that fortress wasn't gong to scout itself.


	47. Ploughing Ahead

Nothing is ever simple. Really, nothing can ever just be a straight forward task, everything has to be complicated in some way or another. For starters, when we crossed the bridge to the elven fortress, almost immediately, we were set upon by hoards of walking corpses. There were hundreds of them! Our only saving grace was that they were slow and clumsy where we are quick and cunning. Whilst they were not difficult to kill, they took a long time to get through.

"This is a bad sign." Triona panted when there was a break in the onslaught.

"You're telling me! There's no sign of the empress' people anywhere. Not alive anyhow." Marrianne gestured to the aftermath around us. The barricades that lead up to the fortress were in ruin. They couldn't hold them off.

"They must have retreated further in." I said, taking the first step toward the fortress.

"Should we not wait for reinforcements?" Raphael asked.

"By the time they get here it will be too late for any survivors. We get in and out again, with minimal casualties." Maharen said, fixing his blades to his back. I arched my brow in suspicion. This was the first time he had agreed with me since I'd met him. Even on the directions I took to get here, he contradicted me. I put it down to him wanting to save as many people as he could. Which was admirable, even if my gut told me there was something else.

"So, this has turned into a rescue mission. They never go well." Grant mumbled.

"Always such a pessimist." I sighed.

"Forgive me, I didn't realise you were the glass half full type." He chuckled as we walked on through the barricades.

"My mother always told me that it didn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full." Marianne chimed, her lilting accent sweet and musical. She would have been the picture of innocence had she not been wiping blood and corpse guts off her daggers. "The only only thing that matters is what's in the glass."

Triona scoffed, "Typical Orlesian, philosophical nonsense."

"Typical Ferelden, all you people talk about is the weather and your farms." Marianne snapped back.

"Farming is the life blood of Ferelden-"

"Shh!" I hissed, cutting their argument dead. They all stopped behind me and awaited an explanation. I stayed silent, listening out for what I thought I heard. That distant scream, there and not there. The angry pull of a fade rift. "I thought I heard something..." I whispered. If we ran into a rift, we were most certainly out of our depth.

"What did you hear?" Maharen asked me, his voice full of concern, his hazel eyes settled in a frown.

"Nothing, just a trick of the wind, come on lets keep moving." I said, urging them on wards. I tried convincing myself that I was merely hearing things.

Around the next bend we were met with another barrage of un-dead, along with two demons. One was a tall hooded figure, like something from a nightmare, the other a mass of living flame. This was more difficult. I rained my arrows down onto the corpses and tried to focus on the demons, but every time I turned my back another clumsily swung sword was approaching me.

"There is too many! We must fall back!" Raphael shouted. I shook my head and kept fighting, if we turned back now it was more than likely any survivors would die. I scanned the area for something, anything that might give us an advantage. Some sort of weakness that might make them fall.

"Lavellan, we have to retreat!" Grant called, falling back in a flash of smoke. I was about to do the same, there seemed to be no end to the corpses. But suddenly, as I readied my flask to escape, my eyes caught sight of a body pit. It was guarded by a magical barrier but if we could get to it, burn the bodies and release the spirits then perhaps we could stop the dead from rising.

"Cover me!" I called to the agents. They shouted many colourful protests in return but they didn't abandon me. They kept the dead and the demons off me whilst I implemented my plan. With all the magical strength I had in me, I sent out a ball of flame and shattered the barrier. I focused on the pit of bodies, clenched my fist and it erupted into flames. Almost immediately the attacking corpses fell back to the heaps of bones and dead flesh that they had once been. After that, the two demons fell easily. When the nightmarish demon faded away into nothing, we stood breathless and tired. It had been a hard fight.

"We should keep moving, we have to reach the survivors before it's too late." I said, once again strapping my bow to my back. This was met with silent agreement .We continued on up towards the gated entrance of the fort, but I stopped once again as that distant shriek tugged at my senses. I ignored it and kept going, which wasn't the best idea I've ever had.

We climbed up to the top of the ramparts, avoiding the many dead Imperial soldiers that lay at our feet. It sent an uneasy rush up my spine. Was this all that was left? Is this why there had been no word from them in weeks? I still hoped, perhaps a vain hope, that they had retreated inside the fortress. The gate to the ancient stone keep was just ahead, up a final flight of makeshift steps but just as I climbed the last few, and the gate came into view, so did the vile green fade rift.

I almost tumbled back down the steps away from it and hushed my team. They crouched down, with worried looks on their faces, all waiting for the bad news. I raised a slow finger to my lips as a final warning before I peaked my head, ever so slightly, over the top of the steps. There was no hope in sneaking by it, it had ruptured and demons already lumbered around it. I shrank back down into cover before they saw me and turned back to the rest.

"Slight problem..." I began.

Triona guffawed, "You think?"

"Shhh!" Marianne hissed, "You'll draw their attention!"

"We need a plan," Grant whispered, looking back to me for an answer.

I looked to the rest of them but they all had the same look he did, apart from Maharen. His face was stony and disappointed. They expected me to know what to do and in all honesty I hadn't a clue. On one hand we could hardly fight our way through an endless supply of demons, we had no way of closing the rift and one of us, if not all would certainly die. On the other hand, I couldn't let those people in the keep wait on a rescue that might never come. They had to be low on supplies. Their injured would be suffering, dying. No, we had to help them. I had to help them.

"We cannot face that thing by ourselves," Raphael prompted.

"No we can't," I sighed.

"We need The Inquisitor." Grant added.

"I know."

"Then we retreat, call for her aid. The people in there are probably dead already." Maharen said, sheathing his daggers.

"You don't know that," I snapped. My head was growing tight behind my eyes, the pull of the fade right at my back caused a pressure that made my whole body tense. I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"He's right, Lavellan," Grant said dejectedly. "We need the Herald, there's no way all of us will make it past that."

What he said struck me and a gamble of an idea formed in my head.

"We don't all need to get through," I began and the rest of their faces fell suspicious. "What I mean is, if one or two of us get through whilst the others distract the demons, we can get in and find the survivors, help fortify where we can and aid any injured. Once we're in, the rest can retreat and call on the inquisitor to get those people out of there."

They all looked at me like I'd just sprouted two heads.

"That is a bold plan, Lavellan..." Rapheal said uneasily. I noticed that he had shrank further down the stairs, like a cat does when it comes across a rival. I looked between the rest of my people, all of them looked equally sheepish.

"So, I'll just take this one solo them," I sighed.

Grant shrugged, "It's your show Lavellan. We'll keep them off your back but let me go on record for saying this is the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"He's right, this is folly," Marianne hissed, "If we retreat now, we can come back later _with_ the Herald."

Triona, at least, had the courtesy to look slightly sorry as she turned back down the steps.

"My cousin is in there..." Melissa's soft voice whispered. It was one of the few times I'd heard her speak. Grief and fear sat in her eyes but her jaw was tight with determination. "If you're going in there, then I will come too. I will not leave them to die."

"Thank you. Don't worry, we'll find your cousin." I said, bracing her with a hand on her shoulder. She nodded and half smiled, her eyes said that she believed me.

" _This will be the death of me..."_ Maharen sighed, his tongue curling easily around the elvhen words. "Fine," he spoke back in common, "we will follow through with your insane plan, but I agree with Grant, of all the stupid things you've done, this is by far the worst."

I hadn't expected him to agree so readily with me but I was grateful. Even if he had called me stupid.

"Thank you Maharen. So! Are we all ready?" I said cheerfully.

"As we'll ever be, I suppose." Grant chortled.

I nodded, not entirely sure how this plan would go. But here we were again, being rash and ploughing ahead even in the face of certain disaster. I was putting these people in danger and for what? Because there might be some slim chance of finding survivors in this Mythal forsaken keep? I barely remember jumping out from behind our cover. All I remember is my legs propelling me forward into a blur of green and red. I let some of my arrows loose in the blur. Shots of lightening leapt from my finger tips too, almost unintentionally. Reality seemed to move in slow motion and at an impossible speed all at once, nothing seemed real until I felt my palm press firmly onto the wooden door of the keep. The manic scramble finally seemed to make sense in my head and with a shove, I pushed the door open and the three of us tumbled through. Maharen quickly shut it behind us, along with the noise of battle and the light of day. It was dark in the keep, but not still. In the distance we could hear the disturbing clatter of bones as they came to life along with an oppressive roar.

"What is that sound?" Melissa hissed, wincing as it drew close and retreated again.

"I don't know, but we'll be careful, come on." I took a step forward, out of the shadows of the door way and into the light of the courtyard. Immediately however, I was yanked back and watched in horror as a pillar of flame came swooping right past my face.

"If that's what you call being careful I'm surprised you've made it this far." Maharen said as he released me harshly from his grip. The feeling of where his hands hand grabbed me on my upper arms throbbed with future bruises.

I couldn't find words to thank him at that moment, I could only stare dumbly at him. His deep hazel eyes ran over me quickly, then back to the pillar of flame ahead. They looked concerned but not overly frightened. Creators, how did he act so nonchalant? He folded his arms over his chest and looked thoughtful, like he was forming a plan. I watched the muscle on his forearm flex as he tapped his finger.

"If you're quite done leering, I suggest we try head for the survivors." His voice drew me back to his face.

"I wasn't staring." I could have kicked my self for such an adolescent throw back.

"Come on, we're wasting time," he said, poking his head around the wooden panels.

I looked to Melissa who was almost smirking and embarrassment rushed into my cheeks. I tried to cool them down with the back of my hand, but it only got worse when he turned around and noticed me.

I was staring... I was staring at him the entire time. Even fighting through the thin hoards of walking dead, I stared and my cheeks flushed and my stomach did butterflies like some sort of foolish teenager! How had I not noticed it before? His piercing eyes, his dark hair that he tossed loosely to the side whenever it hung around his face. He had a proud nose and a thin face, very elfy. But he was taller and broader than most and he must have been from the north as his skin was a smooth tawny colour. Every time he attacked, I watched as his arms flex, and when he stopped I watched how his chest rose and fell in deep heavy breaths. My face was as red as red lyrium by the time we had finally reached our goal.

We had managed to shut off the pillar of flame that ravaged the keep and rescue the few remaining survivors within. They were in a bad shape, most of them wounded in some way or another. One, who leaned heavily on crutches made their way towards me and wrapped me in a clumsy hug.

"I knew we'd be alright." they said.

I returned the hug and held them tightly, "Yes," I said, "You're alright. The Inquisition is on it's way."

We passed around whatever supplies we had with us and scavenged more from the rest of the keep now that it was safe to explore. It would keep us going for a few days but until The Inquisitor got rid of that rift at the entrance, we were stuck. There was no way we could get so many wounded past it. I watched from the battlements as the demons lurched back and forth and the entrance of the keep. The sun had almost set but the green glow of the rift kept them in view.

"Melissa found her cousin. He is wounded, but should recover." Maharen said as he walked up behind me.

I nodded, "Good," not turning my eye away from the rift or the bridge beyond.

"You know the saying a watched pot doesn't boil?"

I turned to look at him as he leaned casually on the stone walls and shrugged, "I'm not watching a pot, am I?"

He smirked and hesitated as his eyes floated to the ever darkening horizon. "No," he said, "But you've been standing up here for three hours waiting on the Inquisition and I'll guess at least half that time waiting for the demons to break down the door."

I chuckled at his accurate analysis.

"Look, You did a good job today, we're all quite safe. The Inquisition won't be here for another day at least and I doubt the demons are even aware of the concept of a door. Get some rest," he said.

"I'm not tired," I sighed in relief, his words grounding me. My body relaxed as I turned away from the rift and settled next to him.

"Then you'll need to find another way to pass the time." His voice was low and close and I hadn't missed how he moved closer to me.

I chuckled quietly and bit my lip, the thought of his chest heaving like it had today, his strong arms grasping me it all pushed me that inch closer to him.

"Care to give me any suggestions?" I whispered, looking up at him from under my lashes.

He smirked and leaned into my neck, his breath condensing as he spoke, "I can think of a few."


	48. Pride and Prejudice

Failing in finding a bed that wasn't being used by a wounded soldier, Maharen and I settled for a study. The desk, once swept of old ink pots and parchments was suitable enough for what we had planned. Hoisting me up on his hips, he through me down on the desk before I pulled him down to kiss me. It was rough, all teeth and tugging and grasping. It felt good, _very_ good in fact, but I couldn't help picturing Solas. His teeth scraping my skin and his lips sucking my collar bone. I tried telling myself that a good night of sex would stop this Solas foolishness, or at least alleviate it but it made it worse. Here I was with this beautiful, rugged, endlessly attractive man and all I could picture was Solas tugging down my jerkin in his place. My body ached for some sort of release and I couldn't stop my primal instinct to raise my hips against his. But with his first strokes, I panicked. He wasn't Solas and no matter what I did to try and ignore it, guilt sat heavy in my chest.

"Wait... I can't-"

"Lavellan, are you in here- Maker preserve us!"

My head tilted upwards to the direction of the door and to my horror there stood The Inquisitor, her hand still holding the door, her face red and filled with utter astonishment. It seemed as though everyone involved had frozen on the spot for what seemed like an unnatural amount of time, until I felt Maharen hastily withdraw with a string of apologies and curses. When I realised that time was moving again I fell off the table as I scrambled to fix myself.

"Inquisitor! When did you... arrive?" I gasped, tugging up my jerkin as I stood.

Her mouth fell open and closed shut. She looked at the door and then back to me, "I'll come back later..." she whispered.

"No!" I shouted, fumbling with the ties of my leather vest. "No, it's fine."

I heard the echoing of more footsteps coming from the corridor and tried in vein to look presentable in time. From behind the door appeared a very concerned looking Cassandra and Varric. The latter, once realising the situation let out a loud laugh, making my cheeks burn even more. Maharen politely excused himself, his clothes thrown on raggedly. I still flustered at the ties of my bottoms.

Cassandra tried to put on a stern face and folded her arms, "How very professional, Lavellan."

I gave up on dressing myself properly and resigned myself to the ensuing mockery.

"Take my advice, put a sock on the door next time." Varric chuckled. "Wait till Bull hears about this."

"Again, glad I'm such a figure of fun." I sighed.

"Trixy, you do it to yourself."

Evelyn had yet to really say anything. She just stood there awkwardly glancing between me and the ceiling. Her face was still beetroot red and she fidgeted like an impatient child.

"I'll uh... I'll have a report ready for you by morning, Inquisitor." I said, trying to get us back on track.

She looked at me with a spark in her eye and almost as if she didn't mean to she blurted out, "Just on the mission, I hope."

I laughed shyly and nodded, "Just on the mission."

"Well, good. Splendid. We should rest up here tonight and head back to Skyhold in the morning." She clapped her hands a rubbed them together, muttering something about the kitchens and if there was any food as she left. Cassandra followed her but gave me a final chastising glance as she did. Varric just chuckled and wished me a good night, pulling out his small notebook as he left. That better not be going into one of his stories. I'd never live it down.

Finally, I managed to make myself half presentable and left the room to find some sort of kitchen. Evelyn's mutterings about scrambled eggs had put me in the mind to make some. As I shut the study door behind me however, I saw a tall figure standing in the low fire light of the corridor. He leaned against the wall, his bags and staff still on his back from travelling. My mouth went dry and panic caused my hands to shake... Did he know about Maharen and I? Was he standing there the whole time? No. I was being foolish. Even if he had been, I'd every right to sleep with whomever I chose to. He had made no further advances for nearly a month and here I was feeling guilty for enjoying myself?

He looked at me sideways, his eyes dark and cold even in the fire light. It startled me. He said nothing, only smiled bitterly and shook his head before stalking off down the corridor. I was tired of this. I was tired of always giving him the upper hand, pussy footing around his feelings whilst he dragged mine out and left me in the dark. I marched after him, my shoes echoing fiercely off the ancient stone floors.

"Who do you think you are?" I hissed, stopping a few feet behind him. He stopped and turned to face me, a look of indignity sitting on his brow.

"Who are you to judge me for doing what I want to do? I've waited weeks for you to tell me what you want, and all you've done is blatantly avoid me!"

"Forgive me for asking for some time to consider," he said, his voice clipped and unfeeling. "I was not aware that it would take a mere three weeks for you to jump into bed with someone else. More fool am I."

"Someone else?" I scoffed, "Solas we haven't even had a real kiss! I wanted this to be real, I wanted this to happen not just in the fucking fade."

He looked at me, hurt filtering its way into his eyes. "Then we shall leave it at that." he said, "If this is no longer what you want."

His words hit me like a punch to the throat. No! I wanted to scream. No, this was all a big misunderstanding. I wanted to scream and beg his forgiveness and tell him how much I was falling for him, that these weeks without him had been the loneliest of my life. But all that came out of my stupidly stubborn mouth was a clipped, "Fine."

I shoved past him and headed for the nearest kitchen, ignoring the welling tears that blurred my vision and trying desperately to stop the quivering in my lip. The kitchens were warm and bustling with people. I peaked my head around the door and watched as Evelyn laughed easily with the chef and helped him prepare a hardy looking bowl of stew. It smelled delicious. One thing the Orlesians did have was their food. Another was their wine. I stepped back into the darkness of the corridor. Comfort food would no longer do the job, and the cellar was only a couple of doors down.

It didn't take long for me to settle myself in the cellar, a bottle deep and tears streaming down my face. Creators I must have looked a sight. My eyes felt sore and puffy and my stomach churned uneasily at the speed I drank. I kept going, hoping each slug would numb my heartbreak, even just a little.

* * *

I awoke the next morning to a messy surge of bile up my throat. When I was done, I sat in my corner, shivering with the cold and yet sweating like I'd ran ten miles. When I came around a little bit more, I noted the three empty wine bottles toppled over at my feet and I cursed my past self for being so stupid. I couldn't afford to be hungover. Hangovers are for days when you can lie in bed and sleep them away. Not since I came to the Inquisition had I had a day like that. I eased myself up off the damp floor, swallowing down another sickening belch as I did. My head swam and pounded all at once and the light coming in the little grate window above was almost too much to bare. It was then I became aware of the people shouting outside the cellar. People shouting _my_ name. I let out a shaky breath and tried to waken myself a bit more.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I called up, my voice croaky and weak.

The cellar door burst open, the noise making me flinch. Cassandra stood at the top of the stairs shaking her head in an admonishing fashion. I tried to hazard a smile but stumbled over one of my empty bottles and cursed instead.

"Get upstairs and freshen up. We are leaving in five minutes." That was all she said, but she held the door open for me and showed me to a wash room. Once I'd splashed my face with water and drank almost an entire gallon of it, I was somewhat ready to depart. The rest of them stood at the ramparts, Evelyn, Varric and Solas. He was on his horse, his back facing me and for that I was thankful.

"There has been a change of plan." Cassandra said, as she walked with me to the horses.

I looked at her and groaned pathetically.

"You have none of my sympathy, your state is entirely at your own fault.," she said, tightening the saddle. "It is a slight diversion. Solas wishes to investigate a spirit nearby. You can join us or make your own way back to Skyhold ahead of us. I would advise you come with us. I doubt your senses are entirely fighting fit and I do not want to send you out on your own."

I nodded and swallowed down another belch.

"I think that is wise," I said, pulling a large woollen blanket around my shoulders before pulling myself onto my horse. She was right. I really didn't want to have to face the wilds of Thedas with such a blaring hangover and even if we were going here for Solas' sake, he would be too caught up in his spirit investigation to cause too much awkwardness. So we set off back down towards the plains of The Dirth. We didn't come across much trouble at all, the place seemed to be the calmest it been in a while. Perhaps the truce had been settled between the Duke and The Empress after all. No matter how peaceful our journey was, however, my stomach still rippled uneasily and my head thumped with every step my horse took. We past the small river and it was then the Aravels came into view. I perked up at that.

"There are Dalish here!" I called to the Herald, she turned back to me and nodded with an eager smile.

"Maybe they'll have something to cure that hangover." Varric quipped.

I laughed weakly but groaned at the effort it took, " I don't think anything could cure this hangover, not even the Dalish."

Thankfully we stopped at the camp. They seemed to already know the Herald and welcomed her with open arms. It was nice to see. It had meant they trusted her, she had to have earned that trust. It was good to see her with my people.

"Aneth ara, dhalen." The keeper smiled warmly to me as I dismounted my horse.

"Aneth ara, hahren." I returned.

"It is pleasant to see one of our own in such times. From which clan are you?" The keeper said as he offered a hand.

"Lavellan, Nevalla of clan Lavellan. I wish we could be meeting in friendlier times." I shook his hand with a smile, as warm as I could manage in my state. He chuckled knowingly and made us all some tea. It would have been quite pleasant to sit with these Dalish for an hour or two, but unfortunately, Solas had other ideas.

He brought Evelyn aside and whispered urgently to her, I barely caught the end of it, something about there not being time.

"Time enough for your friends to rest their bones, no?" The Keeper said smartly. Solas' glare was like ice.

"I would not expect _you_ to understand my urgency. _"_ He said, his voice flat and without intonation but there was fury in his eyes.

"You bring an aggression with you that I will not meet, nor will any of my clan. Whether you have qualms with my people or not, your friends look tired and in need of a small rest."

Solas' jaw flexed as it clenched in frustration, I could see the muscle flicker. But he didn't seem merely angry anymore. He was concerned, worried even. Something told me then we weren't as relaxed for time as I thought. I set my cup down and stood.

"No rest for the wicked I'm afraid, Hahren." I sighed but smiled back at him, he reminded me of Mahanon. "It was good to see you."

"And you too, dhalen. Be careful on your journeys."

"Thank you for your kindness." Evelyn said.

"Dareth shiral, Inquisitor."

After that, we took our leave, cantering that bit quicker on our horses as Solas rode out ahead. I wanted to catch up to Evelyn and ask her what had happened, but that stubborn part of myself told me to keep back. He wasn't my problem anymore. We continued on towards the quieter parts of the plains, the older parts nearer to the ancient baths. These parts seemed calmer, more still and untouched. Like the rest of the world was afraid to disturb their ancient slumber. Mist floated by off the river as we made our way through the eerie silence. It was disrupted however when the sound of running footsteps came towards us. It looked to be a mage, a human mage. He spoke urgently to The Inquisitor and Solas, who had now got down from their horses.

"You summoned that demon! Except it was a spirit of Wisdom at the time." The anger in his voice startled me and made me walk forward. As I rounded the corner I startled back at what I saw. Up ahead, leaning over, dormant was a huge jagged demon.

"This is the spirit he wanted to investigate? Shit, maybe chuckles is more cuckoo than I thought." Varric whispered as we nervously walked closer.

Solas was still furious, almost as though he might kill the foollish looking human that stood before him.

"You made it kill! You twisted it against its purpose!"

The mage fumbled for an explanation in the face of Solas' anger. "I understand how this might look to someone who has never studied demons, but after you help us-"

"We are not here to help _you_." He growled.

"We're here to help everyone Solas, I doubt this man knowingly summoned a demon." Evelyn cut in. I was proud of her levelling the playing field, but if Solas was right and they had twisted a spirit of Wisdom, that would mean the spirit was tortured, had its very essence distorted and changed. I shuddered at the thought.

"Inquisitor please." Solas said, the desperation lining his voice made my heart lurch. He truly cared about this spirit. To see him hurt like this... It was unnatural.

I stepped forward. "If we break the summoning circle we disrupt the binding. No orders to kill, no conflict with its nature. No demon. Simple."

Solas looked at me like I'd just sang the most beautiful song he'd ever heard. I nodded and looked back to the Inquisitor.

"What the binding is the only thing keeping the demon from killing us." The mage said.

Solas turned and pointed a finger at him, fury rippling in his voice, "Shut up."

"Solas, calm down." Evelyn said.

He stepped back, his jaw flexing, his fists clenched menacingly. "We must act now, Inquisitor."

Evelyn nodded and our plan was implemented, much to the protests of the human mage. We were to destroy the binding circle, meaning destroy they great big stalactite rocks that had sprouted up from the earth. All the while avoiding the jagged, colossal fists of Solas' old pal. This was by far the worst hangover I'd ever had. I ducked and dived and weaved, trying in vain to avoid the demons sights but it kept at me. The rest had managed to destroy their designated rocks, but I barely got near mine, I couldn't lose the demon.

"Solas! Would you like to have a word with your friend!" I shouted, leaping out of the way of its barrage of lightning bolts. I saw his eyes land on me, but then they flicked back to the demon, then to me. He shook his head and kept firing at the final binding rock. They were all on it now, apart from me. I was running around like a headless chicken trying to avoid the clutches of this monster. One thought, one annoyingly heartbreaking thought kept blaring in my head. He didn't save me. Yes, I tried to reason that by destroying the binding he would save me quicker but that twelve year inside me screamed at the injustice.

They had almost destroyed it, it was crumbling down in silvery grey stones... and I'd taken my eye off the demon for too long. Before I could avoid it, its massive arm came swooping down towards me and with an almighty whack, it swiped me into the binding rock as if I were a bug. I remember crashing into the rock, and hearing the demon roar but other than that the rest is a blur. I wasn't unconscious, but a part of me wished I was. The pain in my ribs pulsed every time I tried to push myself up and my head throbbed angrily, and not just because of the hangover.

"Fenedhis!" I cried out as I rolled myself onto my back and tried to catch my breath. I could feel blood trickling into my mouth from the gash that I felt throbbing on my temple. I tried to spit it out. It was salty and it was then I realised I was crying. Great big messy sobs escaped my mouth. I couldn't stop them. It could have been the pain, the shock, the hangover, or the fact that the man I loved literally let me get walloped by a demon. I felt hands on my arms then, hoisting me up to sit.

"Hey, hey Trixy! You alright?" The blur of the world came into focus and before be sat Cassandra and Varric.

"Is she lucid?" Evelyns voice appeared at my back. It was her soft hands holding me up.

"My fucking head!" I groaned loudly, almost unwillingly. "Stupid fucking Wisdom!" My words slurred together in a mess of curses. Concerned rippled somewhere at the back of my mind telling me that my head injury was more serious than I thought.

"We need to get her help." Evelyn said urgently.

"Trixy, you think you can stay awake for me?" Varric was holding up my face and looking in my eyes. He shook his head gravely. "We need to get her help, she's not all there."

"Lavellan, listen to me. We're going to get you help, but you must stay conscious. Can you do that?" Cassandra spoke slowly, but I ignored her. I ignored all of them. All I could see was Solas kneeling down, his face etched with agony as the Spirit of Wisdom floated away on the breeze into nothing.


	49. Hedge Your Bets

I floated in and out of consciousness as we rode to the nearest camp. By the time we got there I was aware of neither time or space. I only remember the firelight and the red fabric of the tent. Everything moved like it was viscous, thick watery images ebbed in and out of my concussed mind. It was sickening. A healer treated my head and wrapped my ribs but I was still in agony. I hadn't seen Solas and no one had mentioned him, even as I was coming to, there was no sign of him.

Where did he go?

"He's gone, Trixy." Varric's calming voice said beside me. I startled awake and I looked to my left to where he sat, note book in hand. "How you feeling?" He asked with a smile.

"Like I was thrown against a wall. Oh wait, I _was_ thrown against a wall." I hissed as I tried to prop myself on my side. "How long have we been here?"

"Three days. Seeker went back to Skyhold with the Inquisitor, they couldn't wait. Duty calls and all that." He shut his notebook and put it back in his pocket.

"And you've been keeping me company, how very chivalrous of you." I chuckled and he smiled in turn but it fell quite sombre as his eyes scanned quickly across my head. In the silence that sat between us, what he had said about Solas being gone echoed in my head. "What do you mean he's gone?"

Varric rubbed his chin and slumped back in his chair. "He just left." He said.

"Left where? Did he go back to Skyhold."

Varric shook his head, "I don't think so, Nev. He got up, said he had to go and that was it. Didn't even so much as try to help." He was angry... Somewhere behind those carefully guarded eyes there was an indignity, a frustration. It wasn't often I ever saw the dwarf anything other than wryly amused and yet...

"He didn't care then." I whispered, an admission to myself, more than to Varric.

"Not from where I stood. And so what if he's gone, Trixy, you can do better than a guy who won't even help you back on your feet. What about whoever that was from the study? He was nice!" he laughed.

"He was nice." I agreed with a shy smile.

"See there you go! You don't need that baldy, good for nothing."

"He's nice but he's not Solas." I whispered.

His smile fell and he shook his head. "Did I ever tell you about Hawke and Fenris?" he said quietly.

"They were together even though they thought they hated each other."

"Sure, they got together. A romance for the ages. But one thing I don't put in my stories is the reality of that relationship. Once the sexual tension was gone, that was it. No more Fenris and Hawke. Sure, they're friends now but that took time to get them there, it took them time to trust each other again. Toxic relationships might seem exciting and passionate but when it gets down to it, they're just that. Toxic." He said with finality.

"And what has this got to do with Solas and I?" I said defensively.

He shrugged, "I dunno. I'm not judging whatever it is you two share, it could turn into something beautiful, what do I know. All I saw was that he left you bleeding on the ground. Then again..." He sighed and tilted his head to the right, "That night in the Frostbacks, I've never seen him so desperate."

I flopped back down on my cot, hissing as my ribs jarred. "He's a puzzle, I'll give him that."

"We're all puzzle's, Trixy. But we need to work ourselves out before we start trying to work out everyone else."

* * *

Within the week we were back at Skyhold, my injuries were superficial, no real damage other than another lovely scar on the side of my head. Evelyn and Leliana were beside themselves when I returned. I had to reassure them that yes, I was fine and no, I didn't need more time off. Not that there was much to do anyways. The Herald was getting ready for the ball at Halamshiral and preparations had to be made.

"According to Josephine, anyway." Evelyn sighed as she flopped back in her stone chair in the garden. We were playing a game of chess in order to keep ourselves occupied. It seemed we both got a bit stir crazy. She took a bite of a cream bun and covered her mouth, "Maker there's even talk of ordering in dresses. _Dresses_ Nev. I haven't warn a dress since I was this height," she said, her hand a measure barely two feet from the ground.

"I take it that was also Josephine's idea." I said, taking a bit of a lemon tart.

She shook her head adamantly, "No! Leliana's! Then she went off on a whole tangent about shoes. Buckled shoes, lacy shoes, silk shoes. She even starting going on about a woman she once saw wearing glass shoes. I've never seen her like that!"

"Well, we can't very well go to a ball adorned in our raggedy armour." I chuckled. "I claim green, if we are in fact doing dresses, that is."

"Oh, I don't think so, if anyone has a green dress it's me. It'll match my mark so charmingly." She said, fluttering her eyelashes and holding up her marked hand.

"It'll be all the rage at Halamshiral, I'm sure." I laughed.

We fell into an easy laughter that buzzed around the garden. It was the first time in a while that I had felt care free.

"I think purple is your colour." She said, gesturing to me with her cream bun.

I arched my brow, not convinced.

"Yes, it'll add to your dark and mysterious, elvhen apostate look."

I chuckled easily and without willing to said something mildly stupid, "My grandmother always wore purple..."

I startled myself at the ease with which I recalled Mythal as my grandmother. What startled me more was the fondness that I felt too.

Evelyn didn't seem to realise my blunder and smiled, "She must have looked a lot like you then. I've never heard you mention your grandmother before. Is she still alive?"

I shrugged, "I don't know." That was the truth. I honestly didn't know whether Mythal was dead or alive or both. Probably both.

"You lost touch?" Evelyn prompted.

"After my mother and I were captured by the slavers... I lost contact with that part of my life..." Saying it, even in half truths made me feel lighter. I continued. "My mother and I were very close. She was kind and patient and.. everything you could wish for in a mother, really. She taught me to read and write and walk. She taught me about magic and the wonders of it."

"You're mother was a mage too?"

"And my grandmother. You might say we have a strong bloodline." I chuckled. Evelyn looked somewhat surprised.

"My grandmother was not like my mother... She was harsh, strict. One of the strongest women I'd ever met..." Out of the corner of my eye, I felt her presence. The ghost of a hand on my shoulder. "She taught me to be the person I'm meant to be. To be strong, resilient and fierce. She showed me what it is to love my people, to protect them as she protected us. I miss her..." I looked down at my hands on the table and squeezed them together, wishing that it was her hand there to touch. If my memories were indeed coming back, they were coming back stronger. Enough to remind me how much I had loved Mythal.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up, I didn't mean to upset you." Evelyn said. She reached over the board and pat my wrist.

I looked back to her and smiled, "It's fine. It feels good to talk about her."

Evelyn smiled and we sat in silence for a moment more before a runner hurried into the garden and whispered something in her ear. She looked shocked, "He came back?"

I tensed immediately, grasping one of my pieces at random. I dropped it immediately and felt foolish for the nerves that shot through me. Evelyn looked concerned but she looked back to the runner with a kind smile, "Let him know we will be down to greet him momentarily." She turned back to me with a wink, "Varric says to always keep them waiting."

She let the runner return the message, and we sat a moment longer in the peaceful silence of the garden. It was a calm day, slightly overcast but calm and quiet with just the slightest hint that it might rain. It left the air smelling fresh and alive. The garden was quiet too, other than the alchemist, there was no one here but Evelyn and I. Birds flitted around easily not bothered by our being there, some even twittered at our feet, eating the crumbs that we'd spilled from our cakes.

"Please don't be too angry with him." Evelyn whispered after a beat.

I guffawed, "Angry?"

"Well, aren't you?" she asked innocently.

In that maddening ocean that was my thoughts on Solas, anger hadn't really come up in a while. It was mostly unrequited feelings of adoration coupled with a strange sort of guilt. Now that she mentioned it, however, I was angry. He had left me dangling on his string for three weeks without so much as a word, he had judged me for trying to move on and just to top it off he left me injured on the battlefield, said injury dealt by the demon _that he_ wanted to save! Why wasn't I angry? Evelyn must have noticed my shoulders slowly tense. That or the fact I hadn't spoken for several seconds.

"Maybe I should handle this one by myself." She suggested.

"Maybe you should." I nodded, trying to not let my anger get the better of me.

She disappeared sharply after that and went to deal with Solas. I tried to find whatever means I could to distract myself, until I could get him alone. That is, did I even want to get him alone? Doubt swam in my mind now, a little moment that felt like panic weighed on my heart. I didn't want to be with him in that moment. In that singular second, my life seemed to be easier without him. No more anxieties over whether or not he'd smile at me, no more wondering when he would even speak to me again. When was enough time? Was there ever going to be enough time for him to work out what he wanted? Is this what he meant? Did he want to see whether I'd wait for him? Should I have spoken to him before I slept with Maharen?

I dragged my hands over my face and rested it there. I stared at the space ahead of me listening to my doubts and fears swim in my head and I knew... None of them were true. They felt like excuses, little things I was telling myself so that it would be okay if he never spoke to me again. Then I thought about his small smiles, the quirk of his eyebrow, the way his eyes drifted off when he was deep in thought. I remembered his biting humour that he freely used, his gentle hands whenever I was injured... The kiss that we shared in the fade. Even if it was like the memory of a memory, his touch, his embrace, it felt as solid and real as the pawn I turned over in my fingers.

I sighed and looked up past the garden. The sky was still overcast but the clouds were moving across it quickly. A gust of wind rustled the previously peaceful garden and I shuddered with the chill. I set my pawn back in its place on the board and hastily left for the courtyard.

* * *

I didn't really think about what I would say or do when I saw him, all I knew was that I had to know he was there, within reach. I felt as though I burst through the main doors with enough force to rival the wind that now gusted throughout Skyhold. I stood at the top of the stone steps and let it rush around me. It whipped my hair back from my face and made my eyes water with its intensity. I let out a long breath and closed my eyes, breathing in the freshness of the wind. It stirred my spirits onward. I trotted down the steps to the training area and overlooked the wall down to the gate. I leaned on it easily, I wasn't afraid of him seeing me. Evelyn stood with him at the gateway. She looked concerned but her arms were folded as though she were displeased. I smiled, good to know she wasn't making it too easy. They spoke for a moment longer before his head turned up slightly to look at me. I didn't move immediately, I felt no need to. All I did was lift my fingers in a casual greeting and turned back to the tavern. I half expected for a delayed rush of nerves to swamp over me but they didn't. I was content... I was glad to have seen him, and glad that he saw me also. Perhaps I'd speak with him tomorrow, or the day after that or even later this evening. But for the moment, I was happy enough to have left it at that distance.

"Nevalla."

I had barely began to reach for the Tavern door when I heard him call me. Queue delayed rush of nerves. It was always his voice that did it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the way he said my name enraptured me, like he'd cursed it. My hand tightened into a fist where it hovered at the door handle as I tried to calm its shaking. He called to me again, closer this time.

"Might I speak with you."

I turned slowly, not meeting his eyes, all previous confidence vanishing. I looked up and tried to smile, "What's on your mind?"

He cleared his throat and as was his way, he clasped his hands behind his back. "Perhaps we could walk as we talk."

I shrugged, "Where would you like to go?"

I saw the muscles in his jaw fluttered and he made no motion to move or suggest where to walk. He was embarrassed. He was just as clueless as I was in how to advance this impossible stale mate. It made my confidence swell slightly. It would be nice to have the upper hand for once.

"I believe I must have walked this castle at least... 24 times while I was recovering from the wolf attack."

The corner of his mouth quirked and he looked to the ground.

"I would not force you to walk the place for a 25th time. If a walk is out of the question might we go to some place quiet?"

"Quiet..." I sighed, "This place has been nothing but quiet for a while now, haven't you noticed?"

"It has been more relaxed."

"The Dread Wolf will find work for idle hands. That's what Mahanon always used to tell me. Come on," I said. I walked passed him and lifted two wooden spears that sat against the fence of the training ring. Solas looked confused but cautiously made his way closer.

"Need to keep our reflexes sharp, don't we?" I winked as I tossed him a spear. He caught it barely, his expression searching for the joke. I hopped over the fence and stretched my arms.

"Come on then, it'll be dark soon."

"You wish to spar?"

"Yes."

"Lavellan, I really don't think-"

"Scared I'll beat you?"

"No, I simply wished to have a conversation."

"No magic, that's the first rule."

"Nevalla..."

"No biting, no eye gouging and no hair pulling. That one goes for you, I haven't much to grab there."

He looked exasperated and arched his brow.

"You can take her Solas!" Bull cried from the Tavern, drink in hand. He winked at me and Solas merely shook his head.

"What'll it be then? A friendly sparring match? Or the painfully awkward conversation I know neither of us want to have." I leaned on my spear innocently.

He said nothing for a while after. He weighed the rod in his hands and tested it's grip before his eyes flicked back to me.

"Would you prefer that I go easy on you?" He calmly made his way into the ring, his eyes barely leaving mine.

I laughed lowly, "Solas, if there's one thing you need to know about me it's that I like it rough."

I said nothing more, but I saw a smile pull at his lips. We paced around each other in slow circles. I watched his feet, readying myself for his first strike, but he was meticulous. He gave nothing away. I took it upon myself to get the ball rolling. I struck first but he parried it easily. I hadn't expected him to be so adept with just a spear.

"No magic, remember." I said, fixing my footing.

"No magic." Solas shook his head.

I swung again and he blocked it, but this time I spun in the opposite direction, taking him off guard. He barely blocked my second swipe and nodded encouragingly. Before I had time to settle back into my stance however, he swung at me and that truly set things off. We parried each other with expert precision and the two of us moved so quickly I'm surprised the bystanders could even see what was happening. I swiped round to his side with more force than previous. He hurried to block it but lost his footing and he was thrown to the side. I lunged forward to win, but he spun again and whacked my rod. I hissed as I felt an uncomfortable vibration tremble painfully up my arm. He didn't look in the least bit concerned. In fact he looked pleased more than anything and that riled me up. I took a few steps back to compose myself and focus. I had to win this, right down to my gut I had to win this or forever have my pride tainted.

"Do you yeild?"

I shook the vibrating feeling out of my wrist, "You'll have to do a bit more than that."

He smirked and readied his spear and I lunged at him again. The fight went on for longer this time, neither of us backing down or giving a way in. In my peripheral I could almost see Varric urgently squiggling in his notebook as bystanders hedged their bets. I'd say the money was on me. I was a Dalish hunter, keen and deadly. I was more than that. I was... I was the daughter of Goddesses. I was more powerful than any of them knew and I was not going to let some hermit beat me.

With all my strength I swung my rod this way and that, barraging him from all angles. But still he blocked every one. I was more focused on fighting him than I had been on anything for a while. Every inch he moved I was there to counter him. I wondered would he ever yield.

As we fought, something like tunnel vision struck me, it threw me off and I made a few easy blunders. My mind felt thick and foggy, like it would in a dream. I kept fighting, however, and Solas hadn't seemed to notice my change. Then suddenly it stopped and the world was clear again, but in the corner of my eye, lurking on the edge on the ring I noted a very familiar silver haired figure. My eyes flicked for a second to confirm my suspicions and yes, there stood Mythal, her face heavy with disapproval.

"I thought I raised you to be above such foolishness," She said. Even over the ruckus of the fight, I could hear her with ease. "You cannot afford distractions such as these. Especially with him."

I looked at her confused, hoping she might see my question rather than force me to speak aloud.

I expected her to laugh at the situation, like she normally would laugh at my foolishness. But she looked stern, worried even. "Heed what I'm saying to you girl. No good can come of this."

I lunged forward at Solas with more force than I intended when I heard her say that. He looked slightly confused.

"You're life is not your own, it is for _the people_. A pursuit such as this is nothing but selfish."

"You don't get to decide that." I hissed under my breath, hoping no one would hear. I lunged at Solas again.

"I do not. But as your kin I advise you that this path you choose only leads to heartbreak."

She couldn't know that for certain. She might have been many things but she could hardly judge the future.

Solas tripped me. I had lunged and all he had to do was stick his rod out and I stumbled over foolishly. I heard the crowd grow more raucous as I scrambled quickly to my feet.

"You seem distracted," Solas said smugly.

I looked to where Mythal stood but she was no longer there. "I'm fine," I said, rolling my shoulders and readying myself again. I put what she said out of my mind. She was just acting the concerned grandmother. I was a grown woman, I didn't need her to baby me like I was some adolescent with an inane infatuation. I could handle myself. And if Solas and I crashed and burned in a blaze of glory, at least I could say that I tried. I wasn't going to stop something that might make me happy for fear I might get hurt. I was a natural gambler.

"I just didn't expect this much stamina." I sighed.

He looked bashful at my remark. "You might have to get used to it."

I arched my eyebrow, "Ma nuvenin, Solas."

We started our routine again, our attacks flying expertly against each other. It was like a practised dance, neither one of us wanting to break it for fear of exposing a weakness. But as I said, I'm a natural gambler. I took a risk, a calculated one. I stopped almost dead, and blocked Solas oncoming attack, but instead of pushing him back, I swerved underneath the rod and brought my own crashing down onto the back of his legs. He looked surprised and hit the ground with a grunt and a hiss. clutching where I'd hit him. I pointed my rod to his chin with smug satisfaction.

"Yield."

He looked up at me, his eyes dark with something I couldn't quite define. Then suddenly, he kicked my legs out from under me and I fell to the ground with a huff. Before I could scramble back to my feet, he had me pinned. His hands gripped my wrists as I struggled to get out from under him but it was no use.

"Cheat!" I panted.

He laughed easily as he sat back on his haunches, "You let your guard down."


	50. The Beginning of the End (Mature)

"And that one goes to chuckles! Who had their money on the baldy elf? No, not you, I have you down for Trixy," Varric shuffled about giving out and taking the money that had been laid down in his bet.

"Excuse me!" I called, pulling myself up to my feet and marching to the edge of the ring. "I had him fair and square! If it were a real fight I would have one." I argued.

"I merely took advantage of your lapse in judgement." Solas said, his breathing still heavy as he wiped the sweat from his neck. I marched back to him with a pointed finger.

"You cheated, more like."

"You hesitated."

I guffawed and turned back to Varric for assistance but he was too busy raking in his coin. I looked back to Solas, who by the way, was now a lot closer than he had been.

"Best out of three. Come on, I know your game now," I said picking up my rod again. He smiled at me and gently relinquished the spear from my hand.

"Perhaps we might take this round elsewhere," he whispered.

I felt my whole form tense at his proposition. I tried to clear my throat but it had went annoyingly dry and don't get me started on how flushed my face felt. I knew it must have been bright red. The crowd around us was dissipating and soon we were left near enough alone in the ring. I looked around, trying to find something to focus on other than Solas. My whole body ached to take him up on his offer...

"Are you implying what I think you are."

"A conversation, Nevalla. That's all I ask," he said gently. His smile was so soft and his eyes were so caring and deep and honest that I might have swooned like one of the characters from Varric's stories. I nodded and followed him as we walked up the steps to the ramparts.

We walked slowly beside each other, neither one of us speaking for some time. The day was swiftly turning to evening and from the highest point of the ramparts we could see the entire sky. The sun was setting behind the horizon basking it in gold and rose and purple. This had to be my favourite time. Everything seemed more magical. It was as if, just for a moment, as the sun disappeared behind the distant mountains, the veil no longer existed. I breathed in the smell of the evening and sighed. I turned to Solas to find that he was watching me. His cool blue eyes warmed by the sky.

"What were you like before all of this." He spoke gently.

I was surprised at the innocence of the question. "Much the same, I suppose. A little more rambunctious maybe but mostly the same."

He chuckled easily, "I find it difficult to imagine you any more rambunctious than you are."

"Oh I was forever getting into scrapes. I suppose it was just easier to not think about things as much when you're young. I used to climb trees as high as these walls and not give one thought to how dangerous it was." I sighed.

"I've seen you charge head long into frenzies with nothing but your bow. I believe you're more reckless than you think. You are different."

"You're repeating yourself." I jibed.

"I know. Everyone else is... predictable. You are charmingly haphazard."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." I laughed freely and he smiled, but his face fell as he looked away. Against every ounce of instinct I had, my hand raised gently and perched upon his upper arm. I saw him shut his eyes in a frown.

"What does this mean Solas..." I asked warily.

He opened his eyes and without looking at me said, "It means I have not forgotten the kiss."

My hand on his arm as he spoke felt like a lightning rod. It was the only thing in the world that felt real and solid at that moment. I focused on it, not wanting to do or say anything that might disrupt this precious touch.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, before turning to walk away. Panic lurched up my spine and I moved to follow him.

"Solas don't go." My hand shot out to hook in his elbow and he stopped dead. He shook his head.

"It would be kinder in the long run..." he said, turning back to look at me. His eyes were filled with so much, it was difficult to decipher it all. "But losing you would..." He took the two steps towards me, cupped my face and crashed his lips against mine. I gasped at the sudden contact, but my hands jumped to hold him. I kissed him back, with as much fervour as he kissed me. It was real and solid, his lips were wet and warm and it was so unlike how it had been in the fade. We barely came apart, only to look each other briefly in the eye, or let our noses brush. I tightened my grip around his shoulders and pushed against him. He broke off the kiss then and laughed nervously but we stayed in each others embrace. His face seemed brighter, younger even. It was more light and less full of worry. He rested his forehead against mine and sighed before he spoke.

"Ar lath ma, vhenan."

I shuddered at his words. They were so heavy, they anchored me to the moment and threatened to never let me move again. My heart thrummed in an ecstatic rhythm and my brain was at a loss. All I could do was nod dumbly and kiss him again, and again and again.

"Ar lath ma, Solas..." I whispered, when I could finally find the words.

"Vhenan." He said, desperation lining his word. He kissed me hard. His hands ventured down my body, just like he had done before in the fade. He pushed me against the cold stone wall of the ramparts and I gasped. Everything in me burned for him. My hips arched achingly towards his and I could feel his length rub against me. We didn't break apart. In a quick jump I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer to me. He pushed back harder, a low rumbling moan almost escaping from his throat. He broke apart then, his hand moving between us. He hastily undid the draw strings of his bottoms and then his hand came to mine. He rubbed me through my jerkin and I threw my head back, a surprised laugh falling from my mouth in between my ragged breaths. I had to fumble with my own clothes, enough that they were almost around my ankles. The cold wind of the evening bit at my bare legs but I didn't care. There was no reasoning to this. I couldn't think of anything else but him and having him in this moment. I wanted to see him raw and unguarded, to see him in his most primal state.

His eyes were dark when he looked up at me, his pupils so large they seemed almost black. He was hesitant, as if making sure this was what I wanted. I gave him my answer by grabbing his length and pushing it inside me. The two of us let out long, relieved groans. I threw my head back once again against the stone of the ramparts and hissed as he moved in me again. It had been such a long time, it felt strange to have someone move in me. He began slow, allowing us to relish each and every second we were joined. His breathing became deeper the more he moved, quiet groans escaping louder with every thrust. I gripped onto him tightly as he quickened his pace, moaning as I gradually felt that coil tighten in my gut. His mouth came to my collar bone and I felt his hot breath condense and cool there before he groaned louder and bit down on it hard. I gasped and tightened my grip with my legs, pushing him inside me further.

"Solas!" I gasped out, my voice falling into an unintelligible moan as the build up was nearing a climax. His teeth and lips flurried their way up my neck, biting and kissing in turn. He fixed his grip on my hips and sped up his thrusts. The faster he went, the less control I had of my voice. I tried to remain as quiet as I could, but the rush of pleasure that was slowly building in the pit of my stomach was beginning to feel all too much. I could feel it about to burst, the coil was about to snap. A few more thrusts and I'd be there...

"Keep going..." I whimpered. He pulled my face down to kiss him, groaning in between his breaths. His pace had settled into something relentless. My mouth fell open and my head rolled back, my whole body shuddered and...

"Maker preserve us, Lavellan are you serious!"

Solas stopped and immediately withdrew. I flopped down from the wall, scrambled to my feet and pulled up my jerkin. I was still breathing heavily as I felt the last few waves of my orgasm leave me.

"Perfect timing Evelyn. As always." I panted. Solas' face was as red as beetroot, but he still managed to pass me a sideways smirk.

"Can't you ever just do this sort of thing somewhere more private? I mean really, we have very important diplomats staying here. What would it say about the Inquisition if they see us all shagging each other in plain sight?"

"I did not think anyone would be here at this hour. The fault is mine Inquisitor." Solas said, clearing his throat. Evelyn looked surprised when he spoke.

"Oh! Oh..." She said turning back to me, "Sorry! I didn't realise..."

"It's fine... Well, it's not really, but just forget about it." I sighed, the lethargy that comes after sex, clinging to my body. She cringed outwardly and I noticed her face turning red enough to match Solas. He made to take his leave but before he did, he whispered to me very softly, "I will see you in your quarters." It made another flutter of pleasure roll through me and I felt a demure smile pull at my cheeks. He went out through the other door and left myself and Evelyn on our own.

It took a moment before her hands came up to her mouth and she let out an excited squeal.

"Oh, we must tell Varric!" she beamed.

"What?"

"He's been dying to know when you two would finally happen. Granted, I wish I'd found out a little differently but-"

"I'm not telling anyone, not yet. This is all still _very_ new, Evelyn."

She looked slightly disappointed but nodded as though she understood, "Of course," she said. But her calm facade faltered once more as she smiled ecstatically again and linked her arm in mine. "Oh please, you have to give me something to go on."

"Nothing but what you saw, and I'm hardly going to divulge such information to someone so young and naive as you." I said, ruffling her hair.

"Oh please, I'm twenty one years of age, I'm hardly completely innocent," she scoffed, but I wasn't convinced. I arched my brow to question her further.

"I mean... I have done things... just not the way you and Solas were doing it." I saw her face going red. I decided to embarrass her further. Served her right for walking in and stealing our impassioned moment.

"You mean you've never done it up against a wall?"

"No I... haven't."

"So you've done other positions. From behind? On top? On the bottom? Up the bottom?"

"Alright Nev." She snapped.

I nodded smugly, "See, not everyone wants to talk about their sexual exploits."

"Sorry... And for your information I haven't done it any which way." she said sadly, her eyes looking up to me as if willing me to question her further.

I sighed heavily and shook my head, "I'm not talking giving you 'The talk', Evelyn."

"I don't mean The Talk," she sneered, "I just mean that, I don't know, it seems to come so easily to you. Whenever I try to seem remotely sensual I end up looking like a complete idiot."

I tilted my head as we began to walk back into Skyhold's main hall. "You want advice."

"Yes!" she beamed.

I thought for a moment and watched her as she looked up to me with all the hope in the world. She felt like a little sister.

"Alright, what to you want to know."

Evelyn beamed but lowered her voice discreetly, "It's Cullen." she whispered.

I laughed, "Oh, I might have known. Bit old for you, don't you think."

"That's part of what I like about him. He's got that rugged, lonely, tired of the world and yet hopeful, thing that I like." We stood in the corner of the main hall, our conversation blurring in with the rest of the voices that echoed throughout. The man himself stood at the other end of the hall. I watched him conversing solemnly with one of his captains. I could see what she meant. He was handsome and he did have that rugged look going for him. Just wasn't my type. No, my type was currently in my quarters waiting to finish our impassioned love making. I tried to hurry the conversation along.

"Well, does he feel the same about you?" I asked.

"I think so, but he's so hard to read... How did you get through to Solas."

I shrugged, "I don't know, a couple of near death experiences and a sparring match?" She didn't seem too confident in my advice. "Look," I said, levelling her, "The attraction's there or it isn't. If he isn't doing anything about it then all you need to do is take him some place quiet, give him a kiss and see if he reciprocates. If he doesn't, you'll look like a total idiot and if he does? All's well that ends well."

"That's your advice, 'give him a kiss'?" she asked.

"Evelyn only you know yourself how to do this. You know already what you want to say to him. Just say it. It's the end of days! Live a little! Look, he's coming over!" I whispered and she panicked. But true enough, Cullen was making his way over to us.

"Inquisitor, I have information from Duke Gaspard about the festivities in Halamshiral." He turned to me briefly, "Good Evening, Lavellan."

"Cullen." I said curtly.

"Good, good." Evelyn said nervously, but she straightened her back once more. "Perhaps we could speak in the garden," she said, with the upmost confidence.

Cullen looked slightly taken off guard but he agreed readily. They took their leave, Evelyn discreetly turning to give me a thumbs up before they disappeared out of the hall. I wondered slightly at what their conversation would bring, whether it would go well or had I just lead the lamb to the slaughter. I only paused on it briefly before my mind turned back to the charming elf I had waiting in my room. A smile tugged at my lips as I made for my quarters with a spring in my step. My heart felt... free. Like I could willingly let myself love Solas and know that he loved me back. It seemed surreal, that after all this time we would actually be together.

My hand hovered at the door knob to my room just a moment more before I went in. I wanted to cherish the moment, just in case. I pushed open the door and there he sat on my bed, his thoughtful look turning into a smile when he saw me.

"Vhenan," he said softly.

I smiled as I kicked off my boots and began to remove my clothes. "Lets try and not have any interruptions shall we?"

He laughed easily as I climbed onto his lap. "Perhaps then," he said, "You might want to lock the door."

I smiled as I clambered off him and shut the small latch on the door. It was just him and I, in the close solitude of my chamber. His soft smile and the way his eyes roamed up and down my body made me want cry. He was so tender. So loving. So unlike any connection I'd ever felt before. A deep understanding of the world and ourselves and each other. Like we'd known each other in a past life or something equally as foolish. But that's what happens when you're in love. Things you once thought foolish become the pillars of knowledge. The world flips. You lose yourself and fins yourself all at once.

I never wanted it to end.


End file.
